My husband is coming home tomorrow, so I'll probably slow down on the posting. :-( This story really does seem to write itself sometimes, though. It's just that much fun.

Sincere thanks to everyone who reviewed. (Even those who PM) I really do look forward to seeing what all of you think.

All of the characters you know and love, even the ones you don't really like, belong to JE. All the mistakes belong to me.

TERRI POV

There are times when I truly think that Joe isn't worth my time. Then there are times like this when I will forgive him for just about anything. I like to think that Joe and I are the Charles and Camilla of Trenton. We dated when we were younger, then went our separate ways only to find each other again later on. When I walked into Pino's at 8:00, Joe had already gotten us a table. He stood and held out my chair for me. He had a beer, and there was a glass of wine waiting for me. He can be charming when he wants to be, and he wanted me to forgive him for being a jerk.

He poured on the charm all thru way through dinner. By the time we finished sharing a tiramisu, I was firmy back under his spell. I told him, "I'm going to go to the ladies room while you take care of the check. After that, why don't we go to your house?" He smiled, stood, and helped me from my chair.

I went to the restroom and quickly took care of business. While I was washing my hands, I started reading the graffiti on the far wall through the mirror, not an easy task since it was backwards. By the time I got to the word cupcake, I didn't even notice that the water in the sink had stopped running. I turned around and read it again. It was even more horrible the second time. Someone had written a poem about Joe on the wall. There was even a Sharpie velcroed to the wall, and other people had commented on it. I felt sick. I can't believe I fell for his crap again. I whipped out my phone and took a picture of it.

"If you like hairy gorillas,
If Mr. & Mrs. Rover's your game,
If you're not into foreplay,
His boys'll forget your first name,
If you like booty calls at midnight
Call this town's new cupcake.
If you have self-respect, though,
Take my advice and escape."

The comments below it were equally horrible. Someone had drawn a thumbs up and wrote 'like'. There were several hash marks next to it as women agreed. Someone else drew a picture of two crabs and wrote 'Nuff said. Other comments included, 'been there, done that, burned the t-shirt', 'Joe's a tool', and 'I'd rather bang Vinnie than look at his boys again'.

I fled the restroom and ran out the door of the restaurant. Joe came out after me and said, "What's wrong, Terri?"

I fumbled with the keys to my car. I just wanted to get out of here. "Leave me alone, Joe. Don't call me, don't come near me, just go away."

He looked like he had no idea what I was talking about. "Terri, what the hell? I thought we made up?"

"Yeah, well the next time your boys need some attention, why don't you call the bathroom Emily Dickinson to help. I'm done."

He was getting pissed. We were standing in the parking lot of Pino's making a scene complete with yelling, and arm waving. "What are you talking about, Terri? If we're going to argue, wouldn't it be fair to let me know what the hell we're fighting about?"

I took my phone out of my purse and texted him the picture. I put my phone away and said, "Here's what we're fighting about, you pig." I gave him a bonus Italian hand gesture, got in my car and left. I could see Joe in my rear view mirror, looking at his cell phone. Charles and Camilla of Trenton my ass.

JOE POV

I took a few minutes to compose myself. If I had just turned around and walked back into Pino's, one of the cops in there would probably arrest me for disturbing the peace. Once I got myself under control, I walked back inside. Our waitress was cleaning our table, so I went over to her. "Have you seen Robin Russell? I need to get a message to her."

She shook her head. "I've been here all day, but she hasn't been in. If I see her, I'll let her know you're looking for her."

I smiled. No need to have people know how pissed I am. "Not necessary. I'll try her cell phone again." I turned around and left. If it wasn't Robin, there was only one other woman who came to mind. I don't know why I didn't think of her sooner. She's probably the one who texted Mooch, too.

I called Stephanie. When she answered her phone, I could hear the sounds of arcade games in the background. "Yo."

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what, Joe?"

"Pino's."

"Wait a minute, I can barely hear you." The arcade sounds grew quieter. She must have walked outside. "Did you say Pino's?"

"Yes, Pino's. Today. I know it was you. And Mooch, yesterday. It's your fault I'm meeting Santos on the mats tomorrow."

"Joe. I have no idea what you're talking about. What happened to Mooch? And What about Pino's? I've been at the beach all day."

I was confused. "All day?"

"Yes. Not that it's any of your business, but when I went to the bonds office this morning, there was nothing going on, so I grabbed Lula and we went to Point Pleasant. We were just about to leave Jenkinson's when you called." She sounded irritated. "Now, would you mind telling me what's going on?"

If she was at the beach all day, there was no way it could have been her, but I still had to ask. "You didn't text Mooch about the distraction and then write about me on the bathroom wall at Pino's?"

Now she sounded like she was past irritated and straight into pissed off. "You really think I would do that crap to you?"

"Honestly, I don't know what to think anymore."

"And what time are you meeting Santos tomorrow?"

"11:00."

"You know what? Get there at 10:30. I think you and I have a few things we need to clear up first."

I snorted. "You want to meet me on the mats?"

"Just be there, Joe." She hung up without saying goodbye.

Stephanie Plum was going to fight me? I may not have gotten any answers to my questions, but I'm glad I called her. I needed the laugh.

STEPH POV

I'm glad Lula drove us to the beach. If I had been driving, I would have wrecked the car when I got the picture Mary Lou sent me of the bathroom wall at Pino's. As it was, I almost ruined Lula's seats because I was laughing so hard I almost peed. When we got to Haywood, I showed Lula the picture. It took her ten minutes to stop laughing enough to drive home.

The next morning Carlos and I had a late breakfast and then walked to the gym together. Morelli was waiting for me on the mats wearing shorts and a tank top. We matched, how cute. When we got to the mats, Carlos kissed me and said, "Go get 'em, tiger. My money's on you."

I stepped onto the mats and faced Morelli. Carlos sat next to Lester on one of the benches. Les was wearing his gi. He likes to tease me sometimes, asking when I'm going to leave Carlos for a real man like him. I always tell him that Carlos is more than enough man for me, but damn he looks hot in that outfit. Les wiggled his eyebrows at me like he knew what I was thinking. I looked at Carlos and said, "Out loud?" He nodded, not looking happy. Oops.

Okay, now that my little mental vacation was over, I needed to focus. I shook my arms and started bouncing up and down. Joe smiled. "Come on, Steph, you're not really thinking about fighting me, are you?" I found my inner Rocky and gave him the eye of the tiger, or the Burg death glare, one of those. He started taunting me. "Okay then Steph, take a swing." He pointed at his chest. "I'll make it easy for you. I'll even close my eyes so I won't see it coming." He closed his eyes, giving me exactly the opening I was waiting for. I pulled my stun gun out of my shorts pocket, tagged him on the arm, and it was lights out Morelli.

When he came to, he was handcuffed and shackled to the chair that the guys had thoughtfully brought in for me. I was sitting on the mats across from him. He didn't look happy. I started with an easy question. "Are you ready to talk now?"

He rattled his handcuffs. "Do I have a choice?" Smartass.

"No. Why did you think I would text Mooch and tell him to go to the distraction? Did you really think I would risk ruining Ranger's operation and someone getting hurt?"

He shook his head. "Not really. I was upset. Mooch and I had a big fight about it, and my mother overheard."

"Oh, Joe. I'm so sorry." That had to be terrible for him, but I didn't do it. "And what about Pino's? Do you think I would do that to anybody? I wouldn't even do that to Joyce Barnhardt."

He looked at me. "I was angry and upset. Terri read it and broke up with me in a very loud fight in the parking lot of Pino's. My mother called me this morning and told me that she was going to say a few extra Hail Mary's for me. She was also getting me a job application from a shoe store."

I snorted. Did he really not see the irony here? "You know I didn't do it, right?"

He hung his head and said, "I know."

I walked over to him and undid the handcuffs and shackles. As he rubbed his wrist I told him, "It seems to me like you have your very own stalker. Now you have fun playing with Les. We'll get to the bottom of this, Joe." When Joe stood, Ranger picked up the chair and carried it over to where he and Les had been sitting.

JOE POV

I shook the last of the cobwebs out of my head and faced Santos. He was wearing a gi. His black belt had several yellow stripes and some Japanese characters on it. Great. I hate that Kung Fu shit. He looked me over before he spoke. "Yesterday wasn't about Vinnie, was it?" I shook my head no. "That's some messed up shit that happened, man." I shrugged. It was, but I was at a loss for a way to find out who did it. "You know you're an asshole, right? I can't even fight you now."

"Sorry." What was I supposed to say?

He started circling me. "You did make one mistake, though."

"What's that?"

"Never close your eyes or turn your back on the enemy. Especially Bomber, she's mean." I laughed. Mostly because he was right.

He spent the next two hours showing me some basic moves. By the time he was finished with me, I was tired and sore. I also had intimate knowledge of the mats, having met them face first a number of times. Still, I could admit that he knew his shit. He was also one hell of a teacher. I was laying there panting and wondering if I still had a spleen when he stood over me. He looked as fresh as a daisy. I gasped out, "I think I would have preferred it if you had just beat me up. We would have been done two hours ago."

He laughed and held out his hand to help me up. "I still think you're an asshole."

A/N – You didn't think I was going to give Stephanie some super Ninja moves, did you?

Ps. Admit it, you sang the Piña Colada song when you read the poem, didn't you?