A/N I don't own anything.. the song is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
Standing up, she saw the gratitude in his eyes and she gave him a cautious smile before she went into the en suite. She took off her jeans and put on some boxer shorts. Then she hesitantly began pulling her top off, letting out a muted cry as it tore at her wound. She had forgotten that she'd been shot for a while now and that the blood had congealed; her top sticking to the bloody mess. Her head was still stuck in her top when she felt his warm powerful hands brush her arms as they came up from behind her and helped her lift the top off. Her breath caught in her throat as she felt the warmth of his body radiate onto her back. She watched through the mirror as he tried to ease the material away but each tug smarted and she felt wet tears prickling her eyes when she was finally free of it.
He tossed the material away, refilled the bowl and took her by her hand, leading them back into the room. "Sit down Maxie" he instructed quietly. She took a seat beside the cabinet where he'd laid clean bandages out. He climbed onto the bed, watchful not to jar her and held himself up on his knees behind her. Carefully, he raised his hand to her bra clad torso. His fingers brushed softly against the strap and carefully lifted it off her shoulder and let it hang down her arm. Her back stiffened slightly as she struggled not to gasp at his touch. Somehow, admitting her feelings for him to herself had changed how she reacted to his touch. Before she felt comfort and security, now, well she still felt that, but now she felt desire flow through her veins as his fingers unwittingly aroused her. She held her breath again, when he probed the ruptured skin for an exit site. Finding it, he irrigated the wound and inspected it. He saw she had a few pieces of bone that needed to be removed. Sighing, he leaned his head over her, cleaning away the blood and inspecting the entrance of the wound. He had to force his eyes not to wander down her exposed body or to the curve of her breast that lacked the covering support of her bra. He so didn't want to take advantage of the situation like that.
He placed a hand on her shoulder and spoke in the same calming quiet tone to her "You have some bone shrapnel I gotta take out. It's gonna hurt a little Maxie" she nodded her head and he settled himself behind her again. As the tweezers got to work, he saw the muscles in her back jump and twitch in reception to the pain and he bit his lip. He felt anger mixed with pain course through him. He was angry with himself. If he hadn't have been an idiot and blown up at her unreasonably she'd have never needed to leave the room to come looking for him. She wouldn't have shoved him out of harms way and eaten the bullet. It was his entire fault. And he felt pain, simply because she was in pain. He wished he could take it from her, bear it himself if need be. He shook himself at that. 'Stop it you sap! She's a soldier, she can take it!' 'But she shouldn't have had to' his conscience accused back.
The tweezers grasped a fragment of bone and he slowly drew it out. Max let out a gasp of pain. He grimaced at the knowledge that it must have hurt. The fucker must have used a real haymaker round on her. He went to remove the final fragment of bone, not wanting to drag out the experience for her. Once he had it between the pincers, he snaked an arm around her waist and entwined his fingers with hers "Squeeze as hard as you want ok?" he whispered encouragingly. She smiled weakly and nodded. She felt weak. She'd lost a lot of blood and all she wanted to do was sleep and let herself recover from the rushes of the night. Alec pressed himself to her back slightly to offer her bracing support as he pulled the stubborn shard from the wound and he felt her hand crush his in retaliation.
"Jeez Maxie, some grip you got there!" he commented as she released his hand and let him stitch her up.
"Figured since you offered so nicely…" she shot back, her heart lifting, delighted that things seemed to be returning back to normal a little.
"I told you I was a gent"
"You have your moments" she allowed him, as he began winding the bandage over her shoulder.
He laughed softly at that. Both relieved that they were still ok, better than ok, a little worse for wear, but still they were alive and had gotten out together, so nothing else mattered.
He had cleared away the first aid kit whilst she had been inspecting her bandaged arm, rotating it a little to ease the stiffness that had set in after he'd wrenched her out of the truck. When he turned back to look at her, his eyes alighted on her back, unable to keep from drinking in the sight of her golden skin, the way she you could see the cat in her DNA by her slim figure, and her posture, legs curled, body slightly twisted. He could see the runes on her back too, standing out like delicious chocolate flakes on a creamy latte. He felt a strong urge to go over and run his tongue over one, to taste her, see if she tasted as good as she looked.
Shocked at what he'd been thinking, he glanced away and picked out a t-shirt from his bag, which he then handed her. He didn't chance looking at her as he did coz then he'd get a frontal view of her and he didn't think he'd be able to resist if he had any more urges. He indicated to the washroom and asked "wanna go first?"
She groaned as she moved to get up, she was so tired, she just really wanted to sleep off the aches and pains the Familiars had inflicted on her when she'd fought them off. They could have easily killed her but they had held back just enough…she wondered what White wanted with her. She took her wash bag from Alec as she passed him by on her way.
"Uhh, Maxie?" she turned back to him and he handed her a towel tilting his head and giving her a wry smile. "Thanks" she mumbled as she turned back around feeling slightly embarrassed.
When the door shut behind her, Alec stopped pretending he was packing up their things and sank back to the bed with a long sigh. He felt all the emotions he'd kept at bay all night break through the dam and flood through him. He hung his head low between his legs and pressed his hands to the back of his neck as he inhaled deeply, before straightening up and squaring his shoulders. He couldn't help it; the soldier that was still part of who he was wouldn't allow him to do this until it had stepped fully back into his subconscious. He could take his time now to take stock of things.
'Where to start though?' he asked himself. He thought back to before the ambush. 'Yeah, that's a good place as any to start I guess'. In light of all that they'd been through since he knew he wasn't mad at Max anymore. He wasn't even certain he'd been mad at her to begin with. He had just been so afraid of his own thoughts his paranoid side had convinced himself it was she who doubted his love for Rachel when really it had been him. It was his growing feelings for her that had made him doubt his past. And now, having nearly lost her, he knew he couldn't deny it, the feelings he'd felt, his instinctive reactions to the threat on his Max.
He shuddered as he remembered her eyes as she'd looked up at him, begging him to save her, a flash of regret in her eyes and then she'd slipped from sight. It was that split second moment between when she'd slipped from sight and when he had reacted that it all became clear. In that instant he felt his world collapse, felt his heart stop, literally, and felt that irrational desire to reach out and snatch her back so that his world would be put back on its axis again. So he did, and the moment she was back in his arms again, he knew he held his only real reason for living in his arms.
He needed her, in truth, he always had. Even before he'd gotten to know her like he did now. He had needed her when he'd kneeled above her, knife poised. In those scared beautiful eyes it wasn't her fear that had stopped him plunging that knife down. No, it was the disappointment lurking behind it. Her saving grace was the grace she unknowingly offered him from behind those eyes. She had expected more of him. That meant she believed he could be more than the killer he was made to be. In her eyes, he found a salvation and he'd decided he wanted that, more than his own life. But she hadn't even let him die. She'd saved his life. Thereafter, even though she bitched at him and kept him away, he couldn't leave; he'd been drawn to her. To her inner fire, her willingness to save others, the way she cared enough to even try and offer him comfort after Rachel.
This girl had walked up to him, kicked him in the chest and given him a name. But that wasn't what made him Alec; wasn't what made him come alive. It was her, she brought him to life. In Seattle, when they had hidden from one another, he had continued to follow her, to try and befriend her, because deep inside, he held the hope that one day, she'd look at him and he'd see her faith in him restored. Since they'd gone on the run together, he'd gotten to see a whole other side to Max. A side he appreciated even more. And she'd seen him, the inner him. And every moment he spent around her now he learnt how to really live, to feel, to care…..to love.
Rachel, he had loved her, but he wasn't in love with her. He never had been. He'd just loved her for being the first person to ever show any affection to him. She'd introduced him to things like happiness, attraction, kindness, sadness, remorse. But he knew that even if he had saved her, if she were alive now, their relationship wouldn't have lasted long. They were too different. He could imagine the type of girl she'd be and though it was nice, that's all the thought was…nice. But Max, she wasn't just nice. She was exciting, fun, scary, frustrating, sexy, breathtaking, lethal, vulnerable and so much more. What he felt now with Max was real and it was lasting. This was love. There wasn't any doubt in his mind now. He loved her, on a level that went beyond the physical, beyond chemical reactions; he was in love with her.
He looked up from his thoughts when she returned from the bathroom, her hair wrapped up in the towel. She'd changed back into his tee and her shorts. Grabbing his things, he went for a quick shower. The cold water enough to take his mind off the girl in the other room.
As he stood in front of the grimy mirror, brushing his teeth, Biggs decided he was due an appearance. 'So you finally admitted it then. Told ya man, you lur-ve her! So, now what? What's the game plan here?'
He spat into the basin and rinsed his mouth as he reached the conclusion of his musings. What indeed? He knew how he felt about her, but he knew she didn't love him. He held a place in her heart he knew that now. But it wasn't the place he really wanted. That coveted spot was reserved for Mr. Untouchable himself. He'd stood by and watched her wallow in the drama of her love life and even when it was practically non existent, like now, she still clung to Logan. She would never give up. That just wasn't her.
Inner Biggs, who had been observing Alec's thoughts decided he'd heard enough and that Alec ought to get back to the point..well his point 'so where does that leave you?' Staring back at himself in the mirror, Alec shrugged 'Same place I've always been. Right by her side.' He'd gone to bed for weeks now, looking into the windows to her soul, and he could see she believed in him now. She trusted him. She had faith in him. That was enough for now. Who knows? Maybe all they needed was time…
When he finally joined Max in the bed, she turned to face him, wanting to finally explain last night to him, to tell him what she'd meant to tell him in the corridor.
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
"Alec, about last night.. I didn't…" his fingers on her mouth cut her off.
"Shh Max…It's ok. I don't wanna talk about it. I'm sorry bout how I went off but let's just forget it happened ok?"
She searched his eyes for a moment to understand why he didn't want to talk about what had happened before she realised it was just easier to not bring it up again.
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
She nodded her head in acceptance and he pulled her close, arranging them as they usually ended up. This time though, he savoured having her there – alive.
He inhaled her scent and spoke softly into her hair:
"Let's just lie here and forget everything for a while ok?"
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
He brushed his lips against the top of her head and rubbed his cheek on her hair
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
Both were lost in their thoughts on one another. Accepting that for now, they would have to keep those feelings to themselves, until the other was ready...if they ever would be.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Alec let himself relive memories he had of Max, creating more and more reasons that he needed her around.
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
Max shifted closer, tucking her head beneath his chin
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
His hand stroked up and down her arm as it rested on his chest above his heart.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Max smiled as she remembered all the ways in which Alec brightened up her days
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
Alec reminded himself of why he was ok with just being her friend. Her eyes. His deliverance.
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
Max wasn't all that sure how or when it had happened but it had. And yet, no one would know of this latest development, not even him.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Their eyes closed as their bodies gave in to repair themselves, both assured by the fact that the other would still be there when their eyes opened in the morning.
A/N Hey.. That's my quota… I'm all MA'ed out for the moment!! For a little while at least…hope you liked this chap! i know..another songfic chap but I can't help maself!! Anyway, as I'm still just getting into the swing of getting what's in here (points to head) on to here (points to screen) I'd like to say thanks again for the encouraging reviews I've had…they're kinda becoming as addictive as Jensen!!