AN: Two chapters in one day! I just couldn't leave that cliff-hanger for that long. Of course, this chapter is a cliffhanger too, but I like to think it is a more friendly one.
Erik froze, smile finally slipping from his face, hand half stretched out but not daring to move closer in case Charles pulled the trigger. This was not at all how he had planned this exercise. This was so very far from anything he ever wanted to even think about. The sight of Charles looking cheerily back at him while a loaded gun pushed against his head was fuel for nightmares. He could already tell this image, this moment in time, would haunt him for the rest of his life.
"That isn't funny, Charles," He managed to grit out.
"Oh, I'm not joking. I assure you I am quite serious about this. You see, I can't bring myself to shoot you. I am certain of that. But I do believe I could manage to pull this trigger if you aren't the one at the end of the gun. I have every faith that you will be able to stop the bullet." Charles smiled at him as if his life wasn't in danger. "You wanted to stop a bullet; I am giving you a way to try."
Erik reached his power out, feeling the gun and each small bullet in the chamber. For one crazy moment, he considered doing exactly what Charles asked of him. Then he growled out, "I won't play with your life like that."
"But you'll play with yours?" Charles shot back, obvious anger in his tone. It was rare to hear that emotion from the telepath and Erik's fear for Charles went up a notch. An angry Charles was far less likely to listen to reason. He wondered if he could pull the gun from Charles' fingers before it went off.
He settled in the end for continuing to try talking Charles down, "Of course I would be willing to play with my own life like that. If my power fails while the gun is aimed at me, at least I'm not killing anyone important. Your life matters far more than mine."
It was the wrong thing to say.
"My friend," Charles said almost sadly, "You couldn't be more wrong."
Then his finger was tightening on the trigger and everything started moving too fast. Erik reacted instinctively, he lashed out with his power and with decisive finality he melted every bullet inside the gun, feeling them drip out of the weapon in glorious, non-lethal liquid metal. The vice of terror around his chest loosened and Erik sagged with relief.
The useless gun lowered at last and Charles just gave an exasperated sigh as he said, "Really? That's your grand plan?"
"I won't let you shoot yourself, Charles." Erik insisted. His heart was pounding and his breathing was still struggling to regain normality. "I don't have enough confidence that I can stop it and I will not allow you to put your life on the line for the possibility of finding out."
"I trust you enough." Charles replied with his usual easy faith, "You once tried to stop a submarine – I have every confidence that you can stop a bullet."
Frustration pounded at Erik's temples as he tried to think of the words to explain to Charles all the reasons that was a terrible comparison to make. He settled for just, "That was completely different. I need the situation, the anger-" He had meant to go on but Charles interrupted.
"No, the anger's not enough."
He sounded so sure of himself. As if he somehow understood Erik's powers better than him. It was absurd. "It's gotten the job done all this time," Erik argued back.
Charles was prepared for that answer though, "It's nearly gotten you killed all this time." Along with the words, Charles projected an image to him. A memory really, of drowning in the Atlantic ocean with so much anger boiling inside him that he hadn't even noticed he was dying.
Erik had to admit it was a good point. Not that he would admit it to Charles, but he would definitely concede the argument to himself.
"So what exactly do you suggest?" The question was half mocking but there was definitely a significant part of him hoping that Charles actually had an answer to the question. One that would help him avoid those near-death moments in the future.
As always, Charles delivered. After a brief hesitation, his brow furrowing in thought, Charles clapped him on the shoulder and said, "Come here, let's try something new."
It irked him that Charles could revert back to smiles so soon after having a gun to his head, but Erik supposed there was nothing he could really do to change it. Charles was, after all, an unfailing optimist in everything he did. So, instead of drawing attention to the annoyance, he just followed Charles over to the side of the pathway.
"See that?" Charles pointed across the lawn, indicating an abandoned satellite dish. "Try turning it to face us."
Erik frowned and glanced at Charles to make sure he had heard right. Surely he had to realize that Erik had nowhere near that kind of power. Still, the telepath just nodded and looked expectantly back at him as if waiting for some great show of skill that was never going to come. Erik resigned himself to looking stupid failing this test and with a flourish of his hands he stretched his power out across the grass.
The massive hulk of metal filled his senses, calling out to him but refusing to respond the way he wanted. He strained against the metal, fighting it and feeling for any possible weakness in the construction that he could utilize. He thought that there was perhaps a little movement, a centimeter at most before he couldn't hold on anymore. His power rushed back to him, releasing the very much stationary satellite.
Erik let out a gasping breath, letting his head fall and his body lean up against the concrete fence. A slight headache made itself known at the back of his skull and he could feel Charles' gaze still on him.
"You know," Charles spoke up, no hint of judgment in his tone. "I believe that true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity."
The metal bender looked back towards him, not quite understanding where this was leading. Erik had always been good at rage, it came easily to him. He had no idea where Charles expected him to find serenity. Though he had to agree that it was a tactic he had never tried before, so it could be worth a shot.
Charles must have sensed his doubt, his inability to find the serenity that he needed, so the telepath lifted a hand – holding it near his own temple but not touching – and asked, "Would you mind if I…" His fingers wiggled slightly, indicating exactly what he was asking for.
It had been a long time since Charles felt the need to ask before going to his head. They had come to an unspoken agreement awhile back that permission was no longer necessary. That fact alone made Erik realize Charles was asking for something more here. He was asking to go deeper than surface thoughts, deeper than simple emotions and projected images. Without hesitation, Erik nodded.
Quite suddenly, Charles was inside his head in a way he had never been before. He was proceeding with gentle caution through Erik's oldest memories, searching for something that Erik was quite positive didn't exist at all.
That certainty was proven wrong when Charles latched onto something deep in the recesses of his past. A long-forgotten moment from well before the camps and the devastation of war. The telepath grabbed the memory and pressed it into Erik's conscious mind, a place it hadn't dwelled in years. For the first time in decades, he could picture his mother's face as she smiled at him instead of the sound her body made as it hit the floor. He felt his mother's soft caress on his cheek and the anticipation of eating his birthday cake. He remembered what it felt like to be loved unconditionally.
He recalled a time when his first thought each day had had nothing to do with death or pain. This memory, this brief moment of his life, was what peace felt like. It was beautiful.
He snapped back to reality as he felt Charles pull back out of his head. A tear fell unbidden from Erik's eye but he didn't care at all. That kind of beauty… It was no wonder Charles always fought so hard for peace.
Erik's gaze focused on Charles in time to see the telepath wipe a tear from his own cheek. If it were anyone else, it would have bothered him to know that they had seen that memory. Charles was the exception. Erik doubted there was anything he would hide from the younger man.
"What did you just do to me?" He asked. He meant it to sound only curious, but the emotions were still too raw and it came out sounding almost accusing.
Charles, always understanding far more than he should, seemed to realize that the tone was not meant as a complaint against him at all. "I accessed the brightest corner of you memory system." Charles explained to him as he moved closer to where Erik still leaned against the fence. "It's a very beautiful memory, Erik. Thank you."
Even Charles seemed to be struggling to speak in the wake of such emotion, so Erik made no attempt to cover up his own feelings. He knew his eyes were still red with tears and his body practically trembled from the intensity of the moment. "I didn't know I still had that memory," he whispered. His voice was hoarse and he tried to project his thanks into every corner of Charles' mind.
"There's so much more to you than you know," the telepath replied. Those bright blue eyes of his looked into Erik's unflinchingly, still brimming with left over tears. "Not just pain… and anger. There's good too. I've felt it." It seemed like a conversation they had had a thousand times, but for the first time Erik let himself actually believe what Charles was telling him. "When you can access all of that, you'll possess a power no one can match. Not even me."
Something shifted between them in that instant. The sincerity, the faith and trust that Charles placed in him – all of it largely undeserved – it struck at the very core of who Erik was and he wondered why he had ever fought against this. The gentle courage of the man in front of him, tempered by a fierce determination, and powerful optimism drew Erik in like a moth to flame. It had been inevitable really, from the moment they first met, that Erik would fall in love with the infuriating telepath.
He wasn't sure when exactly it had happened, but now that he had admitted it he could easily see the marks of that feeling building up through every interaction and each second spent together. It was a hell of a time to come to this realization. Just as they were going to battle the most dangerous man on the planet.
Charles was looking at him oddly, but that familiar presence in his mind wasn't there so he was clearly minding his distance. Probably felt it was kindest to leave Erik a moment of privacy in his own mind while he dealt with the emotions brought up by the resurfaced memory.
Breaking the emotionally laden silence, Charles turned him back towards the satellite and said, "So, come on, try again."
Holding on tightly to the peace he had found with his mother, and adding in the emotion of love that was pounding through him freely, Erik faced the dish and reached out again with all his strength. He was almost certain that another tear made its way out from his eye, but he ignored it. Instead he reveled in the way the metal answered to his call now. It didn't fight him at every push the way it had before. The entire satellite reacted as if it was a part of him, listening to what he wanted and doing exactly as he commanded.
A smile spread across his face, turning into a laugh as the heavy metal dish creaked and groaned. This time when he released it, the satellite was turned completely towards them. Physical proof that Erik was more powerful than he had ever thought possible. Proof that he could achieve things with more than just anger.
Any moment of celebration that they would have had was interrupted by Hank coming out of the house and stealing Charles away. The scientist insisted that they needed to try Alex's new device.
Erik just stood and stared across to the satellite, soaking in the pride and hope that a feat like that had awoken in him.
The next day, Erik rolled out of bed with excitement. His usual grumpy morning attitude disappeared before his feet even touched the floor because he remembered the metal giant that had obeyed his every command.
Charles gave him a few surprised looks over breakfast, probably curious about his sudden cheerfulness. The kids all looked at him with a mixture of horror and concern. As if he were either dying or plotting something. Their expressions only made him smile wider.
When breakfast ended, and Alex was assigned dish duty for the morning, Charles declared that it was time for Sean to take the next step.
With a great deal of trepidation, Sean led the way up to the top of the massive satellite dish. Erik trailed after him, followed by Hank and Charles. None of the others seemed particularly confident that this wasn't just a very stupid way to kill a teenager. Oddly enough, despite his earlier doubts about Sean's flying ability, Erik found that he actually had more faith in this working than any of the other mutants present. Maybe it was because he had seen what Charles could do. Seen the way Charles brought out a mutant's gifts in spectacular ways.
Especially as they stood on the satellite that Erik had moved just yesterday, it was hard to doubt in something that Charles believed was possible.
"Do you truly believe I'll fly this time?" Sean asked with a quavering voice. His eyes looked pleadingly at Charles who was busy double checking all the straps on his wings.
"Unreservedly." Charles said back. He projected complete confidence, but Erik knew him well enough to see the slight doubt lingering under it all.
Sean obviously didn't notice that same doubt because he stood a little taller and his voice shook less as he said, "I trust you."
Charles responded with, "I'm touched," but he hardly seemed to be paying attention. His focus was on the task at hand and not the words.
"I don't trust him," Sean continued, gesturing to Hank.
The scientist looked offended and was about to say something in response but Charles' quick interjection of, "say nothing," stopped him. Erik had to bite back a laugh at the interaction. Really, if Sean should be mistrusting of anyone on this satellite if was him.
Despite Hank remaining silent, Sean's courage still faltered again. He gazed over the edge and took a hasty step back with a loud proclamation of, "I'm going to die!"
Charles was still in the process of telling him that they wouldn't force him to do it when Erik lost his patience. He pressed a hand firmly to Sean's back, said, "let me help," and then pushed the teenager off the platform.
The telepath's first reaction was to chastise Erik. The exasperation and panic in his voice still managing to sound almost fond. Then they both followed the falling boy with his eyes. There were a couple seconds where Erik wondered if he had just killed a kid, but then with a screech his sound waves caught and held. Erik smiled as Sean dove again and with another scream he flew even higher.
Finally, Erik turned to Charles. The younger man was glaring at him, but the effect was significantly dampened by the completely unhidden smile.
"What?" Erik asked with feigned innocence. "You know you were thinking the same thing."
Charles just sighed, tried – and failed – to remove the smile from his face, then turned to make the long climb back down to the ground. Erik followed after with a pleased smirk.
They parted ways for the rest of the afternoon, Charles retreating to the bunker where he continued to work with Alex and Erik wandering the hallways looking for something to do. He wasn't entirely certain when it became so dull to spend time away from Charles. It wasn't really a new development, just one he hadn't actively noticed until now.
He drifted into an exercise room and found Raven busy bench pressing a spectacular amount of weight. Erik was torn between marveling at her strength and being annoyed at her insistence – even while alone – in hiding her true form. He decided to offer some unsolicited advice.
With a quick movement, Erik lifted the heavy weight straight out of her hands; letting it float a good six feet off the ground. "If you're using half your concentration to look normal, you're only half paying attention to whatever else you're doing," He lectured. "Just pointing out something that could save your life."
With a glance upward, he released the floating weight, letting it fall back towards the young girl. He had the metal completely in his control, it would never make it far enough to hit her, but she didn't need to know that. As he had hoped, Raven's reaction was instinctive, her blond disguise rippled away from her as she turned her entire focus to catching the bar. Succeeding with ease at stopping it from crushing her.
"You want society to accept you," Erik pointed out before leaving," but you can't even accept yourself."
The news came later that day. Moira called them all in to the sitting room, motioning for them to watch the TV. With the pronouncement from the President – which confirmed that the missiles inbound from Russia were about to start a nuclear war – the group of young mutants accepted that the next day they would go into battle.
"I suggest you all get a good night's sleep," Erik said before stalking off to the study. His good mood wasn't exactly ruined, but it was definitely dimmed by the thought of taking his new family into a life or death situation.
He didn't even recall ever deciding that they were all his family. It had just sort of happened without his permission. Whish didn't change in the slightest the fact that he wanted nothing more than for them to all be safe. Especially Charles. He wished suddenly that he was still fighting this battle alone. It had been much less stressful when the only person he had to worry about keeping alive was himself.
He knew that in the end he wouldn't truly give all this up just to go back to those simpler times. Simpler was far from being the same as happier.
Unsurprisingly, Charles soon entered the study as well. Chuckling lightly when he found Erik already sitting at the chess table with the pieces arranged to start a fresh game. "I'm beginning to think that I am rather predictable," Charles mused.
In response, Erik just silently held up the glass of scotch that he had already poured for the telepath. Charles sunk into his usual position and took a swallow of the alcohol that Erik offered him. Erik moved his first piece and they fell into the casual peace that he had learned to love about these games.
Charles was the first to speak, "Sean's scream was much more spectacular this time and yet far less amusing."
"Yes, we will have to push him out a window again at our earliest convenience, just to see what happens."
"Erik!" Charles scolded, rather ineffectively because it was surrounded by laughter. "You already shoved him off a satellite; I would be surprised if he lets you within a hundred feet of him now."
"A wonderful point. You shove him out a window then. He'll never expect it from you."
Charles just laughed again and took another sip of his drink. "Hank tells me that he has completed his serum. I have no idea how that boy has found the time to do so many things. And, Alex was spectacular today. I wish you'd been there to see it. He hit a single mannequin dead on without hurting me or Hank."
Erik's hand stilled on the Bishop he had been about to move. "You were inside the bunker with him while he used his power?" Anything that was left of his good mood dissipated at the thought.
The telepath seemed unaware of the sudden shift and he brightly replied, "Oh yes, I stood right next to the mannequin. I knew he wouldn't hit me, that device Hank whipped up for him is marvelous really."
"Charles! He could have killed you!" Erik burst out. The metal chess pieces shook ever so slightly and Erik reigned his temper back in. "Is this a habit of yours? Asking your friends to kill you so they can test their power?"
Apparently more amused by his outburst than anything, Charles countered with, "Well it does seem to be a pattern that I unintentionally developed. But it also gets results and I am most assuredly not dead yet."
"Yet." Erik mumbled sullenly. "Give it time; I'm sure you'll manage to kill yourself in some stupid way trying stubbornly to help someone else."
"More than likely," Charles said back. Erik ignored the twist in his stomach at hearing Charles speak so lightly of his own death. "That sort of thing does sound like me I must admit."
Erik couldn't find words to answer that with, so he settled for just pouring his attention back into the game. He would deal with Charles' complete lack of self-preservation another time. Right now, he just wanted to focus on this last night together. And, he noted with a touch of horror, it really could be their last.
"You still owe me twenty dollars."
The words were unexpected and sudden, tearing Erik away from his forced focus on the board. He raised an eyebrow at the telepath and asked, "Is that really important right now?"
"Of course it is. I must have the joy of mocking you for losing."
"I'm pretty sure you already did."
"I'd like another opportunity."
Erik just stared at Charles, this conversation was going somewhere very deliberate and he had no idea where it was.
"How about a deal," Charles stated as he swirled the scotch around slowly in its glass. "You give me my twenty dollars the day after tomorrow. No earlier and no later. If you can manage that, I won't even mention your embarrassing defeat at chess the other night."
So that was what it was leading to. Erik smiled and quietly said, "It's a deal."
He knew as well as Charles that the promise they had just made had nothing to do with twenty dollars. It was simply a promise that they would both still be alive after tomorrow. After Shaw.
"Charles," Erik spoke softly, "Tomorrow, when we face Shaw, I need you to understand that I intend to kill him."
"I know." Charles replied with equal quiet in his voice.
"Do you have it in you to allow that?"
Silence surrounded them, filling the air and weighing them both down. Charles let out a soft and bitter sounding laugh, leaning forward as if he wanted to say something, but never managed to get the words out. Sadness shone in his eyes and it was an emotion Erik hated himself for putting there.
"You've known all along why I was here, Charles," he tried to reason.
Charles took a deep breath, "If killing Shaw is truly what you want, then I will not stop you. If I tried, I would be a hypocrite myself. I killed my own tormenter and I cannot rightly stop you from doing the same." The words seemed to take all of Charles' strength but he kept speaking, "In the end, I have no right to be the one to deny you that goal. So, no, I will not stop you. However," Charles paused again, but it seemed more for emphasis than for collecting himself, "I want you to listen to me very carefully, my friend; I have been down this path before. Vengeance, sounds fantastic until it actually happens. It will leave you hollow and lost, not make you whole. Trust me, as one of the few people who can speak from experience on this matter, killing Shaw will not bring you peace."
"Peace was never really an option." Erik countered, wishing the response hadn't caused the sadness to grow behind Charles' eyes. He couldn't help but push the topic though, "Peace will not be an option between humans and mutants either, Charles. You have to realize that."
"Perhaps not." Charles surprised him by saying, "Maybe peace was never really in the cards for either of us. Peace may not be possible – and believe me I will stand by your side and fight if it comes to war – but I need you to remember who exactly your war is with. There is a difference between killing those who have tormented us and merely slaughtering innocent people. War does not mean genocide, Erik. There will always be those who wish to harm us for being different, but that does not give us the right to kill those who only wish to help."
"You're right, and I would never ask that of you." Erik assured him. "Even if it meant I went off on my own, leaving you here to build your school in peace, I would not drag you down with me. You are not made the same way that I am. There is a goodness to you I can never match and if I were the one who put you in a situation that stole that from you…" Erik trailed off, letting his emotion get the better of him. After a moment he cleared his throat and looked Charles in the eyes, "I would never take you down into my darkness."
"And yet," Charles gently reminded him, "even on the day we met, I was willing to be dragged to the bottom of the ocean if it meant a chance to save you. I would follow you anywhere, always doing my best to be the voice pulling you back from the brink. If your concern is some poorly founded fear of corrupting me, Erik, I assure you that I can take care of myself. Whatever happens tomorrow, we will be leaving side-by-side. If a war starts, either against Russia or against mutants, I will still be with you to fight it. And I will be with you to remind you who the enemy is whenever you have trouble seeing it."
Someday, the unending hope that resided in Charles Xavier would stop surprising Erik. It certainly wasn't today. He had done nothing to earn this level of devotion and yet Charles offered it freely. A choice Erik was positive the telepath would come to regret one day.
Stop doubting yourself, my friend.
Erik nodded mutely at the words and then, simply because he had no other reaction to give, he moved his Knight to capture one of Charles' Rooks. The game proceeded, but the room felt different. The easy relaxation was gone and had been replaced with a far more intense emotion. One Erik couldn't quite name.
Without warning, Charles knocked his own King over. "I concede," He murmured.
Confusion washed over Erik, as far as he could tell, the one losing had been him. There was definitely no reason for Charles to give the win to him.
"Erik," Charles tried to say, but the name broke partway through. He cleared his throat and continued, not meeting Erik's eyes as he spoke. "We're going off to battle tomorrow, possibly to war, and to what may very well be our deaths, regardless of how much bravado we try to exhibit. Just in case that is how it ends," Charles held up a hand to stall Erik's protests, "just in case, Erik, I need you to know how much you mean to me."
AN: Cuba is coming next chapter (at least part of Cuba).