"Raven," I groaned as my toes curled. She ignored me. Her hands were at my waist tugging at the waistband of my shorts as she traced her lips down my chest leaving a trail of fire and desire. When she reached my stomach I felt my resolve slipping. "Raven, please…stop!" I called in a desperate attempt to get her to stop even though my entire body was singing a chorus begging her to continue. I could feel her smile and when her hot breath and lips reached my bellybutton and I felt the tip of her tongue dip into it-that was it. I couldn't take any more.
"Stop. I mean it," I growled. She sat up still astride me as I lay on her bed on my back, panting like the dog I was. I brought her back to her house after our very eventful morning at the Cullen's and she dragged me into her bedroom. We hadn't been in her bedroom together since I kissed her yesterday morning and I didn't see this going anywhere productive. As much as my body liked what she was doing, I knew that neither of us was ready for that step.
Raven pouted and tried to pull away from me. I could see the rejection and pain in her eyes. I caught her wrist and pulled her down beside me so we were both lying on our sides, facing each other. I threw my leg over her hip so she couldn't escape and I held her close to me. "Quit pouting," I whispered. "I'm not rejecting you; you were just heading us to a place I'm not ready to go yet."
"Why?" I heard her whisper. Her voice was still full of emotion from all that she endured today.
"It's not because I don't want you." I shifted my hips to emphasize my point and she chuckled through her tears. She finally looked at me and there was relief in her eyes. My heart clenched that she was feeling so much. "We just started this yesterday," I said softly and then kissed the tear that ran down the side of her nose. "I love how comfortable we are with each other and I think sex will mess that up." She moved to chew her fingernail. "That's where you were heading us, right?" I asked. I pulled her finger out of her mouth and placed her hand on my waist. I wanted to show her that I still wanted her to touch me.
"Yes," she squeaked. "We only started this yesterday and it's already going to end. I just wanted to have an experience and know that you were mine for just a little while." New tears streamed down her face. I began to question whether or not changing our relationship was a good thing because I had never seen Raven so vulnerable or upset. She was always so strong and self-reliant. She always knew what she wanted. Since I kissed her yesterday morning I have seen her cry more than I've seen her cry the rest of the time I've known her combined. Maybe though, she just felt closer to me and like she could show this side of herself to me.
"Why do you think it's going to end?" I asked her as I ran my thumbs across her cheeks trying to dry her tears. "I'm not going anywhere. I know I ran away today, but that was the only way I could think of to work off the anger and fear that I felt." After Jacob and Edward explained to me that it was Jasper controlling my mood that kept me from phasing in the house and killing Bella and possibly hurting everyone around me, I felt better about being completely paralyzed when Raven almost died. Not that I wanted to hurt anyone or kill Bella. It just made me feel useless as a wolf.
"I'm going to have to go to Portland with my mom. I can't keep Nessie from her mom and I can't keep Jacob from Nessie. The easiest and best solution is for me to leave with her and finish high school." My heart sank as I realized the reason for her tears and her carnal attack on me. Then, my love her deepened because I couldn't believe how wonderful my girl was. She was always thinking of everyone else and I was sorry that I had to admit that her logic was sound. It is the easiest and best solution; even if it tore my heart out.
"Raven," I cooed and I kissed her lips softly. "Even if you're right," I wasn't ready to admit it out loud yet, "that doesn't mean this has to end." I ran my nose along her jawline. "We'll figure something out, but I'm not giving you up." I kissed her again and poured into it the overwhelming love I felt for her into it. She responded in kind and before long we were both breathless.
"I thought you said you didn't want to go down this road," Raven said and I could feel her smile against my neck where she continued to kiss me. I realized that we had rolled to the center of the bed and I was on top of her where I had settled between her legs. I blushed when I saw how intimate we actually were. How is it that I wasn't even aware of how we got to that point? That frightened me a little.
"Sorry." It was all I could think of to say though I didn't feel very remorseful. It took every bit of my self-control to roll back to my side. "Why don't you take a shower and I'll make you some lunch?" I suggested. "We have some things to talk about…I really liked your idea about college." I saw her eyes light up again. A smile broke the weariness on her face that beamed brightly through her gloom and hope was restored to her beautiful features.
"Seth! You're a genius!" She grabbed my face and pulled me into another frantic kiss, but it was quick. It was like a burst of gratitude. "Yes, make some lunch, I'm starving and I'll be out in about 30 minutes." She hopped off the bed and began humming to herself.
Okay, I thought. I'm a genius and I can go to college. The whole reason we went to the Cullen's early was to talk to Jacob about her idea. I pulled out Raven's phone and called over to the Cullen's. Jake was on the phone in a few moments.
"Is everything okay? Do you need the Doc?" He blurted anxiously. His voice was a little frantic.
"No. Why are you so worried?" I asked.
"You've never called on the Cullen's phone before and after this morning..." Jacob said a little calmer, "what's up, Seth?"
"Oh." I hadn't thought about that. "Sorry. No, we never got to talk about an idea Raven had which was the reason we went over early. You know that whole Bella trying to kill her thing distracted us." I heard him chuckle. "Can you come over now so you can hear what she has to say? Occupying her mind with this seems to have distracted her from all the other stuff that happened and I want to keep her distracted," I explained.
"Sure, Seth. I'll be over as fast as my legs can carry me," Jacob said.
"Thanks, man," I said. Jacob really was a great pack leader. Not that Sam wasn't; Jacob was more of a friendly leader and less of an authoritarian leader. I wanted to please and obey Jacob whereas under Sam…he would compel us. I knew I could leave Jake's pack at any time and that knowledge is actually what kept me there. I knew Jacob would do what he could to help with this extremely new idea and Raven's idea would help us all.
I went into the kitchen to make us all some lunch. As I thought about what to prepare I looked in the refrigerator and tried to remember what Raven's favorites were. When I thought about it closely she really had made many changes in what she ate. I decided on sandwiches, but I used the lower calorie items I found on Raven's sandwich figuring that's what she'd use. I made a plate of various vegetables and poured her a diet Coke. When she came into the kitchen to see what I had prepared her jaw dropped.
"What?" I asked, confused by her expression. Her eyes had glanced over the counter where I had left quite a mess and then back to the table where I spread out our lunch. "I'll clean it up, I promise."
"It's not that," she paused, "you've made my favorite with all…" she trailed off as she quickly moved to me. Before I knew it her lips covered mine while her hands fisted in my hair. I pulled her in tightly reciprocating her zeal because, hey, I was a teenage boy who just discovered kissing yesterday. Neither one of us heard Jake knocking at the door, nor the two times he rang the doorbell. He could hear us, though and he let himself in.
"Knock it off, now! I don't need to see that stuff for real. I'm going to have to see it enough in his memories." Jacob moved towards the table and sat in the chair closest to the door. "Is this mine?" he asked pointing at Raven's plate.
"NO!" Raven yelled possessively. "That one is mine. He made that for me," she said a little calmer and flashing me her glorious smile. I swear she was as territorial of that sandwich as any wolf had ever been over his imprint. It was kind of cute. I made my girl happy.
We all sat at the table and Raven explained to Jacob her idea for tapping into the available federal funds to send Quileute students' to college including the younger members of the pack as protection. She also explained how, in light of this morning's events, she would move with her mother to Portland. The latter would actually help her facilitate her idea and she could utilize the work she was doing recording tribal history as a way to strengthen her claim to modernize the tribe. She made it very clear, though, that everyone in the packs would have to graduate high school on schedule or as close to schedule as possible.
Just as I suspected, Jake warmed to the idea. He knew that Nessie would want to go to college in a few years and this plan would enable him to attend with her while strengthening the pack as a whole in so many other ways.
"Edward was telling me before I left how badly Bella felt about all of this. I'll bet she'd be willing to do whatever needs to be done from here to help your efforts. Let me get back to them and tell them what you've come up with."
Raven looked just as excited as she did when we left for the first time this morning to go to the Cullen's. I was astounded at how fast she could recoup after difficult experiences. Jacob looked at her and his expression turned serious.
"I appreciate your willingness to move to Portland. I agree that it is the easiest solution to the problem we encountered this morning. None of the Cullens are going to like it and they will try to keep it from happening. They don't like the idea of inconveniencing anyone because of their natural appetites," he smirked. "But I think if I suggest they help you with this, they will focus on that. They have resources that we can't even imagine." Raven was chewing on her pinky nail again, but I could see she was interested in the idea of the Cullens helping as well.
"Yes," she finally said. "It would help with pack/Cullen relations if news of this ever got out. I don't want anyone to know that Bella attacked me. Things are too good right now and if the Cullens provided aid on this, it would go a long way to smooth over any complications that may arise. How do you think Billy will react?" she asked Jacob.
"I think he'll like it. He'll especially the idea that this is all to strengthen and build up the reservation. When my sisters left it broke his heart, but he also knew that the only things left here for them were sad memories. If this would help rejuvenate the reservation and give more people opportunities to have a better life, he'll really like it. Do you want to propose it?" Jacob asked Raven. "He is really impressed with your work already and I think it would actually be more powerful coming from you with my backing."
Raven's eyes were firm and her smile wide again. "I would love to. I want to show my mother that strong affiliation to tribal heritage and education can go together-that they are not mutually exclusive." Her voice turned hard and sharp, "you can be proud of your roots and walk into progress without leaving others behind."
"You should use that when you speak to the council," Jacob said with smile that showed how impressed he was. "I know the separation will be hard for you and Seth. But I'll try to give him enough time off to come see you once and a while until you can be back together again."
My Raven reached out and hugged my pack leader tightly. I had hope. This was going to work and it was going to affect a whole heck of a lot more people for the better if we can sacrifice just a little bit now. My Raven was going to change her little corner of the world.
We spent the rest of the afternoon at Billy's house explaining to him the idea. He was apprehensive at first, but when Raven explained how it would strengthen the reservation because those in the pack felt the duty to protect LaPush and they would return. Having educated people return to the Reservation to be teachers and open up businesses would enrich the tribe as a whole enticing more to stay and possibly even bring back those who hadn't returned. When he realized the possible outcomes, he set a meeting with Elders for the next evening to discuss the proposal. Jacob went back to the Cullens to explain to them and enlist their help.
"We have one more night, Seth, before you go back on patrol," Raven said to me as we drove back to her house. "Stay with me." I didn't know what to say because I still didn't want to push our relationship, the physical one at least, further ahead. "Just to sleep. I like waking up in your arms. It will be a while until that can happen again," she added.
"I'd be glad to," I acquiesced. I didn't get much sleep that night between the kissing and the talking. But it was peaceful and the joy I felt to have that wonderful creature in my arms etched itself into my memories and I used it to calm my nerves in the very difficult weeks and months that followed.
A/N: What do you think? There are some very stormy seas coming. Can Raven and Seth find each other again through the choppy waters and the high winds?
A/N2: Think I found most of my typos. Love that people are still reading. :)