A/N: OMG I'm so glad everyone seemed to like it. I mean the whole concept of Jake imprinting does seem pretty convenient, don't you think? So I'd braced myself for a lot more bad reviews.

I'm still going to keep this as original as I possibly can, so I'm hopingthe story will still keep you entertained.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and probably never will.

Apology

Bella's POV

I sat on my bed, leaning my back against the wall that ran adjacent to it, wondering how this had happened.

Just a few days ago I could never have guessed that everything was going to twist into this confusing version of the world that I used to live in. I mean, wasn't the whole marriage thing (which might not even take place now, considering the look on Jacob's face as he fled from me) enough? And now I had to deal with this, too.

Honestly, when someone finally did manage to kill me, I had some serious issues to discuss with whoever was calling the shots from up there.

Now that my curiosity had been stirred (courtesy of Alice), my talk-sense-into-Edward plan looked all the more appealing. The only problem was that there was nothing for us to talk about anymore. Jacob already knew about what I had wanted to keep from him (also courtesy of Alice). It wouldn't help to also subject myself to the torture of seeing his annoyingly perfect face, and hearing his disturbingly smooth voice, and having to look into those disgustingly deep pools of topaz that made my heart race every single time.

But that didn't change the fact that I really, really wanted to.

And he called himself a masochist.

I picked up my pillow and screamed loudly into it. UGH! It was a miracle I hadn't exploded yet.

After almost an entire hour of tearing my insides apart, I made up my mind. The damage was already done. Jacob knew. How much worse could it get?

I sat up straight in bed and took in a deep breath.

I remembered the night I had considered seeking out Edward. I had wondered for ages just how I was going to find him.

But now that seemed silly. I didn't need to find him. I just had to wait for him.

"Edward."

I waited.

Minutes passed and I waited there in silence, not moving a muscle.

I was just beginning to feel a bit stupid when I suddenly saw something move from the corner of my eye.

My breath caught.

His soundless entry didn't surprise me. I hadn't expected to hear his approach anyway.

But it was his utter beauty that had caught me off guard. Again. But it really wasn't something you got used to very easily.

He was lithe and catlike as he lowered himself easily through my window and into my room.

He stood there for a moment, while we both tried to read each other's faces.

His face was perfect and unguarded, and I could see his uncertainty written clearly all over it. But there was something else there, something that softened his faultless features (something that looks strangely like… affection? Or was it relief?), making him look nothing like the angel he usually resembled. No, today Edward Cullen looked like a god.

I had no idea what he could see on my face.

"Hi," I said quietly. "Um… would you like to sit?"

I cringed inwardly. Would you like to sit? Who talked like that? I must have sounded so stupid and pathetic. Maybe it even sounded like I was making a pass at him. Oh god.

I needed to act aloof. He needed to think that I was doing him a favor by allowing this little chat. Which I was. Sort of.

"I mean," I quickly amended as he made to move closer to the bed. "You can sit over there." I gestured to the old chair in the corner.

He showed no sign of being hurt by my rudeness as he silently did as I said.

Once he was seated, we just sat there for another moment.

"Alice said you wanted to talk to me," he finally said.

I eyed him awkwardly. "She said the same thing to me."

"Yes," he replied. "I did want to talk to you."

I waited. "Well?" I prompted when I didn't get a response. "What did you want to talk about?"

He didn't answer for a long moment. "Several things," he finally said. "Most of which I don't know if I even have a right to say." He paused again, choosing his words carefully. "Mainly I just wanted to apologize."

I gaped at him in surprise. Whatever I had been expecting, this wasn't it. "Go on, then," I said, surprising myself. "Apologize."

I wanted to cringe, but I forced myself to keep my expression blank. Aloof, I repeated firmly in my mind.

He sighed and stood up.

I repressed the urge to stop him as he came closer to me, stopping just in front of my bed. Then, unexpectedly, he sank to his knees before me so that his face was directly in front of me. His face was pained, and saturated with sincerity.

"Bella," he began in a low, deep voice. "I know that when I left, I pretty much threw away any chance that I had of keeping you. You trusted me, and I let you down .I knew it would break you, but I left anyway. I owed you better than that. But you have to understand." He paused for a moment to maximize the effect, I think. "Yours wasn't the only heart that broke that day."

I raised my eyebrows. "That's not much of an apology."

"Please let me finish." His tone made it clear that it wasn't a demand, just a request. I could ask him to leave any time I wanted. When I didn't, he went on. "I know that I have hurt you… I've hurt you beyond belief. I have wronged you to such an extent that I will never forgive myself. And I certainly have no right to expect your forgiveness. But nevertheless, I'm going to ask you for it. I refuse to spend eternity wondering what if, Bella. I need to know that I tried. I'm sorry and I want you to forgive me. I want you to take me back."

I sat there, staring at him with my lips molded into a little shocked 'O'. I was trying to make sense of his words. I mean, I knew what he was saying, but I had to be wrong. My mind wasn't functioning right. Why else would I think Edward Cullen was saying something like this to me?

"You said… but you said you didn't-"

"I lied."

It took me another few minutes to find my voice again. He stayed where he was, just watching me patiently.

"Why?" I wondered, forgetting to sound mean in my astonishment.

He seemed to think about it. "I couldn't stand the thought of losing you," he finally said. "The mere idea was so terrifying that… I wasn't really left with a choice."

"You know that you're not making any sense, right?" I said, wondering if maybe he was making perfect sense, but my mind just couldn't comprehend his words. It wouldn't be surprising, considering the other mistakes it had made in the past five minutes. "I mean," I clarified, "When you don't want to lose someone, then dumping them is a pretty stupid thing to do."

He cracked a small smile. "I meant that in a different sense, Bella."

I waited for him to elaborate.

He frowned in concentration as he thought about it for a minute. "Let me begin by emphasizing that I've been around on this planet a lot longer than you have. And I've met countless people, Bella. Countless. Including humans. But can you imagine that in all these years, not once had I met a human who had any amount of influence on me. I just didn't care. People come and people die. That's life." He wasn't looking at me now. He focused on a spot on the bed between us as he spoke. "But when it does start to bother you; when you start to hurt because someone else is hurting… that's when you know that you're in love. And when I say this, Bella, I don't mean the mild discomfort that you might feel if, say, Mike Newton was to be sad. I'm talking about actual physical pain at knowing that someone else is hurting. Or might get hurt."

I would have figured out what he was trying to say if only I had heard that last part.

But I got sidetracked by his accusation of me loving Mike Newton in any way whatsoever and considered stopping him right there just so I could tell him that I had just added that to his already never ending list of offences. But since he was being nice, I decided to let that one slide. Besides, I wanted to hear the rest of his apology.

"It's hard for my kind to grow attached, Bella. It takes an extremely strong bond for us to need someone else for our own existence. Even another vampire. It's even harder for us to find that in a human."

He paused.

"I've been a vampire for more than a century. Try to imagine that, Bella. A hundred years of watching people go by. It's very… interesting, being a vampire. It's especially interesting for me because I get to live not only my own life, but everyone else's too. I learned so much about human nature, just by listening to their thoughts."

He smiled a bit now, as though remembering some secret joke.

"It used to annoy me so much," he said, still smiling, still not looking at me. "How people seemed to have nothing better to think about than their crushes, or boyfriends, or girlfriends. You'd be surprised, really, if you knew how much time people spend, thinking of nothing but their love life. I mean, its so bad sometimes that the news of the old lady next door getting shot wouldn't be as interesting as what to wear on their date that night. And every time they did, I'd have to roll my eyes and think, get over it already! I just couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. What was the point of obsessing over every single moment of every single encounter with that person every single moment of the day? It all seemed so silly and overrated. I knew all about the theory of it. I just hadn't felt it for myself. And it was okay, because I knew what it was all about anyway." he stopped talking and looked at me. "I was wrong."

His gaze burned with an intensity that seemed to burn right through me, but I didn't look away.

"I looked at my family, and I felt the bond that we shared, but it just wasn't it. I never needed for someone to be safe, to not want to exist if they didn't. And then I met you."

As he watched me, the intensity died and his eyes began to fill with wonder. "Suddenly, I knew exactly what everyone had been talking about. Love! It makes you feel the need to make the other person happy. Because if you weren't happy, Bella, I wasn't either. I couldn't be, not matter how much I tried."

He stopped again to recollect his thoughts and I took the opportunity to cut in.

"I was happy," I accused. "I was happier than I thought possible. And you took that away! How can you be telling the truth?"

"When I said happy, Bella, I also meant alive. It took me more than a century to find you," he whispered urgently, willing me to understand. "I wasn't going to lose you. Not like that. Not ever. Not to my brother."

I felt chills run down my spine at the utter fierceness of the way he spoke the last part. Thinking about that terrible night, I remembered his coldness, and the long brooding silences that had followed.

See, now that had been aloof.

He was still watching me.

"Do you see now, Bella? Do you see why I had to leave? That night. On your birthday." It seemed to pain him as much to speak about that night as it did to me to think about it. "Your close proximity to me left you far too exposed, too vulnerable. If something like that happened again… if someone hurt you… our thirst isn't worth your life. I had to do something."

He was begging me to understand. Begging me to forgive him, and overlook my long months of heartache.

The room had become all blurry, and I realized after a moment that it was because my eyes were wet. Tears flowed down my face even though I hadn't noticed before that I was crying.

"Why are you lying to me?" I whispered. "Haven't you done enough?"

"I accept all my mistakes, Bella" he reached out a hand, as if to touch my face, but thought better of it when my gaze darted to his hand in alarm. "But please don't accuse me of lying to you. When I left you, I thought I was protecting you. If I knew that this is how things would turn out, I would never have left I'm sorry that it was all such a waste. Believe me, Bella. Every moment that I was away, my heart was right here. With you."

I tried to collect my thoughts. I was getting too close to believing his words. If I wasn't careful, I might fall into the trap again.

"So why now?" I demanded. There had to be some way I could twist his words around. There had to be a hole in all these brilliantly fabricated lies. "What's changed? What makes you think that I'll be safe with you now?"

He smiled again. "You're Bella, Bella," he said gently. He reached out to wipe away my tears, ignoring me when I tried to jerk away from him. "You can't be safe." Another offence on the List. Reminding me of my lifelong danger magnet designation in an impossibly sweet way. "But I think I can accomplish that to at least some degree if I'm here with you. As long as I'm here, I won't allow anything to harm you."

Damn, that expression he wore needed to be legally banned.

"You didn't seem this confident two years ago," I reminded him. "You said you only left because you thought I'd be safer this way, and now you're saying that I'll be safer with you and your family here. You're contradicting yourself. Make up your mind!"

"You're right," he said softly. "I am contradicting myself. Because back then, I had successfully managed to delude myself into thinking that I could survive without being in your life. That I was capable of existing while you did, but not with you. But now I know better. I can't do it, Bella. When you came into my life, you changed everything. I have forgotten how to live without you. These two years have been torture, Bella. Pure torture."

I tried, but the way he spoke had made it far too difficult to continue to think he was lying. I mean, anyone could speak the words. But the honesty that was dripping from his every word wasn't something that could be imitated.

And yet I couldn't fathom how someone like him could be willing to go to such extremes for me. Me!

"And now I have too many reasons to stay," Edward went on. "I'm much too selfish to let you lead your new life without even knowing that we could be together again. And I can protect you, Bella. I believe that now. I have to. You only have to say the word. One word and I will gladly give up everything I have to make you happy."

I shook my head in despair. "It's not that simple, Edward," I said, reminding him as well as myself of all the reasons why what he was suggesting would be wrong. So, so wrong. "Jacob-"

"Bella, you need to leave him out of this conversation. This is about you," he said, now straightening up and coming to sit beside me on the bed. "For one moment, think about you. Do you think you could do that?"

"But he is a part of this conversation!" I protested. "I'm marrying him."

"But you don't have to."

"Yes I do!" I shouted. "I do because I love him! Okay? I love him and I owe it to him! I have to marry him, Edward, because ever since you left, Jacob has kept me alive! He was here, Edward. He was here every moment that you weren't."

I could see by the pain that suddenly swept into his eyes that I had hurt him. I regretted the words almost as soon as I said them. Because no matter how angry a small part of my brain was at him, I didn't want to hurt him. I would never want to hurt him.

But what other choice did I have? I was beginning to believe him, and I couldn't afford to do that. So it was either hurting Edward, or hurting Jacob (more than I already had). And I wouldn't hurt Jacob anymore.

I had to be strong. Despite what I really wanted to do, which was to lean forward just a few inches and press my lips against Edward's, I would have to learn to control myself. If I didn't, there would be no way to avoid breaking both their hearts (probably some bones too). Not everything could be about what I wanted. I had to think of the bigger picture, the greater good and all that.

And in this case, the greater good seemed to demand me hurting Edward further, to make absolutely certain that he and Jacob couldn't cross paths, no matter how hard Jacob tried. I needed to persuade him that there was nothing left for him in Forks. I needed to make him leave.

"I've made a commitment to him, Edward," I continued in a softer, more brisk voice. "And I fully intend to stick to it. I'm sorry that you made all this effort, but it simply isn't possible. I would like for you to leave me alone."

I spoke with as little emotion as I could, trying to keep my tone brisk and businesslike (which, by the way, isn't the easiest thing in the world to do while tears are practically raining down your face), but I just couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes. Or at him at all, really. So I kept my gaze fixed on Jacob's ring as I spoke.

That's why I didn't see it coming when he suddenly reached out and took my face into his cold hands and turned me so that I would have to look at him. His expression was no longer uncertain. If anything, I'd say it was sort of skeptical.

Yeah. Skeptical!

"You're lying."

I tried to jerk out of his grasp but he refused to let go. I felt a thrill of fear as I thought of the sheer strength those slender fingers contained. With the slightest squeeze, he could crush my jaw in an instant.

I banished the thought as soon as it came. This was Edward. No matter how upset he might get, I was safe. At least physically.

As for my heart, well how much worse could it get?

"Am I?" I replied to his statement.

"You are," he replied. "You don't want me to leave, Bella. You have to have at least that much affection for me of you agreed to see me tonight."

"I agreed to see you so I could get you off my back that much sooner!" I hissed, but I could tell it was a lost cause. He was too perceptive for his own –or rather my own– good. He already knew the truth.

"You're worried about the werewolves," he said. It wasn't even a question! That's how transparent I was. "You think Jacob will try to hunt me down if he knew I was trying to talk to you."

I gave up.

"I know it," I muttered, finally able to look away as he released me. "And he already knows you're back in town. Alice," I added the last part in answer to his questioning gaze.

"And is that your only problem?" he asked. "Because whatever it is, I can find a way around it."

I rolled my eyes at him. He smiled, glad to see me stop crying. "Well," I said. "It's not only the werewolves that I'm worried about."

He looked genuinely curious for a second before understanding dawned on his gorgeous face. "Bella!" he said in shock. "You aren't seriously worried… about me!"

And then he began to laugh.

Now I have to say that I was more than just a bit insulted. I mean, this was the same guy who, just a minute ago, had been promising to find solutions to all my problems, and now here he was, laughing at me.

I glared at him. Somehow he'd managed to take charge of even the one conversation where I was supposed to be calling the shots. I mean it was my apology, after all.

He finally sobered up, but his wide smile stayed in place.

"Bella, you don't need to be worried about me," he said. "I can take care of myself."

It was my turn to look skeptical. "Edward, that pack is huge."

He smiled grimly. "I wouldn't be alone either."

A spasm of fear shook through me. This was just what I was afraid of, and here he was, confirming it.

I huffed and moved away from him, to the other corner of the bed. "That's exactly why you need to leave. There doesn't need to be a fight. I can't imagine… you… please, Edward. Just go."

"Okay, wait," he said, gently reaching out to comfort me, but he didn't try to close the gap between us again. His expression had turned speculative. "What if I said that I could avoid a fight, without leaving? What if I could promise you Jacob's safety, as well as my own? Then would you reconsider?"

"And hurt Jacob in the process?" I challenged. "Besides, you don't know Jacob. He will try to find you. Especially if he ever found out about this conversation."

"Then he wont," Edward promised. "And if he doesn't then he won't have any reason to want to hurt me."

"He already does want to hurt you."

"I meant a reason worth breaking the treaty for."

I leaned forward and put my head in my hands. What had this conversation turned into? I couldn't believe I was sitting here talking to Edward and actually considering giving him another chance.

But Jacob…

"Look, Edward, you need to go. This is wrong."

He was quiet for so long that for one panicked second I thought he actually had disappeared. But when I peeked out from between my fingers, he was still right there, motionless as a statue, his mind suddenly far away.

"I know it is, Bella," was his soft reply. "That's what makes me so absolutely disgusted with myself to be asking this of you. But you know why I have to."

"I do," I said, still watching him. "Sort of."

He turned to look straight into my eyes, and I saw it in his eyes before he even opened his mouth.

"Bella, I-"

I closed my eyes. "Don't say it, Edward," I whispered. "Please." He had implied it several times during this conversation, but he hadn't said it. I couldn't let him.

"But I do." His tone was gentle, and filled with emotion that we both felt.

"I do too."

I sighed and snuggled closer to him, leaning my head against his chest. We both sat there, motionless, trying to come to terms with what this meant. Then, finally, he smiled a sad smile and shifted me so that he could stand.

He looked like he was trying to find the words to say something. "Bella, I can't not have you in my life anymore," he said. "I'm completely sick and tired of it. But I will leave if that is what you really want. Not for me or Jacob, but for yourself. But if that's not what you really want… then I was wondering… if maybe we could… be friends?"

I blinked. Friends. With Edward. I wondered how weird that would be. "We could try," I finally answered.

He nodded. "So, I guess this means I'll see you in school?"

I nearly tripped in my haste to stand too. This meant he was leaving. "Yeah. School."

He smiled gently and leaned forward to press his lips against my forehead ever so lightly. Then, before I knew what had happened, I was alone.

I stood there for one confused moment before the door to my room suddenly swung open and Charlie stood in my doorway.

"Dad!" I said, trying to sound casual. "Hey!"

"Hey," Charlie said, looking around my room suspiciously. "Were you just talking to someone?"

"Me?" I squeaked. "No. No, of course not."

Charlie still looked uneasy. "I could have sworn I heard someone else…"

I felt myself blush as I realized why Edward had left so quickly, and why Charlie looked so concerned. He had recognized Edward's voice.

"No, Dad. There's no one here."

He squinted at me suddenly. "Have you been crying?"

"No," I lied again. "I just got an eyelash in my eye. I'm fine now."

He gave me one last dubious look, and then he nodded to himself. "Bella, about this whole thing with not telling your mother-"

Oh, yeah. That too.

"I changed my mind, dad," I said quickly, before I could change it back. "I'll tell her this weekend."

To say that Charlie looked surprised would be an understatement. "You want to… tell Renee?"

I shrugged. "Sure," I said, trying to be nonchalant. "It's a done deal anyway. What's the point in delaying it, right?"

"Uh…" Charlie frowned, watching my face for any sign of deception. "Yeah. Right." Seemingly satisfied, he smiled. "That's great, Bells. I'm glad you're doing the right thing."

I doubt mom will see it that way, I thought.

He lingered in the doorway.

"Goodnight, dad," I hinted.

"Right," he said. "Sorry. Night, Bells."

I haven't had time to really edit this, so there are bound to be tons of mistakes, but whatever.

I know that this Bella reacted differently from the book, but I didn't want to post like, a rewritten version of the entire chapter from New Moon. Besides, this is MY Bella, and apparently, she has fewer self-esteem issues than Stephenie's Bella (it's so cool how I have, like, my own version of Bella).

Edward may be a bit OOC but again, I didn't want to borrow much from the book and it's hard to recreate awesomeness of that degree in my own words.

Besides, I sort of had to if I wanted the story to go anywhere. Stephenie's version would probably go when Bella specifically told him to. So, yeah.

P.S. is it just me or does my Edward sound uglier than Stephenie's Edward? (I don't know if that makes sense)