AN: Thank you for the reviews – Kadaj, Sephiroth-Sama, Shojogirl1, SavE-My-SouL, NekoGuyFan and of course Fire's A Beautiful Sound - I'm really grateful to you all! Chapter Ten had some length issues which have mostly been worked out, but I still feel is a little on the short side. But, hey, that's me. I hope you like this. It's the end of part one of my three part tale. I hope the explanation isn't too… I don't know… peculiar. It's a strange tale, to say the least. Enjoy.
Chapter Ten: Explanation
The two of us had reached an understanding. It was a great relief to find we shared the same feelings for one another; anything less would have broken me, I think. Despite this understanding, questions pervaded. Namely the reason I had been abducted at the start of this fiasco. I wasn't sure whether I should find out the answer, but there was always that part of me that had to know; that curiosity that was going to get me killed, or at least damaged. It didn't stop me planning to ask Loz anyway.
I had to approach it in an unthreatening way, though.
Loz was sitting in the bedroom, legs crossed on the bed. Resting on a knee was the Dual Hound. I had no idea what he was doing, but it looked like he was tinkering with it somehow. He was half bent over it, an expression of concentration on his face. It didn't look like the best time to try and question him, but I couldn't put it off forever. I had really been putting the questions of this nature off since he first captured me.
With a brief squeeze of my fists, I steeled myself for a highly likely argumentative and emotional struggle and slowly meandered my way toward him. Had to remember to be unthreatening. From the way he fought those guys a short while back, I didn't want to get on his bad side. I mean… well, he confessed he loved me, sort of. But did it mean anything? I've known people who loved people without a thought for anything else, but it didn't mean they would protect them, or even refrain from hitting them. Was that even love, or merely obsession? People think it's love… maybe Loz thinks he loves me, but there's been no-one else around so… no, I don't want to contemplate it. I'm thinking too much, putting off what could only be an inevitable confrontation. If I'm lucky, he'll prove it to me in time. And if he doesn't, then I shall regret this whole situation indeed.
I had to ask him. My feet shuffled forward and bumped against the bottom of the bed. I winced from the brief shock of pain in my toes and the questioning expression on Loz's face. He tossed his Dual Hound up onto a pillow and slowly stood, stretching his broad shoulders and reminding me of how tall and imposing he could be, which didn't help me summon the strength to ask the fateful question.
"Hey. Are you alright? You look a little… weird," Loz asked, narrowing his eyes as he scrutinised my face, which I turned away from him. My mind screamed to ask, just spit it out and face what I must. Slowly, I forced myself to face him once more, my composure on a knife-edge. My mind wanted to scream, tear, crack, but no way was I going to break down pathetically. I had to remain strong, resolute – I had to ask him face to face!
My eyes locked with his and I noticed that he hadn't missed the mental struggle I seemed to be suffering before his eyes, which had narrowed. I couldn't tear my eyes away, so I took a deep breath before diving into a situation I just knew I was going to hate.
"Loz… why did you capture me in the first place?" my voice quivered a little, but I kept it mostly under control. Why me? What was I needed for? The idea that the trio had a purpose for me sent a shiver down my spine; especially after my less than pleasant encounters with Kadaj and Yazoo.
He watched my face with those intense blue-green eyes as I struggled to remain composed, but it was difficult when desperation was rising within me. I had to know why.
"We are related in an obscure way to Sephiroth," he began and I frowned, my mouth dropping open. Why didn't I see the resemblance before of that man who had wrought havoc across the world? The Great General of Midgar, our hero for a time. Silver hair… those eyes… I shut my mouth and listened on.
"We're not as strong as he was, but we're tough. Very tough. I think you think that Kadaj, Yazoo and I have always been together, but it was true when I said I grew up in a village. Us three are remnants of the Jenova Project," he explained and my brows creased slightly. I noticed how he wasn't meeting my eyes; anytime I tried to get him to look at me, he looked elsewhere. He's either hiding something from me, or maybe it's painful to talk about. Loz didn't look happy to admit he wasn't as strong as Sephiroth – I did pick up a slight amount of bitterness, but why? How many people could be as strong as Sephiroth was? It had surprised me that Loz and the other two were linked to such a big event – General Sephiroth's madness. The Jenova Project further piqued my interest.
"The Jenova Project? They did a big documentary on that and Shinra after Meteor. A professor called Hojo injecting people with alien cells, right? It said that Sephiroth had been injected and showered with mako while still in the womb," I said, my eyes widening. Loz and the others were the same? I took a seat on the bed, pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around my knees so all you could see were my eyes peering at Loz. Silently, he sat down beside me and looked up listlessly at the ceiling before slowly focusing on the door facing him across the room.
"Yeah, you got it. Jenova is our mother – she gave birth to our powers. After Sephiroth was a success, he tried it to other pregnant women he lured into his project, telling them that it would make their babies strong and healthy. A lie, of sorts. However, only halfway through the procedure, the project was cut from Shinra's budget and the women were let go. Of course, the procedure sealed their deaths from mako poisoning and after giving birth, they died almost immediately from the strain of both birth and poisoning. That left us three."
"We were adopted into families around different areas of the Planet. I lived in a village not far from Gold Saucer and Gonaga, Yazoo lived in Icicle Inn, and Kadaj grew up in Mideel. I think that's why he's a little like he is – he saw what the Planet did to Mideel. He saw it destroyed before his very eyes by the Lifestream's upheaval," he took a deep breath and ran a hand absently through his hair, finally meeting my eyes.
"I didn't used to look like this either," a small smile tugged his lips when he saw the surprise I couldn't hide. So… he changed. This is too weird. I thought that I had been thrown into a strange and disturbing situation, but now the truth is coming out, I haven't even begun to plough these dark depths. This made me feel sick to my stomach – to think there was more of this.
"Y-you didn't?" I replied and he shook his head, that smile still there. I let my legs down and shuffled closer to him and he wrapped an arm around my waist. I looked at it for a moment, but let it slide. It felt kind of comfortable.
"Nah, when I was young my hair was black. It wasn't until I was about ten when it started turning silver. I had been adopted into a lumberjack's family, which was lucky considering I grew up brawny. And at sixteen, I heard Mother for the first time. She told me all about my true heritage and encouraged me to find my brothers. I was instructed to destroy my village to show my dedication to Mother, but I resisted for a long time. For two years I held off her voice, a mistake now I look back. Eventually I gave in and did what I was told. The village isn't there anymore.
"So I set off and followed Mother's voice and she guided me to Yazoo and Kadaj. And we've been together ever since. Jenova's voice is more or less gone now – she talks to Kadaj most of all," he finished and I shifted out of his grasp and a little way from him. That's why Kadaj was like he was, I bet – it's Jenova's doing. I wasn't going to say this to him – he burnt his village down! He… he killed his adoptive parents. And he still hadn't told me why I was here.
"Why am I here?" I said softly, my head lowered. I didn't want to look at him when he told me – I was scared that he'd leer, or worse, be cold about my role in this whole fiasco.
"Neriah, we needed you for our grand design. We want a leader to help us lash back at the Planet for Geostigma. And Sephiroth is dead. So Kadaj was informed on how to create a second Sephiroth. If we were to have child and inject it with her cells – then a second Sephiroth would be possible. No mako showering would be needed since the father would already be a sort of pseudo-Sephiroth. Jenova allows us not to age like normal people, heal faster, move quicker and have incredible strength. We would teach the child of their heritage with the help of Jenova and strike back. You are to be the vessel for the child. We have been trying to recover Jenova's head for a while now," he explained in one long speech. The terrible thing was that he sounded so convinced – that he really bought into this stuff. I… I couldn't take what he was saying.
In an instant I snapped.
"You want me to be what!" I yelled, leaping off the bed in one fluid motion, "That's why you… you did all that stuff! Oh my – I can't believe this! I don't want to hear anything more!" I stumbled back into the double doors where my room was to find they were locked. Trapped.
"Let me out of here! I want to be alone!" I cried, my voice cracking as tears slid down my face. Was this what it was all about? I couldn't… I couldn't take it anymore. I was nothing but a vessel and nothing more, like a lover. Was what he said to me from last night a lie? I banged my arms against the doors in a pathetic attempt to get through and away from him, but it was pointless – they wouldn't budge.
And I hated the fact that you can't take back love. As much as I wanted to turn on him, berate him, hate him… I couldn't. It was only made even worse by the fact that now with this revelation, I wasn't even sure if Loz had lied. I thought he hadn't but… maybe I was wrong. Perhaps I had been wrong all along. And it made me feel so small and painfully helpless.
He came up behind me and his large arms wrapped around my waist, drawing me close to him. I felt his breath against my head as he leant his head down until his lips brushed my neck.
"I meant every word of last night. I've been attracted to you from the moment I laid eyes on you during that gang speech. That's why you've only ever really been around me – I wouldn't let the other two near you," he murmured close to my right ear and I recalled what Yazoo had said to me when Loz had left all of a sudden.
"… That's what Yazoo meant… he said he felt no desire toward me and that you were reluctant to 'share' me…" I said faintly, my anger fading to be replaced with resignation. I wasn't getting away. Loz's words comforted me quite a bit though and I relaxed slightly against him. Give Loz an inch and he'll take a mile, as he began devouring my neck and tightening his grip on my waist, roaming upwards.
"Stop," I commanded and he relinquished my waist, but still kept close enough so I couldn't escape him.
"I'm sorry. Neriah, I'm stuck. I love you and don't want to hurt you, but I have to follow through with the plan. I'll talk to Yazoo, but I won't mention too much – it could endanger both of us. Give it some time, okay?" he said soothingly and I shakily sighed and finally let it go. I'll give him some time and see where this leads since I'm trapped in a corner either way. It's strange to find myself actually trusting Loz in this situation. Trust, after all this, is precious. I told myself I trusted him, but deep down something still stirred uncertainly and didn't really trust anyone.
Faith in Midgar had been dead since before I had been born. That's why Midgar has gangs fighting for control amongst themselves; why the people had been resigned to the fate Shinra had laid out for them; why when Meteor came, we barely fought to live as our city came tumbling down around our ears. Only when Shinra had been lost power and Meteor had been destroyed did the people of Midgar find their voices again and finally begin their path to power and perhaps could one day begin to trust and have faith again. I was only one of an entire city of people who found themselves unable to trust. I kept thinking that Loz could prove my trust to me by keeping me safe. If… if he kept me safe, then my trust could grow. One day I could truly rely on Loz and put my full trust in him. For now, though, I briefly glanced at Loz and felt his warm breath still tickled my neck. His blue-green eyes watched me intently and I finally found my voice and answer.
"Okay," I said and found myself feeling unbelievably tired. The emotional stress was too much for one day. I turned and finally faced Loz, who watched me with a mixture of concern and his usual calmer demeanour. In his eyes all was right with the world for now, I suppose, whereas mine had been turned upside down.
We had reached a severe stumbling block and survived, yet still I felt worried and ill at ease with what was happening. Things had been set in motion behind my back and now I was aware of the situation, it only made things more tentative. Life had just become a lot more complicated than the convoluted life I had already been living with Loz. If Loz couldn't stop these plans, then my life would change into something I wasn't even sure I ever wanted. Who had the right to bring a child in to this shambles of a world?
Future plans had to be made to see me through this, and Loz's decision was going to prove to be the deciding factor in how my plans were going to turn out. Whether for better or worse, back then, I was yet to find out.
End of Part One: Past Mistakes