Chapter 10 Let's Make Another Deal
After my conversation with O'Hara, I needed a moment to think. Did Spencer really think I was going to reject him? I know I didn't have the best reaction but I don't think it screamed "I'm going to reject you", more like "I'm surprised as hell at what you said and I need to think." Maybe to everyone else it was a rejection; I'll have to ask O'Hara. I need to think of a way to get Spencer to stop thinking I'm going to reject him. I need some fresh air to help me think so I decide to go for coffee.
"Hey O'Hara. I'm going out for some coffee. Can you tell the Chief if she asks?"
"Sure Carlton."
"Do you want anything?"
"Would you mind getting me a bagel?"
"No problem, I'll see you in a bit." I start to walk away when I decide I really need to know if it looked like I was rejecting Spencer or not.
"O'Hara, can I ask you a quick question?"
"Sure Carlton."
"After Spencer told me how he felt, did my reaction make it seem like I was rejecting him?"
"No, it didn't, at least not to me. To me it seemed like you were really surprised at his confession and didn't know how to respond."
"That's exactly what it was. So why does Spencer think I'm going to reject him or that I already have?"
"It's the way you treat him. You act like you hate him and would love nothing more than to get the chance to either arrest him or shoot him. I knew from the beginning that you didn't hate him, you just found him really annoying. I just didn't know that you were covering up how you felt for him."
"I did hate him at first but after a while my feelings changed. I didn't mind him being around as long as he wasn't too annoying and I couldn't just tell him how I felt, that would have made things awkward. I acted the way I did towards him because I couldn't tell him. I guess that's another explanation I owe him."
"When you talk to him, make sure you explain everything, he'll understand."
"I hope you're right O'Hara. I'm going to go get my coffee and your bagel now." She flashes me a smile and I walk out of the station towards a nearby diner. I get my coffee and O'Hara's bagel and head back hoping that Spencer will be there. I'm disappointed when I get back but I sit down at my desk to do work and wait until he comes in. Spencer can never stay away from the station that long. I waited all day but Spencer never showed. Hopefully he'll come in the next day.
The next day rolled around and I was desperately hoping Spencer will show up today. I need to tell him soon or I'll lose my nerve and never tell him. I get to my desk and I see O'Hara smiling. She's obviously thrilled that Spencer and I might end up together. I greet her and get to work. The morning passes slowly and Spencer hasn't shown up yet. O'Hara and I get lunch and then go back to work, it seems like we have endless paperwork to do all the time. The rest of the day passes uneventfully and Spencer never showed. I look at O'Hara, questioning her about it but she shrugs and says that he'll probably come in the next day. I hope she's right but I'm starting to doubt it.
A week has passed and Spencer hasn't shown up once. I'm afraid that I may have driven him away and he'll never come back. I'm starting to miss him showing up at the station and making a nuisance of himself. I turn to O'Hara hoping she can shed some light on the subject.
"O'Hara, you don't think I drove him away do you?"
"I don't know Carlton. If it was me I would want to find if you're really going to reject me or not right away."
"Have you heard from him at all?"
"No I haven't. I spoke to Gus a couple of times and he's only seen Shawn once or twice. Why don't you just call Shawn?"
"There would be no point because I know he won't answer. I don't want to leave a message because that would be an awkward thing to do. Can you imagine me trying to leave a message like that? 'Hey Spencer, its Lassiter. You won't answer my calls and you haven't swung by the station in the last week so I decide to leave you a message. I just wanted to let you know that I love you too and I would like to hear back from you'. He probably would think it's a joke or totally ignore it."
I notice that she is looking over my shoulder at something else and I suddenly realize someone is standing behind me. I turn around to find Henry Spencer standing there. I'm looking at him terrified of what he'll say because I know he heard that entire conversation.
"So, you love my son?"
"Yes sir I do."
"How long?"
"Three years."
"You've loved him as long as he's loved you and neither one of you said anything to the other until a couple of weeks ago?"
"I didn't know how to tell him, everyone thinks I hate him."
"Are you going to tell him the truth?"
"If he ever comes back to the station, yes."
"You know he thinks he's you're going to reject him right?"
"Yes I'm aware he thinks I'm going to reject him. O'Hara told me a week ago."
"You need to let him know that you aren't going to. The next time he comes in, corner him and tell him the truth."
"Yes sir. What if he won't listen to me?"
"Then make him a deal like he did with you."
"Oh. I didn't think of that. Thank you."
"No worries Lassiter and don't worry, Shawn will be thrilled that you love him back." With that he pats me and the back and walks away. I turn towards O'Hara and she is giggling at me.
"O'Hara, why does it feel like I just asked a girl's dad permission to date her?"
"In a sense you did Carlton. Henry is protective of Shawn even if he doesn't show it much. You just received his permission to date Shawn if Shawn accepts."
I bang my head against my desk. "Why couldn't I find someone easier to love?"
"Because opposites attract and you and Shawn are opposites of each other."
"I wasn't actually looking for an answer but thanks O'Hara, I feel better."
"You're welcome Carlton." We turn back to work and hope Spencer will show.
Another week passes before Spencer shows up and that's only after O'Hara practically begged him to come to the station and she her. We're working as usually, waiting for him to show. Guster is at the station because they're still having check issues; I thought they fixed that. Henry is sitting at his desk smirking at me. The Chief is dealing with Guster and O'Hara is at her desk practically bouncing in the seat with anticipation. The Chief and Guster also know about my feelings for Spencer because O'Hara told them. She said it was only fair that the four of them have my back since they all had Shawn's. I can't help but feel relieved.
Finally Spencer comes strolling into the station. He's making his way over to O'Hara. He nods to his father who nods and smiles back. The Chief and Guster wave and he waves back. He looks in my direction and I look away from him trying to quickly work together what I'm going to say to him. He gets to O'Hara and she gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He blushes at this but returns the hug. I listen as she talks to him.
"I missed you Shawn, the station hasn't been the same without you flitting around. You're not allowed to stay away longer than a day in the future." I watch as he chuckles at her comment and then drags her away from everyone to the corner behind her desk so they can talk in private. I watch them as they talk. The smile from O'Hara's face slips away to be replaced by a frown and Spencer looks really sad and hurt. Did my reaction really hurt him so much that he's so positive I'm going to reject him? They finish their conversation, O'Hara gives him a hug, and comes back to her desk. Spencer continues to stand there a little longer and then walks towards the exit. He says goodbye to everyone.
"Bye Jules."
"Bye Shawn."
I wait for him to walk by me and at least say something snarky; however he does the opposite. He acknowledges me and that's it.
"Detective Lassiter." I'm stunned. Is he so sure of rejection that things can't go to the way they were before? I watch as he makes his way out of the station saying goodbye to various people. He even said goodbye to McNabb who didn't even know he was there today.
"Bye Chief, bye Gus."
"Good bye Mr. Spencer."
"See you later Shawn."
"Bye Buzz."
"Oh, bye Shawn." The last person he says goodbye to is his dad.
"See you dad."
"Bye Shawn. Have a good day." O'Hara is watching as he leaves and stares at me.
"Carlton, don't just let him leave. Go talk to him quick." I get up and rush towards Spencer, calling his name.
"Spencer, Spencer wait." He turns and I know he can tell I'm a little flustered but he apparently doesn't care. I stand in front him and try to talk as quickly as possible so he can't blow me off and leave.
"Spencer I want to talk to you in private real quick."
"Sorry Detective Lassiter but I have things to do." There's the Detective Lassiter again. I can't stand that he's being so professional. What I would give to hear a Lassie come out of his mouth.
"Please Spencer, it's important." I actually said please, hopefully it will catch his attention.
"Sorry Lassiter but I need to go shopping for groceries and other things."
"Please Spencer, I've been waiting 2 weeks to talk to you." That's 2 please in a row, hopefully he realizes how important this talk is. I wait for his reply. He seems a little hurt and angry.
"How about this Detective, if for a week you manage not to get pissed off at me I'll hear what you have to say. After all, I manage not to annoy you for a week with my worthless babbling. You can manage a week of not getting pissed off at me." He heard that conversation? I didn't mean what I said but I never apologized so he doesn't know. I decide I'll take the deal if it will get him to talk to me.
"Alright Spencer. I'll take your deal. If you I manage not to get pissed off at you for a week, you hear me out." He seems a little surprised that I took his deal. Does he realize how desperate I am to talk to him?"
"Alright Detective, now if you don't mind I'm leaving."
I watch as he leaves the station with tears in his eyes. I can't figure out why he's crying. Is he that afraid that I'm going to reject him or that I'm going to drag it out? I hope I can make it a week without getting pissed off at him. I walk back to my desk and I see the four gathered around it. O'Hara breaks the silence first.
"Well, did you tell him?"
"No I didn't. He wouldn't let me talk to him so I made a deal like before." Henry lifts an eyebrow and asks.
"What's the deal?"
"If for a week I can manage not to get pissed off at him, he'll hear me out." Guster bursts out laughing and we all stare. He finishes and voices his thoughts.
"This will be interesting to see. You can barely manage going 10 minutes without getting pissed off at Shawn. Are you sure you can manage a week of not getting pissed at him?"
"I hope so Guster because if I can't, I'll never get to tell him how I feel and he'll probably never speak to me again anyways." Henry stares at me for a couple of seconds and then speaks.
"Oh don't worry. If you don't get the chance to tell him, I will. Hopefully it won't be too late by then."
"What do you mean?"
"Last time Shawn was really upset, he left town and didn't come back for years."
"Great, if I screw this up he'll leave."
"That's why you don't give him the chance to. Keep your angry in control for a week and you'll be okay."
"Well, if I can get away from Shawn not long after he annoys me I should be fine."
"Good luck Lassiter, you'll need it." The conversation is done so they all go back to their respective business. O'Hara is at her desk staring at me like she's trying to figure out a puzzle.
"Carlton, do you think you can actually manage to go a week without getting pissed off at Shawn?"
"We'll find out this coming week O'Hara." She nods and goes back to work while I do the same. This is going to be a long week.