Disclaimer- I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT

BELLA'S PERSPECTIVE........

PREVIOUSLY...........

They should have thought before messing with me. Thought they would just mess with a human and that was it. Bet they never thought this would happen eh! Bitten off more that they can chew

I allowed myself a smile at the last thought, a small smile.

but....

Now i was back to being alone with no-one here with me. But i was fine with that. I had already accepted that before that turned up again. I just had to accept it all over again.

I fell asleep knowing that no-one would be here when i wake up, and my life would go back to the way it was.

I honestly didn't know whether to smile or cry at that.

NOW........ Edwards POV

I have never seen Esme so happy.

She cooks, despite there being a lack of appetite. She gardens, even though there are no kids to play in it. She's....happy. Everywhere she goes, she whistles. If she isn't whistling she's smiling or laughing. Everyone else saw the difference in her. She no longer moped, her smile wasn't false and forced. But i saw deeper.

Esme had blamed herself for everything. She saw herself as Bella's mother, so of course she feels guilty for not being here to protect her, so comfort her. But now that Esme had Bella back, she wanted to make up for everything. She was willing to do anything for her, just so that she would be forgiven, or that she would get better. Though i doubt Bella actually blamed Esme for any part of this. Bella was too selfless, to forgiving to blame. At least she used to be.

But who knew now? So much had changed. She had lost her entire family and all her friends. Surely that must...change the person some what. Personally, i didn't care. I would love Bella no matter what, even if she hated me.

But everytime i tried to reassure Esme, she brushed it off. Saying that she needed to show Bella that she wanted to be there, and had to win her back. Her thoughts were consumed with Bella. The first time she saw her, when she hugged her, when she held her hand, when she spoke. Every little detail, every second she spent with Bella, ran over and over in her mind like a movie and i thanked her for it.

I may not be able to see her, but i already felt like i had.

Carlisle wasn't much better. Carlisle, the perfect surgeon vampire, actually messed up while doing open heart surgery. It was nothing serious, but he got dismissed by another doctor. He had been helping out at the hospital again, though the people still glared and muttered. He came home early that day, lost in his thoughts of Bella again. He didn't seem to register our curiosity when he walked in three hours early. When he told us, we laughed. It was the first time we had laughed in such a long time, it was wonderful.

Though everyone was happy that Esme and Carlisle were happy, and that Bella had accepted them, they were impatient. They didn't show it through actions or expressions or words, but their thoughts betrayed them. They wanted to meet Bella, to hug her, to hold her hand, to speak to her.

I overheard Emmett whining one day about it.

FLASHBACK

"Awww... how long do you think it will be till we can see her Rose?" He said in a childish whiny voice. I heard her sigh.

"I don't know Em, when she's ready. We have to give her time to adjust" Perhaps Rose was the one who had changed the most. She was compassionate about Bella, like the big sister the should have been.

" I know, i just miss my sis. I have to make it up to her somehow" He said sadly. They were sat in the sitting room curled up together on the settee.

"Em, we left her, she put all her trust in us, and we betrayed it. She has to learn to trust us again. As soon as Esme and Carlisle are sure that she is ready, we can go and see her. But no sooner, we wanna help Em, we're doin this for her as well as us remember? She doesn't have anyone for herself. We need her, we just have to see if she needs us in return"

"Or if she wants us" Emmett said quietly.

"It'll all work out baby, it has to" Rose soothed Emmett.

END FLASHBACK

It became routine to congregate on the sofas, waiting for Carlisle and Esme to come home and tell us what had happened on that day. Everything would stop at half past four, no matter what we were doing and go to our places on the sofas. We made idle small talk, but usually waited in comfortable, but excited silence.

It was the fifth day that Esme had gone. She and Carlisle had set off that morning, hopeful and smiling widely like they did everytime they visited Bella. The car disappeared from view and we all dispersed thouought the house doing various things.

Rosalie was in the garage tuning up a car, Emmett and Jasper were playing chess while Alice helped Jasper to cheat by watching Emmett future moves. I chuckled from my place at my piano. I looked at the closed lid and sighed, wiping off the dust with my hand.

Everything had been covered in clothes, but had still gathered dust after the few months. We had come here for Carlisle, or so we had convinced ourselves. We were all masochists in a way. We all came back to Forks in hope of seeing Bella again, but we knew that we couldn't. Now that...this had happened Carlisle had made the nessesary excuses to his work and to our school and we were let as much time off as we needed.

Still, i hadn't played my piano since we left. It felt wrong. I played for my Bella, to make her smile and weep tears of joy and happiness. Without Bella, i didn't see the point in playing anymore. It was a chore, and as such, i didn't do it anymore. I know it disappointed Esme and Alice, they loved to hear me play. They were sad about it, but didn't complain. They understood why i had done it. Everyone had changed something unconsciously because of Bella.

Me and my piano, Alice and her shopping, Jasper had pushed himself to his limits to control his thirst, something that we were all proud of him for. Emmett didn't make jokes or try to break uncomfortable silences, because he was right there with us. Rosalie gave up being bitchy and snidy, even in her thoughts. She was much easier and more pleasant to be around, it would have been nice if it wasn't for the reason why. Esme just.....gave up being a mother to us. Carlisle was no longer the strong leader he usually was. He second guessed himself all the time, wondering if what he was doing was the right thing.

Now, it had nearly gone back to normal. Jasper had better control now, and Rose was nicer, but everything else was back to normal. Nearly. We still missed one, critical member of our family, and without her we could never be whole again. We had to get her back somehow, if not, i wasn't sure what the family, as a whole, would do.

I sat down on the stool and let my finger drift softly over the ivory keys. I began playing the lullaby i had written long ago, her lullaby. No-one came to see what i was doing, though i did register shock and happiness in their thoughts as they heard me. They wanted me to get out of my rut, but i was unable to do it without Bella.

"Alice! Alice, what is it honey? What do you see?"

My fingers froze on the keys as i heard Jasper move to comfort Alice as she froze. I concentrated n her mind, but the vision left quickly and i didn't catch an of it. I heard a door open and shut and little feet padding down the steps of the stairs. I stood up and turned to Alice, anxious and nervous. This can't be good.

"What is it Alice?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. So many things ran through my head, possible scenarios for her behaviour.

"I..I aren't sure. It's...blury. But something is going to set her back. Someone just made a decision, and it isn't going to end well. I couldn't see it clearly for...whatever reason, but i could tell that it was bad. Edward, something is going to set Bella back, maybe...push us away" She mumbled the last part.

Jasper moved and wrapped his arms around his wife from behind as she leant into him. I stared at the off-white wallpaper, not seeing it. She would push us away? Why?

"Are you sure Alice? Is it that bad?" Rose said at the foot of the stairs, leaning on the banister.

"It's bad. I can't be sure how bad it is, or the extent of the damage but it is bad" She rubbed her temples, like she had a headache.

We stood there for a while in silence, just thinking. We all moved and sat on the sofas, waiting for Carlisle and Esme to come back and see what the bad thing was that happened.

Our heards snapped up as we heard the tires on the gravel signalling Esme and Carlisles reurn. I glanced at the clock. it was only half past one, they usually get here by five. We all shared a significant look, and we knew that the "something" had happened. It seemed to take forever for them to park in the garage and walk through the house and into the living room.

They froze in the doorway. I could hear their confused thoughts as they took in our gief stricken faces. Usually, we are happy and excited when they get home. But we froze when we saw their faces. They looked....horrified. The pause lasted for about two sesonds, but they proceded and sat down on their chair. I could see the red rings around their eyes, signifying that they had been dry sobbing.

Yes, something bad had definately happened.

We sat in silence again, but we weren't in the mood for silence. We needed answers.

"What happened?!" Emmett nearly shouted at Carlisle.

"How-" Esme started, but Jasper explained, sounding rather depressed.

"Alice had a vision, though she didn't get a clear picture. She could tell something bad was going to happen, and what the consequenced might be"

"oh" They both nodded.

"Well, the doctor said it was time for Bella's "session" and we could go in with her" Carlisle paused as he gulped, squeezing Esmes hand tighter. "She basically called out Bella main fear and made us confirm it right there in front of her" He said angrily.

"She was so happy, and bouncy. As soon as Ryan mentioned her "session" she get all...closed off. We nearly had to drag her to the door. It started off...okay i suppose" Esme hesitated.

"Then she said that she had some...worries about us visiting. She said that Bella's happiness depended soley on our presense, and that when we left she would degress back to the way she was, or maybe even worse""

"We would never leave her again" I said vehemiantly. The others nodded, but Esme's frown deepened.

"We said that, but the doctor called us out on it" She sighed, looking me in the eye "We can't stay forever, no matter how much we want to. We don't know how long she could be in there for, and we have to move soon. As much as we want to, we can't be here forever"

I shuddered at the thought of Bella being in that place for the rest of her life. She didn't belong in there, she belonged here with us, with me. She wouldn't need medication or care here because we would heal each other. I needed her, we all did.

"I'm not leaving her again! I REFUSE!" Alice screamed from Jaspers lap.

"Alice-"

"NO! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES, IF OUR SECRET IS REVEALED OR NOT! I - AM - NOT - LEAVING - MY SISTER - ALONE - AGAIN !" I had never seen Alice like this. Sure, she threw a strop now and then when she wanted something, but it was never this bad. Jasper was trying desperately to calm her down, but was doing so half heartedly. He didn't want to leave Bella either, and Alice was probably the best way to get to stay.

Once again, the room was silent.

"What happened next?" Rose whispered.

"As sson as the doctor said it, she shut herself off, and not like she did when i went alone, like she was before we were there. She just...stared. She didn't listen to a word we said in the office, and just sat there. She moved when we did, but we were holding her hands" Carlisle said running his hands through his hair.

"We sat her down and tried to talk to her. But she wouldn't.....she didn't......" She began sobbing into her hands, unable to finish but i saw it all.

Bella screaming at Esme and Carlisle, yelling at them, asking why they were here. Esme mentioning me......Bella screaming. On her knees on the floor screaming, pulling her hair out.....screaming.

Carlisle looked at me apologetically, while comforting his wife.

"It seemed that...Bella can't handle Edwards name being mentioned" He said slowly.

"But i heard the doctor say it that day when she was there, she was alright" Emmett said, not wanting it to be true.

"She wasn't alright Em. She was numb. She hurt when she said Edwards name, but she was too numb to really show it. She's gotten out of her numb state, so...it wasn't numbed, and she couldn't hide it" Jasper said quietly, not wanting to speak like Bella like some experiment.

"So...what happened?"

"She screamed. She looked so......pained. She just dropped to her knees and screamed. Ryan came in after a few minutes and tried to calm her down but it was like she couldn't hear him. He told us it would be better if we went so we did" Carlisle said, and i could tell he was trying to hold himself together. The thought of loosing his daughter again was too painful to think about.

"So...what now?" Alice asked.

"Bella said that she didn't know why we were there if we were going to leave again. We have to decide...if it's better to leave now and not let her get too close and hrut her even more later, or stay for as long as possible, spend as much time with her as possible, but in the long run cause her more pain when we leave"

"I said- I'm not leaving her! I'll go in a disguise or something, i don't care! I'm not going to leave her to rot in that horrible place" We realised then why she was doing this.

She didn't want Bella to suffer like she had done in that institution. Alice was abandoned by her family, thrown away, and she was right. We couldn't do that to Bella.

"Think about it guys" Her tone softened to almost a whisper "if you were Bella, no family or friends, stuck in that place. It would make it that bit easy, better, to know that there was someone out there that was waiting for you" She stared off into space.

"She's right. If we leave, Bella would be left with no one again. Besides, there is still this thing with the vamp that was after her" Jasper tagged on the end, hoping that Bella's safety would sway them.

"Okay, we'll stay. Unless something happens, or...Bella tells us to, we aren't going anywhere" Carlisle said.

"Not without Bella" Esme finished.

"So, that's in the long run, what about now, tomorrow?" Emmett said, thinking his hopes of seeing Bella had gone out of the window.

"Ryan said that we shouldn't go in tomorrow, give her some time. We just have to wait and see......" Carlisle trailed off.

"If she ever wants to see us again" Rose finished for him.

We all went our seperate ways again. The happy and light atmosphere lost, the depressing lost one returning. It pressed in around us all, around the house. I had to get out of here.

I didn't tell anyone i was going. I just jumped off my balcony and ran as fast as i could into the woods. I knew what i was looking for and i found it.

Our meadow

I sat down again in the same spot i had when Bella was with me, but this time i didn't imagine. I couldn't escape this, and i wasn't going to be a coward and try. I had to face this head on, no matter how much it hurt me.

I could loose Bella for good.

Yes, it hurt. The thought of never seeing her smile or hear her laugh haunted me. I had always held on to the hope that if i did return one day, which i know i would because i simply wasn't strong enough to stay away, that we could start again.

But if she was the one to push me away, push us all away...i couldn't imagine how much that would hurt. But...that is what Bella had gone through, that is what i had done to her. She had every right to push us away and never lay eyes on us again after what we did to her, or failed to do. I just prayed that she didn't.

What if she hated us? Despised us? We deserved it.

What if she never spoke to us again? We deserved it.

We deserved everything she gave us, and we would take it without complaint, because it's the least we can do.

xxxxxxxxxx

Edward, please come back.
Esme is worried you'll do something crazy
we're all hurting Edward, you aren't on your own

The text from Alice read. I scoffed at the little screen.

Of course I was alone and it was my fault. I pushed away the one person I wanted, the one person I needed.

Sighing, I picked myself up off the forest floor i had been curled up on for the past four hours. I brushed the leaves and twigs off me as i ran back home and through the door. My family looked up when i got in, but didn't say anything.

They were sat with their other halfs, their soulmates. And where was mine? Miles away in a mental institution. And why? Because I failed her in every way possible. I broke my promises, i lied, i left her unprotected when it was my fault she was in danger. I made my way over to the stairs. I couldn't stand being around them, seeing them in love and holding each other.

I needed to be by myself. I slid the lock across the door and slid down the wall beside it. I knew that the lock wouldn't stop any of them, but they knew what it meant.

Was this how she felt when i left?

No. She hasn't lied to you, made you promises she didn't keep. She hasn't broken your heart, you have I thought to myself.

And it was true. This was all my fault. If i had never been so stupid, if i had just listened to Alice and Emmett's pleas to stay with her, then none of this would never have happened. We would probably be engaged by now actually. I knew i was going to do it as soon as she left school. We would have been married in a few months, going to Esme's Island for our honeymoon.

But not now. No, because i had to go and mess it all up.

xxxxxxxxx

Two days we got a call from Ryan in the morning. He told Carlisle that he and Esme shouldn't come in, that Bella wasn't ready yet. They agreed of course and carried on with their day, trying to ignore the fact that their daughter didn't want to see them. It was heartbreaking to listen to their thoughts.

Esme had lost children, but she had never had them leave her, push her away. She didn't take it well. She locked herself away in her room for three days, sobbing and yelling and screaming that it was all her fault. Anytime anyone tried to convince her otherwise she would attack them. Yes, attack them. After the third time on the first day, we left her alone.

Carlisle coped differently. He immersed himself in work, hardly ever home. I knew he was trying to keep his mind off Bella, but with a mind as big as ours, the task was near impossible, as he found out.

It lasted a week. Ryan called every morning and told them she wasn't ready, every day it broke their heart. After the seventh call, Ryan said that unless he did call, don't come. So we all waited for the call, every morning we waited, and it never came.

Another week went by much the same. Esme had apologised, but was spending most of her time out in her garden. It was rare to see Carlisle now even when we don't sleep. The family was falling apart again.

I heard Jaspers thoughts one day as he sat with Alice in their room.

How can all our happiness rest with one girl? A human girl? How can she have this effect on us? How can we love her like one of our own, when she isn't? he thought. I understood his thinking.

"Because it's Bella" I whispered as i passed their door. Jasper nodded appreciatively. The others, having heard me were confused but didn't question it.

After that week, we had given up. No one consciously said it, but i could hear it in their thoughts. They didn't wait for the phone to ring anymore, accepting that it wouldn't. The main thing bothering us was Alice's failure to see anything regarding Bella.

She could only get a faint blur of her, like what she was feeling, or what would happen roughly. Like the "bad thing", she didn't know. Like now. She didn't know. There wasn't even a blur, she just....wasn't there. Carlisle said that it might have something to do with the medication, it has been known to interfere with vampires' abilities.

Medication. Bella didn't need medication. She wasn't unstable. She was....Bella.

It was Tuesday. Carlisle, once again, was working all day, coming home at about ten at night. Esme was in the garden, planting and deweeding. Emmett and Jasper was sat on the sofas trying to seem normal by playing on the X Box. Alice and Rose had gone shopping, unable to stay around for much longer. And me, i was sat on my bed. Sad, i know.

My entire family were hurting, and i should be making an effort to keep myself and everyone else together. But....i couldn't find the strength. The morning had come and gone without a phone call, again.

I listened to Emmett and Jasper playing on the X Box, allowing their playful banter to fill me ears, blocking out theirs and Esme's thoughts about Bella. The sudden shrill ring of the phone filled the house. Esme, too lost in her own mind, didn't hear it from her perch on the rock outside. Emmett and Jasper, however, paused the game and stared at the phone like it was going to jump up and bite them.

I did let myself get carried away, thinking it was Bella, but one look at the clock reduced my hopes to dust. It was half one, too late for the "visiting call". I sighed, sinking back to my place on the floor, unaware than i had gotten up.

"It's probably just a telemarketer" I mumbled, knowing they could hear me. I heard them relax and Emmett rise off the floor to get the phone.

He chuckled a little at his stupidity, shaking his head as he walked.

"Don't you dare unpause that game Jazz" he warned playfully. Jasper just rolled his eyes and tossed his controller on the sofa, laying back on the floor where he had been sitting.

"Only if you hurry your ass up. Don't make them tell you everything they know like last time please, it was almost painful to hear you speak about loans and mortgages" Jasper said, looking at the ceiling. After sending Jasper one last glare, Emmett picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He said in the most bored voice he could manage.

There was no response from the person on the end of the line.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Emmett said, curiosity colouring his voice.

Still, there was no answer.

Edward, tell Emmett not to hang up the phone I heard Alice say. She and Rose were driving back here as fast as they could. I was confused at her request, but agreed.

"Em, Alice says-"I was cut off by the sound of the dial tone.

I ran to the top of the stairs in time to see Emmett put the phone back on the receiver. He looked up at me.

"What did Ali say?" he said curious.

"Why did you hang up?" I said almost angrily.

"Whoa bro, calm down. They put the phone down first, and I am not standing there with the phone next to my ear when there was no one on the other end am I?" He said sarcastically.

"Alice said to tell you not to hang up" I said, walking down the stairs and standing next to him.

"Really? Why?" he said, looking guilty.

The door opened and hit the wall behind it with a crack. Alice stormed in less than a second later, fuming by the looks of it, heading straight for Emmett.

"I'll tell you why! Because that was Bella" She said standing right in front of Emmett, pointing to the phone.

He looked at the phone, then back to Alice, then back again and again and again. It was like watching him watch a tennis game.

"That…that was…Bella?" He stuttered out. Alice sighed, relaxing a little and stepping away from Emmett. Jasper ran to her and hugged her fiercely.

"Are you sure?" he whispered. Alice nodded.

"What if-"Emmett started but was interrupted by the phone ringing again. We all stared at it again like it was going to dance around the room any minute.

"Who-?" I asked.

"Rose" Alice said immediately.

"Me?" She looked unsure, and her thoughts proved it. She thought Bella hated her because of how she treated her before.

"Yeah, and hurry before she puts the phone down again" Alice said grabbing the phone, accepting it and shoving it in Rosalie's hand. She lifted it hesitantly to her ear.

"Hello?" We all waited in silence, not even breathing, waiting for her to say anything.

After two minutes of heavy, uneven breathing, she spoke. Even over the phone she sounded like an angel.

"Is…is Esme there please?" She whispered. I could tell she had been crying, but my face broke into a smile. I almost forgot Rose was supposed to be answering.

"Yeah, one minute" She said sweetly. We all followed as she walked out, being as quiet as possible, into the garden. Esme looked up at all of us smiling, looking confused.

Before she could speak Rose held the phone out, covering the mouthpiece with her hand.

"It's Bella" She said. Esme looked shocked for about a second before the phone was out of Rose' hand and clutched so tightly in Esme's that I thought it would break.

"Bella…." She said, turning her back to us.

"Mom……"