Welcome back! And if you're new, welcome to 'Catastrophe of Love.'
I'm in another personal predicament. My last chapter was the least reviewed since chapters 1, 2, and possibly three. So I'd like to know, was it bad? And if so, what was wrong with it? I really want to become an author some day, so I'd actually like to hear what made it so unappealing.
But I thank those who reviewed! You're all so kind. Really, if all of you were here, I'd high five you.
But yeah, onwards. I should warn you, I'll be gone August 1-8. I'll be on vacation with my psychotic mother, delusional Father, Bipolar Sister, and the spoiled brat-child (AKA my youngest Sister). If I seem dead, chances are I went to the tallest pier I could find and dove into the sea, hoping to be washed up in Mexico.
NOTE: If you like Tool or don't mind checking them out and find you like them, I recommend listening to their song 'Stink Fist' while reading this. The lyrics have pretty much nothing to do with this, but that's what I was listening to when I wrote this, so for the full experience I'd just go for it. Not saying you have to, of course, just that it might be an interesting experience.
ANOTHER NOTE: Once again, short update. I'm sorry. I posted the explanation for why at the bottom.
The rest of the workday passed peacefully. Ritsu managed to finish a very important furisode for some eccentric rich couple and was feeling quite accomplished. That was why it had slipped his mind that he'd made a date for dinner until Ayame came to get him.
"Come, Ritsu!" He said with excitement evident in his voice. "It's time for dinner!"
Ritsu turned, surprised. He hadn't heard his boss come in.
"Ah, that's right!" he exclaimed. "I'm sorry, Ayame-kun, it slipped my mind that I was having dinner with you! I hope you weren't waiting for me."
"It's alright," said Ayame kindly. He gestured for Ritsu to follow him.
Ayame's apartment was on the second floor of the shop. There was a battered metal door near the exit that lead to the staircase up. Ritsu was surprised to see how bland it looked. He'd always pictured that the stairs to Ayame's home would be as vibrant as their owner.
Then they came upon another door. Ayame carelessly flung it open. Stepping in so that Ritsu could get past him, he spread his arms wide.
"Welcome to my apartment!" he said.
Ritsu looked around, amazed. The apartment was large and open. The walls were all a light green color. The molding had been dramatically painted white, making the ceilings look taller. There were several pictures on the wall, some of family, some of Ayame in the numerous places he'd travelled to, and some of scenery from places Ayame probably hadn't been to. The floors were a nice, shiny polished wood that reflected light and made the entire apartment seem even brighter.
Ritsu looked around, awed. He'd had no idea that Ayame lived in such a nice place!
"What do you think?" asked Ayame, a bit quieter now.
"I-It's beautiful, Ayame-kun!" Ritsu breathed. "Did you do all this work yourself, or did it come like this?"
"Oh, I did it myself," said Ayame, waving his hand dismissively. "It wasn't hard."
"It's very cozy," said the Monkey of the zodiac. He beamed over at Ayame, and the Snake's heart melted.
"Come in, come in," he said, his voice not as loud as usual but still warm and inviting. He ushered Ritsu into the next room, which had a traditional Japanese table with four cushions around it. Right through that room was the kitchen, visible over the countertop that acted as the only separator. (A/N: For those of you who don't know, a traditional Japanese table is very short, almost on the floor.)
Ayame guided Ritsu over to one of the cushions.
"Sit here, Ritsu!" He exclaimed. "This mat is different from the rest. It's most comfortable."
"A-ah," said Ritsu, still a little dazed. "Don't you want it for yourself, then?"
"Of course not, silly," said Ayame, gazing affectionately at Ritsu. "What kind of host would I be if I saved the most comfortable seat for myself?"
"A-arigatou," said Ritsu timidly, seating himself delicately.
"Now, I'll go and warm dinner up," said Ayame. "It might be a bit chewy; American food doesn't save well." (A/N: he says this because I imagine he'd mostly get American food from fast-food places, and McDonalds or Wendy's on the second day isn't the most appetizing thing you could ever hope to eat. I would know.)
"That's fine," said Ritsu. As he watched Ayame walk into kitchen, we was struck suddenly by a pang of sadness. At that moment, he wished he were still curled up next to the older man, listening to his sweet voice.
'Oh, come on!' thought Ritsu in frustration. 'I can't be all emotional now! Aaya-san will notice if something's wrong. He always does.'
Ritsu and Ayame made small talk while the silver-haired snake warmed up the fried chicken. The atmosphere was warm and happy as Ayame came in, holding a tray containing their meal. He beamed as he set it down in the middle of the table and handed Ritsu a plate and a knife and fork. (A/N: if the Chicken is really chewy, it's best to cut it up and then eat it. You could actually pull a tooth on leftover chicken. Once again, I would know. Never happened to me, but our leftover chicken is always so firm your teeth will give before the meat does.)
Ritsu reached out about the same time as Ayame did. Their fingers met and intertwined for a brief second. Both men turned red and focused on the table.
Ritsu's first impression of the food was that it wasn't bad. He dug in, his stomach reminding him that he hadn't eaten a proper meal in two days. Ayame watched him eat, occasionally offering him some more.
'It's just as I thought,' The snake told himself. 'He doesn't get to eat enough.'
When the monkey was full enough to be content, he sat back and flashed Ayame a genuine smile.
"This is delicious chicken," he said. "Thank you for having me, Ayame."
"No problem!" said Ayame. He let out a sad sigh. "Truth be told, I don't have enough company over. If you hadn't come over than I'd be completely alone right now."
"Why don't you invite more people over?" asked Ritsu.
"Everyone always just says they're busy," said Ayame. He was still smiling, but it was a sad smile. "Miine-chan has eaten here a few times, but that's it. I get so lonely, I try to work instead of going home. I hate to be up here all by myself, but usually there isn't any other choice. That's why I was so happy when you agreed to come over. A meal always tastes better with good company." He smiled with more cheer over at Ritsu.
The Monkey, in turn, blinked in confusion. Ayame-kun had always presented himself as a happy and sociable person. Ritsu had worked for him long enough to know that while he wasn't always happy, he was always sociable. To think that the snake was really as lonely as Ritsu himself was almost inconcievable.
"Ayame-san," blurted Ritsu before he could stop himself. "Are you unhappy?"
'What was I thinking!?' thought Ritsu before the words were all out of his mouth. His face carried a stricken expression. 'Oh dear God, what have I said? Is he offended?'
He peeked over and found Ayame wore a surprised look on his face.
"W-well...," the snake started. "I-I don't know."
"You don't know?" asked Ritsu, surprised.
"I-I'm happy with my work," said Ayame. His face was mostly apathetic with a hint of deep-rooted sadness as he spoke. "I like what I do. I like making people happy. I like that people look to me for advice on anything. I'm happy to work with my employees. But I don't know... what I should do when I'm not working. I don't see people often. I talk to Shigure and Hatori most of all, and Hatori doesn't listen and Shigure is pretty useless in a serious situation. Even when something bad happens I just smile and laugh. I don't know what else to do. The only way I learned how to cope with bad things is to smile and laugh. No matter if I'm in pain; No matter if I'm lonely, I always just smile and laugh, smile and laugh, smile and laugh. No one thinks I'm sad because I don't know how to BE sad. I just... Don't know."
Ayame's eyes half-filled. He looked at the tabletop, wondering why he'd said all of the things he just had. Ritsu probably didn't understand. Ritsu's mask was apologizing. He didn't smile or laugh because he felt guilty about doing either.
"A-Aaya-san," said Ritsu. Before he knew what he was doing he leaned towards Ayame and wrapped his arms around the other man's shoulders.
"Aaya-san," he said softly. "You are sad. You're crying because you're sad. Please, don't be so sad. If you're lonely then I'll come over. Every day even. It's okay, because you're not alone. Miine-san and I both care about you. We don't want you to be lonely. We want you to be happy. Both of us... Both of us view you and are glad to have such a kind person in our lives. I feel that way, Ayame-kun. If you're unhappy then I'm unhappy too. I always envied you because I thought that you were perfect. But even now that I know you're not I still envy you. You have people who care about you so, so much. I'd... I'd do anything for you, Ayame-kun. You're the person I can listen to without fearing because I trust you. You're like the sun, Aaya-san."
Ayame looked up in surprise. What was Ritsu saying? Did he and Miine really care about him that much? Did Ritsu honestly feel that way?
Ritsu stayed in the position he was in, afraid to move back but afraid to move closer. In the end, it was Ayame who made the decision for him.
"Ritsu...," he said, wrapping his arms around the younger man and pulling him closer. "Do you really feel that way?"
"H-hai," said Ritsu, keeping his eyes downcast.
"Really?" asked Ayame.
"H-hai," said Ritsu. "That's how I feel."
Ayame reached down and cupped Ritsu's chin in his hand affectionately. He pulled Ritsu's head up so that they were looking each other evenly in the eye. Ritsu's face was the perfect picture of innocent surprise, even as Ayame's lips descended upon his own.
For a moment the Monkey was frozen. He didn't know what to do. The object of his desires was kissing him! What did he say? What should he do?
In the end he settled for kissing back delicately.
Ayame could feel Ritsu's trembling lips begin to respond, to press back softly. His eyes opened in surprise, only to find that the other man's eyes were closed. His face looked almost sad.
When they finally parted for air, Ritsu pulled in a single deep breath and then looked up at Ayame, his face definitely sad now.
"A-Aaya-san," he said quietly. "Daisuke."
Super important translation note!: 'Daisuke' means 'I love you.' It is the stronger form of Aisheteruze (I so mispelled that.), which is something you might say to your relative. 'Daisuke', in comparison, means 'I love you (Romantically)' or 'I love you very much.'
Yeah, yeah, I'm a b1tch for leaving it off at that point. I'm sorry, but I've not been well lately and I need time to figure out the next part. I've taken enough time with this, as it is.
I'm going through some difficult times again so I want everyone to know that I am trying to work on the rest but sometimes it's SO HARD. I've got so many things I'm battling right now, proverbially and otherwise, and I just don't know what to do any more. I will work as hard as I can to get everything to you in the best format and the best time possible, but I can't say that I'll be quick.
For the record, I was listening to the same song over and over and over again as I wrote this. The song is 'Stink Fist' by Tool. The lyrics I've heard from it sorta match this fic and the mood surrounding it but mostly don't.