I know you what you want. but it's time for some more sad stuff. more triggers.
please review.
April 1977
Easter holidays were upon them and they chose to stay at school instead of going to her grandfather's house. He had the best Christmas of his life with her. He had gotten her a silver necklace with a heart shaped locket. On the back he engraved his initials. Seeing it on her neck filled him with pride. It showed she was his and no one else's.
She had gotten him a pair of Dragon hide boots for his upcoming apprenticeship with Master Jiggers this summer. They were enchanted to adjust size with his growth. They would last him forever.
He met her 'best friend Robbie' who was actually their house elf. He helped raise her with Mr. Ollivander and was considered family.
Now it was spring break, they had time to spend alone again. It was Severus' favorite time, because he had her to himself.
They were lounging under their tree by the lake. He had transfigured his cloak into a thick blanket and laid it out for them to sit on. He was sitting with his back against the tree and her head in his lap. She was reading while he was sketching her.
He was trying to get the angle of her jaw right when her eyes peeked up over the edge of his journal. The playful hint in her eyes made his smile.
'Can I see?'
He flipped the journal for her to see. "Its not done."
'You're really good. Can I draw you now?' She smiled.
He handed over his pencil and asked "You can draw?"
'Oh yes, I'm pretty good. Stay still.' She said and sat back by his feet.
She started by looking at him with squinted eyes and tilting her head back and forth. He raised his eyebrow at her. She stuck her thumb out and closed one eye, trying to measure something. Her cute tongue sticking out in concentration.
She started to sketch him and looked up at him every few moments. When she finished she smiled and gave him back the journal.
He took it and started laughing. It was a stick figure of him that was poorly drawn. But it made his day.
"Why do I have a triangle shaped head?" he laughed.
'Its abstract.'
"And why am I holding a balloon?"
'That's the extent of my skill. Stick figures and balloons. I signed it for you, so when I get famous it'll be worth more.' She signed.
He threw his head back let out a deep row of laughter. He set the book aside and said "Come here."
She crawled towards him on her hands and knees and sat on her heels beside him.
"Kiss me."
She leaned in and gently laid her lips against his. When she pulled back she softly exhaled. He knew now from his time with her that was a moan.
"Sit on my lap." He was getting more possessive of her and every day pushed both of them a little further.
Expecting her to sit sideways, she pulled her skirt up a bit and swung her left leg over his lap. Straddling him and facing him with her hands on his chest. His heart rate increased, this was going great so far.
He leaned forward to kiss her but paused. "Let me taste you."
They never "made out" or "snogged" as the other students called it. He was dying to know what she tasted like. At night when he pleasured himself he could only dream about her taste. Mouth and otherwise.
She pressed her lips to his and parted them. She gently swiped her tongue across his bottom lip. He hummed in delight and met her tongue with his on her second swipe.
Sweetness. That was the only word he could give to describe her taste.
She started to move closer to him and her fidgeting nudged his erection. Instinct kicked in and he bucked up into her. She gasped against his lips. Another would be moan.
She bit his lip and tugged it. He gripped her hips and pressed her harder against him. His mind was moving so fast towards the gutter until he peeked his eyes open. He remembered where they were.
"If we don't stop I will have you right here for everyone to see." He warned her. His hand travelled up to her throat and squeezed gently. He loved having power over her.
She looked around and back at him 'There's no one around.'
He smirked "Do you really want our first time to be outside by the lake?"
'I want our first time to be in a special place, like where we first kissed and where I became yours.' She signed and waved her hand around to the area.
He was trying to slow things down but she was making it too hard. He thought about losing his virginity to her constantly. He knew he would be her first as well and he wanted to claim it.
"You would have your first time with me?" he asked softly. He gave her one last chance to back out.
She smiled at him and signed 'Severus, I want you to be my first, last and only.'
He felt himself twitch under her. She was feeding his inner beast with her words and actions. He would make her start, or else he would lose control.
He had wanted this moment for so long. He felt like he was so close to completion already if he didn't slow down. He was so pent up from their current activities.
"Let me touch you." He said as he hand hovered over her breast.
She pushed herself into his hand and kissed him again. Their tongues came together as he palmed her breasts through her shirt. They were softer than he imagined and could barely fit in his large hands.
She moved her hips against his erection and he almost lost it. He moved his kisses from her lips to her neck and she tangled her hands in his hair.
This was exactly where he wanted to be, surrounded by her. He slowly unbuttoned her shirt and moved his mouth lower along her collar bone and chest. Her breathing pattern picked up the lower his mouth went.
He quickly looked around to make sure they were alone on the grounds. He pulled his wand out briefly and set privacy wards and silencing charms. He continued to her breasts and looked at her face as he pushed her bra out of the way.
He bit his lip and groaned when he freed them. He watched her face as he palmed them and imprinted it into his memory.
"Touch me." He said.
Her hands slowly moved from his hair down to his shoulders and chest. She unbuttoned his shirt slowly and ran her hands over his skin. He felt self conscious.
"I know I'm not as muscular or big as Black. I'm scrawny." He spat.
She pulled back and frowned at him. 'You think that's true?'
He didn't answer her. She ran her hands over his chest and outlined his abs. "You have a runners build. You're strong and very powerful." She whispered into his ear.
He leaned into her and continued his exploration of her chest. She tugged on his ear lobe and made him groan. He wasn't going to last much longer. They hadn't even gotten past second base.
He buried his face between her breasts and licked her skin. This was heaven, it had to be. Greatest place to be in the world. He sucked on her nipples and watched her squirm. Oh no….
He slowed and took deep breaths to stop his impending orgasm. He bit the inside of his cheek and forced himself to calm down.
Her hands travelled down to his belt buckle. He had wanted this for so long and now….his eyes rolled to the back of his head when she grabbed him. NO.
Her hand was warm and soft against his flesh and it had been the first hand since his own.
She had barely touched him and he exploded all over her hand and his stomach. Shit. He ruined it. Ruined everything. Their first time was supposed to be special for both of them. And he prematurely ruined it.
Embarrassment was an understatement. She would laugh. Belittle him. He had to get away. He didn't dare open his eyes to see her disappointment. His mind was going a million different directions of an exit plan he didn't feel or see her want for him.
He picked her up by the waist and practically tossed her aside. He quickly stood and set his clothes straight as he rush back to the castle. He ignored her whistle calling after him. His face was red and tears were threatening to fill his eyes.
He ruined everything. She wouldn't want to be with a man who couldn't last long enough. No, not a man. A boy. Idiot boy.
He ran back to his common room knowing she couldn't follow him there. He couldn't face her now, the whole castle would know by morning that he prematurely shot all over his girlfriend. Shit.
Not once did he think of how he left her. How he abandoned her beneath their tree after they shared those moments. He didn't think of the pain he caused her.
The next day was the start of classes again and he was dreading it. He couldn't not show up, that would make it worse. His embarrassment would have to be met head on like after his blow up with Lily. He dwelled on it the whole night, he didn't sleep. Couldn't sleep.
The next morning he didn't pick her up from her dorm. He went straight to the Great Hall. No one bothered to look at him. Perhaps she was waiting for today to tell the world he was a fool.
He could see her from his peripherals, she sat across from him. He refused to look up. His face felt hot. She whistle his name. He didn't answer.
He stood and left the hall quickly, he knew she couldn't keep up with him. She never could. He hid out in an empty classroom until it was time for transfiguration.
He would have to sit by her. Damn it all.
When class started she came in late. When she sat by him he refused to look at her. Her hands moved but he didn't see what they said. She tried to touch him and he shrugged her hand off of him. He heard her gasp.
"Don't touch me." He said in a low voice.
He looked up and saw the tears in her eyes. He did that. Those were because of him. He hurt her.
She pulled her hand back as if he burned her. She whispered "What did I do? Tell me what I did so I can fix it. Please. I'm sorry. Tell me and I'll never do it again."
"Leave me alone." He growled.
He didn't know why he pushed her away from him. His own embarrassment and self loathing? His disappointment in himself? Yes, all of it.
Class carried on and she kept her head down and her hands wringing in her lap. He ignored her and blocked her as best he could from his attentions. Class ended and he watched her pick up her bag and run out of the room.
"Juliet!" another girl from her house called out.
"Was she crying?" a different girl asked.
Be grabbed his things and went to his next class. She wasn't there. Or the rest of the classes for the day. He was worried. Curious and worried. He shouldn't be. She could run off to gossip with the rest of them.
The rest of the week was hell for him. He was lonely and he missed her. She had sat somewhere away from him in class and kept her head down. She didn't show up early for breakfast anymore.
He was free of her. Just like he wanted. Right?
Rumors flew around school that Severus broke up with her because she didn't put out. That he had hit her. That he dumped her as soon as he found out she cheated on him.
No. None of those were true. Why weren't they talking about how he couldn't please his girlfriend?
He watched her sit alone at meals. Or alone outside or in the library. She was always alone. She was always so sad.
It caught the attention of Black and the Marauders. She was single and available now. No longer protected by Severus. He didn't realize his mistake until it was too late.
Now she can go and be with Black, a real man. No. she never wanted him. She will now. He fought with himself constantly.
He watched her from behind a tree by the lake. It wasn't their tree. She was sitting on a boulder that was partially in the lake. She was using her wand to draw circles and patterns in the water. He could hear her sniffle from where he stood. She was crying.
What had he done? She didn't go running around telling people about what happened. She didn't tell anyone and didn't even hang out with anyone else. He fucked up.
He needed to talk to her. He needed to get her back. He fucked it all up. She would never want him back now. He walked away.
Another week passed and his chest felt hollow. He wasn't sleeping or eating. Black was cat calling her and stalking her again. He was smarter about it this time, he made sure no teachers were around. Severus' jealousy was worse than ever. But she wasn't his anymore.
It didn't stop him from staring at the map whenever they weren't in class. He watched her little dot travel through the castle. He wanted to go to her so bad. It was too late.
One day during their free period he glanced at the map from his schoolwork. He saw her little dot round a corner on the 7th floor and run right into Black's. Then he watched the two dots get really close together and vibrate.
Shit.
He stood up so fast, his chair fell over. Shushing surrounded him in the library. He watched her dot take off fast down the corridor and Black's follow. There was no one else on that whole floor. How was that possible?
Then he saw the other Marauder dots on the surrounding exits. They trapped her on purpose. He grabbed the map and took off running. He ignored the yells of people he pushed through.
He would kill Black if he laid a hand on her. Him and those other bastards called Marauders.
He didn't hear any of his teachers yell at him about running in the castle. They followed. A student ignoring their calls with his wand drawn had to be bad business. He was so much faster than them.
He let his rage carry him all the way up the stairs and literally though Lupin. The young werewolf didn't know what hit him as he fell with a broken nose.
Severus looked at the map and ran down two corridors. Her dot was trapped in a broom closet with Black and he would be damned if that filth touched her.
He heard her panicked whistle come from behind a door. Before he could reach it someone grabbed his shoulder.
"Where in the high heavens are you going?!" McGonagall yelled at him. She was huffing due to chasing him.
The whistle came again and some loud bangs. She looked up and took a few steps closer to the sound. The broom closet door and surrounding wall exploded. Black shot out of it and hit the wall across the hallway.
They rushed forward to the scene. Black had his pants halfway down his legs with an erection. Black looked up and saw his transfiguration teacher, head of House, deputy headmistress standing above him.
Juliet stepped out from the closet with her hair messed up, her shirt torn and her lip split and bruises on her arms and chin. Tears streaked down her face and was breathing heavily. Her hands were held out towards Black in defensive posture.
She had wandlessly blasted him with a bombarda maxima. She wrapped her arms around herself and cried as she tried to move farther down the hall and away from Black.
McGonagall blew up. Other teachers arrived. Severus stood there dumbfounded. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Black actually tried to rape her. He was going to kill him.
Then he turned to look at her. She stared at him with that lost look and it broke his heart. He didn't say anything. He held his arms out to her and she ran to him.
He caught her and held her tightly. Her face was buried in his chest as she sobbed and gripped his robes tightly. He was never going to let her go again.