A/N: I don't own Red Versus Blue, hell I can't even vote yet!
At the Blue Base, Tucker was on the roof, trying to get a link to Command. "Come in, Blue Command. This is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. Do you read me?" he asked through his radio.
Meanwhile, Caboose was running a cloth over Tuckers armour. "Ok, that is the last of it. Your armour is clean now!" Caboose told him.
"Did you get all the black stuff off?" Tucker asked Caboose, as he looked himself over.
Suddenly, Tuckers radio sounded. "This is Blue Command. Come in, Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha." said Vic, sitting at his console.
Tucker nearly fainted with relief. "Hello, Command! We need help!" he shouted through his radio.
"Roger that, Blood Gulch. What is your request?" Vic asked as he pulled up the Request for Help form.
"I don't know what the technical military term is for it, but we're pretty fucked up down her. We need men!" Tucker told Vic.
At first, the only reply got was a long, akward pause. Then Vic spoke up again. "Dude, how long have you guys been down there?" he asked.
Tucker facepalmed himself. "No, no, no, not like that! We need more men to help us." he clarified.
Vic nodded, realizing his mistake. "Roger that. did you get the tank we sent?" Vic asked.
"Yeah, that got blown up too." Tucker informed Command.
Vic whistled. "Wow. Sucks to be you." he said.
Tucker shook his head. "Yeah, we know." he said.
Vic looked at his screen and saw there were only two solutions to their problem. "Ok, here's what I can do. The nearest Blue forces can be there in 16 days or I-" he started to say.
"16 days? That's almost two weeks!" Tucker exploded, interupting Vic.
"Or I can hire a nearby freelancer and get him there within a few hours." Vic continued, pissed at Tucker.
"I like the 'in an hour' one." said Caboose, who was listening in on the transmission.
Tucker agreed with the rookie. "Yeah, me too. Roger that, Command. We prefer the quicker solution." he told Vic.
"10-4, Blood Gulch. We'll contact freelancer Tex and have him there post-haste. Command out." Vic told them, before signing off.
"Whoever he is, make sure he can fix a tank." Tucker tried to tell Vic, but the line was already dead.
"What's a freelancer?" Caboose asked Tucker.
"Freelancers are independent. They're not red or blue. They're just guns for hire who'll fight for whoever has the most money." Tucker told Caboose.
Caboose nodded. "Like a mercenary." he said.
"Right. Or like your mom when the rent's due." Tucker joked.
There was a long pause before Caboose got the joke. "Oh, that's funny." he laughed.
"Yeah? You didn't think that was too obvious?" Tucker asked.
"No, no, not at all. It was good." Caboose reasured Tucker.
Slowly, a semi-transparent figure faded into view between Tucker and Caboose. "Tucker... Tucker..." the apparition said in a ghostly voice.
Tucker jumped back, almost scared out of his armour. "Who the hell are you?" he asked the figure.
"I am the ghost of Church, and I've come back with a warning!" Church said.
"You're not Church! Church is blue. You're white." Caboose said, getting in the ghost's face.
"Rookie, shut up, man! I'm a freakin' ghost! Have you ever seen a blue ghost before?" Church shouted in his normal voice, pissed.
"Yeah, that's definitely him." Tucker said, nodding his head.
"Now I gotta start over again." Church said. He clears his throat and continues in his ghostly voice. "Tucker... Tucker... I've come back with a warning!" he said.
"Is it really necessary to do the voice?" Tucker asked, a headache building behind one of his eyes.
"Yeah, it's kinda annoying." Caboose agreed.
Church shook his head. These two had no sense for drama. "Fine. OK, here's the deal. I've come back from the dead to give you a warning about Tex. Don't let-" he started to say in his normal voice.
"What's the warning?" interrupted Caboose.
Church turned to face Caboose, irate. "Shut up for one second and I'll tell you!" He shouted in the blue Spartans face.
Caboose backed away from the angry spirit. "Oh, sorry." he apolgized.
But Church wasn't done tearing Caboose a new asshole. "Seriously, man. I mean, I'm coming back from the Great Beyond here. Do you think this is easy? It's not. It's not like, just pop in and out whenever I feel like it, it takes a lot of concentration." he shouted.
"Sorry." Caboose said, his head hung in shame.
"I mean, it's bad enough that you killed me to begin with but now that I come back and I can't get a word in edgewise, man." Church said. He took a deep breath to calm himself, before he went all Amityville Horror on Caboose. "Ok, here's the deal." he started.
"Is this the warning?" Caboose interupted Caboose again.
That was the final straw. "OK, that's it. I swear to God, Caboose, your ass is haunted. When we're done here, I'm gonna haunt you." Church shouted at Caboose.
"Yeah, you're even starting to bug me." said Tucker.
Church then turned his attention to Tucker. "Ok, Tucker. You remember that I told you that I was stationed on Sidewinder before they transferred me here to Blood Gulch, right?" Church asked.
Tucker shook his head. "No." he said.
Caboose cocked his head to one side. "Sidewinder? Isn't that the ice planet?" he asked Church.
"Yes." Church confirmed.
"Cool, what was that like?" Caboose asked.
"Erm... it was cold." Church said, shivering with the mere memory of the bone chilling cold.
"That's it, just cold?" complained Caboose.
Church lost it, again. "What do you want from me? A poem? It's a planet made entirely out of ice. It's really... fuckin'... cold." he said, getting in Caboose's face.
Tucker got between them, seperating the two. He turned and faced Caboose. "Will you just let him talk?" he asked the blue marine.
"Alright, well..." Church began to tell his tale.
Many years ago on the ice planet Sidewinder, at the bottom of a mighty crevace, sat a Blue Base. Standing around a fusion coil at the entrance was a bunch of Blues and a pair of them were on patrol near the middle of the crevace. "One day when I was there, everything was just like normal. I remember I was out on patrol with my partner, Jimmy. That Jimmy was a real good kid. Everybody liked him." Church told his team.
"D'ya think I was a good kid, Church?" Tucker asked Church.
"Tucker, don't get jealous, man. Just listen to the story, OK?" Church scolded his fellow Blue before continuing. "Like I said, the guys were hanging around waiting for some action, bitching about the cold."
"Man, it's fucking cold..." one of the fusion coil Blues said, freezing despite the armour.
"I hope we get some action..." said one of the other frozen Blues.
"...Anyway, Jimmy was in the middle of telling me all about this girlfriend he had back home." Church said.
"Yep, as soon as I get back, I'm gonna get down on one knee and ask her to marry me." Jimmy said, showing Church the ring he got her. It was 24-karot gold and had a rare ice chip diamond, found only on Sidewinder, shaped into the infinty symbol. It had to be worth half a million credits! Unknown to the two Blues, a camouflaged figure was standing in front of them.
"...And that's when Tex showed up." Church said with the heavy voice of Fate itself.
"Private Mickey was the first to go. He was halfway across the base when all of sudden he started screaming bloody murder..." Church said with the memories of that day still heavy on his mind and heart.
"Bloody Murder! Bloody Murder!" screamed Mickey, firing a full clip at thin air. Suddenly a camouflaged Tex drives his fist through the back plate of Mickey's armour and out through the front.
"The whole thing was over before it even started." Church said.
Tex, still invisible, quickly snapped another Blue's neck. The poor Spartan dropped, like a puppet with it's strings cut. Slowly he made his way over to where Church and Jimmy were firing at anything that moved. "Poor Jimmy was the last one to go.. Tex walked up to him, pulled Jimmy's skull right out of his head, and beat him to death with it." Church said.
"Wait, a second... how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible." Tucker asked.
"That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming." Church answered.
Tex punched through Jimmy's visor, grabbed his skull, and preceded to beat him to death. "This doesn't seem physically possible!" Jimmy screamed. "Hurk! Bleh..." he moaned as he collasped and died. His job done, Tex reached down and snatched the blood soaked ring box from Jimmy's corpse and fled.
"Bottom line is, these freelancers, they're bad news, and Tex is one of the worst." Church warned the living Blues.
Something didn't seem right to Tucker. "If he's such a bad-ass, why didn't he kill you?" he asked.
Church closed his eyes as he remembered slowly turning and only seeing destruction and death. "To tell ya, I don't know why I'm not dead. He could have killed me at any point. But maybe it's because Tex and I have run into each other once before." he said.
"Where?" inquired Tucker.
"You, er...remember that girl I told you about, back home? Well, let's just say that Tex is the real reason we never got married. Guys, I'm fading fast and I don't know when I'll be back. Just listen to my warning. Don't let Tex get involved here." Church said as he struggled to remain heard and visible.
"Ok." said Tucker absently.
"I mean it, Tucker. No fighting, no scouting, nothing. You'll regret it..." church started to say. But he faded before he could finish.
"So... Tex and Church were after the same girl." Tucker said to Caboose.
"I told you his girlfriend was a slut." Caboose said. Unkown to both Spartan's, a figure in black armour was standing behind them. Around it's neck was a chain with a ring with a ice chip diamond on it.