Chapter Ten

Balderdash

Remus did not find the courage in him to outwardly confront James about what had gone down in the hallway. He was sure it was James's voice now, the same shocked, "Merlin!" echoing in Remus's ears every time he thought about it.

Certainly, it had been James. But how? How had James managed to disappear so quickly, as if he'd never been there? Was James the holder of some advanced magic, like Dumbledore? No, James was only a first year, Remus reasoned.

He resolved that it wasn't his business, that James hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, he was glad James believed his made-up story about Muggle thieves – if it had been suspicious Sirius, Remus would be much more worried.

"New password's Balderdash," a Gryffindor prefect whose name Remus could not remember told Remus and James as they walked in the next day.

"What the heck's balderdash?" hissed James.

Remus fought back a laugh. It was a funny word, he had to admit. "It means, like, nonsense, you know? Poppycock."

James hummed disinterestedly, and Remus talked no more to the boy, nor the boy's friends, for the rest of the day.

Remus, remembering his promise to Lily that he'd show up to one of their work sessions someday, made his way towards the library, making a mental apology to Archie, whom he would not visit today. "Not today, buddy. Sorry."

He shouldered his heavy work bag as he walked inside, peering past the prim librarian and around the tall bookshelves to try and find Lily. Finally after walking through the fiction section, he spotted Lily and Severus hunched over some parchment, whispering.

Remus, involuntarily, found himself eavesdropping on the two as he walked nearer.

"…thought I got close, thought it must've been with Hagrid, the groundskeeper," Severus was muttering to Lily, "but then I realised – Dumbledore's not daft enough to leave something as important as that with Hagrid."

"Severus, I really think you should let it go," Lily hissed back. "It's been months. Bet they moved the thing out ages ago, found a better home for it. Oh, hiya Remus."

"Hullo," Remus said once he'd approached, and Severus, in a pleasantly surprising gesture, grunted back in greeting. However, the Slytherin boy looked severely unhappy and embarrassed, as if Remus had walked in on a secret.

"I've got to go finish Tacey's essay on dark creatures," Severus said suddenly, rising from his chair. "Wish the old hag was able to talk, then I'd be able to actually learn."

Lily hummed in agreement, and bid Severus a friendly goodbye. Severus allowed Remus a curt nod. As he departed, Remus took his seat, taking out his things slowly. He eyed Lily, who was looking stressed.

"What was that about?" Remus asked Lily carefully once he was sure Severus had left the library.

Lily hesitated. "What do you mean?"

"That's balderdash, Lily," Remus said. He was feeling extra brave today. "What were you talking about?"

She huffed. "Oh, okay, fine – but promise not to tell anyone." She said all this in a hushed voice, whipping her head around to see if anyone was listening in.

Remus swore he wouldn't.

"Severus must've told me in – what? History of Magic, maybe? Yeah. It must've been History of Magic," Lily was rambling.

He waited patiently for her to continue.

"Well, this sounds quite silly," Lily said, laughing nervously, "but, well, Severus is trying to find the dragon."

Remus felt his stomach drop suddenly, as if he'd just fallen from a high place. Severus was trying to find Archie? "Hmm?" he asked as casually as he could, as if he had no idea what Lily was talking about.

Lily shuffled closer, her voice low. "Remember at the beginning of the year? When Dumbledore told us that Hogwarts was keeping a dragon this year – and everyone was going spare 'cause they thought the dragon would kill us all?"

"Oh, yeah. Now I remember," Remus lied.

She shuddered, and tapped her quill against the desk. "Severus has been wanting to find that dragon all year."

"For what?"

Lily lost all anxiety momentarily, her inner swot rising up. "Honestly, Remus. Don't you listen in class? In Potions?"

"Afraid not," he said.

"Well, you should remember that dragon body parts have very useful magical properties," she said somewhat snootily. "For example, dragon's blood has 12 basic uses – and its dung, horn, liver, scales, and more; all of it can be used for brewing potions."

"Ah, cool," Remus said.

Good Godric – Severus wanted to find poor Archie, to use him as a experimental rat. Remus was greatly troubled by the thought of Severus hacking off one of Archie's night-black scales, or, even worse, cutting Archie open to retrieve a liver.

"Of course, I told him it was incredibly dangerous of him to try look for a dragon," said Lily, nervously touching her hair. "But he is really adamant to find the dragon."

"I see," Remus said, his throat too dry to say much more.

And Archie was injured too, still recovering from his spontaneous outbursts ever so often! Remus felt a sudden noble feeling of wanting to keep Archie safe from Severus.

"Dumbledore must have very strong protection and safeguards," Lily reasoned, more to herself than Remus, really. "That dragon has to be protected enough so anyone couldn't find it, much less a first year, right?"

Remus shivered. "Right."

Only one thing kept Remus from zooming out the library and up towards the Room of Requirement. It was the comforting thought that Severus, despite his apparent resolve to finding the dragon inside of Hogwarts, had not reached Archie yet. It was already January, almost February, many months since the beginning of the school year, and Severus had not found Archie yet. This soothed Remus greatly.

And so Remus went on with his work, lapsing into comfortable silence with Lily.

"Severus has a point, you know," said Lily, and at Remus's raised eyebrow, added, "About Professor Tacey. I wished she could speak. She has so much information, but I can't read her handwriting."

Remus agreed somewhat. Tacey's handwriting was thin and scrawled.

"Wonder why she doesn't talk," Lily said.

"She's probably mute," said Remus. Wasn't it obvious?

"I doubt it," said Lily darkly. "I can tell there's something else going on in there."

Remus shrugged, and put it out of his mind immediately, going back to finishing off his work. Remus had enough mysteries on his plate, enough to not worry about some teacher of his.

A week later, right after a silent Defence Against the Dark Arts class – Remus could tell Lily was still ruminating over Tacey's eternal silence – and a particularly boring History of Magic class, the Gryffindor first years walked into Potions, the Slytherins joining them in the dungeons. They were met by Professor Slughorn, who looked even jollier than he usually did.

"Good afternoon, everybody," he said. "Oh ho, hello Rickard, is that a new haircut? 'Afternoon Lily, Sirius, oh, and you too, James. Now, class," he said, once they had settled down. "I have special news for everyone." The combined class seemed to take in a collective breath. Maybe today, they wouldn't have homework. "I'm setting your end-of-year assessment task!"

The class groaned. Remus, though, remained quiet.

"Now, now," Slughorn tutted. "I'm sure this arrangement will be more pleasing to you than having to do an exam. The assessment is to brew a Wiggenweld Potion over the course of the rest of the year."

The class groaned again. Remus now found himself groaning along. Wiggenweld? What balderdash! That was one of the most difficult potions to brew for first years. They'd only learnt the theory of it briefly, and that already was tough for Remus to take in. They were expected to brew it? Outside of class? Clearly, Slughorn had gone mad.

Lily raised her hand. "But, sir, Wiggenweld is for third years to brew. First years only learn the theory."

Slughorn smiled. "There's been a change in the curriculum, I'm afraid. But I'm very excited to see the results of this, as I'm sure all of you will be able to do it splendidly."

Sirius and James muttered darkly to one another, and a lot of the class was too.

"Sir," Peter said tentatively. "What is Wiggenweld Potion?"

Slughorn let out an exaggerated sigh, and the class burst into giggles at that, all mutters and groans gone. Of course Peter had forgotten. Even Slughorn guffawed. "Merlin's beard, my boy, we just learnt this last lesson! Oh, all right, we can go over it one more time. Mr Black, what is Wiggenweld?"

"Er–" said Sirius. "It's the, uh, healing potion, right? It wakes you up from magically induced sleeps. It's in that famous fairy tale with that hag, and the prince who applied it to his lips to wake up the princess."

Remus bristled. Sirius (and James too), who barely studied or did homework, who spent his time playing small practical jokes on others instead, still had an inborn talent and knowledge of the wizarding world. Perhaps being pureblood had its perks.

"Splendid," Slughorn said, "And Mr Rosier, why did the prince apply it to his lips rather than let the princess drink it?"

Remus glanced over where Slughorn was looking. A handsome, haughty-looking Slytherin boy answered, "Because Wiggenweld is mildly poisonous to drink, and is better given indirectly."

Slughorn was pleased. "Excellent, my boy. Five points to both Gryffindor and Slytherin."

"First time Black's earned points for his House, instead of losing them," Severus murmured to his friends, loud enough for the two Gryffindor boys to hear. The Slytherins burst into giggles.

Sirius's jaw tightened visibly. James also look incensed. Remus was worried. When would the Gryffindor and Slytherin feud end?

He was sure they would do something terrible back. Maybe it would be as entertaining as secretly sabotaging Severus's Cure for Boils. (As awful as it was to say it, Remus had to admit it was quite a funny practical joke.)

"Well, I'm sure all of will start preparing very soon,"–Slughorn looked pointedly at Peter, who was notorious for late work–"as it is due at the end of the school year. Now everyone turn to page forty-three and let's begin reading about the ingredients for Wiggenweld. Oh ho, how fun!"

Remus, though he wasn't really speaking to Sirius – because they weren't friends, obviously – was disappointed to find that Sirius wasn't at the Gryffindor table for breakfast. He'd been in the dorm in the morning, so Remus was pretty sure Sirius hadn't died on the way to breakfast. Perhaps he was busy finishing off some homework.

"Here, Remus, look at what I found," Lily said, interrupting his stupor. She slammed down a newspaper clipping, most probably found in the library's archives, dated a few decades back.

It read:

'THE CREATURE CATCHERS' FOUND DEAD IN BISHKEK

Renowned British dark creature hunters 'The Creature Catchers' have not only caught monsters during their time – they have always caught the Wizarding community's eye due to their prolific and heroic escapades. Just last year, Enid Tacey, leader of the group, single handedly fought off ten grown banshees from decimating a Muggle village, putting her in the running for an Order of Merlin.

However, it seems that members of the famous team have been found dead near Bishkek, in the Kyrgyz Ala-Too Range in Kyrgyzstan. Kyrgyzstan Healers have stated that the injuries are mostly probably due to a vampire attack.

"We're all devastated," Tacey, one of few team members that hadn't gone on the vacation to Kyrgyzstan, reported to the Daily Prophet. "Nothing can compare to how horribly we feel right now." She has also requested for no more press conferences.

We offer our condolences to all friends and family of the victims, and–

"So?" Remus asked, looking away from the newspaper. "She caught dark creatures. Doesn't that mean she'd be a better teacher?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't you see?" Her pointer finger jabbed at the third paragraph under the title. "Look!"

Remus still didn't get it. Perhaps it was the full moon clouding his thoughts, but, admittedly, that was a while away, so he couldn't blame that. He shrugged helplessly at her.

"It's a quote," Lily said. "You can only quote things that people have said. Tacey, our mute, unspeaking Professor, talked. She. Can. Talk!"

Oh. That was quite a good point, now that Remus thought about it. He hummed. "Well, I guess she had to have lost her voice from…"–Remus peered at the date on the article–"…from 1956 to now. That's a pretty long time."

"Or," Lily argued, "she isn't speaking on purpose."

Remus fought back derisive laughter. Lily was getting quite worked up about this, for very silly reasons. What she was saying was complete nonsense. Balderdash, even. "And why would that be?"

"Dunno," she said. "But I will find out."

Remus shook his head, smiling. Perhaps Lily wasn't as unquestioning and passive as Remus thought she was – clearly Lily was not just a silent observer. She wanted to find out about Tacey quite badly. Perhaps, since she was friends with Remus, she respected his right to be secretive, but obviously this privilege did not extend to Professors.

He was about to say something, perhaps to tease her about her incessant devotion to this, when he heard a shriek of shock coming from the Slytherin table.

"My wand!" the same person shouted.

It was Severus, and Remus at once knew that, whatever was happening, either James or Sirius had something to do with it, probably dragging Peter along with them. James, however, was sitting opposite Remus, innocently sipping his tea. Peter was munching on some toast.

Definitely Sirius. That's why he wasn't here.

Remus whipped his head around. Severus was jumping in the air, desperately trying to grasp something that was floating in the air. Remus squinted – Severus was trying to get back his wand, which was flying up towards the Great Hall ceiling.

Remus recognised the spell, the Levitating Charm, 'Wingardium Leviosa', which the first year Gryffindors had learnt recently. Definitely Sirius.

Distracted, Severus didn't seem to notice that, not only was his wand floating up into the air, but his breakfast too – eggs, bacon, baked beans and toast teetered into the air precariously and, once Severus realised, he let out another surprised yell.

Students from other tables began to notice, and began laughing at Severus's flusteredness. The first years sitting with Severus jerked back in shock, shuffling away from Severus and his flying things.

"Oh, my," James said quietly, and Remus glanced to look at him. There was a glint in his eye. This was definitely something James had planned with Sirius.

As his bag began to fly too, his things began to soar out of it too – parchment, books, quills. People began to laugh in earnest at Severus, who was leaping into the air, trying to grasp at his possessions. Severus began wildly looking in every direction, trying to find who was casting the charm.

Remus didn't know how he felt. Though it was funny, he couldn't help thinking that Severus looked terribly humiliated.

Just how he'd felt when Sirius had stolen his wand.

"Oh, no, poor Severus," Lily said, abandoning her seat at the dining table.

But before she could intervene, whoever seemed to be casting the spell cancelled it. Suddenly all the objects in the air stopped floating, and gravity had power again.

Severus's plate smashed against the table, almost hitting Severus, who yelled once more. Water from his mug splashed down on Severus's black hair, as well as the eggs and bacon. His parchment and workbooks went flying everywhere onto the ground, as if delivered by the mail owls. His wand dropped onto the floor last, and Remus really hoped it hadn't snapped.

Severus looked horribly humiliated, and furious. The laughter seemed to die down, and people awkwardly stopped staring.

Lily made a sympathetic whine and hurried over to help Severus collect his things. Remus, feeling guilty, made his way over too, and began to pick up the textbook and papers nearest to him, which had drifted their way near the Gryffindor table.

"Here," Remus said quietly to Severus once he had gotten enough. The Slytherin boy was listening to Lily, but he still looked terribly angry.

He looked up at Remus, and Remus was shocked to see that Severus looked even more infuriated at seeing Remus. "What do you want?" Severus snapped. His hair was dripping wet. "To gloat?"

Remus gulped but said nothing.

"Severus, he didn't–" Lily started.

"He's friends with Potter and Black," Severus snarled. "That means he did this to me."

Lily seemed like she was going to defend Remus, but Remus, knowing that now was not the time, conceded. "It's fine."

He left. Severus thought he was friends with James and Sirius?

Please. What balderdash. Remus didn't have many friends at all, let alone Sirius.

Remus had, of course, spoken to Archie that evening. He made sure, of course, to return by curfew, because Godric knows what the professors, or prefects would do if they found Remus wandering the halls at night. But he had stretched it pretty late this time.

He had told Archie every detail about what happened that breakfast. Remus offered his mixed emotions – amusement, pity, anger.

Archie, himself, was looking a bit better. He had gone into a tantrum, which Remus was sad to see, since Archie rarely did that anymore. But the injuries looked a bit more pleasant than before, which Remus was relieved by.

"Balderdash," Remus told the Fat Lady, and she opened up the door into the Common Room.

Huh. Sirius Black was in the Common Room, surprisingly finishing off some homework. Even more surprisingly, James, whom with Sirius was regularly attached to the hip with, was nowhere to be seen. Sirius was hunched over a desk, and was sunk into a plush couch.

"Hullo," Remus said, to be polite, but regretted it immediately.

"Hullo," said Sirius back, looking up from his work.

"Can't believe you're doing homework," teased Remus. Oh, my, he was feeling quite brave lately. Teasing people, talking back – was this really Remus?

Sirius huffed. "Wiggenweld Potion is seriously a pain in the Hippogriff. Have you started?" Remus shook his head. "You should. You don't know how long it takes to prepare some of these ingredients."

"I will." Eventually.

"Where were you?" asked Sirius, again with the questioning.

"Library," Remus easily lied. "How did you … how did you do that to Severus, today? At breakfast? How did you not get caught?" His heart pounded. Now he was asking things.

Sirius thought on it, homework fully abandoned. "Didn't do it. Wasn't me."

"Balderdash," Remus said automatically.

"Huh?"

"Er, it means–"

Sirius laughed. He shifted in his seat, so he was sitting closer to where Remus was standing. "I know what it means. I'm just surprised anyone our age would say it."

"It's our password," Remus said. He felt like he was defending himself.

"I know, but–" Sirius laughed again. "You really are a nerd, Lupin."

He felt affronted, but he didn't know why. "Well, you knew what the word meant. You're just as much a nerd."

"Am not."

"You are," Remus insisted. He walked nearer to Sirius in his plush seat, to whisper conspiratorially, "You read books. I'll tell everyone your secret."

"What – that I can read?" Sirius said teasingly. "

What was happening? They were bantering, having lighthearted fun. This was a strange sensation and didn't happen all too much. Remus was perplexed. What would Lyall say? But then Remus squashed that thought away. Remus would not think about his father. Whatever Lyall would say, Remus wouldn't hear any of it.

"Yep. It'd ruin your reputation."

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. It was a strange laugh, a short, cutting sound, but nevertheless a laugh. He sat back, thoroughly entertained.

There was a pause, until Remus finally said, "No, but, seriously. How'd you pull that off this morning?"

Sirius waggled his finger deviously. "Nope. You can't get my secrets that easily."

Remus huffed, and made his way to move towards the stairs leading up to the dorm rooms. "Fine. Goodnight, Sirius."

"Goodnight, Remus."

Clearly, there were quite a lot of mysterious things – balderdash – going on at Hogwarts. The question was, would Remus ever find out about it?