Flashback

"Bad day?" Joe asked as he poured me another shot.

"Bad day." I downed the shot and felt my throat burn as the liquid went down.

"Is this seat taken?" I turned around and found myself lost within those beautiful eyes, those McDreamy eyes.

"Better you than some stranger I'll get drunk with and then invite home and have meaningless sex with and then kick out in the morning feeling even worse than I already did."

"I'll take that as a yes." He smiled his McDreamy smile that made melt.

xXx

I woke up to a painful throbbing in my head and the taste of stale alcohol in my mouth. I rolled over and found an empty bed with a letter on the pillow.

Meredith,

Last night was a mistake, we both know it. It's best if we forgot this ever happened. I can't keep hurting you and Addison. I've decided to move back to New York with Addy, we're leaving in a week. It's easier for everyone. I wish you all the best and will never forget you and the love we shared. I will miss you.

Derek.

I reread the letter until I had memorised it. Soon my tears made the words run and it was impossible to read anymore. I watched as the ink ran down the page and couldn't help but think that was what my heart felt like right then.

Flashback

"I still can't believe you told him." said Cristina.

"He had a right to know." Izzie answered for me.

"He abandoned her so technically he doesn't."

"Yes but he didn't know about her so technically it's not his fault."

"So what, you're saying its Mer's fault for not telling him?" Cristina threw back at Izzie.

"No, I'm saying-"

"Guys! Stop it." I rubbed my temples trying to rub away the memories of today. It had all gone so terribly wrong, he wasn't meant to know. And now he did and he doesn't want to. Why did I have to go open my stupid big, fat mouth! "I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"Okay." The answered simultaneously.

"He doesn't want anything to do with me, which is what I wanted. Once he's done with this case he'll move back to New York with Rachel and I'll never have to worry about him again and Em and I can go on with our life." If only it was that simple.

"At least make him pay for child support."

"Cristina, you are so insensitive. Can't you see that Mer doesn't mean that? Or are you so stupid that-"

"Hey, I'm not the model here."

"Was a model, I'm a surgeon now."

"Shut up! You two are just as bad as each other. No Cristina, I will not make him pay for child support, and Izzie I did mean what I said." I jumped off the gurney and walked away.

"Mer," I turned to see Alex running after me, "the Chief wants to see you."

"Why?"

"I dunno." He shrugged. I heard voices coming from the Chief's office when I arrived so I stayed outside and waited till he was done. I couldn't help but eavesdrop when I recognised the other voice.

"Richard, I'm perfectly happy in New York."

"I'm sure you are Derek, but you should know our Neurology department took a huge hit when you left."

"I know, you've told me constantly over the past few years but I have my own practice again. I can't just give that all up."

"You have before. And besides, you said yourself you prefer hospitals than a private practice."

"That was a long time ago."

"What will it take? You know I can't guarantee you Chief of Surgery."

"I am not asking for Chief."

"You and Preston would be my number one choices."

"I doubt he'd be happy to hear you were also offering Chief to me. Last time he didn't take it so well."

"Preston's changed. Everyone's changed."

"I don't need reminding."

"Just think about it Derek." I was waiting for Derek to answer and didn't realise he was coming out the door.

"Hi." I smiled awkwardly.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh…"

"Meredith, just the person I was looking for." The Chief called out, steering me into his office.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, I was wondering how you were coping, what with work and Emma."

"You mean have I told Derek about Emma?"

"No, no. Of course not." He replied awkwardly.

"If you were wondering, yes, I did tell him. And no, he didn't take it well…at all." I looked down at my shoes, uncomfortable to be talking about my personal life with my boss. "If there was anything else you needed me for Chief?"

"No, no, that's all." He smiled, quickly burying himself in his work again.

xXx

"Emma, please just eat your dinner." I begged the stubborn three year old.

"No! I don't like it!" she yelled.

"You love spaghetti." I tried, lifting the fork to her mouth again.

"It's yucky! I hate it!" she was going into tantrum mode now, pushing the fork away.

"What's wrong honey?" I asked, trying the fork again.

"Just do this for mummy okay?"

"NO!" she screamed, hitting the fork so that the spaghetti splattered all over my top.

"For God's sake Emma, eat your dinner!" I shouted. She fell silent as her lip trembled and her eyes shone with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry baby. I didn't mean to yell at you." She broke into loud wails and pushed her bowl of her high chair sending its contents all over the kitchen floor. I couldn't do this anymore, I sat down on a kitchen chair and broke into sobs.

"Meredith, are you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm okay, George!" I cried. "Can you just take care of this for me? I need to get out of here." I said getting up.

"No."

"What?" I turned to look at him.

"No. Stop asking me to clean up after you, I'm sick of it. You have to take responsibility for your problems for once. Emma is your daughter and she doesn't deserve a mother who goes out and gets drunk at bars whenever she feels like shit. She doesn't deserve a mother who pushes her onto everyone else when she doesn't feel like dealing with her. Act like a mother Meredith, look after your daughter. She needs her mother." I stood staring at George, taken aback at his sudden honesty. George always swallowed his emotions. He always put everyone before himself. But that's what he was doing; he was looking after me, trying to wake me up from my selfishness, not trying to look good in my eyes, but trying to make me a better mother for my daughter.

"Would you be able to get the mop out for me while I clean up Emma?" I asked quietly.

"Sure." He smiled reassuringly. I picked up Emma out of her chair and rocked her subsiding her cries. The doorbell rang and I looked to George. "Just make sure you clean this up when you're done." He smiled.

"Okay George." I smiled. I walked into the entrance still holding Emma on my hip. There at the door is none other than him. "What are you doing here?" I asked as I opened the door.

"I came to see my daughter."