So here we are people. This was going to the last chapter, but I decided to lengthen the story just a little bit. So you have another two chapters after this one to look forward to. I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and added me to their faves and alerts lists. I really appreciate it. This chapter is going to be a little shorter than the last chapter. Some basic explanation and how everyone feels once the dust has settled on Morgana and Mordred's deaths, and Merlin's self imposed exile. I hope you all enjoy it.
To my anonymous reviewer, Guest, thanks loads for your review. I'm glad you thought last chapter was sad. I know with little Mordred being alive it's not AS sad as it could be, but the idea is that Mordred was still Merlin's son, no matter in what capacity. I loved having Merlin yell at everyone too. It was great. I kinda wish it had happened in the series. LOL! I hope if you're reading that you enjoy this chapter.
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History Is What You Make It.
Chapter 10.
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"Do you wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head?
Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?
It's like living on a cliff side, not knowing when you'll dive.
Do you know, do you know, what it's like to die alive?" You Don't Know – Next to Normal
Once Merlin had disappeared, and Gaius had returned with the royal children, Arthur and Gwen had wanted desperately to speak to the old man, and find out exactly what Merlin had done for them. Neither of them spoke of it, but they both felt the need within them. However, now was not that time. The estimation was that it would take over a month to get the city back to order. Arthur's first order of business was to have Excalibur locked away in the vaults where it could never be used to harm anyone again. Arthur had gone to the vaults and placed the sword in a room that no one knew of, within it. He was the only one with the key, and the only one who knew where the room was. He decided that if Merlin ever returned that he would ask her to place a spell on the room to stop anyone ever coming into contact with the sword again. The next thing Arthur did was have his sister's body burnt in the courtyard. Morgana had destroyed so much. His best friend, his first son, though he hadn't known it until the boy was dead, both were gone at the hands of Morgana. If she had stabbed Merlin as well, she couldn't have done a better job removing her from the picture. Gaius walked around with a sad look on his face, and many who had gone to see the old Physician had said that Gaius often looked up towards the room that had once been shared by Merlin and little Mordred. The day Morgana's body was burned, Arthur stayed on the balcony and watched until nothing but ash remained. Even after everyone else had left, he stayed to make sure she wouldn't rise from the pyre and walk away to cause anymore harm to his family. Gwen stood by his side, looking into the flames, just as he did.
"We all loved her once. Why did she hate us so?" Gwen uttered sadly.
"I don't know Gwen. I don't know what made her hate us so much. I don't know what made her want the throne so much either. All I know is that she destroyed everything she could to get it. I can't forgive her Gwen. She was my sister and I can never forgive her. She took Mordred from us. She took Merlin too, because Merlin will never forgive the fact that her child died here." Arthur replied, his voice filled with utter sadness.
"I wish she had told us. I wish she had said something, anything, she carried the burden of everything on her shoulders and she never let us know she was hurting, that it was so much to bear." Gwen said. Arthur nodded.
"We need to talk to Gaius. We need to find out exactly what Merlin has done for us. We owe it to her to find the truth." Arthur said. Gwen nodded.
"We can go and talk to him tomorrow." Gwen agreed. It was when Gwen left him alone on the balcony that Arthur allowed a few tears to fall free. He hadn't allowed himself to feel anything when he'd banished older Mordred, he had tried to be a strong king, as his father had been. But Arthur had felt the pain of abandoning a friend. When he had been told about Merlin, that had hurt him much more. Merlin had always been his dearest friend, woman or not, it didn't matter, Merlin had gone into every battle with him, been by his side through everything, and she had never asked for anything in return. But learning that little Mordred was, in fact his son, had taken his heart and ripped it in half. The innocent little boy that he'd taken for horse rides, and given a practise sword to, was his son. Morgana revealing the truth had crushed him. Seeing how Merlin had wanted to protect him from the truth ground him down even more. But seeing older Mordred throw himself in front of Merlin, ready to die for her, and then Morgana revealing, to her own surprise that older Mordred was in fact, Merlin's son from the future, that had broken him. Arthur wouldn't allow anyone, not even his wife, to see that it had broken him, but it had. He had watched his son die. A boy that he had cared for like his own at any rate, and a good Knight, who had done his best to protect everyone he loved, at least from what Arthur had seen of him. Arthur knew, that in every sense, Mordred still lived. The six year old boy had left Camelot with his mother, he was alive and well, at least Arthur hoped so, for he had no way of knowing if this was true. But at the same time, the adult Mordred, the Knight he had knighted and trained, was dead. It was strange to think that they were both the same person. That had broken Arthur down. He wasn't sure if he could ever recover that confidence, that strength, that he only seemed to possess when Merlin told him she had faith in him. Finally, he cried for Morgana. Not for the evil witch that had killed his son, but for the beloved sister he had grown up with, though he hadn't known she was his sister. He wept for the old friend, the wise councillor, the worthy opponent who never let his ego grow too large. Then Arthur realised, as he still wept, that he wasn't sure if he were crying for Morgana anymore, or Merlin. For the two had both played a similar role in his life.
xXxXxXx A WEEK LATER xXxXxXx
Arthur and Gwen were in the council chambers. The council was gathered, and Arthur felt a weight on his shoulders as the old men sat down around him. Leon sat on the council as captain of the Knights, and Gwaine and Percival stood near the doors, guarding the meeting from any trouble. Gaius was also a part of the council, though the old man barely seemed to pay any attention.
"We would like to ask you to issue a warrant for Merlin's arrest." One councillor said suddenly. Arthur, Gwen, Gaius, Gwaine, Leon and Percival all looked at the man incredulously.
"Why would I do that?" Arthur asked.
"That witch threatened your life Sire. She is dangerous. She may very well come back to try and kill you. Especially now that we know she has your first born son." Another councillor replied. Gaius looked angry as sat straight backed.
"I will not hear you speak so vilely about my ward, who I loved as my own child." Gaius said coldly. Arthur made a hand gesture and looked at his other councillors.
"There is no need to issue a warrant for Merlin's arrest. She is grieving. She wouldn't hurt anyone in this kingdom for all the world. I will not sanction anyone hunting down my friend." Arthur stated. The councillors looked agitated by this information.
"But sire, you should consider-" Another councillor tried to speak, but Arthur silenced him with a single glance.
"I said that this matter is closed. Merlin has a right to her freedom. This matter will not be bought up again." Arthur said harshly. They went back to their original meeting, as the councillors seemed very unhappy that they had been dismissed.
xXxXxXx LATER THAT AFTERNOON xXxXxXx
Gwen and Arthur had finally managed to tear themselves away from all the meetings and nagging councillors that had kept them busy. They had come to Gaius' chambers, and had both felt the need to have things explained to them.
"Sire?" Gaius asked as Arthur walked into the chambers. Gwen followed behind him. "My lady? Is there something I can do for you both?" Gaius asked.
"You can start from the beginning and tell us exactly what Merlin has done for us and when. I'd asked little Mordred about Merlin's magic, he said she was born with it. Is that true?" Arthur asked. Gaius nodded his head.
"It is true Sire. Before she could walk, she was able to call things to her with magic. She never had a choice in the matter." Gaius replied honestly.
"Please Gaius. We truly want to know everything." Gwen pleaded. So Gaius, with a heavy heart, sat down in his old arm chair by the fire, and gestured for his King and Queen to take a seat.
"You should both make yourselves comfortable. This might take a long time." Gaius said gently. So Gwen and Arthur, sat on Gaius' patient bed, so that they could listen comfortably. As Gaius started the story, from Merlin's first moment's in Camelot, and all through how she had spent her first year as a servant. He told them first of Lady Helen, who was actually Mary Collins, then of Valiant, and Nimueh, about the poisoned chalice, then the Gryphon and Lancelot, then Edwin Muirden, and about the two mortal Sidhe, Sophia and Aulfric, and then about the troubles she faced when Mordred, as a child, had appeared in Camelot. Of course, then he told them of Nimueh again, and what he knew of what happened in Ealdor, through Hunith's letters. Then he told them of what Merlin had done during the Unicorn incident, and how Merlin had stopped Morgana's first plot to kill Uther, even though Morgana had stopped it herself in the end. Then, finally, he told them about the Questing Beast, how Merlin had killed it, and how Merlin had then gone to the Isle of the Blessed to trade her life for Arthur's. When he had finished the story of Merlin's first year in Camelot, Gwen and Arthur were both speechless.
"That was just... just her first year here?" Gwen asked softly.
"She really was the one who sent that light to guide me. When I thought I was going to die, she gave me hope." Arthur said softly.
"She saved my father's life." Gwen added softly. They both felt an indescribable emotion bubbling within them at the thought of Mordred as well. How small he had been then, and how much he was bearing on his shoulders even then, when no one knew him. Of course, Gaius then carried on telling them about every other time Merlin had saved them. From Cornelius Sigan, to the troll, from trying desperately to help Morgana, to poisoning her to save Camelot, then he talked of Freya, Merlin's cursed friend, and the pain she had suffered trying to save the girl when her curse was too strong. Arthur realised that this was what Merlin had been talking about. The friend that had died at Arthur's hand, and he felt terrible. How many times had Merlin had to lose someone to his cause. Finally, Gaius told them about Balinor, the last Dragonlord, and Merlin's father. Arthur then knew his answer.
He didn't really know too much of what had happened in the year that they had been searching for Morgana, but he knew what she had been doing when she got back. So once again, talking about Merlin's fourth year in Camelot, and in Arthur's service, he spoke of Morgana's return, how Merlin had learned of the plot to drive Uther insane with mandrake roots, how Merlin had followed Morgana to try and find out the truth, and had nearly died at the sting of a Serkat. He told them once more, of tournament escapades, of what he knew of the incident with the Goblin, then of the Changeling incident with Princess Elena. Soon, Gaius got to the point where he had told them every detail. All the details he had. All except one incident. The one thing he had sworn not to tell Arthur of. The incident of Morgause telling Arthur of his birth. It was then that Arthur pointed it out.
"Gaius you've told us everything, but not once did you ever tell us about the time I went to see Morgause. Why?" Arthur asked. Gwen looked at Gaius, her eyes wide.
"Because Morgause was telling the truth wasn't she? Arthur was truly born of Magic." Gwen said. Once again, Arthur was baffled by what Gwen had concluded. But he was horrified when the old man nodded sadly.
"Your father made me swear never to speak of it." Gaius replied. Arthur clenched his hands into fists, feeling his nails dig into his skin, drawing blood.
"Why? Why did Merlin lie? At that moment, she knew didn't she? She knew what my father had done. Why did she lie and protect him?" Arthur asked. Gaius looked straight into Arthur's confused eyes.
"You may never truly understand this Arthur. But Merlin lied to protect you. She told you what you needed to hear, because she knew if you killed your father you would never have forgiven yourself. She knew it would destroy you eventually. So while she would have had an easier life if your father was dead, if the truth had been known, she instead chose to protect you, no matter the cost to herself. She always has." Gaius said.
"That's what she did when..." Gwen didn't want to say 'When Arthur raped her' because the very thought of Arthur doing something so awful and vile, especially to Merlin, was a bitter pill to swallow.
"When I... forced myself on her." Arthur asked. His voice cracked as he said the words. Gaius looked down at the ground.
"She was devastated. She knew that you were under an enchantment. The fact that you didn't remember anything, meant that she could act as though nothing had changed. It broke her heart to lie to you. She always viewed you as a brother, and... Morgana's enchantment on you nearly destroyed her. Finding out she was pregnant almost killed her. She feared you finding out the truth. That was when Mordred revealed himself to us, to Merlin and I." Gaius said sadly. Arthur and Gwen both seemed confused.
"If Mordred knew what was going to happen, why didn't he stop it?" Gwen asked. Gaius looked at them sadly.
"Mordred almost destroyed himself with that very thought. He wanted to stop what happened to his mother, but to do that, he would have prevented his own conception, meaning that he would never exist, so he could never travel back to save us all. Merlin once told me what she had seen when she examined his mind. She had seen her own death. Morgana was always planning to kill Merlin before any of us. She was the saviour and once she was gone there wasn't any hope. Apparently, Mordred learned that each and every one of us were killed slowly and painfully, before our heads were taken to decorate the parapets of the castle. Even Ealdor offered no safe haven, as Morgana went and collected Hunith's head as well. The only ones who escaped the devastation were Gwaine and Percival apparently. For what reason I do not know." Gaius said sadly.
"What about Elyan? And Ygraine, Uther and little Merlin?" Gwen asked.
"They never existed in older Mordred's time. Elyan was killed the very moment you were thrown into that pillar in Mordred's time. His neck broken in the womb, from the impact. You were hurt so badly that your womb was removed, meaning you never had any children." Gaius replied. Gwen gasped, feeling tears roll down her own cheeks at the idea of losing her son, and never having any other child. Arthur placed a comforting arm around his wife's shoulders. He looked at Gaius then.
"Merlin saved the children. Merlin saved us all with Mordred's help. Yet she lost the most of all of us." Arthur said softly. Gaius nodded.
"She sacrificed all she could Arthur. You didn't see her face when she put older Mordred into a little wooden boat, and pushed it out onto a lake. We set it on fire together. She and I and little Mordred. Her heart has been broken Arthur. Her child is dead. Maybe not completely, she still has little Mordred, and apparently, the two were connected in some way. Little Mordred insists that he and older Mordred will always be connected, as they are the same person. But to Merlin, she still lost someone she loved. I do not know if she will ever return to Camelot. But I do know that she deserves to see the future she worked so hard for, come to pass." Gaius told Arthur and Gwen. The couple left Gaius' chambers, thinking about what they could now do to repay their truest friend.
xXxXxXx TWO YEARS LATER xXxXxXx
Merlin had travelled all over Albion. She had gained knowledge from many different magical groups. All of them willing to host Emrys. She often went to visit her mother in Ealdor. As she travelled, Mordred grew, and she thought often of his older, future self. Whenever she did, it broke her heart anew. She heard that Arthur had legalised magic. That had warmed her heart in some ways. It made her feel that at least all the sacrifices she had made were not in vain. It was one day, as she travelled through the old kingdom of Halyria, a kingdom that had never forbidden magic, that Merlin found herself astounded. As she and Mordred, now eight, walked through the streets, she felt someone run straight into her, knocking her to the ground. Mordred yelped, looking at his fallen mother, and Merlin got to her feet angrily as the man made to walk away.
"Do you always run into people and then walk off without apologising?" Merlin asked coldly. The man removed his hood, and Merlin saw he had red hair, and green eyes, like emeralds.
"Not always, especially when looking at pretty girls such as yourself." The man said. Merlin glared.
"Don't try flattery. That doesn't work on me." Merlin stated irritably. She took hold of Mordred's hand and made to walk away.
"You could at least tell me your name." The man said.
"You ran in to me." Merlin replied sharply.
"My apologies then, my lady, my name is Olwen." The man said. Merlin turned her head to look back at him. He had an impish smile that reminded her of Will, but he had a kindness in his eyes that reminded her of Arthur. There were things she saw in him that reminded her of all those people she loved back at Camelot. The only thing she could do, was turn her head to face forwards again.
"My name is Merlin. And I'm not a lady." Merlin told Olwen. Then she walked away, leaving the man dumbfounded in the middle of the street.
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Okay all, that's the end of this chapter. I hope you all liked it. Next chapter will be longer at any rate. I just wanted to give some Arthur and Gwen input into this fic.