You could be happy and I won't know. But you weren't happy the day i watched you go.
'Hey!' a familiar voice hollered behind her.
It was an ambush really; more so than a friendly greeting. She had only just stepped out of Richard's office when the other woman gained upon her. Meredith turned her head, so she could look at her best friend, rapidly gaining speed, towards her.
Meredith jerked her head quickly to the right, a tangled mess of dark hallways. That path would lead her on a half hour journey, through the ancient, dusty wards. They were generally the geriatrics wards, places where very few surgeons ventured. But, she would, eventually wind up at her destination, at the admin centre of the hospital, where the new stack of slips and forms she had, would find home.
Or…she had the choice of facing Cristina, and taking a mere five minutes journey through the shiny wings of the hospital, and be home within no time…
And then she saw the look on Cristina's face. Yeah right. She wasn't escaping anytime soon.
So, she turned right and began to scurry down the hall.
'Oi! Grey! I know you hear me!'
Meredith groaned, stopping dead in her tracks. She could hear Cristina's sneakers slapping against the floor, until she finally reached her.
'Where are you going?'
'Um…that way,' Meredith flapped her hand uselessly in the direction of the hallways ahead of her.
'Really?' Cristina said coolly, 'Well…I think I'm going this way to,'
'Oh,' Meredith whimpered. Damn. There was definitely no running away.
'Yeah. Isn't that great?' Cristina said sweetly, a very fake grin plastered on her face, 'We can…walk, catch up and…do best friend things!'
To finish her statement, she clapped her hands together, and Meredith was instantly reminded of Izzie.
'Please,' Meredith laughed, 'Don't do that again,'
'Gladly,' came Cristina's dry reply. Her bony hands gripped Meredith's arms, swivelling her entire body so she was facing left, to the corridor Cristina had just run down.
'Let's go,' she ordered, 'I need to talk to my intern, and you're coming with me,'
Meredith had no choice, but to weakly trail behind her person, who was firmly marching ahead, her eyes trained onto her pager.
They walked in silence for a few minutes, through the plastics ward; their only sound was Meredith's heels against the linoleum. The pressure was intense. Meredith wasn't sure how long she could keep quiet. Her palms were itching from where they were swinging by her side.
Surely Cristina would be suspicious. Then again, she always was…Meredith wanted to tell her. No. No she didn't. Yes…she did. She needed Cristina to understand, and she needed to tell someone other than Addison…but, Cristina wouldn't get it…
Suddenly Cristina stopped dead in the hallway, causing Meredith to crash straight into her.
'Hey!' Meredith protested, rubbing her now sore shoulder, 'Watch where you're walking!'
Cristina shot her a look, which silenced Meredith immediately, making her feel like a second grader again.
'Why are you really here Meredith?' she sighed her voice laced with irritation. As if talking to her best friend was priority number 689 in her to-do list today.
'What do you mean?'
'I'm not stupid Meredith,' Cristina said quietly, 'Coincidence, is your husband calling me to ask if you were with me. Coincidence is you showing up the day after that. However, I cannot put coincidence down to you, acting shifty, telling different stories to everybody about your appearance, and spending your entire trip here with Richard. Something's going on, and it's something you're not telling me. So, you're going to tell me what it is right now,'
Meredith sighed. This was why she hated Cristina. She knew everything. She had this uncanny intuition when it came to lies, and that was why she was such a good doctor.
'Cristina…I can't…' Meredith said slowly.
'Why? Because you have to go to lunch with your precious Addison?' Cristina sneered, 'Addison! Satan! What the hell were you thinking when you did that!' her person threw her hands in the air.
Meredith's face broke into a small smile, 'I'm not sure. I don't think I was thinking at the time,'
'Clearly,' she scoffed, 'Are you here on business? Is it some VIP case that you can't tell anyone about?
Typical. First conclusion. Surgery.
'N…no…' Meredith stammered, 'It's not that…'
'Are you sick? Is that why you've come crawling back to Seattle? To the real doctors?'
Typical. Second conclusion. Surgery.
Cristina had always scoffed at the New York doctors, saying they were better for the pages of glossy magazines, and were too afraid of breaking a nail to do real surgeries.
'No! I'm not sick!'
'Then…is it…' Cristina racked her brain; 'I don't know…your father on his deathbed, begging for wimpy forgiveness?'
'Funny,' Meredith said dryly, 'You're a funny girl,'
'You know what…forget it. Don't bother telling me then,'
Cristina turned to walk off and Meredith groaned. It always worked. Guilting her into confessing the secrets she was keeping.
'Fine!' Meredith called, 'I'll tell you,'
Her person spun around, a smug grin plastered on her face. She had succeeded and she knew it.
'Just…come in here…or something…'
Meredith gestured to an empty patients room to their left, praying that Cristina would understand. This was private, and she needed it to be that way. For now at least.
Cristina narrowed her dark eyes as she followed Meredith into the room. As Meredith shut the door behind them, Cristina perched herself onto the empty chair in the corner.
'Speak, now,'
Meredith took a deep breath, 'Ok…you can't freak out, okay?'
Derek dragged himself to the grocery store. How long had Meredith been doing the grocery shopping? That had always been his job, because Meredith couldn't be trusted to put foods that most would class as healthy in the basket. When she used to shop, they used to wind up with strawberry poptarts and sugar-coated cereal. But…when had been the last time he walked into this store?
He had tried to order groceries online to prevent having to do this, but no such luck. His first day off in months, and he was wasting in, shopping for food, alone.
Where the hell was she? It was plaguing his mind, every second of the day. Was she safe? Did she have someone taking care of her? Cooking for her, so she didn't have to eat take away every night? Was she happy?
He was so frustrated with himself. He thought of everything months too late. Meredith. Holidays. Love. Why did he let it get this bad in the first place? He…he wanted to scream, to hit something, mostly himself. It was his fault she was gone, because he was so fucking stupid.
He pushed the cart through the supermarket, absently observing the rows of shiny, glossy boxes of over processed crap. He wasn't even sure why he was bothering to shop for food. His appetite had disappeared, and nothing had hit his stomach since Meredith had left. It all felt like he was ramming cardboard down his throat anyway.
Tinny music floated around him, as he walked down the aisles, randomly grabbing food off the shelves.
He stopped in front of the toiletries aisle. Shampoo, soap, shaving cream…conditioner.
He could see it, in the white bottle and beautiful gold writing. He would know the bottle anywhere. Derek reached out and gripped it, wrapping his hand around the smooth bottle. The bottle that had become his obsession, for the enchanting scent that twirled out of it.
He uncapped the bottle carefully bringing it up to his nose, his eyes carefully sealed.
Derek let out a sigh, of tension that had been building in his stomach. He could stay here forever. And for this moment, he was going to allow himself to believe, that she was right in front of him, with her honey hair, freshly washed, tossing in his face with an infectious giggle. He could see her. He could almost feel her too. The scent was filling him, entirely, taking him over. Part of him knew that this was insane, standing here, sniffing shampoo, holding onto something that clearly wasn't part of his life anymore. But for now, he just wanted to stay.
'Well, I'll be,' a loud voice bellowed, from somewhere to his left. Derek was startled out of his thoughts, to the very familiar shrill voice.
'Surely that can't be…Derek Shepherd!' the woman cried, 'Because, as far as I knew, he'd disappeared a year ago!'
Derek winced, spinning around to come face to face with his sister.
'Hey Nance!' he grinned weakly, trying to sidle the bottle behind his back quietly. Nancy didn't need to know yet.
'Are you sure you're my brother? Because…you know, I couldn't know, it's been that long since I've seen him,' she said coldly.
'Great to see you too,' he replied, still keeping up the cheerful voice.
'How's Meredith?' she asked without missing a beat.
'Um…'
His mind was racing. Did he tell her the truth? She'd probably go broadcast the news to all the other Shepherd women and before long, he would have five women clambering on him, calling him for a week straight. He'd be forced to sit through long talks, and he'd eventually be forced to tell them, that it was in fact his fault, not hers.
No. He wasn't going to tell her.
'Yeah, she's great. Actually…she's at work today, busy, busy lady!' he laughed nervously.
Nancy was the only sister he'd never been able to lie to. Ever. Even as a kid, she would always know when he was making it up.
Nancy studied him severely, her eyes narrowed menacingly. Her eyes said everything. I. Don't. Believe. You.
'Ok,'
Nancy pulled her sharp gaze away, and settled for a more loving, sisterly type glance.
'How have you been then? You appear to have been busy,'
'Oh yes, very busy. The Chief up at Sinai wants to offer me his position, so I've been training, and practicing, just to avoid gossip when it's announced,' he chatted.
The more he thought about it, the more he realized that, that job offer was probably the last straw in Meredith's mind. She probably gave up once he accepted.
Suddenly, Nancy's pager went off and she grimaced, 'I have to go. But…come for dinner, soon, okay?'
She backed away from him, and Derek let out a sigh of relief. If Nancy believed him, then he was fine. Nobody had to know anything, because, he wasn't giving up on Meredith, and they were so far from over. He was going to find her. And then, when everything was okay, and Meredith was sleeping within the confines of his arms, nobody would ever have to know a thing.
'THAT BASTARD!'
A very angry Cristina Yang burst from the room she had just been in. Her face was read and she was storming, very decisively down the hall.
'Cristina!' her best friend popped out, chasing after her, 'You said…'
'I'm going to kill him! I'm seriously going to kick the shit out of that bastard!' Cristina fumed, 'That…'
She continued to blatantly yell abuse down the empty hallways, Meredith hovering behind her, 'You can't Cristina…'
'I'm going to call that asshole, and tell him exactly what I think of him. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind and then I'm getting on the next flight to New York and I'm going to kill him,'
'You can't!' Meredith protested, 'You can't talk to him because…'
'What's happening? What asshole? Why New York?'
Izzie and Alex emerged from one of the tunnels, obviously brought out by the commotion of Cristina's threats.
'McDreamy's an asshole,' Cristina growled, 'And I'm going to kill him,'
'Why? I thought Mer…but you…' Izzie said slowly, 'Why?'
'Just drop it…' Meredith tried, but was over rode by Cristina and Izzie.
'What the hell's going on! Why are we killing McDreamy?'
'I'm not just going to kill him,' Cristina muttered vindictively, 'I'm going to castrate him first,'
Meredith tried again to protest but Izzie was yelling now, 'Why? I wanna know why?'
It was total chaos, the four friends barrelling along the hallway, all asking questions and trying to yell.
'I'm going to…nobody does that to my friend!' Cristina yelled, spinning on Meredith, as they emerged out into the brighter corridors.
'You hear me Mer? Nobody gets to do something like that to my sister?'
'I know but…'
'WHAT HAPPENED!' Izzie shrieked.
'MCDREAMY CHEATED ON MEREDITH!' Cristina screamed at Izzie.
Meredith winced, closing her eyes. Trust Cristina to announce that to the whole world. Just when she was thinking she wanted to keep it quiet.
'What?' Izzie whispered, mortified, her voice dropping twenty decibels. She clapped her hand to her mouth, 'Oh Mer, I'm so sorry!'
The nurse's station was buzzing below, causing Meredith to roll her eyes. She wanted to lean over the balcony and scream, 'Call me Dr Grey while you're at it!'
'Excuse me, I really have to make an important phone call,' Cristina whispered maliciously.
She began to walk off and Meredith chased after her.
'You can't!' she cried, catching Cristina's arm, 'You can't call him Cristina. He doesn't know where I am! If you call him, he'll know exactly where I am and come back to Seattle, in an attempt to win me back,'
'Mer, I really just want to yell at…'
'I know,' she sighed, running a hand through her hair, 'So, do I. Trust me. But, we can't. Because he needs to become part of my past,'
Cristina sighed, 'Fine. But I'll…'
She walked off, grumbling unhappily about exactly what she wanted to do to him.
Meredith stared after her friend. Now she knew. But…so did everyone else. And then, Meredith felt a heavy hand coming to rest on her shoulder. Meredith turned her head, and saw Alex standing behind her, a sad look on his face, whilst a bitter smile turned his lips.
'You okay?' he murmured, as Meredith turned to face him fully. The tears sprung to her eyes. He understood. The look in his eyes, read her pain, and Meredith felt better for it.
'No,' she laughed weakly, 'I'm not,'
'Glad to hear you've changed your response,' he teased in a feeble attempt to lighten their mood.
And then he did the unexpected. He swooped her into his arms, crushing her against his chest in a warm hug. The embrace said all that Alex couldn't convey with words. I'm here for you. I always will be.
Meredith sagged into Alex's body, burying her head firmly into his chest. Addison understood, and Meredith appreciated that. Mark acted like everything was normal, and Meredith wished it was. But Alex…he was the first person to offer a form of psychical affection she had been deprived of for so long. Derek…Derek stopped truly holding eventually. He held her hand because…that's what you did when you were married. Everything she missed for so long, Alex was happy to be.
Alex ran his large hands up and down her back, as Meredith sighed heavily.
'Thankyou,' she whispered, 'I really needed that,'
'I know,' he smiled, as she pulled away from him, 'Tell me if you need another one,'
He ruffled Meredith's hair lightly before smirking, 'I should get back to work, but I'm sure Izzie here will be more than glad to talk to you,'
Dusk fell so soon upon Seattle, and Meredith spent hours with Izzie, in the cafeteria, just talking. They talked about the wedding that Izzie was feverishly planning. They talked about the children that Izzie was also feverishly planning. They talked about Meredith's new job. In fact they talked about anything, so long as it avoiding Derek Shepherd and New York City.
'And I was thinking white and red roses for the bridesmaids bouquets. And of course, you'll be a bridesmaid,' Izzie gushed, waving her hands around, 'Because, it'll just be so exciting,'
'Dr Stevens,' a warm voice greeted from behind them. Meredith and Izzie both swivelled to see Addison standing in the doorway, a coat draped over her arm, one hand on her hip.
'I see you've been reacquainted already,' she laughed, 'But, as much as I hate to break it up, I'm going home. I was just going to ask, Meredith, if you wanted to go with me, or wait until Mark leaves,'
Meredith looked up at her now-roommate. Addison had fixed a stare onto her, that Meredith couldn't quite define. Was it hope? Maybe the hope that they could eventually be friends?
Meredith stood up, placing a hand on Izzie's shoulder, 'I'll see you on Monday, maybe sooner,'
Izzie barely lifted a hand in reply as Meredith and Addison made their way to the door.
'Dr…Meredith…' a nurse whispered, almost reverently, as Meredith walked through the hall, 'I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce,'
Addison turned to look at Meredith in shock, her perfect eyebrows arching. Meredith tried to slouch further, hoping to be hidden by her lanky companion's frame.
'Uh…Thankyou Nurse…Briana…' Meredith muttered awkwardly.
Meredith managed to drag Addison along the hall, slinking away from the curious eyes turning on her.
'Everybody knows huh?' Addison questioned, staring at her, 'How did that happen?'
'Cristina. That's how it happened. Tell my person what's happening in my life and she screams it out for the entire surgical staff to hear,' Meredith grumbled, 'My life huh?'
Addison laughed lightly, 'Well…better out in the open now!'
The two women strolled out to Addison's car, the heavy rain reduced to a light, rather miserable drizzle in the stormy sky.
'Mark doesn't get home til later, so I was thinking…maybe we could just…I don't know…' Addison trailed off, shrugging lopsidedly.
'What?' Meredith frowned. Meredith was the rambler. The avoider. Addison Montgomery was a get to the point girl, and didn't beat around the bush. How come they were changing places in this instant?
'Maybe just…get a pizza or something, watch…movies,'
A bright blush began to creep over Addison's cheeks and she bowed her head slightly, 'Just a thought…' she mumbled.
Pizza. Movies. Addison. Why didn't they fit together?
'Like as in…sappy chick flick…types of things?' Meredith laughed.
'I was just…'
This was certainly a different side of Addison. The shy, apprehensive, awkward woman who was completely different to
'No!' Meredith jumped in quickly, 'I'd like that,'
Addison's face lit up with a smile, 'Really?'
'Yeah,' Meredith nodded slowly, her mind already well and truly set, 'It'll be fun,'
Meredith knew that Addison was extending her friendship in the only way she knew how.
'I was just thinking when…when everything…' Addison backtracked, 'When everything fell to crap with Derek,' she said tentatively, carefully gauging Meredith's reaction as if she would shatter at her ex-husbands name, 'I just…sitting on my couch, sobbing, admittedly, with Savvy, watching Notting Hill, it sort of helped. I was distracted, and I didn't think about Derek anymore. I focused on…Hugh Grant,'
Meredith laughed again. Taking her mind off Derek. That would be really nice.
A woman dashed up the front steps of a place she clearly knew like the back of her hand. Her six-inch heels clicked against the stone steps, leading up to the door. The tweed pencil skirt restrained her long legs, as she clicked up to the door. She was epitome of sophisticated and it was clear that she knew it.
She didn't even bother knocking at the front door; she knew it would be open. She darted inside easily. The house was warm, engulfing her from the crisp night air outside.
'Evening,' she greeted in her usual clipped tone as she entered the kitchen. Four other women were situated around the kitchen, sitting in various positions, all chatting. A round of cheerful greetings were thrown back at her, a glass of red wine pressed into her hand, her brown coat pulled off her shoulders.
'Guess who I saw today?' she said slowly, kicking her shoes off, and wriggling into position beside her sister on the kitchen bench.
All the other women leaned forward with interest, ready for today's hot gossip.
'I saw Derek in a supermarket!'
If anything, that piqued their interest more. The oldest woman in the room turned from the precious dish that was simmering on the stove, to look at her eldest daughter.
'What did he say?' Jackie murmured.
'I asked him how Meredith was…'
'And…' Kathleen pushed.
'He said everything was fine,'
The women all frowned, leaning back towards their usual positions.
'But…' Nancy began again, taking a deep breath, 'I think he's lying,'
They were interested again. Very interested.
'We have to check it out?' the baby, Sophia asked curiously.
'Of course we do!' Nancy laughed, waving at her stupidity, 'We're going to get to the bottom of this, if it's the last thing we do!'
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should've stopped you from walking out the door.
You could be happy i hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything i own, smells of you
and for the tiniest moment it's all not true
-Snow Patrol.
A/N: Shitty chapter. I know. I really, really know that this is by far the worst chapter. I really wanted to get it up otherwise...you guys won't have an update for like..a fortnight straight. I have been working on my Science paper all night and I have Grey Nurse Shark pouring out my ears. If I ever have to read a damn thing about those stupid beasts again I will cry. I'm very passionate about the environment…(whatever). This chapter is my major stress release for the night, to ward off any emotions that might lead to me putting the fist through my laptop screen. (Can't be too good for the computer). So, forgive the bad chapter, I have seven exams in the next five days, so, expect a happy 'Yay Exam Block's Over' update Friday or Saturday-ish. And then, I'm all about this fic. For three entire weeks, I'm totally devoted to this story. Sounds like fun huh? I know a lot of you said that last chapter was Meredith's turning point, but this chapter is the entire stories, really. Everybody's in place for future chapters. It means the chapters can move a little faster and include more plot than these past three or so…Meredith's in Seattle. She's living and patching her friendship with Addison. Cristina and co knows. Nancy's suspicious. Derek's miserable. Addi is becoming human to Meredith. They're all set for the next set of chapters. Oh! I almost forgot. How do all of you feel about Lexie? As in half-sister Lexie? I considered writing her in this chapter, but I'm not sure how you guys feel about her yet. She's still on grace period with me, but if she makes a move on Derek in the premiere she's out. So, tell me, will people be throwing things at me if I write her in?
Anyway, just review with, 'Hope you hurry up and start writing something decent' or something…