10
Gwen rose slowly. When Arthur held out the bread and cheese, she turned her head away. Her body ached and she felt she'd been beaten. She didn't protest when he held her close, the heat of his body a life line. She knew his quick thinking had saved her, so she didn't struggle when she awoke in his arms. She lingered in his warmth like a blanket on a winter's day. He made no complaints about moving or continuing their journey. She guessed his knights would be waiting there, with hot food and horses. They would back be in Camelot before the week's end, and this would all be over.
"Do you think it's much further?" She said in a voice still heavy with sleep.
"No, maybe half a day," he reassured her. He'd put out the candle, conserving it, so she could not see his face. She only felt him, close.
"Thank….you," she said.
He said nothing, unwilling to destroy the peace they had development. She'd half remembered his frantic efforts to keep her warm, his anger at life's serendipitous whims and his pleas to her not to leave him. Now, as they lay tangled in the dark, he'd fallen into a self-imposed silence, like one of the high wire acts she once seen acrobats do. He'd become too afraid to say anything to her, fearful of her reaction. Despite his strong arms to hold her, in the dark, his silenced added to her loneliness. She'd preferred a yelling Arthur to this one.
She was the one who had to practical. She disengaged from him, taking his cloak and wrapping it tightly around her. Her dress was ruined. She did her best with her shoes, scraping off the mud and slipping them on. Their wetness made her shiver and remember the cold. She felt ridiculously half dress, wrapped in Arthur's cloak, tunic and her soggy shoes. She struggled with her hair. It had come undone during her sleep. She ran her finger through it several times before braiding it. While she readied, Arthur watched, holding the lit candle for her to see.
"Thank you," she said meekly as if he were some kind stranger. She knew her tone and manner and had put him off again. Even in the flickering light, she saw his jaw tense.
"I'm here to please," he grumbled beneath his breath as he gathered up the rest of the meager belongings roughly. Gwen sighed, regretting her aloofness toward him. She didn't know how to act. She didn't want to encourage him, yet…yet. She desperately wanted him to not to be angry with her.
"Arthur please…." She halted him as he passed her, ready to lead them home and back to their shared misery. He pulled his arm away. "I'm doing my best."
"So am I," he snapped. She saw his furrowed brow, tight mouth and intense glare.
Gwen felt horrible, still exhausted and ill. Yet she saw the pain in Arthur's eyes and knew she was the reason. Hot tears ran down Gwen's face and she cursed herself for not being stronger.
"Don't you dare cry," he warned her. As if on cue, she cried harder, her body racking with sobs uncontrollably. "Guinevere if you ever love me, don't do this."
The tenseness in his face vanished, drained away and replaced with such a powerful sorrowful look, she had to turn away. He grabbed her suddenly by the forearm and shook once and then again, as if to jar the misery out of her and away from him. She almost crumpled at the force of this.
"Stopped," he begged, knowing it did little. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.
"I don't know what to do," she said, buried her head into his chest. He'd put on his padded undergarment he wore beneath his chainmail, and she sobbed into it. "I do not know who to be?"
Silence filled the darkened cave, as Arthur said nothing. She rose and fell on his deep breaths, slowly calming her. His hand stroked the small of her back, as she mirrored his intake of his breath. They were as one, an entity unto themselves, a creature of both; fire and light; death and rebirth; sorrow and hope.
"I once knew who I was, someone's daughter, sister, and friend. I woke up sure each day, and knew of what it demanded of me. I sewn a garment, made a bed or took care of a trouble stain on a fine lady's dress. You came….and took that all away from me. I knew better than to fall in love with you. I'm a sensible girl, a reasonable woman," she said with conviction as if to convince herself.
"When you loved me back, I did not know what to do. How was I to be, the lover of the prince, his mistress? You wanted a wife, and I knew you were mad. I let myself fall, into the deepest well. I fell and fell. Am I at my bottom Arthur, because I feel as if I've struck stone? I'm shattered into a thousand pieces, unsure of how to put myself together. When I do who will I become?"
"I know…I can't tell you what to do or even who to be," Arthur said softly as he leaned his head on hers. "Please…let me be there when you find out."
Her sobs subsided at his words. She stared up at him, in the dull light; his hopefulness stared back at her. He stroked her cheek gently and pushed away her wayward hair. He bent down and kissed the side of her mouth and then the other. She tilted her head to the side. She wanted more. He took her invitation and kissed her full on the lips. She parted her mouth, and he pushed the kiss deeper. She knew his touch and yielded to his desire.
When he finally pulled away, catching his breath, he stared at her as if awaiting a coming storm. When no storm came, he kissed her again. When she finally stepped away from him, she felt lightheaded.
"You will not push me?" She asked.
"I will not," he swore.
"I prefer coming to you Arthur, than being taken," she said as stared back at him.
Arthur nodded and held out his hand for her to take.
"Then come with me," he said his voice low and inviting. She took his hand. They walked this way, companionably for several hours. Despite her tired state, Arthur spurred her on.
They knew when they reached the entrance of the cave when sunlight flooded the cavernous space. They no longer need the candle to find their way through the narrow well worn path. Gwen sighed happily at the sight of the cave's opening. Arthur didn't seem as happy, because of the man that stood waiting for them.
The old wizard stood, red robe moving gently against the late morning breeze. He hands clasped behind his back and taping his foot. He looked annoyed.
"Took you long enough," he said. His face wrinkled and flushed.
"Excuse me," an equally annoyed Arthur retorted.
"You think this is some holiday, were you can lounge around with you lady love," the wizard snapped. As if on instinct, Arthur put his hand to the hilt of his sword.
"Just like you to want stick someone with that." The wizard raised his hand as his eyes glowed, and the sword flew from Arthur and into the crinkle, age spotted hand of the wizard. "Nice sword."
"Give that back," Arthur demanded.
"Or what?" The wizard taunted. Arthur took a step, but Gwen held him back. She could see this was getting them nowhere.
"Arthur, please," she said calmly. The wizard chuckled.
"She must be the smart one. You haven't changed much, have you prince prat? Now that you've become king, demanding everyone to do as you will."
Arthur seethed. Gwen stoked his arm until his temper cooled. She laced his fingers into his hand and held tightly. The wizard took notice of this and a corner of his mouth twisted up in a smile.
"Where is Merlin, my men?" Arthur said between clenched teeth.
"Let say your servant is my insurance, so you won't do anything stupid. When I release you, he will be freed. As for your men, I told them to meet you at the border of the woods by the castle in four days time. I didn't want to give them any idea about capturing me, especially, that gabby one with the dark hair," the wizard grinned back at them with yellowing teeth.
"You expect us to walk to Camelot?" Arthur said indignantly.
"No you idiot, I expect to walk to the village down the hill, ask for shelter for the night. How you get to Camelot, is your business."
"What kind of help is that?" Arthur asked, his temper rising again.
"My bargain with Merlin was to get you out, not bring you at your door step. Have you gotten that through you thick royal head of yours?" The wizard said.
"Fine, fine…that is all we need," Gwen interjected. She didn't want a shouting match between the two men. "Free us and will find our way home."
"Not only smart, but sensible. You should marry this one." The wizard pointed at Gwen.
"Okay, fine free us," Arthur demanded strongly. The wizard crinkled his face.
"You are not a humble man Pendragon, you should learn to be." The wizard shook his finger at Arthur.
Arthur huffed in exasperation.
"In fact…?" The wizard tapped his lower lip as he contemplated something. "It would be just like you to announce to anyone who'd listen that you are the king of Camelot, and start demanding things." Gwen saw a twinkle in the old man's eyes.
"Not this time, King of Nothing." The wizard raised his arm, mumbled words beneath his breath as his eyes glowed fire. "Until you sit on your throne in the throne room of Camelot, no one will know who you are."
"What have you done?" A worried Gwen said, staring at Arthur, who looked blank face and confused. Arthur shook his head as if to clear it.
"Arthur?" She said cautiously. He stared at her, his eyes narrowing and then suddenly widening in shock as he pulled away, releasing her hold on him.
"What have done to him?" Gwen glowered at the wizard. The wizard simply laughed.
"Oh my lady, you will love this. Ask him who he is," the wizard chuckled in delight. When did as instructed, she carefully asked a wild eyed Arthur who he was?
"I'm…Arthur my lady," He said, with some doubt in his voice. Gwen sighed with relief. Then she realized he sounded very formal and called her Lady.
"Who is your king?" She asked. Arthur looked thoughtful.
"He is named Arthur, as well. I think I was named after him. I'm not sure. Why do you ask my lady?"
"Why do you keep calling me Lady?" Her worried tone had returned.
"Your brother is Sir Elyan, and you are a lady. Have I offended you?" He said meekly.
Gwen mindlessly shook her head, unsure of what to do. She glared at the wizard, angered by his games and taunting.
"Why did you do this? He knows nothing of his life," she yelled. The wizard just smiled.
"He knows, he is not king, but a humble servant. All he knows is that he must get you to Camelot, back to your brother safely. He's sworn to do it," he said.
Arthur stared at her dutifully, head bowed.
"He doesn't remember that he….he" she couldn't find the words. The wizard came closer and snapped his fingers. Arthur froze in place, and the wizard stepped through the cave entrance as if nothing could happen to him, and nothing did. He came close to Gwen and smiled down at her. Then she saw something in his eyes, warmth she hadn't seen before.
"He will know that he loves you and no other. He knows your safety is paramount." The wizard said somberly. "All that you go through until he sits on his throne will be remembered."
"Why do you do this?" She demanded.
The wizard stared at her patiently, his caring eyes shining down her. He placed a finger beneath her chin, lifting it up to face him.
"Because Gwen, you must know who you are and what to do. He must learn who you were and what you've done. It's as easy as that. Four days may not be enough, but I suspect so."
"I don't understand why you are doing this?" She sounded confused because she was.
"Camelot needs a strong king, who truly understands his people, all of his people. Sometimes Arthur can be thoughtless. As for you, he also needs a Queen by his side that will do what is necessary to survive and make Camelot strong. Sometimes Gwen you need to learn to lead instead of follow."
Gwen couldn't hide her worried look. "And you think I am that woman?"
"Yes my lady, yes indeed."