Renji was sitting in the yard of the monastery, staring into the grey sky. Will that dull grey be the one thing that will remind him of Byakuya's eyes? Fuck. He was getting mushy. Over another man. What the hell was going on? The redhead had to admit that he had no idea how the change had happened. Or when. At one moment he was a nomad, a constant traveller with no ties. Now, he was feeling all achy and depressed about leaving. Like a little girl. He shrugged, deciding that it was to late to analyze the situation. It was already there, and no way out of it presented itself. In five hours, when everyone is sound asleep, he will leave. Under the cover of the night. Like a thief. At least that was familiar. Sneaking out was a habit of his. Feeling pain and loss over having to do so was a new thing. Balance. Byakuya, the dark priest with long limbs and icy eyes - another new thing. A hand landed on his tense shoulder. Shuhei.

"Hey," the deacon said, sitting next to Renji, uninvited, but welcomed. He lit up a cigarette and inhaled. The deacon of the Kuchiki household was famous for his vices. Liquor, cigarettes, anything that fell within the boundaries allowed indulgences. No sex though.

"You look like you need one," he said.

Renji shook his head. He detested the taste. He also detested the fact that he had made good friends, friends he thought would always be there, friends who made his new life better. And now he was leaving, with a strict instruction not to inform anyone of his departure. Shuhei tried to find whatever it was in the featureless sky that drew Renji's attention.

"I'm leaving tonight," he said, without even pausing to think about whether he should or not. The deacon kept staring at the sky.

"Is he going with you?" he asked.

"Yeah," Renji said, glad that Hisagi was the one privy to Byakuya's transgression.

"How long?"

"Me, forever. Him, three days."

Renji felt an elbow nudging him in the ribs. Shuhei was offering him a cigarette again. He smiled, and lit one. At least that way, the awful aftertaste of recent events would be momentarily replaced.

"Sucks," the deacon added.

"Yeah."

There was not much things in life Renji appreciated as talking to Hisagi. Simple and to the point, just like Renji.

The night was pitch black, the only source of light was the lamp he carried in his hand which shed too little light. As Byakuya was nearing the gate, he realized he was afraid. There was too many things to fret about in the days to come, and he could not pinpoint which of those made the hairs on his neck stand up. Anxiety and trepidation were long forgotten in his life. It was more a sign of lack of anything and anyone substantial, than it was a proof of his courage and stamina. He was only a few feet away, when he saw the redhead, his hands on his hips, his eyes determined and unwavering. For the first time he questioned his decision to accompany Renji. But was that really a decision, or was it a compulsion, an instinct he had to follow, even if it meant the end of him?

It was different for Byakuya. He was leaving the safe bastion which guarded him against passion and ferocity. Stepping out after three decades was the same as willingly going into the eye of the storm. Not something a reasonable, disciplined high priest would do.

They stood before the closed gate, looking at each other, fully aware that once they leave things are going to change. It was easier to pull back, to be careful when there was danger of people finding out, when there was a feeling of rules lingering in the atmosphere, stifling, yet reassuring.

Renji opened the gate and simply stepped out. There was nothing oblique about Renji's approach to life, and Byakuya knew that outside the hierarchy of the monastery, he was bound to become the victim of Renji's directness. He followed the redhead, noting to himself he will not mind being Renji's victim.

"WHAT?" Jushiro screamed at the perfectly composed Zaraki Kenpachi. It took him a few moments to compose himself, and the First was considerate enough to grant him those moments so he can properly apologize.

"I apologize, Zaraki-sama. I am merely surprised."

Zaraki studied his fingers before he spoke in a nonchalant voice; the most feared sound in all of the Fenore.

"Are you asking me for an explanation, Ukitake-san?" Many would argue it impossible, but Jushiro managed to grow even paler at the tenor of Zaraki's words.

"No, Zaraki-sama," he said, bowing lower than it was necessary, " I would never presume to..."

"Be quiet. Kuchiki-san will be back in three days. The little nuisance called Abarai Renji will be forgotten, and life will go on as usual. Chapter closed."

"Yes, Kenpachi-sama," the Third conceded, and left.

The high priest was angry, and confused. He was in charge of security and if something was within his jurisdiction, this was. A high priest leaving the monastery with no escort? Preposterous. What was the First thinking? Something stirred inside Jushiro's brain at that moment, as he remembered the scene he had witnessed on the day of the festival. He shook his head. Zaraki Kenpachi would never allow for the two of them to be alone if that was true. The First was tolerant, too tolerant, when it came to Kuchiki Byakuya. But to approve of an illicit relationship was too much.

"Ayasegawa-san, please bring me some sake," Kenpachi said. Yumichika stared in bewilderment. He served his master for years, and he never served him alcohol. It was all Kuchiki Byakuya's fault, Yumichika concluded.

"Bring two glasses," Zaraki added, "I do not feel like drinking alone."

He was not supposed to leave. Kuchiki Byakuya should have felt insulted by the offer, his pride should have shown its ugly head to prevent him from leaving with Renji. But the Second did not even think twice before accepting his offer. I guess he did too good of a job of shatteringthat pride of his.

Yumichika set the tray in front of his master, and he poured the liquor. Kenpachi stared at his peacock and smiled as he brought the glass to his mouth. His servant curled up at his feet.

"Yumichika, when are you going to apply for priesthood?"

"I feel perfectly happy being your servant, Zaraki-sama. I do not need more, if there is more."

Zaraki smiled again. Yumichika always made him smile, and he was infinitely grateful for having such a beautiful, obsequious main servant. Sometimes, Yumichika allowed himself a bit too much liberty, but then again, the First himself took him into confidence, and he did not expect anything less.

"So you decided to let them have it," Yumichika ventured, bitterness obvious in his otherwise melodic voice. Kuchiki Byakuya was to have his cake and eat it too. After all, the damned Second will replace Kenpachi. As if that was possible.

"Yes I did," the First answered simply. Yumichika poured some more sake before he spoke again. Yumichika raised his head to look into his master's eyes.

"He did not deserve it."

"He did."

"Bullshit," Yumichika muttered and jumped to his feet. His gracious movements and affinity to precise syntax, reduced to a blunder of waving limbs and blurred sentences.

"Ayasegawa-san," Zaraki warned him, making him fall back into his usual role. Yumichika could not care less for Shuhei and other deacons despising his submissiveness, his unwillingness to better his position and to man-up. Kuchiki Byakuya, however, irritated him to the point of losing it in front of the First.

"I apologize," he said, wondering why was the Second allowed so much freedom. More than Kenpachi himself had.

The First spoke as ih Yumichika voiced the question: "I can do whatever I want, you know. This," he said, indicating the monastery with his hand, "is not a democracy. However, I chose to make it into something closely resembling one. That's why I'm respected. Not because they fear me, but because I acknowledge them."

Yumichika curled at his master's feet once again.

"You scare the shit out of them," the servant said, "precisely because you allow them so much."

Since the day Abarai Renji entered his life, Byakuya learned a lot of things about himself and about his religion. Now, he was about to learn another truth.

The day was crisp, but unusually dry and sunny. It would have been enjoyable walking in such weather in the company of someone dear. However, both traveler that came to the market that day were uncapable of being dear to the other.

Byakuya realized that they attracted too much attention. No. Not they. He was quite sure that no one even noticed that the redhead had company. Renji's red hair seemed on fire under the noon sun, and since they have stepped into the crowded market, Byakuya's companion seemed to have grown, physically. He stared at Renji, sure that he was not that tall yesterday. Byakuya could swear that those shoulders were not as wide, and he was most certainly convinced that the curves of those tattoos were not so damn…curvy. Renji did not walk from stall to stall, he glided, he flowed from one vendor to the other, smiling, joking, and bargaining. Byakuya, on the other hand felt awkward for the first time in three decades. He bumped into people, and they frowned and smirked at his clumsiness. In the world filled with colourful people he was monochrome.

When the shopping was done, they found a bench. Renji smiled at Byakuya and offered him a green apple. Simply too much colour in everything, Byakuya noticed, looking intently at his wild companion. He took an offered apple, wiped it on his sleeve and bit into it angrily; as if it was the apple's fault it was so green.

"There's a cottage I know on the border," Renji said, amused with the reversal of their roles. With no rules to bind them, Byakuya obviously felt out of place.

"That'll do," his monochrome companion said, only then realizing what that cottage on the border implied. He choked on the last bite od the apple. Renji struck him across his back a few times, and the gracious noble spat out the chunk.

"Fuck!" Byakuya yelped, the interjection surprising him more than it did Renji, who just laughed.

"Calm down, man. It's gonna be all right," Renji said, placing a reassuring hand on the dream walker's knee. Byakuya cringed at the gesture, moving away.

"Temper yourself, Abarai," he said in a authoritative whisper, making Renji frown.

"Won't work," the redhead informed him. "You are not my superior any more. Out here, you have to deserve that title."

Byakuya gave him an angry stare.

"You know, Abarai, you've been quite insolent since we left. I'm not sure I find that appealing."

"Cut the crap, Kuchiki-sama. You fucking love it, and you know it." Then he leaned over and whispered into Byakuya's ear.

"Later, I'll show you just how insolent I can be."

"What the hell are you doing?" Byakuya's surprised yell was coupled with a familiar hit on Renji's naked chest, rolling him off the blanket.

"What the hell did it feel like?" Renji asked, frustrated, angry, wanting. He sat up, the cold of the wooden floor raising goose bumps all over his skin. Byakuya stared, still unable to grasp why the redhead would do something like that. It made no sense. Renji sighed and scratched the back of his head, forcing a smile upon his lips.

"Byakuya," he said, "have a little faith, would you. I know what I'm doing."

He was trying desperately to tame his desire to disregard Byakuya's coyness. Having sampled the man only a moment ago, made the task difficult, to say the least. He knew that following the flow of Byakuya's dark hair over his shoulders, tracing over his forearms down to the bulge in the blanket was not going to be a deterrent. He did it anyway, the hell with it.

"You did this before? With a man?" Byakuya asked, forcing out the words, not really wanting to ask, but yearning to know. The moment he heard Renji say he knew what he was doing he felt a strange emotion surge through him. Something gripped him deep inside, making him agitated, breathless. He failed to recognize it as jealousy, because, being the man he was, there was nothing others had and he wanted.

"No. Not with a man," Renji explained. "But I did it enough times with enough women to know what I'm doing. Ok?"

The feeling abated, somewhat, and Byakuya took a deep breath.

"Can't we do it without that?" he asked, explaining that with a small nod. Renji smiled. It was fun seeing Byakuya so confused, so distraught by such a small thing.

"I don't understand what's the big deal."

"You tried to put your finger…." The dream walker looked away as his voice trailed off.

Renji jumped to his feet, and started pacing nervously, still appearing blissfully unaware of his nakedness.

"I thought you wanted me inside of you! My finger is a part of me you know?" he blurted, pointing his index finger at Byakuya, who slumped back onto their improvised bed to hide the colour of his face.

"I am not comfortable with this conversation."

He heard Renji's agitated footsteps circling the bed. Then the sound of those footsteps faded and he jolted up, afraid that Renji might be gone. The level of pain which bit him at the moment he thought Renji might be gone made him scared of the time when it will come true.

"I am sorry," Byakuya broke the silence, "I do not feel very thrilled with the idea, that is all."

"You said you wanted me. I kissed you, I undressed you, I was holding you in my arms, and those sounds you made did not indicate that you were uncomfortable."

"I was not. I am now, though." He squirmed under the coarse fabric of the blanket. It chafed against his skin in all the wrong places.

"You do understand what 'wanting me' entails, don't you? How the fuck do you think this will feel like if you're being squeamish about a finger?" Byakuya looked at Renji's cock, and the size of it made him shudder. He was not sure was he scared or excited by the sight. It looked somehow belligerent, Byakuya noticed. Enticing, too.

In his dreams Renji never fucked him. He dreamt of them after they had done it, he dreamt of them as they were about to do it, but the act itself, the intercourse of two men, was still wrapped in a thick shroud of mystery.

Renji realized he'd forgotten to swallow as he almost choked on his own saliva. At least he did not have to remind himself to breathe. It did not really matter. He can wait until Byakuya falls asleep and then he will jerk off the frustration built up by the coitus interuptus. Not the best case scenario, but he really did not want to force the dream walker to do something he obviously did not want. Or did he? If he didn't know better, Renji would have thought Byakuya was just a little tease. God knows he wanted him to be one. That would mean he was going to get some, eventually.

"Can't you do it without the finger," Byakuya managed to voice his thoughts.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it will hurt as hell if I don't…if I don't stretch you before."

"Oh." Byakuya could not help it. The uncomfortable conversation made his body feel too comfortable. Hearing Renji say what he needs to do to him aroused him. He turned to his almost-lover and saw Renji was smiling, wickedly, as if he had read his thoughts. The redhead knelt, leaned over and with a lingering grin and a husky voice he whispered into Byakuya's ear:

"I'll have to put at least two in, you know. And I'll have to move them so I can fit inside of you later." He felt Byakuya's hand on his thigh, his nails clawing the soft flesh and he threw the blanket off. Maybe Byakuya really was a little tease. His crawling hand moved down from Byakuya's nipple to his cock. He treated his reluctant lover to a few strokes, just so he can hear him moan, feel his spine curve under his touch, his hips pushing into the fist. A look of utter disappointment was aimed at Renji as he withdrew his hand.

"Lick it." As soon as he said it, Byakuya opened his mouth and took the offered finger in. He seemed to have lost all the coyness. His lips curved up into a clumsy smile around Renji's finger, as he was slowly coming to realize that he wanted that finger down there. Preparing him. Stretching him for an experience he wanted so badly.

Renji held his legs pinned as far down as he could.

"Say it, Byakuya. I'm not doing it if you don't."

He enjoyed the undignified position he was in, spread by the strong hands of his redhead beast, manipulating his body into a vessel for his primitive lust.

"I want you," Byakuya said.

Teasing, Renji thought. He was hardly in a mood for games, but it seemed to turn Byakuya on, so he was ready to suffer through it. He bit Byakuya's leg without holding back, making his whimper a unity of pain and delight.

"Where?"

"Inside of me, Renji. I want you inside of me."

And what could Renji do but grant the dream walker's wish?

Renji could not fall asleep. He thought after getting rid of all that sexual frustration, he would be able to sleep as a baby. He was sorely mistaken. The light of the approaching dawn slowly crept up through the window, making him restless. Byakuya's head fitted so perfectly in the nook of his shoulder, his soft hair melting with the tattoos on Renji's chest. The weight of the dream walker's body and the warmth of his skin will soon be gone. Forever. He was not accustomed to brooding over the things to come. Normally, life just happened and he went with the flow. He did not like this particular stream. He wrapped his arm around Byakuya. Renji knew it was impossible to draw the man nearer, but still he tried, clinging desperately to the fleeting moment. Byakuya stirred, and opened his eyes.

"Renji? Why are you awake?" his lover asked, squirming against Renji's naked body. The redhead said nothing. He was not in the mood for one of their pointless discussions.

"Renji?"

It all made sense, and yet it was so completely crazy. Why had he gotten himself into this? And how on earth was he going to continue living without Byakuya? The dream walker was irritated with Renji's lack of response. He sat up and pulled on the mask of quiet superiority before he spoke again.

"Abarai, what is wrong with you?" It took him only one day of freedom with Renji to forget how to be cold and derisive.

"One down. Two to go," Renji said, his eyes riveted to the ceiling. All of his playful insolence was gone and Byakuya feared there was no way of recovering it. He stood up and lit the fire. When all else fails, it's time for tea.

"This was a bad fucking idea," Renji said.

"Really? Well that is just lovely. You should have told me that before we left, you know. Would have made things easier." Byakuya's voice trembled, but for some reason, he did not mind. He wanted Renji to know.

"You're an asshole," he muttered.

"Yeah, I know," the redhead said, smiling, turning to his side.

Byakuya fumbled around the fire, pointlessly rearranging the pots. He did not feel like looking at Renji.

"Come here, Kuchiki-sama," Renji purred. The request was supposed to be facetious and reassuring, but that mood was long gone. Nonetheless, Byakuya crawled into the warmth of Renji's arms.

"I guess my gloomy attitude ruined all chances for a morning fuck?"

"No, asshole, it didn't," Byakuya replied, and kissed the redhead.