Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, if I did I would be rich and not writing fan fiction
Chapter 10: Monkeys, Midgets, And Harassing Money
AN-I would like to thank DarkNinjaBunneh for giving this story its 100th review. THANK YOU!!
McGonigal scowled as Percy once again approached her. For the last week he had been complaining about Mr. Potter's pets and how they were a violation of the rules. What didn't that little dim-wit understand about higher powers? The law said that Harry was allowed to keep the animals and because of that he was fully capable of keeping the damn things. Though she did agree that letting the scorpion eat the house elves was going to far. "Must be its natural prey" my ass. This was why she hated hippies.
"Professor McGonigal?"
The stern woman placed her attention solely on Percy, causing him to flinch. "Yes Mr. Weasley?"
"That spell Potter used," The anal red head looked around in a paranoid fashion, "I-I think it had some kind of...lasting effect. There's this evil monkey following me around."
"Mr. Weasley," the old woman rubbed the bridge of her nose, "There is no evil monkey. Madam Pomfrey and the Headmaster have both checked you for curses and spell lingering and found nothing. STOP trying to get Mr. Potter into trouble! You're lucky he didn't pres charges against you for threatening his pets, they are endangered species you know; aside from his cute little kitten."
Percy shuddered. He had met the "Cute Little Kitten" while trying to regain access to Harry's room. He still had explosive diarrhea from whatever the damn thing did to him. Speaking of which!
"Gotta go Professor, Bye!"
McGonigal just blinked as Percy ran off, clutching his butt.
Percy exited the stall in the bathroom and let out a sigh of relief. No sooner had his cheeks touched the seat had the floodgates opened. He had to flush several times before he finished to keep the toilet from overflowing. He had seen Madam Pomfrey for it and found that he had some rare tropical ailment that caused horrible, nightmarish, diarrhea. Apparently the cure was even less pleasant than the problem.
As Percy washed his hands he looked into the mirror and saw the bathroom door open a little bit. Certainly not far enough for a person to enter through. The red haired boy choked off a scream as a small, hairy, hand reached around the door. Ever so slowly a furry little head peeked around the corner and glared. The monkey raised its hand and pointed at the prefect with a shaking hand. Percy whimpered as the monkey charged.
Flint was walking along one of the halls when he heard one of his favorite sounds; a Gryffindor screaming. Poking his head into the boys lavatory he was delighted to see a monkey climbing all over Percy Weasley and ripping the uptight ass a new one.
"HA HA! That's the funniest thing I've ever thing!"
The monkey abruptly stopped pulling out Percy's nose hair and regarded Flint with a critical eye. The two eyeballed one another for a moment before nodding to one another and the monkey continued to terrorize Percy. Flint briefly wished he had camera, this was priceless.
Professor Flitwick was never really a paranoid person. True, during You-Know-Who's rampage he was always looking over his shoulder, but so was everyone else. Right now he was feeling kind of paranoid. He was positive something was fallowing him. Something much larger than him. After the horror stories he heard from Dumbledore about Harry's pets he was fairly certain one of them would try to eat him. He was just unsure of the identity of the predator after him. Manny things had tried to eat him in his life and he had several strategies he kept in good practice for situations like these. If it was the cat he would use a catnip charm on it then run like Hell; being half Goblin he could see that the thing was clearly not all appeared to be and was a dark creature. On the flip side, being half Goblin, he knew that just because it was dark did not mean it was evil. That was one thing Dumbledore never did understand. The Owl? He's summon several large mice, make them smell delicious and then run like Hell. The Hydra thing? A few quick Confundus Charms and then he'd run like Hell. The Phoenix? Well, there was a difficult situation. Spells for dealing with a Phoenix were few and far between. Also, George was a dark Phoenix; who knew what spells meant for harming a Phoenix would do to its polar opposite? He wasn't to worried about it though, George seemed to like him if their first meeting was any indication.
Flitwick stared up at the dark bird on Harry's shoulder and suppressed a shudder. It was like the thing was looking through him, into his soul and then beyond it. Fawkes had given him a similar look when they first met, but this look was far deeper and more judgmental in comparison to Fawkes' look. The dark bird nodded and let a small note that soothed the diminutive Professor in a way that Fawkes' song could not. The little man smiled. "Welcome to Hogwarts George! Hope you enjoy your stay."
Spike however...that was the real wild card. He was familiar with scorpions, some duelist had summoned some giant ones against him on occasion when he was a professional, but, the idea of fighting one THAT big...he just didn't want to do it. Contrary to what Dumbledore thought someone had seen him attempt to control Spike and that someone was Flitwick. Being the charms Professor he was familiar with spell resistant material and to see the shielding that Spike had...he NEVER wanted to fight the thing. Ever. He couldn't come up with any strategies that would work after thinking them through. If it was Spike that was after him, he held no illusion...he would die. Probably very painfully too.
Click.
Flitwick froze in the hallway. He was well aware that Spikes clicking could heard when near. He quickened his little legs.
Click, Clack.
Sweating now, the little Professor broke into a jog.
Click, Clack, SNAP!
Filius Flitwick let out a scream as he duct away from a snapping claw. Casting a levitation charm on himself, he zoomed away from Spike, who was in hot pursuit.
Oh, NO! This little one was not getting away from him! He was hungry and the Green Crunchy Things had been avoiding him somehow and this little one was not escaping.
The people in the Great Hall were shocked when a screaming Professor Flitwick came zooming in, followed by Spike. The massive scorpion was knocking over any one in his way as he chased the small Professor to the Faculty Table. As spike neared his target, who was hiding behind Dumbledore, Harry cast a spell.
"Sulum unus diligo is!"
The entirety of the residence of Hogwarts looked on in fascination as a small item appeared in front of Spike. The item was on a plate, sitting neatly with some sherbet ice cream and the item was still steaming a little. It was a slice of pie.
Spike regarded the dessert in front of him and in the blink of an eye devoured it. The large arachnid turned around and slowly walked toward the doors of the hall.
Flitwick was the first to speak.
"How did you know that would work?"
Harry shrugged, "First: Everybody likes pie." there was nodding all around, "And Second: You have some pie crust on your beard. That's why he was after you." Harry ignored the amused click Spike made before he exited the hall.
Draco Malfoy was far from pleased. He had sent his father several letters stating that he needed exotic pets as well. His father would always reply that since Harry's pets had found him, not the other way around, and that they were endangered he was allowed to keep them. 'Well,' Draco thought, 'I'll just have to find one.' His decision made, he entered the Forbidden Forrest.
Draco was greatly regretting his decision. He had no less than 19 Acromantula chasing him through the horrid forest. The damn things just wouldn't stop! No mater what he levitated at them they would get back up and continue the chase! As Draco tripped over a root he silently prayed that his death would be quick. One of the Acromantula reared up and prepared to end the spoiled boy's life when a Reducto(sp?) curse hit and killed it. Several more spells shot out and the other Acromantula rapidly vacated the area.
"Are you alright Mr. Malfoy?"
The pure blooded boy looked up into the face of man he had never met before. He was wearing a cloak and mask that covered everything but his eyes. One eye was covered in a deep red patch and the other eye was a deep purple in color and pierced Draco's very soul.
Trying to regain some composure Draco answered with an arrogant tone, "I'm fine. I could have handled all of that just fine, thank you."
"Of course you could." the man answered dryly. "What is the scion of House Malfoy doing out here of all places?"
"I could ask you the same question!" Draco snapped.
"I'm gathering experimental wand core material."
Draco blinked. What...
"I have full authorization from the DMLE to do so here. Quite a few interesting species here. It makes me wonder what the more recent Headmasters were thinking; allowing such dangerous animals near a place where children reside. I mean, take this for example." the man held up a blue egg covered in bright green splotches, "You NEVER see these any more. They require a lot of heat, but make excellent guardians, even though they are an endangered species."
Without thinking Draco grabbed the egg and ran as fast as he could, weaving through the trees. To Hell with finding an endangered pet, he was given one!
Mr. B smirked under his mask. That should certainly rile things up. He hated "Normal". The whole concept gave him the willies. Chaos was only way to go. That was why he used such temperamental materials in wand making. His task complete, Mr. B turned his attention to where Voldemort was just feeding on a Unicorn. The now wraithish human had run off when all the Acromantula had come by. Most of the spiders had run off by now, his presence did that to more instinctual animals. Except that one.
Marry was hungry. Being the runt of her brood, she wasn't presented with many opportunities to have a good feed. If it weren't for Daddy Aragog she would have starved to death soon after birth, but she couldn't continue to count on him for food, her sibling were already making fun of her. That was why she risked going near the place where her brothers and sisters had run from. She needed to feed and maybe whatever frightened her siblings had left something of the kill it must have stolen behind. Unlike her relatives, she was willing to scavenge. It was the trait that allowed her to live as long as she had. She also wasn't above cannibalism. Being a spider, she was used to her family trying to eat her. Aside from Daddy Aragog they had all tried to eat her at least once. The little (and I use the term loosely) Acromantula wandered into the clearing and paused, three of her brothers were out there and a Unicorn! Bobby, Phil and John were some of her meaner brothers so would take particular pleasure in feeding on them. The Unicorn was an issue though. Daddy Aragog had said to not eat them, but it wasn't because of the half life effect. That only occurred when humanoid or humanish creatures ate them. Hmm. Oh well. She was hungry and would not pass up the opportunity to eat this much at once.
Mr. B gave a shark like grin. It had been a loooong time since an Acromantula had fed upon a Unicorn. This would certainly be entertaining. His smile turned into a frown when he sensed a Centaur coming near. Order obsessed bastards. Focusing his mind, Mr. B was glad to sense the Centaur go into a dead faint. His smile returned when the Acromantula began feeding on the Unicorn. Only a matter of time now.
To Be Continued...
Spell Translation: Sulum unus diligo is-Every one loves it
Who wants to take a guess at what Mr. B and Ter are? Message me if think you know. I'll let you know if you are correct or close. Please just messages, leave it off the reviews.