Its a long chapter... you have been warned.
The morning was brisk and the birch trees that grew in the atrium at the center of the colony had started to shed their leaves. They sprinkled down on Amaura as she silently walked to the infirmary with Levi walking slightly beside, and slightly behind her. "Today is my day in the infirmary. I have to train and check the work of other healers. Because, I'm the only trained doctor here." Leaves crunched under her boots as she walked across a stone bridge with a small stream flowing under it. Normally she would have enjoyed the walk, but then normally she wasn't fighting tumultuous feelings.
Earlier, she had tried to leave him behind, partly because he looked like he needed sleep the last time she'd seen him. Mostly, she wanted to get away from him, because she needed time to digest the unusual and new feelings he'd awakened in her.
The night before, after she'd literally run from his room, it had been silent between them. She'd had Heather escort him to the bath house and to get something to eat. She sat on her bed not really reading a book she'd chosen when he'd come in. He must have been tired, because she heard him move to his room and then everything was quiet.
She'd spent the rest of the night laying in her bed dissecting and over analyzing, trying to figure out exactly what her strange distracting feelings were. Was there something more that she had felt that had prompted her to save him in the first place? What had made her target him for all of her anger? And, what had made her heart race, her palms sweat, and why had she been unable to stop staring at his shirtless body? She was certain that image would forever be burned in her mind.
When morning came, she had no answers and no sleep. She quietly got dressed and tried to sneak out. Only, he was waiting in her living room wearing dark pants, white shirt, and one of their harnesses. He quietly watched her and his words, 'I want you to want to touch me,' rang in her ears and she couldn't talk, not even to say good morning. Instead she dashed out the door, uncaring if he could keep up.
By the time she reached the infirmary she felt more in control. She walked up to one of the square double doors and pulled it open. Alcohol and iodine floated on the air, because she made sure the small clinic was spotlessly clean. She walked into the large cave and immediately felt to the right, found a lamp, and lit it. "Unless there's an extreme emergency that goes beyond the skill of the other healers. I work here one day a week."
Behind her, her day's assigned assistant walked in. Quinn, an auburn haired man in his mid-twenties, smiled and waved excitedly. "Good morning, Amaura." He was one of the most enthusiastic healers with aspirations of becoming an actual doctor. Amaura thought he'd do well in the field because of his kind brown eyes and gentle nature.
Without being asked, Quinn lit the rest of the many lamps hung around the room. The main cavern was rounded and neat shelves were filled with stored medical equipment. Four beds were separated by half walls in the front of the room, and in the back of the room there were a row of six beds that had their own arched caverns.
Amaura waved her hand around the cavern, "primary beds for emergency or routine care." She pointed to the beds in the back, "observation and care chambers." Finally she motioned to two doors one either side of the chambers, "lab and storage."
Levi stood in the middle of the room, "I recognize it."
"Which is surprising considering how much Ryget we had to give you." Quinn said from the other side of the room. "It was close, but you did well." He came up to Levi and offered a hand, "Quinn doctor in training and Amaura's nurse that day."
Levi took the hand, "thank you." He said lowly as of it was hard to say.
"It was quite exciting. I hadn't gotten to assist on such a major surgery before." He smiled, walked to the front corner, and started getting the room ready for the day.
"You're in charge of medical care?" Levi looked at her with a plain expression but didn't avert his eyes for a long moment and she felt flush.
"Yeah, besides being the colony's general I am their only doctor." She repeated nervously. "I think the study of anatomy makes it easy for me to be the better killer."
"It would." He said flatly. She couldn't take his scrutiny anymore, so she went to her desk and started reviewing that week's charts and ledgers.
"I thought I might find you here." Amaura looked up as Jasper walked into the room followed by a hunched over and sallow looking Chance.
"I sent a message to Gareth last night and requested a seal for Micah." She said soberly.
"I know I saw him," Jasper came in sat Chance on one of the beds, "he should be here in a minute." He trudged over and sat down heavily in a chair next to her desk. "And, I was wondering if you'd stop by later and check on Leezle."
"Of course," She nodded and fought the heavy feeling in her chest.
"So, Captain Rivaille," Jasper turned his attention to Levi, "you're looking better. Did my sister's hospitality improve?"
"I never had a problem with her hospitality, just her petty bullshit." Levi took a seat across from Jasper. "But, as far as petty bullshit's concerned." Levi leveled sparkling green eyes on her, "I think it'll buff out."
"I'm sure it will," Jasper smiled and Amaura liked hearing it in his voice.
Footsteps came through the door and Gareth came in. He wore his usual dirty coveralls and goggles. In the mornings, before his day began, he seemed a little cleaner. "I hear you killed another human Armor, and damn near got killed in the process."
"No, I killed an animal that had forgotten what it was like to be human. And, who said I nearly got killed?" She looked around the room and everyone looked away, except Levi. He sat with his elbows resting on the arms of the chair and his fingers steepled together in front of him. "Whatever," she turned her attention to Chance, "Chance, you don't have to do this today."
On queue Gareth stepped forward and handed him a rolled bundle of leather. Chance took it and tears sparkled in his eyes. "I want to." He seemed certain, "I know you're going to do this too, but can I go first?"
"I'd insist," Amaura stood up and walked over to the bed he sat on. "Quinn," she looked up to find him walking over with a tray that had clean gauze pads and a bowl of what she knew to be Liliak. Gareth stepped forward and produced a metal pot and set it on the tray as Quinn walked by. Quinn set the tray on a close by table and took his place across from her.
Chance unrolled the leather and took out a small brand that was on a polished copper rod. "I want it next to mine."
"Okay," she took it, turned to Jasper, and he stood up. "Lay down," she prompted gently. He unbuttoned his shirt then lay back on the bed.
"Once part of colony, colony remains with you. Whether here or traveled on." Jasper said as Amaura unscrewed the lid of the metal pot. The heavy smell of ammonia filled the room. Inside the pot was a thick yellow liquid that looked like the consistency of soft wax. Carefully she cleaned the seal and dipped it in the fluid, tapped off the excess, and looked to Jasper. "The ones we love will always remain for we are colony and the life of the one, is the life of the many."
Amaura pressed the seal above the tattoo of a peacock, in the center of his chest. It hissed and puffs of smoke rose from around the seal. The smell of burning flesh filled the room, but Amaura didn't pull the brand away. Chance bared his teeth grunted, moaned, and then passed out. When the smoke stopped and the sizzling faded, she lifted the brand and Quinn quickly pressed a Liliak soaked rag to his chest.
"They brand themselves using a highly acidic excrement from rodents they call swelter bats," Armin whispered. She assumed it was to Levi. "It's supposed to hurt worse than being burned with a hot iron. But, it leaves a greenish gold tattoo."
"Don't you ever shut up boy?" Gareth admonished in a harsh whisper.
Amaura watched as Quinn wiped at burnt skin and pulled the rag away, "it looks good." Smooth skin was left behind and a coin sized impression of a raccoon holding a star.
"He's done." She announced and Quinn placed a cold cloth on Chances face, immediately waking him.
"Did I pass out?" Chance asked softly.
"No," she lied as she cleaned the seal and set it back on the tray. "You honored your wife."
"Thank you," he said and tears rolled down his cheeks. Quinn handed him a cloth and helped him up. He sat up wiping at his eyes, "I have to go to her mother's, they want to bury her before the harvest celebration tomorrow."
"Chance," Jasper said resting a hand on his shoulder. "Do what you need to do. There is no wrong or right way to grieve."
He stood and looked between Amaura and Jasper, "thank you."
"Quinn," Amaura prompted, "why don't you see him home, and make sure he is not neglecting himself." She gave Quinn a pointed look. He nodded, rested a hand on Chances shoulder and walked him out the door.
"I brought Micah's" Gareth handed Jasper a second rolled bundle. "No one told me what they wanted so I had to choose for myself."
"I'm sure its fine," Jasper set the bundle on the table next to the tray.
"Okay then, if I'm not needed." He nodded to them, turned and grabbed Armin by the arm, and followed Quinn out the door.
"You ready?" Jasper asked softly.
"Yeah," Amaura removed the top of her harness, unbuttoned enough of her shirt so that she could pull it up on her back then lay on her stomach on the bed.
"Amaura takes the seals of any colony that die at the hands of the Titan's." Jasper explained to Amaura's discomfort. She heard soft boot steps and didn't have to look up to know that Levi was standing beside her. But, she looked up any way and locked her gaze with his for a split second, before she stared at the white of the bed.
She heard the tapping of the container and then there was burning. Though the seal was small, it felt like every nerve of her back was on fire. She didn't make a sound or breathe harder, pain was a strange old comfort, and she welcomed it as her due. She smelt her own cooked flesh in the air and the burning continued. Several seconds later the seal was lifted away and she felt the cool Liliak being pressed to her back. "You carry colony with you no matter where you or they are."
There was a long silence and Amaura didn't move, because she had not really composed herself. She felt her raw emotions were there on her face to be seen.
"I'm going to leave Micah's seal here. Leezle isn't ready and I won't do it until she does." He sighed heavily. "I have to get back to Leezle," Jasper rested a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him conveying silent support. "I will see you later," he patted her head and she heard his retreated footsteps.
"Sit up," Levi barked. Amaura's snapped her head to him, surprised to find his face pulled tight in anger with a deep frown on his face. "I said get off your pathetic ass."
Amaura sat up and faced away from him, fighting against the sudden bout of rage that had taken hold. "You're a real piece of shit you know that." She said pulling down the shirt.
He stomped around the bed and rested hands on either side of her, "I never thought that you of all people would be so fucked up."
"Great, a lecture from a bitch, my day is complete." She tried to button up her shirt but her hands shook so badly, from her anger, she couldn't manage it.
"Why do you think you deserved that?" He said low and sharp, and she froze. She looked into his face. The anger still pulled his features tight, but there was something else there, a softness in his eyes, that she couldn't interpret. He reached out and she leaned back away from him. "I've seen some pretty shitty things, but that by far was the shittiest." He extended his hands, grabbed the front of her shirt and yanked her forward. Her involuntary response was to raise a hand to him, which he slapped away before he started buttoning her shirt. She was too shocked to try again.
She watched his face carefully, but his eyes were focused on the task of trying to button her shirt. It baffled her that he could read her so well. "I get the seals to honor the dead."
"That's only half a lie," he moved to the next button. "You get them because you are familiar with pain, worse than that, it somehow comforts you." His voice changed and was no longer angry, but seemed appalled, and his face had change back to his usual flat mask. His eyes were telling of something deep even if she couldn't read it. She looked down at the hands that had moved on to the last button of her shirt.
There was nothing she could say and she wondered how he could read her so easily, unless he knew the emotion. She looked up at him and he must have read the question on her face. "No, I've never been in a position to feel like I was happy I was in pain. But, I lived in a place where a lot of people thought that was their lot in life." Again, she was baffled by how accurate his assessment was as he reached around her and straightened up her shirt. "It pissed me off then too," he ran his hands around her neck and fixed her collar.
"It's not what you think," she denied.
"No it's exactly what I think," he slowly reached up and pressed his hand to the side of her face, carefully caressing it. There were no thoughts of being afraid, just the racing turmoil in her chest that the warmth of his hand had caused. His thumb rubbed down her cheek and ran over her bottom lip. Heat flooded from her face down to her chest and she felt her lip quiver. He looked at her with a strangely stern and soft expression. "Unless it's from the bite of a lover," he tilted her face up to his, "pain is a bad thing."
"Chance is settled in, but we may," Quinn came into the room and stopped. "I will uh," Levi dropped his hand and stepped away from her. "I…"
Amaura recovered and quickly put on her harness, "he's going to need something to help him sleep." She finished for chance. "Check the store room, there's something in there." She stood up and walked over to the cabinet were they kept the clean sheets. Loud boot stomps that echoed out the door, told her Levi had left. Her hand reached for a sheet and stopped, "you wouldn't say that if you knew the truth."
Amaura slipped into Leezle's room through a small crack in the door and quietly clicked it closed behind her. The room would have been absolute dark, except for the small candle that sat on an inlaid wall shelf. It was strange because Leezle was like summer, always warm, welcoming and bright. But, her sorrow blanketed the room in something thick. It almost felt like the dead of winter in a place where winter could never reach before.
She walked across the lambskin carpeted floor and took the chair next to the bed. The bundle of blankets on the bed shifted. "If you've come here to tell me we can try again, I will stab you." Leezle said with a sharp tone in her voice.
"No, I only came to tell you that I'm sorry about Micah." She sighed heavily, "but that sounds trite."
There was a long silence and Leezle sniffled, "Micah was a girl. I knew it. Just like I knew she'd have Jaspers eyes and my hair." There was another sniff. "How could I be so certain and not know she was going to die?"
"I don't know. Maybe because she was a strong enough soul to love you from the moment she was conceived." There was a trembling sigh followed by sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm not helping."
"I wanted Micah so badly," she heard tears in her voice. "We just found out two weeks ago. All I could think about was that I couldn't wait to hold her."
Amaura moved to the bed and sat down, "I would have loved to meet her."
She sat up. Anger cut into the sad expression on her face. "Why? Why me? I've given up so much, my home, my parent's, my sister. Why my child? Why the one thing I wanted to give my husband? Women have babies every day, little girls." She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. "I want my baby."
Amaura reached out and took one of her hands, holding it tightly in her own. "I want to make this better for you." She grabbed her other hand and clasped both of them tightly. "I'm so sorry this happened. Please understand, I didn't have a choice, it was either save you or lose both. I know Jasper would have been heart broken, and so would I."
Leezle looked up with tear filled wide eyes, open mouth, and a look of shock on her face, "Amaura?" She looked at their clasped hands.
"I…" she looked down at their hands too, surprised herself. Holding hands was something she'd never done before and they were both shocked by it. She wouldn't have had the courage yesterday. Not before Levi had held her hand or touched her face. At the time she found his touch warm soft and achingly familiar. Now she realized she missed touch, and she missed offering comfort to others. Not that she was ready for anything more than hand holding, but for now that seemed safe enough. "I…uh," she stuttered.
"When?" Leezle sniffed and looked at her with something that was a mixture of sadness and hope.
"The Captain, I mean Levi. He's such a dog, but, he touched my hand… And it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be." She swallowed, "I sound so stupid."
Leezle clutched her hands tightly. "I'm proud of you."
"Don't be," she admitted, "I was shaking so badly he probably thought I was a coward."
"Not my little Amaura," Leezle was quiet for a second. "And, your courage gives me courage." She smiled and cried at once. "I will honor Micah and love her with all my heart." She squeezed her hands again. "And, I will be a better person for having had the feeling of her soul next to mine."
Amaura felt tears stream down her cheeks, "and you will always be her mother, no matter where she is." They sat on the bed together for a long time and didn't move until their tears stopped.
"Okay so tell me all about it." Leezle prompted crossing her legs and sitting in front of her.
"Oh God," Amaura let go of her hands and stood up. If Leezle wanted to talk about her, then she'd tell her, they were best friends after all. And, maybe the distraction would take away some of her sadness. "I never imagined in a million years." She paced in front of the bed. "Maybe I did, maybe that's why I saved him, against my better judgment. But, I don't like that I'm confused around him and I pissed him off this morning and spent the whole day thinking about how it felt when he touched me." She flopped down in the chair across from Leezle. "And, I just sounded like a babbling idiot. He just touched my hand and barely touched my face. That's all," she cut her hand through the air. "I am an idiot. I sure as hell sound like one."
"You're babbling like a woman who is developing a crush on a man." Leezle let a smile touch the corners of her mouth. "And, who knew, kill them all and clean it up before God can sort it out Levi Rivaille, would be such a player."
"A player," Amaura repeated suddenly going cold. She hadn't considered that Levi was playing her. He was smart and observant that much she'd given him credit for, but not enough. He'd been watching her from the start, because he told her from the beginning that he planned on taking her with him back to the wall. The more she thought about it the more she realized how easy she'd made it for him. She'd never tried to hide the hurt from her past, and her reactions. Any stupid person could have figured her out, and he wasn't stupid. He'd found a way to manipulate her, because he wanted her as proof. He was the threat she'd thought he was and he was going to use her as the tool to start a war. Her hurt turned into self-recrimination and boiled into fury.
"Amaura," Leezle interrupted her thoughts with worry plaguing her face again. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing," Amaura waved a hand "I realized something that I hadn't thought of before."
"I know that look you just had and someone is about to suffer. Who? And why?"
The door opened before Amaura had to answer. "Leezle," Jasper came in.
"Jasper," Leezle said in a high whisper filled with sadness and her tears started to stream down her cheeks again. "I'm so sorry," she stared at her hands. "You must be so disappointed in me. I'm so sorry I didn't protect our child."
Jasper was on the bed and pulling her too him before she could finish. "I have my wife and though I wanted our child." He buried his face in her neck, "I have my wife."
Amaura stood up plagued with envy. Theirs was a love she wished she could have because it was something epic and passionate. Fear kept her from even daring to hope for what Leezle and Jasper had. She turned to leave, "Amaura?" Jasper stopped her and she turned to see an unspoken question on his face. He wanted her reassurance that his wife would recover not just physically but emotionally. She nodded and more heaviness left him.
Amaura left and quietly closed the door behind her. She was sure Leezle would be okay. Sometimes, people needed to be reminded that despite the worst the world has to offer there is always hope. She never wanted anyone to lose hope, ever, because she knew what that felt like.
Her mind immediately turned to Levi and her fury returned. She marched out of Jaspers and down the path to her house. Seth had night watch and stood up straighter as she approached. "Where is the captain?"
"Still at your place." He said shortly and she left him without responding. The sentinels had kept her well informed of his movements. They'd reported he'd spent part of the morning at the stable, then most of the day at the training pits, after that he'd gone to her house and hadn't left. She marched to her door with her fury boiling over into seething rage.
When she got to her house she wrenched open her door and stopped dead. The smell of dust had been replaced with cleaner, lemon scented cleaner. She looked to Levi who sat on her couch polishing his boots and wearing an apron. As out of place as it seemed, it fit him. "Did you clean my house?"
The lambskin rugs looked like they'd been shaken and combed and the floor looked brighter. Once neglected cobwebs that she never managed to get around too were gone and the furniture that was a clutter of books and ledgers was now an organized array of neat stacks. "You cleaned my house?" She repeated and the rage that was on the verge of boiling over did. "I like my mess."
"No one likes a mess. They just don't like to clean it." He calmly took the brush in his hand and buffed it over his boot.
"Is this more of your tactics?"
"What tactics?"
She marched into the living room and stood over him. "Your practiced player manipulation, to get me to go back to the walls with you."
He leaned in on his elbows, dropped his hands, and looked at her with a flat expression. She'd come to hate that expression. But, before he could reply her front door opened behind her and Jasper came in.
He was about to say something then stopped and looked around. "Did you clean?"
"I didn't," she turned to him and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm going to take two Sentinels and escort the captain and his squad back tonight." She made to move past him.
"No you're not," he stopped her with his harsh tone.
"He's learned all he's ever going to learn from us. You asked me to make an assessment, I say threat."
"Lucky for me, I made my own assessment." Jasper looked down at her not angry yet. But, he had the look of an adult humoring a child's tantrum seconds before they were punished.
"Then why bother asking me in the first place? If it was so damn important to you, then you should have taken the bitch."
"What's gotten into you?" Jasper folded his arms over his chest. The look on his face had softened and changed to concern. That was worse than anger.
"The only thing worse than the harvest festival is having loyal indwellers watching it." She pointed to Levi, "I did everything you asked and put if with him. It's time for him to go, before he tries manipulating someone else."
"What the hell kind of insane are you?" Levi stood up, his expression somewhere between a glower and flat smirk.
"Nice," she leveled her gaze and gave him her best scowl. "Calling me insane or crazy isn't going to change my opinion. That's a tactic men use when they want to really piss off a woman, or try and end a fight. I was right to banish you in the first place, and wrong two let Jasper talk me out of it."
"Then why did you save him in the first place? Why did you nurse him when anyone else could have done it?" Jasper was too perceptive where she was concerned. Most of the time she found it comforting, but right then it was unsettling.
She looked to Levi and found his green eyes staring at her, expecting an answer. Her fury was mixed with that strange emotion she felt every time Levi got near her, every time he looked too deep into her like he was. And, it reminded her of the strange inclination to save him in the first place. That same inclination is what had allowed him to manipulate her. She wasn't about to admit that to anyone, not even Jasper, and certainly not in front of Levi. She shook her head no and pursed her lips together.
Jasper stepped in close, his face hardening. "This isn't about just him. And, in case you didn't understand the Survey Corps is the last best defense the indwellers have against extinction and they're going extinct themselves."
"I knew that five years ago when Maria fell. I didn't care then and I care even less now. The captain has a court martial to face, and it's rightly deserves for seeking us out in the first place. Send him back. Hopefully it's done and they want his head on a platter."
"They won't hold a court martial without me. Chances are the idiots in charge will declare me and the others deserters then dead." Levi had a tilt to his mouth that seemed to be almost triumphant.
"See," Jasper smiled at her. "He can stay another day and half."
"I hate it when you laugh at me," Amaura spat at her brother and turned away from him. "Fine," she went to a small closet opened it and took out her spare Levity pack and started connecting it to her harness. "You two do whatever the hell you want to." She slid on the gloves and connected the chords. "I won't be manipulated by either of you." She pointed a finger at Levi, "especially you."
"Amaura," Jasper stepped between her and the door as she checked the blades in her vents. "I forbid you to leave the colony."
She grabbed a cloak out of the closet and wrapped it around herself. "Feel free to banish me, but remember this moment, because the military dog, the one you invited here, is a scout for invasion." He looked from her to him and she knew she'd sewn the seed of doubt in his resolve. "Think about that." She walked past him and snatched open the door. "I'm going for a walk."
"Dammit," Jasper cursed and headed out Amaura's front door. Levi pulled on his boots and quickly followed. They both watched as Amaura swung and twisted her way to the top of the mountain. "Seth," he barked "bring me your gear." Then Jasper leveled a threatening gaze on Levi and his body tensed, preparing for a fight. "If she's right and she's not often wrong. I will put your head on a post out in the north pasture with the others."
Seth appeared next to him, slightly out of breath. "Sir," he quickly stripped off his gear.
"I have to go after Amaura, make sure Ryan knows he's in command." He reached out for the harness.
Levi stripped off the apron he wore. Luckily he was still wearing the borrowed clothes and harness that he'd put on that morning. He had no idea why he felt the need to go after Amaura, or why she was suddenly so furious. He did know he didn't like her continued mood swings and fowl tempers. Suddenly he found her more annoying than anything. He wondered if she was worth admiration. The urge to find out for sure was distracting, "let me go."
Jasper looked at him with a deep scowl and he thought he'd say no. "Why?"
"I can't answer that," Levi admitted honestly because he wasn't really sure himself. "But the war isn't between the colony and the indwellers or even the Survey Corps. It's a war between the two of us."
"That's a war I know a lot about." Jasper handed him part of the gear and started helping him attach the rest. "I assume you've had practice with the reactive gloves and have reasonably mastered them, because she'll be damned hard to catch."
"Yeah," Levi put on the gloves Seth handed him and started affixing the cables.
"She's mad as hell about something."
"It probably means more name calling and ball stomping." He affixed the last cable and Jasper took Seth's cape and handed it to him. They all looked up in time to see Amaura disappear over the lip of the mountain. "But I am not likely to piss myself over it." He swung the cape around himself and launched into the air.
Amaura stood on the edge of the mountain, near the lip of the entrance to the colony. For a split second she considered the rashness of reacting in anger, but cool wind blew over her cheek carrying on it the light flurries of snow. She smiled to herself and held out a hand as tiny flakes fell into it. Any snow that fell through the opening right now would melt long before it reached the bottom of the mountain. Snow wouldn't stick there until midwinter, but at the top of the mountain it dusted everything. The rocks she stood on and the trees in the distance glistened with it. The colony and all its problems, including Levi, seemed further away, and she had no desire to go back. She lowered her hand, took three steps, and dove off the ledge.
The air rushed past her ears, freezing her face, and plastered her clothes to her. But, she smiled, because the feeling of falling was glorious. She flattened out her body, changed her momentum, and felt a tug as her fall slowed. Despite the rush of the wind the world seemed so quiet and serene. The only things she had to think about was not hitting the ground. The only noises were the rushing wind in her ears, the slight sound of her breathing, and the steady pounding of her heart. She needed the release, because Levi had been consuming too many of her thoughts. A ledge approached and she had to act.
Bringing her arms in, she rolled and sent a cable into the mountain. She felt it tense and prepared to change her direction. 'Snap,' the cable popped and she was on a collision course with the side of the mountain. She sent out another cable, and was able to recover and slow herself some, but not enough. She lifted her arms and braced for the hard hit from the rock.
Something hard wound around her waist and she was jerked up and away at the last second. "Are you that fucking stupid?" Levi hissed in her ear as they soared through the air. They twisted once and she found herself standing on another ledge.
"Get away from me," she put her hands to his chest and shoved him back.
"You're a real pain in the ass. I just saved your life."
"No you didn't," she shook her head. "I had recovered, you got in the way. It's not like I've never had a pack malfunction on me before." She reached behind her and unfastened the pack. "You can go."
"I have orders to follow you."
"Yeah, right," Amaura snorted and removed the gear. She made a quick inspection of the cable that had snapped and discovered that the chord had been weakened by rust. The pack had been cleaned recently, but her inspection of the cables was cursory, because it had been rarely used. Quickly she released the reals on the other cables and checked them all. She heard boots scrapes and felt Levi's presence next to her.
"I thought you were a general. Shouldn't you maintain your gear better?"
"Shouldn't you be at a court martial being tried for treason?" She inspected the reel of cable that had snapped and huffed. The rust spot had eaten its way through a portion of the cable. She could fix the broken end, but it would eventually snap again. "Dammit," she mumbled to herself. That would put an end to her walk and the reason she wanted to go for a walk so badly crouched next to her. She looked at his face and was surprised to see the corners of his mouth turned up. "You think this is funny?"
"I think a brat pitched a fit and did something stupid. And now," he stood up. "You're going to need my help."
"Not hardly," she quickly and thoroughly inspected the rest of the cables, cogs, and bearings in the pack, before she reassembled it, minus one cable reel. She reattached it and looked at him. "Even if I had to scale this mountain using my own rib bone as a pick, I wouldn't let you help me."
"I never said you had a choice."
He stepped forward and it set off her alarm bells. In a single fluid movement she pulled a blade and had it at his throat. "I always have a choice," she stepped back, put a foot to the side of the mountain, and kicked out. She tumbled through the air, launched the one good cable she had left and swung away from him.
With some careful maneuvering and a lot of physical work, she managed to make it back to the top of the mountain. It was disappointing that she didn't get to spend more time out and away from politics, and away from Levi. She didn't like that she responded to his manipulation of her. She didn't like that when he got close her heart pounded in his chest. At least, just then, her heart was pounding and she was short of breath because of physical exertion.
She stood panting, with her hands resting on her knees when a pair of boots came into view. "Ah hell." She cursed and paced three steps away, because there wasn't much room for movement. "Don't you get it?" She yelled, "I'm on to you. Sure, I made it easy for you because I'm easy to read. But, not any more. You won't get anything from me. It doesn't matter how practiced you are at manipulating and seducing people." She clapped her hands, "but bravo. I almost fell for it. I won't be going back to the wall with you, not to save your ass, not to save the asses of your squad. And, if your comrades ever manage to find us, I will bury them."
He looked at her deadpan, and then his forehead crinkled in confusion, "you think I'm trying to fuck you so that you'll go back to the wall with me?"
She snorted a short laughter and shook her head, "yes. Although at least your crudeness puts it into context. I'm kind of disgusted by it, thanks for that." She turned to the lip of the mountain.
"I don't have the patients to seduce women unless I want to fuck them, and even then I expect more." She stopped again and looked at him over her shoulder. "Although, I'm glad to hear that you almost fell for my nonexistent practiced seduction."
Blood rushed into her face, heating it from the top of her forehead to the bottom of her neck. She opened her mouth to respond then closed it. He stepped forward again and his features hardened. "But, as attractive as you first appear to be, you have the mentality of a child. And, I barely tolerate the brats in my squad and my tolerance for you and your fit pitching is over. I made a mistake in thinking you had something admirable." He took another step forward. "Even the prospect of a court martial and certain torture couldn't make me take you back to the wall with me. I don't pursue women I find annoying, not even for a mission." He stepped back away from her and motioned to the opening of the mountain. "If you're done with your bullshit, your brother wants you home."
Amaura felt like the world was inside her chest then it cracked into pieces. It confused her that his words could actually have such a painful effect. "Now," he barked and she gave him one last look before she dropped through the hole.
Normally she would have punched or kicked him at the least argued, but the deep hurt had exploded in her chest and she wasn't sure why. She swung her way back down to her house and landed neatly on the ledge next to it.
"Jasper wants to see you." Seth announced from beside her door, before he stepped off, saluted and headed back to his post.
Without looking behind her to see if Levi had followed, she trudged up the path toward her brother's house. Strangely she felt tears try and well up and by the time she reached his house and opened his door, she could feel them glistening in her eyes.
Jasper came out of his kitchen carrying his tray of food. "I hope you're done with the crazy," he stopped, "what's wrong?"
She looked at him and felt the weight of everything that she'd been denying. "I like him," she wiped at the tear that rolled down her cheek. She hadn't really even admitted it to herself before she admitted it out loud which made her confession much more unbearable. "It scares me to death and I don't know how to deal with it. Imagine Levi Rivaille of all people, but I like him."
He smiled, walked to the dining room table and set the tray down. "I know," he put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed up and down. "Why are you crying?"
"Because I… I." She stopped, "I was an idiot and I didn't know, and he thinks I'm immature and crazy."
"You pushed him away," Jasper explained for her.
"It's probably a good thing," she said weakly wiping at more tears. "Were too different anyway, and we live different lives that are too far removed from one another. What could I ever hope for? And then, I'd have to tell him all the truth." She stopped again and looked up at her brothers tender face, "and I can't do that. Not even now I won't, because I'd rather him think I was annoying. I'd rather that he thinks I'm insane, because I don't want him disgusted into hating me."
Jasper pulled her into a tight hug, "I know," he said, "I was hoping he'd overcome it, but the strongest man alive really isn't the strongest after all is he?"
"Yes," she nodded into his shirt wiping her tears on it. "I'm just not strong enough for him." She fisted her brother's shirt and cried into it, letting her sobs out. It wasn't just the sobs for the sudden loss of something she didn't know she wanted. It was tears to mourn something she knew she could never have.
Why make a short chapter, when you can make it 7000 words long? Yeah sorry for that.
Thanks for all the reviews and faves. I really really appreciate it.
Today's chapter goes best with a salted caramel machiatto. I hope you understand why.
I don't own AOT/SNK, I just crated a different world to torture those characters in.