With Paul gone I got up and looked for my journal I kept by our bed to write in. I figured I should at least tell them I was leaving, so they didn't report me as a missing person.

Paul,

I love you so much. I'm going to miss you but I need

No, that wouldn't work.

Paul,

I have to leave. Please don't talk to me ever again.

Nope, too harsh…

Poolie,

I know this is hard to hear, but I'm leaving. This has been a mistake. I'm really sorry. Please don't look for me.

Love, Kaiden.

I cried as I signed my name, tore out the page and folded it to be left on our bed. I continued as I packed all of my belongings and called the cab to pick me up.

I went straight to my hotel room, letting my bags fall to the floor I climbed onto the bed, curling myself into a tight ball. I cried until my face was wet from the tears, my eyes were red and puffy, my nose was uncontrollable, and my sobs were deafening.

Pulling myself together, slightly, I sat up and walked into the bathroom to clean myself up. I was halfway through washing my face when I heard my phone start up. I knew it was Paul. I didn't know how I knew, I just did. I quickly glanced at the clock and sure enough it was time for the concert to be over. I groaned and willed myself to ignore the urge to begin crying again.

I sat in the bathroom, on the toilet, my legs folded up under me, as my phone continued to ring. Constantly. Right after each other. Paul's ring at least ten, I'd lost count. Zack's close to Paul's. Maggie's ring at least eight. Rian's ring four times. Bryan's twice.

I sat cowering in the bathroom, worried about my friends, my family. I knew they were worried. I hated doing this to them. But it was needed, I needed to disappear; things would be better this way.

At least an hour later, I dismounted the toilet and tip toed into the other room; as if my phone would be able to hear me and tell the others where I was.

I switched into sweats and an old t-shirt before retrieving my phone. Seventeen new voicemails, thirty-three missed calls, and about double that in new texts. I cringed at this and sat down, afraid to know what was coming next.

I scrolled through the missed calls, noting that I had been a bit off with Paul leading with twelve of the calls, Zack with nine, Rian with five, Maggie with four, and Bryan with two. I switched to the texts, barley noticing the pleas to know where I was, to come back home, to talk to someone.

With shaking hands I began to listen to the new voicemails.

First new voicemail:

"Hey babe, we just finished the show; I'm going to shower here, much bigger bathroom." Paul chuckled to himself. "Then I'll be right over. I love you and the little one."

Second new voicemail:

"Kaidy, where are you? Did you leave to go get something? Call me when you get this. Love you." Paul said, sounding confused.

Third new voicemail:

"Kai, Paul just called…He can't find you. Where are you? Pick up the phone." Zack spoke sounding confused and a bit pissed off.

Fourth new voicemail:

"Kaidy, hey it's me. Paul told me he can't find you, I'm worried. Be careful, please. I love you." Rian said sounding very worried.

Fifth new voicemail:

"Kai, babe, if I did something…please just come home so we can talk about it." Paul said, sounding very worried, I could hear him pacing, his voice quick.

Sixth new voicemail:

"Kaiden, why's your stuff gone? Where are you? Where'd you go?" Paul was crying now, my tears increased hearing his voice and knowing I'd never be the one to console him ever again. "Please come home, I'm so worried about you and the baby. I love you, Kai."

Seventh new voicemail:

"Kaiden Hope Merrick." Maggie's voice boomed. "Where the hell are you? Paul just called me sobbing. Not to mention that Zack's there and he's furious! Not to mention we're all worried sick. You said you'd think about this. Don't do anything stupid, Kai."

Eighth new voicemail:

"Kaiden, I swear to god." Zack's voice seethed. "When I find you I'm going to pound your head in. Where are you? I'm so worried about you."

Ninth new voicemail:

"Kaiden, did you just leave and not give anyone a reason or explanation or anything?" Maggie asked, mad. "Not only am I worried sick but I have to deal with everyone else! I swear to god Kai." She said hanging up angrily.

Tenth new voicemail:

"Kai, I found your note." Paul's voice was hollow, quiet. I heard him sniffle, knew he'd been crying. "I--I don't understand, why you're gone. I just know you are and I'm sorry for what I did to make you leave." He started crying again, my tears flowing with his. "I don't know how to not be with you. Please just give me a chance to fix this? To change things? I'll do anything for you. I love you. I need you. I want you back; you and the baby both."

Eleventh new voicemail:

"I'll let you be though, if you don't want to be with me…then so be it." Paul's voice carried on. "I just want you to be happy. Please, if I can help with anything…you or the baby just tell me. Or someone. I'll do anything. I love you, Kai. Please be careful."

That was the last one I could listen to. I really broke down, sobbing loudly. I was surprised no one had called and complained.

After what seemed like hours of sobbing I sat up, wiping my eyes, I grabbed my phone and dialed the number I knew by heart.

"I am so going to kill you, Kaiden Hope Merrick." Maggie's voice said on the other line.

"I know." I said tears returning to my eyes. "I'm sorry. I just, I couldn't do it. I couldn't put him through it." She tried to cut me off but I kept going, speeding up my words. "I know, I know he doesn't see it that way; he hasn't thought far enough ahead yet. This is too much for him. He'll be happy to rid himself of this in the long run. I can do this, Mags. I know I can. And I know, I know this wont be easy but I have to do it." I said covering everything I thought she was going to say.

"I hope you've thought long and hard about what you're throwing away for it." She said finally. "You've rid it of its family. You pushed away Zack, you pushed away all the boys we grew up with, you pushed away the rest of the boys who you know would love it as much as they do you, but most of all you pushed away its father."

"I haven't pushed away the boys, they'll always be there. And Zack, he'll still be there; he is my brother after all." I offered.

"Look at what you're doing to Paul then! You're letting the baby be a part of all of his friends life's but not his? You're going to dangle it in front of his face. That's torture, Kai." She argued.

"No, it wont be like that. I'll figure it out." I whispered, worried about my Poolie.

"Where are you going to go?" She asked after a long moment of silence.

"The summer house." I answered quickly without thinking.

"You're going all the way to North Carolina?" She asked, shocked.

"Yeah, I just need to get away from all of this." I said, honestly.

"Did you buy tickets yet?"

"Fuck. No." I said, slapping my head with the palm of my hand out of my stupidity.

"I'll do it for you, I'll call back with all the information." She said getting off the phone.

I sighed and laid down, falling asleep quickly.