Kenshin glanced to the passenger seat as he changed gear. What was he going to expect from this outing? He wasn't sure. But he knew that everything between them had changed after the chat, or rather argument that they had. To him, she had shared something intimate with him that gave him a glimpse of what she wanted. Or what he assumed she wanted.
It was tough, a huge challenge to get her to love him. From what Misao and Tomoe shared regarding her, it only made him love her again. It sounded so superficial, like a fairytale- unrealistic and nonsensical. But he has no way of justifying that he truly felt that way.
If he can't even logically explain how he felt, how could the lady beside him figure it out?
Hence he had to start working hard to win back Kaoru's heart. If not by the end of the week, he will lose her for good and he would definitely die.
He smirked at that thought. Here I go again, dramatizing the situation. He might end up with a broken heart and spirit, but he won't be able to die physically.
Pity. He thought as his mind recalled scene in the morning when Misao decided to give them opportunities to get the both of them together. If Kaoru hasn't changed, she would be getting annoyed by the insistent interference. But it worked to his advantage.
It allowed him to take Kaoru out shopping. Shopping does not interest Kenshin. But to go out with Kaoru would give him a first hand glimpse of Kaoru's taste, and even personality by what she shops for.
But how was he going to start a conversation with her? He tried. Twice in fact, and the attempt failed. How was he going to continue being with her with the awful silence looming over his head, each minute lost, without hope to go back and use it to beg and plead to give her a chance.
A groveling bastard he has become. And he would do it all over again if it means that Kaoru would forgive him.
After all, if the character Shin and the singer can overcome all obstacles to love each other, why can't he? He had to hope that he could achieve a miracle.
When he reached the shopping centre, he headed underground to park his car. Kaoru was still sitting beside him, her head averted away from him, staring at the surroundings. It was only until he found a parking space and turned off the engine when she turned and looked at him. "You know, I didn't expect you to be tagging along with me while I shop."
Kenshin shook his head. "No worries. You could use me to hold onto your shopping bags, ask for fashion tips and perhaps even a walking credit card."
That earned a smile from Kaoru. "Thanks. But if you are bored, you could just leave me here and go our separate ways."
Kenshin smiled, knowing that she was just trying to get rid of him. "I would let you know. For now, just accept my offer. After all, if you are like Misao, you might need a helping hand in holding all your purchases."
Kaoru gave him a bored look. "Hey, I am not as bad as her alright?" She said before she got out of the car.
Kenshin got out of the car and stared at her. "How would you know how she shops?"
Kaoru shrugged. "She whines to me how Aoshi would scold her for her impulsive shopping. And I have to say, it is frightening to hear how she goes about shopping."
Kenshin recalled the mountain of paper bags that Aoshi would bring back each time he goes out shopping with Misao and shuddered. "Don't remind me!"
That caused Kaoru to laugh. To him, it was music to his ears, something that he had not heard for a long time. "It's good to hear you laugh." He said softly as Kaoru blushed and turned away from him, heading towards the shopping centre lobby. Sighing, Kenshin followed behind her, wondering how to melt the walls down.
To say that Misao was an impulsive buyer was an understatement. However, he observed that she might have met her match- Kaoru is equally impulsive. She doesn't have the energy and the speed like Misao to zip in and out of the shop. She approaches the shop and combs the shop carefully before deciding on a purchase. Out of ten shops they walked into, she purchased from eight of them.
It was two hours later when they stopped for lunch. For Kenshin, he was slightly relieved. However, he was glad that he tagged along. If not, who on earth would carry the shopping bags that were placed on the two chairs beside them. They remind them of Mount Everest- tall, daunting and unbelievable.
"You seem intimidated."
Kenshin looked at Kaoru and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I wouldn't know how to manage that many shopping bags by myself."
Kaoru shrugged. "I could have handled it by myself."
"True. But an extra hand didn't hurt right?" Kenshin asked.
With a frown, Kaoru nodded grudgingly before turning her attention towards the menu. For a while, both of them didn't speak, giving the menu their full concentration.
"So? What do you have in mind?" Kenshin asked after a while.
"Spaghetti Bolognese."
Kenshin nodded as he signaled for the waiter. After giving their orders, Kenshin looked at Kaoru, wondering how to start the topic.
"Kaoru."
"Kenshin."
The both of them stared at each other. "You go first." Kaoru said.
"You can start first." Kenshin replied, wanting to hear what she had to say before he voice out his thoughts.
Kaoru looked at him, as though she was going to argue back. However she changed her mind and started. "You know, Kenshin. I thought about things. And despite the fact I promised you five days, I don't think I could give you that."
Everything he wanted to say flew out of the window. Kenshin could just stare at Kaoru, shell-shocked by what she said. "You mean you refuse to give me a chance?"
He watched Kaoru frowned. "If you wish to put it that way, then yes, I refuse to give you a chance that I can't give. It's impossible for total strangers to fall in love with each other in five days."
"We are not total strangers." Kenshin protested as he placed his hands on the table, trying to prevent the desperation from taking control of his mind. Once it does, he might beg, pled or even start behaving like a madman. And he cannot allow that to happen.
"We were strangers for years. We only knew each other from our childhood days. And I am no longer the little Kaoru who would follow you around like a baby sister. And you are no longer the Kenshin I look up to like a big brother. People change with time and you of all people know that."
Kenshin took in a deep breath. "Yes, people change through time. But the essence of the person won't change. I don't want the little girl who looked at me with trusting and adoring eyes. I want the woman in front of me to look at me with love and respect and to be my equal. I am not asking for a perfect lady. I am not asking for marriage. I am just asking for 5 days to know each other better."
"I cannot give you that five days because I can't forget what you did two years ago!"
A tensed silence followed, as the waiter served the food. Even after the waiter discreetly moved away, the both of them did not speak.
"So?" Kaoru asked softly.
Kenshin frowned as he looked down, watching his fists clenched up. He would never explain what he had to do. It was to protect Tomoe more than him. Perhaps it was an issue about pride. However, that day in the hospital room, he made a promise with Tomoe not to explain to anyone why they broke the engagement. But never did he expect this issue to be the one preventing Kaoru from trusting him again.
How could he not explain himself, after all he owed Kaoru an explanation?
But how could he betray Tomoe's trust, after all she went through?
He slowly unclenched his fist He looked at Kaoru and asked. "Is it too much to ask you to trust me again?"
Kaoru gave him a look. "The last time I trusted you, I was unknowingly poaching a friend's fiancé. If I trust you now, perhaps I would unknowingly become a mistress." She said sarcastically.
"Don't say that." Kenshin said softly as he tried to control his temper. It was a low blow. But he knew Kaoru had the right to say all of it. And he could do nothing, nothing to ease that pain away.
Kaoru was silent for a while, causing him to wonder what she was thinking. After the discussion yesterday, he thought he would have 5 days to convince Kaoru that a relationship between them could be worked out. Now, with Kaoru's sudden u-turn in her decision brought a sickly feeling in his heart. If he truly lost that chance...
"Sorry. Kenshin. It's just that. In my heart, I would really want to give you a chance. However, in my mind, it tells me that it can never work out."
Kenshin took in a deep breath. "Why not trust your heart?"
"Because the heart is too fragile and naïve to know better than to risk it all over again."
Kenshin bit his tongue. He didn't know what to say after that. It was useless to tell her to listen to her heart unless he explained to her about Tomoe-which was impossible. But he couldn't give up. With a last ditch attempt, he asked Kaoru. "What happened to the singer and Shin in NANA? Did their love last?"
That brought a sad smile to Kaoru. "Funny that you mentioned about it. But just to let you know, the both of them couldn't last. Against all odds, fame and age difference prevented them from being together. It's a pity. I really love that pairing." She shrugged. "I guess it is a foolish idea of having a ray of hope in relationships and love."
Kenshin's heart sank. The darkness that was held at bay by the hope that he nursed for years threatened to close in. He truly could not imagine not having Kaoru as a friend, or as a partner. To part as distant acquaintances would certainly not be good for his mental well-being. But if miracles do not occur in stories, could it occur in real life? Highly unlikely.
Kaoru sighed. "Kenshin. Is it truly possible that the both of us were not meant to be?"
"If so, give me five days to figure it out."
Kaoru shook her head. "I don't think my heart can take it."
Kenshin closed his eyes. "By denying a chance, you think my heart can deal with it?"
"We have to."
The finality of the words scared him. But what she said was true. If she decided not to do it, he had to love her enough to let her go. Even if it might take longer for him to recover from his depression, he would do it.
"Okay." Kenshin relented as he looked straight into her eyes. "I won't hold you to the agreement we made yesterday."
He saw her shoulders relaxed and a smile flirted on her face. "Thanks."
"No problem." Kenshin said as he started eating his food, trying to figure out how to cope with the fact that he lost Kaoru.
Despite the remainding time together, the mood had changed. For Kenshin, he spent the time trying to figure out what to do next. With Kaoru's firm rejection, he had to move on. It was daunting and in fact so scary, he had to move on. If it was not for himself, it would be for Aoshi, Misao, Sano and Yahiko.
His resolution- to take a day at a time.
When they reached home, he wasn't sure who was more relieve- Kaoru or himself. The moment they stepped into the house, they met Misao and the change in Kaoru was obvious. With a big smile, she started communicating with Misao in sign language, leaving Kenshin in the dark. With a resigned heart, he headed towards the living room.
He prayed time would heal the wounds that he had.
He saw Yahiko seated on the sofa with a wary look on his face. "What's with the face?"
The younger man pursed his lips before shrugging. "We have a guest."
"Who?" Kenshin asked, wondering why Yahiko would be so bothered by the presence of the guest.
"Tomoe-chan."
Kenshin looked at Yahiko. "Say again?"
"Tomoe-chan is here. And she wants to see Kaoru-chan."
Kenshin turned away and headed out of the room, intending to prevent the meeting when Misao stood at the entrance of the room. "Kaoru-dono…"
"She is with Tomoe-chan."
Kenshin's heart sank. Tomoe was the reason why Kaoru refuse to give him a chance. But yet, it was not either of the ladies' fault that caused this big misunderstanding. If he had his way, he would rather just face the punishment of his errors instead of hurting them any further. If he only knew earlier and moved faster, he might have intervened. "Why?"
Misao placed her hand at her hip. "Why not?"
He frowned. "Kaoru-dono doesn't think well of Tomoe."
Misao glared at him. "And who can we thank for?"
"The matter has been settled. Kaoru-dono has decided to move on. There is no need to involve Tomoe any further." Kenshin said in a controlled voice, not wanting his temper to show.
"Don't try to be a martyr. They make good headlines but lousy people." Misao said as she poked a finger at his chest. "The reason why none of this has been settled is because the three of you never sat down together and trashed it out. I wanted you to join them but Aoshi advised me against the move. And I'm glad that I listened."
"And why is that so?"
Misao opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted.
"Because you would protect Tomoe and make sure that you shoulder all the blame. And it would defeat the whole purpose of the meeting."
Kenshin turned his head towards Yahiko and glared.
"It's true dork head. You won't let the both of them say what they sincerely feel. Without you, they can bitch and fight it out without worrying that you would be caught in the crossfire." Misao carried on.
Kenshin took in two deep breaths as he reined his temper in. "I think I will just rest in my room for a while. Knock on my door when dinner is served."
With that, Kenshin left, praying that Tomoe and Kaoru would not be hurt anymore.
He just wants to end it for once and for all… even if it means that he has to disappear.
He just wants it to end.
Okay. I am truly sorry for not updating.
Frankly, I have figured out the ending but i couldn't muster the inspiration to fully develop the story any further. However since this story has been floating around without a concrete ending, I would just finish it up and close this story.
Personally I am not really happy with the way i wrote this story, from the thousand and one grammatical errors, the lack of depth for Kenshin, Tomoe and Kaoru, the fairytale-ness of the story and the way the story was narrated. If i ever have the time and energy, I would want to rewrite it again. However I don't see it happening anytime soon.
So brace yourself for a quick run through the last two chapter which includes a epilogue. I am wondering though, how many of you would want a sad ending? Or you would prefer a happy ending for Kenshin and Kaoru? I just want to hear what you all have to say.
Until then, take care and God Bless
Joyful-x