May 20th 1997
"Look I…"he sighs. "This isn't easy." He scratches his head, sighs again.
"Sit down, won't you?" he pats the bed next to him, takes her hand.
He sighs.
"I…" his shoulders sag and his mouth closes up again.
"Harry." She squeezes his hand. "What's going on?" she wonders softly.
He looks at her, finds the courage he lacks inside her chestnut eyes. His lips curl up into a small smile.
He knows her, better than he knows anyone else, there is no reason to be afraid. She is after all, his friend.
He knows her to be reasoned, to be tolerant, to be open minded. He knows she loves him just as much as he loves her.
There is no reason really to hesitate.
He takes a big breath.
"I'm…gay"
Her reaction isn't what he has expected. Her eyes widen, but they do not look alarmed. She looks relieved, in fact which makes him furrow his brow.
"Oh" she says and grins. "Well. Alright." She squeezes his hand lightly. "You scared me for a moment. I thought-" she smiles "Never mind."
"Uhm…" he worries his lips. "Ok"
He's still quite bewildered by her reaction but decides that he doesn't want to know, and that if it was anything important, she would tell him anyway. So he gathers his courage and continues.
"There's more…I'm…"
It's easier now that he's started-
"I'm seeing someone…kinda….err…it's weird actually." The smile drops off her face.
"It's not…it's not Ron, is it?" she blurts and sounds almost panicked. Harry chuckles, tries his best not to think about how weird that would be…
"No." She's relieved again.
"Right. Silly me." Her eyes twinkle. "So…who is he?" Harry shrugs.
"Is he handsome?" she wonders.
"Very." he says and blushes.
"He is…he's…" He trails off, looking searchingly across the room as if it held any answers for him.
"It's just weird…we don't talk much…it's…it just happened like that…like it was normal…uhm…expected…" He shrugs
"I didn't even…I mean…I wasn't even really aware that I…" He bites his lower lip.
"I...I kind of noticed that…that I paid attention to…uhm…" He blushes "to boys a lot…but I'd never…I'd only kissed Cho…and well…you know"
Hermione is the only one who knows about Ginny, mostly because Ginny told her.
She knows about the room of requirement and the sticky situation, and she knows why Harry fled.
"Anyway …kissing him is…incredible." He blushes again. "It feels right, I guess…"
She smiles.
"I'm happy you figured it out." His smile falters
"Yeah…"
"So…" she starts again "Who is he?"
Again he avoids her eyes, and shrugs. Her brow furrows.
"Right…it's not a professor, is it?" She wonders, sounding worried now. Harry shakes his head, makes a disgruntled face at the same time.
"Merlin no!" She shrugs.
"By the way you act, one would think that what you're hiding…unless…" Her brow furrows again, she looks at him searchingly.
"Bill Weasley?" He lifts both eyebrows at once.
"What is it with you and red heads 'Mione? and besides…when would I have time to see him?"
She shrugs and smiles mysteriously.
"But I do know him…" He doesn't answer and she takes it as a yes.
"So it's not Kingsley Shakebolt either then…" She mumbles pensively and he marvels at her taste in men.
"Handsome but…no. He's too old…" She lifts an eyebrow.
"Dean Thomas!"
"Err…no." Slowly, her smile falters.
"Seamus?" He looks at her skeptically.
"Nope. I did say he was handsome…"
He chuckles at her disgruntled face she points a finger at his chest.
"That's a matter of definition Harry." He rolls his eyes. Her eyes twinkle.
"Neville?" again he shakes his head
"Hand-" She cuts him off, rolling her eyes at him this time.
"So, he's a bit plum around the middle, but he has charisma, don't deny it."
He sighs.
"Yeah, alright…he's not bad. But compared to Dean…"
"Yes yes, well…" She looks thoughtfully around the room, and then back to him.
"I don't understand…why all this" she gestures vaguely around the dorm. "Why this discretion if he's neither older, nor your best friends brother, nor your roommate?"
Harry shifts uncomfortably on the bed.
Any minute now, she should figure it out.
"Oh." She says after a moment.
"He's a Slytherin." She whispers. He doesn't say yes…but he doesn't deny it either. He holds his breath.
"Alright… Blaise Zabini, and don't look at me like that Harry, he is undeniably handsome"
"Err…yeah…he is" he starts slowly. "But… it's not him."
He sees the moment she understands.
"Oh" Hermione says eyes wide. "Oh my…"
"…"
"Since when?" she wonders, unbelieving.
He shrugs, looks down towards his lap…
"You remember that day…when I came back with a black eye?" she nods, her lips lightly parted.
"That was…" she swallows, heavily "Three weeks before his parents died." Harry nods.
"Yeah." A hand goes up in his hair.
"I…saw him leave the hall after Katie came back…" he tells her.
"He was crying" Harry sighs, and lies down against the mattress, one hand beneath his head.
"From what I understand…Voldemort gave him a mission" He swallows, shakily, thinks I told you so but doesn't say it. Now is not the time, and besides…she was right, somewhat.
"Katie…was an accident…collateral damage…" He sighs "He told me, he spent the summer with his aunt, Bellatrix"
Harry's fits clenches at his side.
"She made him do things…she taught him dark magic…taught him to torture and hurt…to inflict pain…" He trails off, voice shaking.
"She used his mother… to demonstrate."
Hermione says nothing but her presence by his side is conforming, so he continues.
"He was given the choice to serve or to die. Voldemort held his parent's life against him." Hermione nods, eyes downcast.
"He failed his mission then…" she concludes. Harry nods.
"Yeah…he meant to deflect…but he was discovered."
"That's awful" he nods.
"Yeah."
They stay in silent contemplation for a good five minutes before Hermione nudges him in the ribs.
"So…do you now admit that you might have been…a little obsessive about Malfoy?" Harry chuckles.
"You don't know the half of it."
tbc.