OK chucks - here is the next chapter. I hope that the flashback scene in here works. Thanks to Mea23 as usual. Would love to know your thoughts!
The family sat down to dinner. Various cutlery scrapes and requests for condiments clinked around the table.
"Where's Brandon?" Jude asked, noting his absence.
"Tonight is the day with his Dad." Stef informed him.
"Since I've been incapacitated they've been going on weekly man-dates." Kasey added.
"They went to the batting cages I think." Lena chipped in.
"Dad still trying to kid himself that Brandon can swing a bat?" Kasey smirked as Stef nudged her.
"You ever been to the batting cages, Jude?" Stef asked, quickly trying to suppress further teasing on behalf of her missing son.
He looked at Callie. "I was taken there by a foster brother once." He said nervously before diving into his food.
"Can you pass the salt?" Callie chirped, briskly cutting off further conversation. She tried to not let the weakness show in her voice, but clearly something Jude had said had sparked a latent memory.
"It's um...right next to you there Callie." Mariana responded as Callie looked down to find it inches away from her hand. "Right." She laughed it off to try and divert attention.
"It's a pretty fun place - whether you can play or not. Maybe even a fun place for a date wouldn't you say, Jesus?" Kasey spoke up, removing the light off Callie. Jesus threw her a deathly stare.
"I dunno. Maybe." He shrugged.
"There something going on?" Mariana immediately chimed in noting the awkward exchange of glances between them, her neuroses still fresh in her mind.
"Nope." Kasey replied. "Just teasing the fact he won't be going on any for a while."
"Like your last one was so successful." Stef put Kasey back in her place. "Though she's right - you won't be."
Jesus shook his head gently in Kasey's direction as she sipped at her drink with locking gaze. She would be thrilled if he got together with Lexi, she wasn't quite sure why it would be an issue, but clearly Jesus disagreed and she wouldn't push it. Mariana looked between them again and pushed her food around her plate. This didn't help her nerves.
Dinner continued with various levels of small talk and pleasantries about the day. Kasey complained about the bizarreness of their guilt assignment. Stef joked about how she'd have to monitor it to see if there was anything she should know and Lena made a few not so subtle attempts to coax out of Jude how he thought things were going at school, the test still preying on her mind.
"Well that was lovely. Thanks Stef." Lena commented at the end of their dinner. "So - I'm thinking Jesus and Mariana dishes, OK?" Lena requested. They both nodded before looking towards each other.
"Good plan, Mama. I will be spending the evening balancing the checkbook." Stef commented with a sigh.
"Wanna borrow my computer or have you got your abacus?" Kasey asked knowing full well she'd never gone near a spreadsheet in her life.
"Sure - you can have it back in a week when I've learned how to do them on it." She fired back, likewise knowing the underlying dig.
"Point taken." Kasey replied before hopping up. "I better go write the guilt journal." She said as she turned.
"That may take a week too..." Stef added as Kasey threw her a look and walked off.
"I guess I better start thinking about mine too." Callie resigned, getting off her chair. Stef immediately glanced at Lena who looked to Jude and back at Stef.
"Actually Callie, can I have a quick word first? Jude too - Principal Sanchez was on about some red tape I need to talk through with you." Callie looked back at her nervously before a nod. Lena motioned them out to the living room before looking back at Stef.
"Everything OK?" Jesus asked as they disappeared.
"Nothing to worry about." she assured him, rubbing his head.
"Right - checkbook time." Stef clapped her hands and left leaving the two twins alone again with their awkward silence.
"Jesus!" Kasey called up from the basement. Mariana gave him a nod, giving him leave to go down and see what she wanted. He threw the towel over his shoulder and edgily sauntered towards where his older sister stood.
"You didn't log out as well as you thought." She whispered. "And you left these in my room." She handed him his headphones.
He looked at her, eagerly waiting for her to continue.
"She'll be there at 2. You better not get caught ditching." She smirked. He smiled at her and ran back down the stairs.
Mike's car drove away leaving Brandon in the driveway. He waved him off and took a deep breath. He hadn't been able to get the question he had just been asked out of his head. Part of him wished he hadn't been, but the other part of him was intrigued by the suggestion. He couldn't say he'd never thought of the idea; he often had, but usually only in the heat of an argument, and he had never thought of it as a genuine possibility. That was probably because it wasn't though - he imagined he knew what Stef's reaction would be and it was unlikely to be in favour. He took a deep breath and opened the door.
The yelling that followed reverberated throughout the house. Stef stormed out of the room as the door slammed and after a blazing row that loud, none of the kids wanted to risk being in the sights of either of their Moms.
Stef's head buzzed as she hunched over the kitchen table. She was glad that the dishes had been done and there were no kids still around to see her so vulnerable. Fears of a decade ago flooded her mind. It twisted and turned and the fights of worse times gone by drowned out all else. She was projected back to the aftermath of a fight many years before.
"I can't do this, Lena - I can't face it. I can't face losing them" Stef paced the living room.
"So what, exactly?" Lena caught her in her stride and gripped her shoulders. "You want to go back? Is that what you're trying to say here, Stef? You came out - you can't go back in the closet - the cat is out of the bag."
"I'm not trying to - I just...I can't..." her voice broke as she collapsed down into the arm chair.
"Stef." Lena crouched down next to her and put a gentle hand on her arm. "You need to get a grip. You're getting hysterical over one off the cuff comment."
"'What makes you think they'll automatically stay with you', Lena, that's what he said." Stef bit down on her thumbnail replaying the blazing row she had just got into with Mike.
"In anger!" Lena shook her gently. "And only because you confronted him about what Brandon said. Mike's not made a custody challenge and nothing has changed that implies he intends to now." She pulled Stef's hand down from her mouth and used the other to cup her cheek gently.
"But it's always going to be hanging over me, Lena. I can't lose them, I..." her voice cracked as her head dived into her hands.
"And you never will - the state aren't going to take them out of your hands to put them into the custody of a lone alcoholic." Lena got up and placed herself on the arm of the chair, placing a hand gently on Stef's shoulder.
"He's not technically an alcoholic - he's never -"
"Stef. You're being irrational." Lena softly massaged Stef's shoulder. She couldn't help but take comfort in the warmth that filtered through her body, not just where she could feel Lena's touch.
Stef leaned her head back to look up at Lena for a few silent moments.
"And what if we get a homophobic judge?" Stef's voice was quieter and calmer but it was still wrought with anguish. "There are a lot of people who think same sex couples shouldn't raise kids." Lena took a deep breath and began to massage the other shoulder as well.
"There are not 'a lot' of people, not who are in any way able to affect our legal rights. If in the unlikely event Mike has a sudden change of heart and then on top of that California suddenly employed a rogue judge from a fire and brimstone state with a blind spot for rationality we would rinse them at the appeal and hit them with a law suit." She dipped her head down close to Stef's ear and whispered soothingly. "You are worrying over nothing."
Stef took a deep breath and closed her eyes, shaking her head gently. "It's not nothing Lena - it's my kids." Lena moved back off the arm of the chair and returned to kneel next to the chair.
"And for that reason I know you will never let someone take them away from you." Stef took the words in and eventually nodded. She mulled it over and the tears began to flow again. The nod turned to a shake as another thought seized her mind.
"I promised myself, I promised I would never make them choose. I've glimpsed that at a much older age and I could never put them through that."
"Stef - no-one is going to make them choose..."
"Then why was Brandon in tears because his Dad said he could always go to live with him..." Lena could see that Stef was in a mood to stress. She was pulling out reason after reason - all of which had clearly been bubbling up inside throughout the stress of the divorce. She could see Stef's perceptions were being skewed and had wished she'd divulged more of this as it was going along. She realised she would have to do something she wasn't sure she had ever attempted - to defend Mike.
"Stef, I don't think he meant things like that. I think Brandon misinterpreted Mike's sloppy attempt at trying to reassure him and he panicked - we know kids have been teasing them about the divorce and about having to choose. It sounds like Mike was annoyed you were accusing him of trying to steal them and is just being petulant."
"And what about in the future? What if they get mad at me one day and run off to their Dad? Play us against each other?"
Lena took Stef's hand and stared deeply into her eyes.
"Then we will face it together. Stef, you may feel alone and vulnerable in this divorce - but you have to remember that you're not. You're not alone any more."
The memory morphed into reality as she felt Lena's familiar touch on her back. She hadn't even come in but immediately felt the same rush of calm that washed over her whenever Lena held her. She love Lena more than she had ever thought possible which was why Brandon's other comments had also cut right through. It was the first shadow of an implication that her lifestyle had ever impacted her kids. She knew that it didn't, deep down, but that didn't soften the blow.
"He didn't mean all that." Lena finally broke the silence, her words now helping to quell the thumping in Stef's head.
She did her best to nod but there was still a ringing in her ears. The quietening of her fears just made way for anger that he would dare talk to them like that. Her emotions were so volatile right now that it was a see-saw of extremes.
"I can't believe he said it. What just happened?" She uttered with disbelief placing her palms flat on the table.
"He is confused and emotional. You think this has shocked us, imagine what it must have been like for him?" Lena reasoned. "It sounds like Mike just sprung it on him - he's not had time to process and the pressure tipped him over the edge. Things have been tense recently and he's struggling. It was just a bad outlet."
"I could murder Mike for doing this - if he had a problem why didn't he talk to me? All this time - all of the opportunity –" her voice grew more scathing. "After everything he was spouting off about last week about us not including him he goes and makes a decision like this without consulting us?" Lena put a hand on her shoulder to bring her back down from the returning rage.
"Just try and remember what you said last week. He's panicking too - he's trying to figure this out as well and he's going about it wrong. It doesn't change his intentions - he's just trying to be more involved."
Stef swung round to look at her. "This isn't exactly offering to help him with his homework - it's asking him to move in! To not live in the house he's lived in for the last ten years! Split him up from his siblings...and how will this look for Kasey? Mike asking Brandon and not her?"
"Come on now, I think we both know Kasey would hate to live with Mike right now. She won't even spend an evening a week with him without a nudge. He knows that too." Lena debated back.
Stef rubbed her chin. "He's too young to make a decision like this." She whispered to herself.
"Is he?" Lena asked honestly as Stef once again swung her head round.
"You can't be serious? You think he should be forced to choose between us and Mike?"
Lena raised her hands in defense, "He's not being forced to do anything - he wanted to make the choice, he's not still that five year old kid Stef. He has the facts. It's not about choosing if he loves you or Mike more, it's about practicalities."
"Who said anything about loving one of us more?" Stef shot back, confused and defensive at the suggestion, but really in denial of the fact Lena was right, it was an echo of one of her many past fears.
"That's the point - that isn't a factor. I want Brandon here as much as you do, but do you really think you can take the question out of his head now? If you take this away from him you may as well strip him of his independence. We need to support him, not dictate."
Stef heaved a deep sigh. "So, what? I tell him he can choose?"
"It doesn't mean he'll choose Mike - he's not going to make it lightly. Right now he just wants to be able to have a say. If it's too much for him we'll support him. All three of us."
Stef didn't respond she simply rubbed her face down with her hands. Lena massaged her shoulders softly just like in Stef's distant memory. She could tell a response wouldn't be coming any time soon so kissed her head and moved off.
"I'm sorry, love. I - you know I appreciate -" he voice clicked off and she cleared her throat. "I just need some space to think." Stef replied. She kissed Lena softly on the cheek and moved out of the room to collect her thoughts. Lena sighed and took up the vacant seat. This was something she too had always feared, though she was surprised at how easily she was taking it, probably because of seeing that Stef needed her more. The week before she had felt ousted by Mike - she realised now that Stef was probably feeling the same however this time she could see it from the other perspective. A few moments later Kasey emerged, the silence that now penetrated the house was an indication that it may be safe to do so.
"You OK?" She asked on her approach and catching Lena's distracted attention.
"You're getting better at walking with one crutch." She commented helping her onto a stool and ignoring the question. Kasey smiled sympathetically, but waited for an answer.
Lena took a deep breath realising she'd have to give one. This wouldn't be an easy topic for Kasey either, she had been more wary than anyone of Mike's increasing involvement and the last thing they needed were more fireworks.
"I'm fine." She answered. "Your Mom's a little upset."
Kasey's brow furrowed. "She have a fight with Brandon?" She asked, having heard the other voice earlier on.
"Glad to see you've cured your habit." Lena remarked.
"It was pretty hard not to hear - but I couldn't hear anything other than the shouting." Lena opened her mouth and hesitated for a moment. She couldn't put it off any further.
"Don't over-react." She warned her as Kasey looked round concerned.
"It seems that your Dad has suggested that Brandon may want to go and stay at his..."
Kasey's face dropped and her mouth opened slightly as she tried to absorb the words. After a few moments of vacancy she finally coughed out a sound.
"Is he going?" She asked, choking out the words.
"We're nowhere near there yet - there were a few angry words exchanged. Brandon stormed out."
"Out of the house? Mom let him?" Kasey's tone was climbing a similar ladder that Stef's had.
"He needed to cool down, he wanted to have a say and your Mom told him he couldn't. That was where it was left."
Kasey sighed. She couldn't hide the emotional strain this was having. She couldn't even begin to imagine the stress this would have on both her brother and her Mom.
She sat quietly for a few moments, trying to think it all through. Lena rubbed a hand down her back before getting off the stool and making her way out.
Kasey sat there a bit longer trying to put herself in either situation. She shook away some of her thoughts before feeling a calling to be with her Mom. She felt like she needed her, but more so felt her duty to be there.
Next Chapter Preview: It's Kasey's turn for a trip down memory lane as her and Stef have a heart to heart.
Stef took a deep breath and looked into Kasey's eyes. There was a memory on her mind that Kasey had clearly forgotten.
"You know you may not remember but Brandon's not the first one to get overwhelmed with the living situation."
Kasey looked at her blankly as Stef took a deep breath to begin the story.