CHAPTER 10: GOLFING

The next morning, Red and Blue decided to go golfing on the hotel's 18-hole golf course. The two of them brought their golf outfits - Red wore a green golf shirt with black and white checks, a blue tie, green plaid golf pants, green stockings that matched his shirt, and a green golf hat, while Blue wore a yellow golf shirt with white and beige checks, beige golf pants, and white stockings. Red and Blue rented some golf clubs.

"You never like to go without a hat, do you, Red?" asked Blue.

"That's right," said Red.

"You look like a dork," said Blue.

Red giggled.

"So do you," he told Blue.

Blue scowled.

"Let's flip a coin to see who goes first." said Blue.

Blue took out a coin. "Heads or tails?"

"Tails," said Red.

Blue flipped the coin.

"Tails!" said Red. "Looks like I go first."

Red and Blue started at Hole 1. Red hit the ball with a 7-wood golf club, and ran over to where it landed. Then it was Blue's turn - Blue grabbed his 2-iron and swung it, making the ball land in the bunker.

"Aw, shit!" said Blue. "I forgot that I'm not good at golf."

When it was Red's turn, he used a 6-iron to swing the ball towards the hole, making it land within a few feet. Then it was Blue's turn. Blue swung the ball again, but he couldn't get the ball out of the bunker.

"You may be a good Pokemon Trainer," said Red, "but you really suck at golf."

"Way to rub it in my face, jerk," said Blue.

Red then got another turn - he used his putter to swing the ball into the hole. But Blue couldn't keep up. It took eight turns for Blue to get his ball into the hole, three of which were spent trying to get the ball out of the bunker.

Red and Blue spent the rest of the morning playing golf, going hole by hole. Red finished with a decent score of 99, but Blue was appalled by his high score, for in golf, lower scores are good and higher scores are bad.

"163?" said Blue. "You beat me by over 60 points! I want a rematch!"

"Sorry," said Red, "but we've been playing for four hours, and it's getting close to noon. Otherwise we'll be here until it gets dark, and I want to do a lot more than just golf."

Red looked around and saw a small group of people photographing a periwinkle blue-haired woman in a golf uniform.

"Hey look!" said Red. "It's Kahili Falkowski, Alola's most famous golfer!"

Blue looked at Kahili.

"She's quite hot," said Blue. "Maybe she'd like to go out with me."

"I don't think she would," said Red.

"Why on earth not?" asked Blue.

"Kahili is a lesbian," said Red, "and she has a girlfriend. They're planning on getting married later this year."

Blue frowned.

Red and Blue ran up to Kahili. Kahili turned around and smiled at the two.

"Hello there!" said Red.

"Hello," said Kahili. "Are you fans?"

"Yes," said Red. "I'm Red, and this is my friend/nephew Blue."

"I've heard of you two," said Kahili. "You're two of Kanto's best Trainers. I've seen you battle on TV."

"Thanks," said Red.

"Finally some appreciation!" said Blue.

"Both of you are really stylish as well," said Kahili.

"Thanks," said Red.

"There's a certain orange-haired guy looking for a date tonight," said Blue, trying to flirt with Kahili.

"Sorry, Blue," said Kahili, "but I'm not into men. I have a girlfriend - her name's Marcella. She's over there." Kahili pointed to a butch-looking woman who was eating something on the deck. "She's eating loco moco, a popular comfort food in Alola. The one she's eating has Spam, but my mother makes it the traditional way, with fried eggs, gravy, and hamburger patties."

"Bleugh!" said Red and Blue.

"I know," said Kahili. "Loco moco is gross. Mom doesn't exactly have good taste in food. Did you know it's Spanish for 'crazy booger'?"

"I don't think I'm ever going to try loco moco," said Red. "I'd rather keep my stomach acid in my stomach."

"I'm glad to get appreciation from my fans," said Kahili. "Unfortunately, I can't give you an autograph since I don't have any pens on me. I travel all over the world competing in tournaments, but I decided to spend a few weeks here since I was getting a little homesick. I get a lot of appreciation here, but sometimes I have to deal with...her..."

"Who?" asked Blue.

"Paulina Gresham," said Kahili. "She's the girlfriend of one of my rivals, Justin Dodson. She's a fashion model and a real bitch who's really full of herself and loves ripping on me for being gay and seducing male golfers. And she's a daddy's girl - her dad used to play hockey. Boy I was so mad when she got the cover of Golf Digest instead of me - and she doesn't even play golf!"

"Did someone say my name?" asked a deep, sultry voice.

"Oh fuck," said Kahili. "Bad timing."

A tall, skinny blonde woman walked over seductively. She wore a pink halter top that said "candy girl" and short shorts that looked more like a bikini bottom than actual shorts. This was Paulina Gresham.

"I was busy drinking some courvoisier to wash down my laxatives," she said, "I see that Kahili's here with her two lesbros."

"She sounds exactly like Madonna," said Red.

"And I didn't know I was a lesbro," said Blue.

"So," said Kahili, "how was your date with your boyfriend's father?"

"It was marvelous," said Paulina seductively. She looked at Red and Blue. "Hey, boys." Paulina walked closer to Red. "How about we trade math equations, baby?"

Red cringed.

"She's not getting anywhere near me!" said Red, jumping back.

"Listen, doll face," said Paulina, "you'll never be as buxom as me. Why not get some implants and live like me? Then you wouldn't be needing those unsightly golf clubs anymore."

"No," said Kahili, "but I'd be full of unsightly diseases, judging by how much you get around."

"What?" said Paulina, flinching.

"Now get lost," said Red.

Paulina left in a huff, gyrating her hips as she walked in her black stilettos.

Marcella, Kahili's girlfriend, walked over.

"I saw that encounter with Paulina," she said. "That bitch better watch where she wanders. What kind of moron walks all over a golf course dressed in stilettos?"

"I know," said Kahili.

Kahili walked over to Red and Blue.

"Sorry about that," she said. "Paulina's a real pain in the ass. I hope what she said didn't bother you."

"It bothered me a little," said Red, "but I'll get over it. I've been hit on before."

"It's nothing," said Blue. "Paulina can go fuck herself."

"Me and Blue are going to return our golf clubs and get some pizza," said Red.

"Okay," said Kahili. "See ya!"

"Bye!" said Red and Blue, walking away.

Red and Blue returned their golf clubs, and afterwards they had a nice pizza lunch.