Marauder Memories

Chapter Ten: Finding Out

You find out who your friends are, somebody's gonna drop everything, run out and crank up their car...hit the gas, get there fast never stop to think "What's in it for me?" or "It's way too far."

Cherish had just ripped open a packet of Chocolate Frogs when Peter sat down next to her. He was alone, smiling slightly at her. She glanced around to see that the duo that was usually right behind, or more often leading the way were absent.

"Care for one?" she offered, holding out the packet. Peter nodded and accepted one, tearing the wrappings off with his teeth, and making quick work of the frog's head.

"All right, I'm going to regret this, but where are they this time?" Cherish asked, pulling out her own frog and snapping its legs off.

"Detention," Peter answered in a heartbeat. He glanced at her apprehensively. "I heard they blew up a couple of cauldrons during Slughorn's tutoring class. Professor Slughorn has them scrubbing the cauldrons out and putting everything right."

Cherish laughed. "They're troublemakers, those two," she shook her head fondly.

Peter glanced at her. "You wouldn't love them if they weren't," he pointed out as he pulled his half-finished lunar chart out for Astronomy. He propped open a book with his chocolate frog card, and there was a ruffling of pages as he tried to avoid smudging the book with chocolate.

Cherish had her own laid out in front of her, and she was carefully filling in a half moon on a square. Peter was a few squares behind, looking at Cherish's perfect chart as he desperately tried to correct several errors. Cherish handed him a bright yellow eraser, made for erasing ink especially and was truly a lifesaver.

"The thirteenth?" he asked as he blew on the ink to make it dry faster.

"Something like this," Cherish picked up her own chart to show him. Peter leaned over and managed to fill in two more moon-shaped bubbles before he realized Cherish had stopped moving. She didn't even blink when he waved a hand in front of her face.

"Cherish?" he paused as he filled in a full moon and stared at her.

"Peter," she said as she snapped out of her trance. "Do you still have the notes?"

"From class?" Peter fumbled around in his bag. "I dunno, I'm not the best at notes, maybe Remus has-"

"No, not that," Cherish said with a swift shake of her head. "The ones from the investigation about Remus."

Peter dumped his bag out, dug through several heaps of parchment and empty ink bottles. He opened multiple books until he found a folded up sheet in a ragged copy of Magical Beasts handing over the parchment. "Wha-?" Peter was cut off by her frantic head shakes as she unfolded the paper.

She examined it for many minutes, comparing something to the lunar charts. She began to make marks on her lunar chart, occasionally looking back at the notes and then opened the book and read a few pages.

"I think I've got it," she said finally with a long sigh, sitting back on her heels.

Peter glanced over her shoulder as she looked in the contents of the book. Suddenly her face fell and she tapped her knee thoughtfully. She chewed on her quill. "I thought they might have something in common," she shook her head.

She sat back and then continued to finish her lunar chart. Peter picked up the chart while Cherish looked over a heavy textbook searching the subject of their next essay. She had just written the title in neat letter when Peter dropped his chocolate frog on the ground. Oddly enough, he didn't pick it up.

"Er...Cherish," Peter's voice seemed higher pitched than normal. "Are you sure you've copied these dates down right?"

Cherish barely looked up, pushing her hair out of her eyes as she continued to read. "Hm? Oh, yes," she returned to her book. "Did you know that vampire venom can be used in-"

"Cherish," Peter said slowly, tapping the page with his finger, "look at this."

He brandished the parchment in front of her. She studied it for a long moment, her eyes slowly widening. She finally tore her gaze from the parchment up to Peter. His eyes were huge, his lips trembled as he shook like a leaf.

"Peter," she whispered, "How many illnesses fall on a full moon?"

Peter gulped, trembling noticably, "Just one," his eyes were wild with fear.

"Lycanthrophy," she finished for him, looking up to meet his blue eyes. "Oh, Remus."

"He's what?" James shouted, causing Peter to nearly fall off his bed. Sirius seemed at loss for words, his mouth hung open but no words came out. He looked much like a fish out of water.

"A werewolf," Cherish said steadily, pulling out the charts and setting them in front of the pair. She then opened several marked textbooks about the subject.

"He can't be," James shook his head in defiance.

"It all adds up," she pointed out the marked dates on the lunar chart and then the dates on the notes.

"Why would Dumbledore-?" Sirius's voice shook tremendously.

"Maybe he thought they could keep it secret," Peter pointed out.

"It's not a secret anymore," Sirius retorted. He crossed his arms, his eyes were not fearful though. He was trembling with what could only be pure, undiluted anger.

"What can we do?" Cherish asked, passing them books on werewolves.

"I dunno," Sirius's voice was laced with anger. "Werewolves are dark creatures, we all know that, they can kill people or at least cause bodily harm, they're bad...my mother talks about them sometimes."

"Maybe not all-" James tried to leap to his friend's defense.

Sirius cut him off sharply. "They attacked one of my great relatives," he said bitterly. "He never was quite right after that. Mum made us watch as she burned him off the tapestry. Werewolves are blood thirsty creatures. They're nothing but outcasts from society. They're lower than us, never equals. What does he think he's playing at, letting a werewolf in here? We could all be in real danger now."

"It's Remus," Cherish shot back angrily, her eyes flashed. "He's good and kind. Give him a chance, I reckon he's ashamed of what he is. It's not his fault."

"Who wouldn't be ashamed?" Sirius spat, his eyes glittered fearfully. "He's dangerous to all of us, including you."

"Mate," James cut in. "He's not all that bad, we gave you a chance, didn't we?"

"What does that mean?" Sirius snapped, head turning from Cherish to James and back again. Peter clutched his robes fearfully and twisted them in his hands.

Cherish looked at James as she spoke steadily. "Your family isn't known for good. They're very traditional and prejudice..."

Sirius stood up quickly, arms crossed over his chest as he glared at all of them defiantly. "Maybe they're right this time, werewolves kill people. Any people. The lucky ones are the ones who are killed in a werwolf attack. The wolves go mad for human scent, even if it's not blood. It just becomes a feeding frenzy, and they often just kill without meaning to."

James studied his knees for a long moment, sighing. "I agree he's dangerous." Sirius relaxed slightly, but he still maintained his wariness, glancing at Cherish. "But we still have to talk to him."

Sirius gave them both a look that clearly stated they were out of their minds, but he said nothing to counter it.

Instead of the usual chatter during their study session, it was dead silent. Peter was extremely twitchy, jumping whenever anyone tried to speak to him. He would look at the other three pleadingly, as though he wanted nothing more than to run out of the room.

Sirius turned extremely cold to Remus, not even looking at the other boy. He barely spoke at all, his eyes daring all of them to say something. But no one did.

Cherish attempted to make small talk, but no one would respond. Her questions were left hanging in the empty air.

"How was your day?" Remus asked quietly, looking around at the group.

At this, Peter let out a terrified squeak and bolted out of the room, muttering something about the kitchens.

"What's with him?" Remus asked as Sirius got up. Sirius gave him a withering glare before he followed Peter out of the room. Cherish looked at James and then merely shook her head.

Remus stared after Peter.

Remus watched his friends suspiciously. Quite recently, only a few weeks time, they had been avoiding him. They never flat out told him to go away during their 'study sessions' with Cherish, but something in their behavior warned him away.

Peter and Sirius both ignored him as though he were part of the landscape, or else Peter would bolt from the room as though it were on fire. Sirius sometimes gave him a cold, calculating look that Remus knew was not for the girl sitting several rows away.

James would smile half-heartedly at Remus and still talked to him. The sentences seemed stilted and forced, the laughter no longer there. James would seem distracted, answering questions vaguely and brushing off Remus's concerns.

Even faithful Cherish met his eyes less, although she still insisted firmly that all three boys were busy. "It's just Quidditch," she would tell her book, not looking up at him at all.

Remus sighed, preparing to confront her. She read on, barely processing what she read in her efforts to evade him.

"Cherish, what is it?" Remus asked, looking directly at her.

Slowly, very slowly she lifted her green eyes to meet his gaze. She swallowed, pursing her lips slightly. She acted almost frightened of speaking to him. "Don't ask, Remus."

He sighed, mentally cursed her and switched tactics. "How are they doing? I haven't seen them in weeks." The air of confidence in his voice, the casualness of it, was forced.

She seemed to take an even longer time to answer. "Good. They're good." She plucked at a loose strand on her robes.

The conversation quickly fell between them. Remus looked around desperately searching for something to say. Anything. He stood up abruptly, an old idea surfacing as he did.

"Cherish, come with me," he held out his hand to her. She stared up at him, startled. Something about the way he asked reminded her of Sirius and James.

She hesitated, her green eyes fixed on him. Then, after the longest time it had ever taken her, she took his hand. "Okay." Her voice remained gentle but still apprehensive.

He took her outside, ignoring the fierce coldness of the growing winter. The tuffs of grass that remained were covered in icy drops of dew, shimmering in the afternoon light.

There was frost on the bank of the lake, clinging to the grey stones. He knelt, picking up a small flat stone which he flung with all his might out to the lake. She watched its journey, counting three skips before it sank into the water.

"Cher?" he looked at her over his shoulder. She picked out her own rock from the ground, throwing it up and down before she too hurtled it across the lake's dark surface.

"What do you think?" he asked.

She looked out at the water silently. Her gaze slowly traveled to his face, a half smile curved her lips up. "I wouldn't worry." She sat down on a frozen boulder. "Give them time. It'll be okay."

He settled himself next to her. "Cher," he tried again, firmly this time. Her eyes flickered to him, avoided his eyes and found the clasp on his jumper to stare at.

"They know, Remus," she said finally. Her voice was low and trembled in the crisp air. She closed her eyes as though deep in thought. "You're a...werewolf." It seemed to take every bit of his own willpower to pull the words from her lips. But she met his eyes so clearly, for the first time in weeks, those bright green eyes met his with certainty.

He stared at her in shocked silence. It felt as though she had just dumped a bucket of icy cold water over him, it trickled through his hair and down to the very roots of his being. He began to tremble, thinking wildly of ways to escape, how he wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground...

She peeked at him through her lowered lashes, worried. He had gone a ghastly pale color, even his lips had lost their pink color, his deep honey gold eyes were wide showing every bit of fear, and his lips parted as though to deny the statement. He gave a cough, quickly lowering his head to his knees as he raked a hand through his hair.

"What?" he choked out finally. His brown eyes were terrified and wild, like a wolf's, she realized.

Cherish sighed, not a disappointed sound. Almost thoughtful. "You're a werewolf," she repeated, this time more confident and less fearful. "Peter, James and Sirius...they know."

Remus shook his head, head still in his knees as though to deny the claim. "Are they...okay with it?" he asked, the sound muffled by his robes.

"Well," she said slowly, licking her lips nervously in the cold air. "James is okay. Sirius is just scared, or angry...Peter doesn't know what to think."

"Scared?" he asked with a weak chuckle, forcing a grimace.

"Worried," Cherish corrected herself. "Remember, we're purebloods. We've been raised with a prejudice, a terrible one, to hate almost all dark creatures."

Remus struggled to swallow the lump in his throat. "And you?" he couldn't look at her.

Her expression was unreadable. "I was scared at first," she admitted quietly.

He lifted his head slightly, chancing a quick glance up at her. "Are you still?" he asked, sounding wounded.

She leaned over, resting one hand on his shoulder comfortingly. She carefully placed two fingers under his chin, forcing him to meet her eyes. She leaned in slowly, brushing her lips against his cheek.

When she pulled back he blinked in confusion. "No," she answered softly. "Not at all."

"Cherish!" the yell sounded off of the mountains, echoing over the grounds. "Cherish!" The panicked cry came again.

She pulled away fully, her eyes searching the grounds above the lake. She pulled her hand back, instead raking it through her hair and looking upwards. A figure appeared, messy hair blowing in the wind, hazel eyes sparkling behind his glasses was James. Next to him, Sirius was motioning her over. Peter fidgeted where he stood, but he too tried to motion her over.

She looked back at Remus, but his gaze was out on the lake. "Go," he said softly, his gaze not shifting at all. She opened her mouth to protest only to close it, standing up and walking up the slope to join the other three boys.

Remus only tilted his head slightly to watch her go, sighing as he contemplated his lonely future. Not that he could blame his so called friends. He had lied to them, deceived them, and he hadn't told them his darkest secret. But what was he to do when his darkest secret, was one that could kill him?

Cherish clambered up the slope and took James's offered hand. Sirius appeared agitated, his jaw tense and his eyes skimmed over her as though checking her for any injuries. Peter let out a sort of squeak that she supposed meant that he was happy she hadn't been mauled to death.

"I don't like you running off with him alone," James told her quietly, slowly relinquishing his grip on her arm.

Cherish pushed her hair out of her eyes. "What?" she asked, her head turning to Sirius who wouldn't meet her eyes.

"He's dangerous, he could hurt you," Sirius replied with a forced calm. His grey eyes were like steel.

"He wouldn't," she snapped back.

"He could," Peter stated boldly, his eyes narrowed slightly. "He's a werewolf, remember? He could hurt you whether or not he means to." Peter was usually quiet, only voicing his opinions when James or Sirius supported his views. But now he was standing up to her. Cherish liked to think it was an improvement from timid, shy Peter.

"He's still Remus," she argued, shaking her head at the ridiculousness of the trio.

Another week passed and Cherish remained the only person who would meet his eyes. James only spoke to him twice, and very briefly. Sirius and Peter ignored or avoided Remus altogether.

Cherish had started to do her homework next to Remus, bringing Lily along with her.

"It seems so complex," Remus complained as he turned another page. His potion's grade was getting worse as the potions became more complex. Now that almost all of their work was hands-on he was falling behind. This wasn't something you could learn from a textbook.

"But it isn't really," Lily replied quickly. "Look if you start with the basics, then add the shrivelfig," she was off, explaining the potions as easily as Cherish could explain horses.

Cherish tuned out after one of the many times Lily had to repeat the instructions for Remus's benefit.

"Remus," Lily said as the boy was copying down the answer from what Lily had said. "Where's Peter?"

Remus didn't answer so Lily looked to Cherish. The other girl cleared her throat quickly. "He went to the kitchens with Sirius."

"You four don't seem as close," Lily commented as Remus finished writing his sentence.

"Sort of," Remus answered, looking at Cherish, then crossing his t so violently he punctured his parchment.

"Did you have a fight?" Lily asked curiously. Cherish frowned a bit at her friend's question.

"You could say that," Remus replied tensely. He barely looked at Lily as he said it, writing another phrase.

"What was it about?" Lily prodded further, looking concerned. Cherish pursed her lips at this, reminding Lily a bit of her sister, Petunia.

"I can't tell you," Remus replied with a shrug, turning a few pages in the potion's book. Cherish noted that he'd turned very pale, and his writing was shaky.

Lily watched him read for several minutes. Cherish gazed absently at the fire, her mind a thousand miles away. Lily finally spoke again. "Why don't you just apologize?" she suggested.

Remus sighed, Cherish pulled out of her daydream and grimaced. "Apologizing won't help."

Lily's eyes narrowed into slits. "You would think you'd sacrifice some pride for a friendship like yours. I wish I had the same kind of friendship you did, really Remus. I did have the same kind of friendship...but it's not like that anymore, you should at least try to make it up with them."

Remus stared blankly at her. "Why do you care?" he didn't mean to sound so harsh.

Lily's eyes softened somewhat. "Because you're my friend and I care about you."

"It's not that easy, Lily," Cherish snapped, exasperated. Lily gave her a hurt look, and flashed a look at Remus.

"I was only trying to help," Lily stormed off, and Remus watched her go.

As soon as her red hair had vanished, he turned on Cherish with a sigh. "Do you mind not annoying the only people who will actually talk to me right now?" He was met with silence.

Cherish sighed and opened the boys' dormitory, stepping across the threshold without knocking. Peter looked up at her and sent her a friendly smile that she did not return.

"Sirius," she said firmly, "we should talk." Peter was the only other one in the dormitory, but after she sent him a pointed glare he gathered up his things, muttered something about the kitchens and left.

"Okay, talk." Sirius crossed his arms casually and nodded to her.

"It's about Remus," she began in a low voice.

Sirius looked furious, shot to his feet and opened his mouth. "That thing is a werewolf, he's dangerous! There's nothing to talk about. You're associating with the creature!"

"There is, and his name is Remus," Cherish kept her voice calm. "He's still the same bloke."

"He lied to us all!" Sirius's eyes were cold. "Including you!"

"You would have done the same!" she snapped, standing up. She was startled to realize he was nearly a head taller than her, his own eyes met her's with a ferocity she didn't expect. "If you were like him, wouldn't you be afraid of being rejected?"

"He's a wolf, he'll hurt you! He'll hurt all of us," Sirius replied angrily. "He's a monster!"

Cherish crossed her arms over her chest. "If you ignore him like this, you'll lose him! I swear to Merlin you will," she stepped back a little. Her voice was gentle the next time she spoke. "You don't hate him. I know you don't."

Silence. It was only broken by their gentle breathing. Sirius stared at the window for a long moment. "I do hate him." There was a venom in his voice that Cherish had rarely heard before.

"You don't," her voice bit at him again. This time she stepped forward daringly to hold his arms at his sides. "To hate...first you have to care. I don't think you've stopped caring."

More silence. Cherish stayed where she was, arms crossed as she studied Sirius. His hair fell in soft waves, his expression was rather blank as his eyes betrayed his emotions. Anger. Fear. Betrayal. Doubt. She met his gaze, watching until his hard stony glare faded until they were a softer stormy gray.

"He's a werewolf," Sirius said again, but this time he sounded almost like he was trying to convince himself. "He's dangerous."

"He's not the only one. There are many werewolves. He's different, why can't you see that?" Her voice was accusing as she stared him down. Sirius met her gaze and then looked towards the window. He shrugged.

"He betrayed us," Sirius repeated softly. He was calmer this time, his voice had lost its bitterness.

"We were raised to hate dark creatures," Cherish stated calmly. "But now you've met one." She tilted her head to one side as though she was deep in thought.

"He's not the same anymore," Sirius replied staring back out the window.

"He is," Cherish told him gently, a smile threatening to take over her words. "He's scared. He's afraid that you hate him." Sirius's eyes flickered slightly.

"He's a monster," Sirius repeated although with less venom. She sighed as though it pained her to try to explain this to him.

Cherish contemplated his approach of the troubled boy carefully. "Is he truly the monster?" she inclined her head to Sirius to prove her point.

"You're saying I'm a monster?" Sirius's eyes widened slightly. "He could turn on us-"

"Do you truly think that?" She cut him off before he could finish his sentence. She shook her head, answering her own question. "You're not a monster, Black, but your family isn't known for being pure and good at heart. Think on that for a bit. Is Remus really the monster? Look at yourself."

For a moment Sirius seemed to think. "You're not like your family," Cherish said softly. "Don't prove me wrong now."

"How can we trust him?" Sirius asked finally.

Cherish smiled at him. "Don't you trust me?"

His gaze never faltered and he didn't miss a beat as he answered, "I do."

Sirius stared at her, but she held her ground without hesitation. "What do you want me to do?" Sirius asked as though he was almost ashamed.

Cherish stared him down. "Talk to him. I think he would like that."

"Did you lecture James like this?" he asked after a moment, raising his eyebrows at her.

She smiled a bit. "No, I didn't have to. He came around a week ago." She huffed, rolling her eyes at him.

"All right, Cher. You win this one," Sirius admitted with a grin. Then he took on a more solemn look. "We were prats, weren't we?"

"A bit." He looked at her but she only smiled back at him in that way of hers.

Sirius had never been good with his emotions. At home, he had always bottled them up and refused to really let them show. But this girl, now his best friend, she was telling him to do something he would have never considered before.

Apologize. Blacks didn't apologize, he shoved the thought out of his mind angrily.

She had looked at him in such a way, he didn't dare refuse or even consider not doing what she asked of him. She watched him climb the stairs to the boys' dormitory and smiled at him reassuringly.