Chapter Ten

No, I got it. It was another dream sequence of mine, thats all. That's all this was about. It wasn't even my birthday, I wasn't twenty one. I was asleep and only imagining that all of this was real...oh god, was it really real? "J-...Johnny?" Even my breathing and voice didn't sound normal. "Is that really you?"

"Yeah, it's me. How ya been these past years? I'm so sorry I haven't contacted you."

That was when my throat closed completely. I couldn't say anything. All that happened was me standing there, the tears coming back, and me remembering everything that I went through the past couple years because of him. Suddenly, I became extremely angry. I wasn't able to control anything anymore, I couldn't hold it back.

"ASSHOLE! YOU COULD HAVE CALLED AT LEAST ONCE. ALL THESE YEARS AND HERE I AM THINKING YOU FORGOT ME."

He sighed. "I know, sweetie. I'm real sorry, honest. I feel just as terrible as you do about it."

I sniffled and wiped a tear that slid down my jaw. "I loved you, John. I loved you, you knew that, man. You figured it out the day after we met. After we slept together and everything! You were able to see right through me, you saw I wasn't some obsessed whore who only wanted one night to be with you. And look, I know you had no choice but to leave me behind, but you promised me you'd never forget me-"

"And I never did! Why do ya think I'm callin' ya now, stupid? I felt bad and I wanted to apologize...listen, I wanna come back and visit you, then take you with me. Isn't that what you want?"

"Of course, John. You know I'd want that more than anything else, but...I cant. My mom's here in Maryland and so are other people I know. If I just up and take off, they'll wonder what happened to me. Not to mention I have a job now, what am I gonna tell my boss?"

"Hm. True...well, we can figure it out later, but you should have some time to think about it. I know its a big decision to make, so I wont rush you into it."

"How are you even gonna get here in one piece? Everyone here knows you're Johnny Ramone."

"Yeah, yeah I know. Don't worry about that. I'll figure it out. Can you give me your house address? I'll be leavin' in the morning to get over there."

At that moment, I was bereft of all anger, of all sadness or regret. I was beginning to feel the way I did when I first laid eyes on Johnny two years ago at the concert. That side of me was creeping back out now that I was going to see him again. I supposed it was a good thing though, since for a while I tried hard not to feel that way every time I listened to one of his band's albums. It was nice to have that giddy, adolescent-like feeling back again. I was suffering for those two years that he was gone, and even after I got a little better about the circumstance. In all honesty, I suffered every moment he was away from me. It's just that in the later stages, my suffering was less frequent than it had been before.

But I guess it was time to face the truth, and it was that celebrity or not, rock-star or not, I needed Johnny Ramone. I needed him every moment, every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, every year. I needed him with me, because this was the result of not having him. When he was away from me for such a period of time, I literally became crazy, as obvious past historical references have shown. Just like Dee Dee needed herion to stay alive, I needed John in just the same way. He WAS my drug. He was what filled me up, what satisfied me. John was the marshmallows in my hot chocolate, the rain on my skin. He was the thing that filled that empty hole in my heart, one that I felt inside me for years, and I didn't know why. "Sure, you got a pencil and paper?"

"Yup. What is it?"

"Alright, 433 Leper Boulevard. Zip code is 21217."

"'Kay, got it." There was noise in the background. "Alright, alright. I'm comin', shut the fuck up!"

I chuckled. "Who are you talking to?"

"Oh nobody, just one of our petty hairdressers who wont be quiet," he said, then laughed too.

"I guess that means you gotta go, huh?"

"Yeah, but don't worry. When I get into Baltimore I'll use a payphone to call you, alright? I should get there by like ten or eleven tomorrow morning. 'Cause I'm gonna leave New York pretty early. Like maybe around six."

"Is the rest of the band coming with you?"

"Nah, just me. Since were not on tour right now, I might use the van and drive there. It'll be faster."

"Okay, that's fine...well, it was real nice talking to you again. I cant wait for you to get here."

"Neither can I. The minute I hold you in my arms again, I don't think I'll be letting go..."

My heart stopped when he said that. "Bye, John. I love you. Very much. And get here safely, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I will. And I love you too. Just hang in there until I'm with you. Can you do that for me?"

"I'll try my best," I said and laughed through tears of joy. "I'll try my best."

"'Kay, see ya tomorrow."

"Alright, bye." I hung up the phone, and all the emotion inside of me came out, and I cried uncontrollably, leaning over against the counter. All of the true sorrow, the anger, the frustration, the loneliness, it all came pouring out of me through bitter-sweet tears. I swore that the minute I saw John, I would rush into his arms and I'd never let go of him. Not for anything. He was my soul-mate, and I his. We were supposed to be together. There could never be any other woman out there who could do what I could for him. Because I'd do anything for that man, and he knew it too. From now on, I was at his feet, waiting for a command from him. Anything he wanted, I'd give it to him. Or at least I'd try...

"Angela! Honey, what's wrong?"

I turned to face my mother with pink, blotchy eyes. "Oh, mom!" I embraced her in a hug and sobbed some more. "This is the best birthday I've ever had."

"Then why are you crying? I could hear you from all the way upstairs."

I looked into her eyes. "Mommy...I just got a call from...uh, this guy." I didn't think I was ready to tell her who he was just yet. "He said he's visiting me tomorrow morning! I've loved him for so long, and now we get to be together again."

"Is this the same guy you were all sad over last year?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that's him. He's coming back to see me."

"Well, why did he leave in the first place if he liked you so much?"

"Mom, he had no choice. He lives...out of state. But anyways, you'll get to meet him tomorrow. It's actually kind of a shock, because...well, you'll see what I'm talking about when you meet him."

She laughed. "Alright, then. Well, I'm kind of excited to meet this mystery guy. And I'm sure you wont be getting any sleep tonight."

"No, probably not. I'm too happy to sleep." I smiled.

"Try to get some rest, though. You don't wanna be tired for when he gets here, do you?"

I chuckled. "Of course not."

She smiled and kissed my forehead. "Goodnight, sweetheart." She walked up the first stair, then looked back over at me. "What's his name, anyways?"

"His name is John."

"John...very nice. Well, he sounds like a nice guy to me, but I'd like to see him first."

"Alright. 'Night." I blew her a kiss. After she went to bed, it was around one in the morning. I actually was getting kind of sleepy, so I took a shower and got into bed. You'd think that I'd dream of a certain someone before he got here, but I dreamed of flowers instead, and Mayra skipping around and singing 'Atomic' by Blondie. Weird...

. . .

I woke up the next morning around nine. He'd be here in about an hour. Had to freshen up, look pretty for him...I went to the bathroom and washed up, then ate some breakfast. Johnny would probably be really hungry since he was driving five hours straight from New York City with no food, so I'd make him some breakfast too when he came. I tidied up the house a little, but when I had nothing else to do, I just waited. That was all I could do now. Just wait for him to knock on my door.

I sat at the dining room table, trying to calm my nerves down. But sitting wouldn't help. So I got up and paced around. My mother came downstairs and saw me...

"You look nervous."

"I'm not sweating though, am I? I hope not...oh god mom, I don't know what to do! It's been two years!"

"Just be yourself. I'm sure you both will get into the groove of things once you start talking again."

I sighed and pulled at my hair. "Yeah, I guess you're right." I looked down at my sweaty hands. "I cant stop shaking..."

"Jesus, girl! Calm yourself. You act as if the cops are coming and not your boyfriend. He ain't gonna bite, is he?"

I laughed. "No, of course not, mom." Suddenly the doorbell rang. This was it...my entire body stopped moving, and I held my breath for a couple of seconds.

"Well, go on. Answer the door, silly!" She pushed me forward. I walked to the door, then stood there, taking a deep breath. This was what I always wanted, what I waited for. So why was I so scared all of a sudden? Ah, the hell with it...I opened the door at last, and there Johnny was, standing there with a bouquet of flowers and a smile on his heaven-carved face. "How ya doin'?"

"Oh, John!" I ran to him and embraced him tightly, unintentionally knocking the flowers out of his hand. He chuckled and hugged me back.

Just like I knew I would, I cried in his strong arms as he held me. I cried out to him every bit of happiness that I felt. He rubbed his hand through my hair, trying to settle me down, but I cried louder.

"Aw Angie, don't cry. There's no need to cry babe..." He hushed me gently. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you."

"I missed you so much!" I whimpered out to him. "Oh god, how I missed you, John."

He kissed my salty wet cheek. "I missed you too. I thought about you all the time. Nothing was the same for me after I left you here. I shoulda taken you with me when I had the chance."

I turned my face to his and looked him straight in his green eyes. "I love you Johnny." I kissed his lips lightly. "I love you more than life itself. You're all I have left of it..."