Logan POV

I can't describe what I felt from the moment I realized that Goren had been shot until I stepped out of the trauma room when I heard Alex's voice.

Timelessness, inadequacy, hopelessness, fear, panic…

It had seemed as though I was pushing my limbs through jell-o, trying to make them work faster but failing miserably.

So when Alex shoved me in the chest, I was grateful. It was the least I could do. It gave me purpose.

Hit me again, I said silently.

"Mr. Logan, I'm ready for you," a nurse said. Alex slammed into me two more times before the words penetrated.

"Ready for what?" she asked. "Are you hurt, too?"

If only. If only it would've been me instead.

"He needs blood," I told her. "I'm A-positive."

A rare gift from my mother. If her passing along her blood type to me meant that I could help save Bobby's life, then maybe I might forgive her for everything else she did to me. This just might make up for it.

I looked at Carolyn, briefly seeking out her silent strength, and then followed the nurse over to a nearby gurney. I sat down and held out my arm.

"I can only take a pint from you," the nurse told me quietly. "If he needs more, we can get it from the blood bank."

"Use mine," I said firmly. I didn't want a stranger's blood in him, not when there was the choice to use mine.

"We will," she told me as she slid the needle into my arm. "One pint."

"You keep taking it as long as he still needs it," I said. "When I run out, then you can get some from the blood bank."

She shook her head at my stubbornness, but I ignored her and watched as Alex and Carolyn stood outside of the trauma room doors.

I had a feeling that I knew why she wasn't going in. I knew she'd already lost one husband. From a gun shot. The fact that she was even still standing on her feet was a testament to her strength.

She looked at me from across the room and I tried to school my features.

I didn't want her to know that I was scared.

I didn't want her to know how badly I was shaken up by the sight of Bobby lying on the ground with blood pouring out from him.

I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that I finally, finally had some family and yet I had very nearly let one of them die.

On my watch.

But she knew.

Suddenly, the doors next to her flung open and the doctor who'd been working on Goren came out of the room. He was the one who Carolyn had called cute. I only prayed he was also competent, although I did have to give him credit. He had appeared efficient and knowledgeable and very much in charge when we'd first arrived on the ambulance.

"We need that blood in here!" he shouted at the nurse. She unhooked the bag that she'd just filled from my arm and tossed it to the doctor before hanging another one.

"One more," she told me. "That's it, okay?"

I shrugged noncommittally. I wasn't going to agree to anything until I knew how Goren was doing.

I watched as Carolyn spoke with Dr. Carter and then the three of them went into the trauma room and the doors closed behind them.

The nurse finished with the second unit, and since no one had come out screaming for it, I relaxed a little. She handed me a bottle of orange juice accompanied by a strict look which said drink it, and then left me where I sat and took the blood into the trauma room.

About that time, Carolyn came out.

I hadn't realized how alone I'd felt until I saw her walking towards me. My feelings were close to the surface, and I hated it, but if there was ever a time to be allowed to have a breakdown, this was it.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me to her.

"How is he?"

"Things are looking good," she told me.

"Is he awake?"

"Not yet, but the prognosis is good. Are you alright? How much blood did you give?"

"I'm fine," I deflected. "I'll give more if I need to."

"Mike," she whispered as she held me tighter. "It's not your fault. You can't shoulder the blame for this."

"You don't know what happened," I argued.

"Tell me."

"Mr. Logan?"

I pulled back from Carolyn's embrace to find two Chicago cops looking at me. I had given the paramedics my name when I insisted on riding along instead of waiting for the police.

There would've been a second ambulance sent to pick up Derek's body, and I had known that there would be questions, but I couldn't just wait at the park.

"Yeah, that's me."

"We'd like to go over your statement as to what happened in Garfield Park."

"Can you give us a few minutes? Our friend is still in the trauma room," Carolyn snapped with irritation. "We're not going anywhere."

"The shooter is still out there," one cop reminded her gently. "The longer it takes to get your story, the less likely we are to catch him."

She sighed heavily, but I put my hand on her back.

"It's okay," I told her quietly. Then I looked at the officers. "We can talk now, but if they need more blood…"

"That's fine," the officer agreed. "There's a quiet room down the hall. We can have some privacy."

I stood up on shaky legs and held onto Carolyn as we followed the cops down the hall. I leaned on her more than I would've liked, but I had blackness around the edges of my vision and I was afraid that if I was left to my own defenses, I'd be on the ground.

As we walked, I debated the merits of telling the truth.

Did I want Chicago PD to search for Derek's killer? If they caught him, they'd take him to jail. I wasn't sure that I was okay with Bobby's shooter just going to jail. I thought that maybe I'd like to spend some time with him first.

Would it hurt to tell a little white lie that might buy us a head start on the investigation?

I couldn't seem to think straight and I couldn't make a decision and the black spots were creeping more and more into my field of vision…

"So," one officer began after closing the door to a family room. This was a room where people were told that their loved one had died. This was not a room I wanted to be in.

But my legs weren't cooperating and I sat down hard in an orange plastic chair. I put my hands down on my thighs and dropped my chin to my chest. Carolyn stood beside me and put her hand on the back of my neck.

"Who's the dead guy and how do you know him?" the officer finished.

Lie? Or tell the truth?

Without looking up, I opened my mouth to speak, but Carolyn took over.

"He didn't know the guy. Mike and Bobby were in the park and approached the victim to ask him a few questions."

And there was my answer. Because if Carolyn was going to lie, then it must be the right thing to do this time.

Because they would undoubtedly i.d. Derek, but it would take a little time. And while they were waiting for their ME to get around to it, I could be pounding the pavement looking for Cabbage's gang.

I lifted my head and looked the nearest officer in the eye.

"And we didn't get a chance to say anything to him," I added. "We stopped him, and then the shots were fired."

"How many shots?"

"Three."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Did you get a look at the shooter?"

"It's kind of hard to see when your face is planted in the dirt," I replied sarcastically.

I recognized my response for what it was. Defensiveness. I didn't see the shooter because I'd dropped to the ground and ducked my head while my friend was getting shot.

Fucking coward.

"Before the shots, did you see anyone suspicious in the park?"

"Like a guy walking around with a rifle? No."

"So it was a rifle?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "It sounded like a small caliber, but I couldn't tell if it was a handgun or a rifle. And it echoed, so I can't be exactly sure where the shooter was located."

"I'm sure there were bullets in your DOA," Carolyn reminded them smartly. "You can get your information from them."

"Were there any other witnesses?" I asked them. It would be good information for us if they would admit that there were others who had seen.

"The man who called 9-1-1. He waited for us to show," one officer said as he gave me a pointed look. The unspoken end to that sentence was like you should have.

I stood up quickly, and while my equilibrium protested the motion, my temper kept me grounded.

"Hey, my friend was shot, okay? I was a little busy trying to save his life, so I wasn't thinking about proper protocol. Besides, you obviously knew where to find me."

"Proper protocol…you knew the sound of a small caliber weapon being fired…tell me again what you guys are doing in Chicago?"

"Why, do we have to register with the police before coming into the city?" Carolyn retorted.

"We're on our honeymoon," I told them. "We like to travel to random big cities and check out the parks where dealers hang. We get a big rush out of it."

"Mr. Logan, we're trying to help you find out who shot your friend."

"No, you're not. You're questioning us because you have no idea what you should be doing instead," Carolyn replied.

She was in full-on protective mode, so I knew I wasn't fooling her with my I'm okay act.

The officers both took offense at her comment. One of them stood up fully and adjusted his weapon where it was holstered on his belt.

"Ma'am, we don't need you in on this. We're here to question Mr. Logan."

I could feel her bristling beside me, so I thought it would be best to wrap things up quickly. We were both on edge waiting for news on Goren, and it wouldn't do us any good to pick a fight with the locals.

"Look, officer," I began. "We're investigators from New York. We were hired to find a local man, and we had word that he hangs out in the park. My friend and I were asking around, we approached your victim to speak with him, and that's when the shots rang out. Three, in rapid succession. I didn't see anyone suspicious prior to that or after, and…"

The door to the room opened and I stopped talking. Alex stood there, pale as a ghost, but still holding it together.

"Alex?" Carolyn asked.

"He's awake. They're taking the bullet out now. He's going to be okay."

I let out a deep breath and ran my hand over my face. I felt like crying, but I didn't want to break down in front of Alex.

But my good intentions flew out the window when she walked over to me and hugged me so tight I could barely breathe. But that was okay. I was just grateful that she seemed to forgive me for what I'd let happen.

I couldn't speak as the tears rolled down my face, and she didn't either. I could feel the wetness of her tears soaking into my t-shirt. We stood there like that for several long minutes until I felt her breathing change as she struggled to pull herself together.

After another moment, she pulled away and then Carolyn took her by the hand and sat with her on a couch. The cops were gone. I guess Carolyn had shooed them away.

"How long?" she asked her. "Did they say?"

"Dr. Carter said he'd find me when he finished," Alex replied with a shrug.

With the immediate crisis over, I started thinking about the case.

Someone wanted Derek dead. Because of his potential testimony? He was going to blow Cabbage's theory about the previous murder being an accident?

We didn't even know the identity of the original victim. Carver hadn't mentioned it. Was it related? Was there a massive cover-up going on?

I had no idea, but I had a feeling that Carver knew a lot more than he was saying. And if his silence had caused Bobby to get shot, then there was going to be hell to pay.

"I'll be back in a little while. Call me when there's news," I told Carolyn and Alex.

"Mike, where…" Alex began, but then she stopped. I could tell by the look on her face that she knew exactly where I was going.

"I'm coming with you," Carolyn said as she stood up.

"Stay here with Alex," I told her.

"I don't need a babysitter," Alex argued.

"I don't either," I said firmly.

I met Carolyn's gaze and we battled for a moment. I knew she understood my need for an emotional outlet, and I knew she'd come to the same conclusion that I had about Carver.

Or course, maybe she wanted to come so that she could witness what I was about to do to him.

"Don't get arrested," she said at last. "I mean it. We need you."

I leaned down and kissed her hard, and then placed a quick kiss on the top of Alex's head.

"I won't. I'm going to get information, something we should've had to begin with. Call me."

I was out the door before they could argue further.

I trotted down the hall, and cast a glance toward the closed doors of Goren's trauma room as I passed.

Take care of my brother, I said silently to no one in particular.

And then I left the ER and went to the El.

Forty minutes later, I was at Carver's office.

It was Sunday afternoon, and it was probably wishful thinking that he would be here, but it was a place to start. Besides, someone as ambitious as Carver probably rarely left the office.

The lobby was open and there was a security guard sitting at the receptionist's desk.

"Can I help you?" he asked me cautiously. He stood up and put his hand on the butt of his weapon, and that was when I realized that I was still in my bloody shirt.

I held my hands out from my sides so that the guard would know that I posed no danger.

"I'm here to see Mr. Carver," I stated.

"Is he expecting you?"

Good, he is here. And since I hadn't identified Derek to the cops, I knew there was no way he'd been notified yet. He wouldn't have any idea what was going on, so he would probably agree to see me.

"Tell him that Mike Logan needs to speak with him."

I held my breath and waited while the guard called upstairs. The conversation lasted longer than it should have, but eventually, the guard hung up and nodded his head.

"Fifth floor," he told me.

I rode the elevator up and got out on Carver's floor. There were a couple of secretaries working, but none of them even glanced at me.

I hustled down the hall and unceremoniously flung open his door.

"Detective," he said in surprise as he stood up from his desk. He gave me a curious once-over and then gestured for me to sit down. I held my ground in the doorway. "Henry said you looked a mess, but somehow I didn't have you pictured adequately."

"You probably assumed I looked my usual mess," I replied smartly.

Just the sight of him was pissing me off. He'd made a hard play for Alex even after she told him she was married. He'd withheld information about the case, and then admitted to knowing additional facts.

And my money said he was still holding back.

If that was the case, I might not be able to keep my promise to Carolyn.

I just might get arrested.

"To what do I owe this unexpected visit?"

"We found your brother," I told him. I wanted to shock him. I wanted to see his expression. "He's dead."

"Derek is dead?" he asked calmly. "Are you sure?"

"Am I sure that it's Derek, or am I sure that he's dead?" I asked in disbelief. At his continued stare, I added, "I spoke with him. And then he was shot. Right in front of me."

"That's terrible, Detective," he replied in a tone that belied his words.

"I just told you that your brother is dead. Is that all you have to say? Or did you see it coming?"

"He lived on the streets. It's not exactly a surprise."

"You see this as a good thing, don't you?" I accused. My emotions from the past couple of hours were now overtaken by anger. "I bet you're standing there right now trying to decide exactly where to hang your mirror in the DA's office, aren't you?"

"That's a despicable thing to say."

"But true though, isn't it?" I asked as I took a step inside the room and closed the door behind me. "Did you know about Cabbage?"

The police report Carver had given us didn't mention the name Cabbage. It only had the man's real name.

But Carver's reaction to my use of the street name told me what I needed to know.

And that pushed me right over the edge.

I shoved a chair aside as I crossed the room and when I got to Carver's desk, I swept everything from the surface.

"Detective!" he shouted. I rounded the desk and grabbed him by the throat and then backed him into the wall.

"You knew about Cabbage," I accused hotly. "You knew his gang would be looking for Derek, trying to kill him. You knew and didn't tell us, right? You had us thinking we were trying to rescue him from drug use. We're out on these streets unarmed while gang bangers are trolling the same streets trying to kill him."

"Mike!"

I should've known Carolyn would come.

And it was probably a good thing. Getting arrested for assault was one thing. Murder was another.

And right now, I wanted nothing more than to kill Carver.

"Say it," I continued, although I did let up on the pressure slightly. "You knew what kind of trouble Derek was into, didn't you? You knew he had a target on his head."

"I thought that he might, yes," Carver admitted reluctantly in a raspy voice.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I shouted, and then I punched my fist into the wall next to his head. He winced at the nearness of the blow, but didn't verbally respond.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

That was Carolyn. She'd moved in behind me, and I could tell that she was pissed, too.

Maybe I would get to kill Carver.

Maybe now I'd just have help hiding the body.

"I was hoping…that it wouldn't…get out. I thought that…if you could…find him, then I could…get him out of the city."

"You're still just worried about the damn election. Well you know what? Even that would've been fine if you'd let us know," I growled at him as I once again increased the pressure on his throat. "We would've taken more precautions."

"Bobby was shot," Carolyn piped in. "He got shot while talking to your brother."

Carver was damn lucky that his expression was properly remorseful. If he'd shown any sign of…just about anything else, I would've been done with him.

"I didn't…consider that," he said with his eyes downcast. "Is he alright?"

"Do you know Cabbage's gang?" I asked him. He didn't deserve to know how Bobby was. Hell, he was probably hoping for a bad outcome so that he could go after Alex again.

"I know…some of them, yes."

"I need names. All of them. Everyone who may or may not be involved. I want his grandma's name and his third cousin twice removed, got it?"

"I understand."

"So I'm going to let you go, and you're going to sit down at your desk and get busy writing names."

"I'm…yes…I will."

I let him go and stepped back from him. He promptly moved away from me and rubbed his hand on his neck.

"I could have you arrested for assault," Carver threatened. "Destruction of public property, threats against a public official…"

"You call the cops," I told him with a nod. "I've got quite the story to tell them about how one of their ADAs sold out his own brother."

"Or," Carolyn interjected as she stepped between us. I knew she was afraid that I was going to go after him again. She's an astute woman.

"Or you can give us our information and we'll be on our way."

"But the case is over," he countered. "I hired you to find my brother. You found him."

"If you think we're leaving Chicago without catching the jag-off who shot Bobby then you've lost your mind," I told him. "And we're billing you for every minute until we catch the guy, so get busy making our list."

Carver grabbed a pen and paper and began writing, so I flopped down in one of the visitor's chairs. I was completely drained and I was a bloody mess.

Carolyn and I would stop by the hotel after we left here so that I could change, and then we were going back to Garfield Park.

TBC...