Chapter Ten: Regrets

For nearly a week the levels of poison in Trystmar's blood fluctuated up and down, hovering near the critical level. Bashir barely left the infirmary during that time, and delegated as many of the other patients to his staff as he could so he could monitor Trystmar personally. Several times he felt sure it was only his immediate intervention that kept the levels from passing what he considered the point of no return. But in the end there was only so much he could do; he could only watch and wait and hope.

And at last his hopes seemed to be rewarded. At first he assumed the lower levels in the latest reading were merely another minor fluctuation, but when the next three readings were each slightly lower than the one previous, he began to hope Trystmar had at last taken a turn for the better.

Trystmar's recovery was slow. Even when his blood and the symbiont both tested free of the virus and its byproducts, he remained weak from his long illness. There were drugs and devices that could have hastened his convalescence, but Bashir felt it was better for him in the long run to recover naturally as much as possible.

He was no longer kept sedated, but still slept much of the time, and seemed only half aware even when he was awake.

But at last there came a day when he opened his eyes and looked at Bashir with true recognition. He blinked, then swallowed. "How…long have I been out?"

"Over a month," Bashir said quietly.

A frown crossed Trystmar's features, and he briefly closed his eyes. "Please…please tell me what I did was only a dream."

Bashir raised an eyebrow. "Not being privy to your dreams, I wouldn't know…"

"The nurse…I didn't attack…?"

"I'm sorry," Bashir replied quietly.

Trystmar groaned, turning his head away. "And I tried to take…the easy way…" His whisper was nearly voiceless, but Bashir heard.

"Yes," Bashir admitted. "But you were out of your head with fever and not responsible for your actions; it's as much my fault as yours for not sedating you sooner."

"I didn't…hurt her?"

"No; she's fine," Bashir assured him with a smile. "You can apologize to her later if you want; right now I'd like you to tell me how you're feeling." His own apologies, too, could wait; Trystmar was still too weak to hear them now.

oOo

"So, did it…work?" Trystmar questioned as Dr Bashir returned after reviewing the results of a final biopsy on Shan.

Bashir looked away. "Yes," he said quietly.

"But something's wrong; what is it?" Trystmar asked in some alarm.

Bashir turned back with a tight smile. "Nothing," he assured his patient. "You and Shan both test negative for active virus; it's still latent in you from the original exposure, but since you've been vaccinated I don't see that causing you more than mild illness for a few days."

"All right, but my question stands; what's wrong?" Trystmar insisted.

Bashir sighed, sitting beside the biobed. "What's wrong is I should never have put you through that," he admitted quietly. "I very nearly killed you — not just lost you; killed you. I promised to keep you from getting Ogravrett's syndrome, then turned around and nearly gave it to you myself." He shook his head in disgust.

"To cure Shan," Trystmar reminded him.

"It was never necessary to cure Shan," Bashir said quietly. "He was never in any danger, and you and his future hosts would have been completely safe with the vaccination. I…wasn't truly acting in your best interests, Trystmar; I just wanted to prove I could do it."

"Which you did."

"Yes, but it was a risk I never should have taken, and I'm sorry."

Trystmar cocked his head. "I could say I forgive you…but I truly don't feel there's anything to forgive. I won't say I would make the same decision a second time, but I'm glad we did it. The vaccination might have been enough, but I still would have felt the threat hanging over me — over any future host who couldn't convince the doctors on the Council that it was necessary. There's a sense of freedom in knowing Shan isn't infected anymore. You gave that to me, Doctor, and for that you have my gratitude."

Bashir's smile this time was closer to being genuine. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I wish I could feel I deserved it…but thank you."

Next chapter coming next week!

I proofread all my stories at least once before posting, but if you see any mistakes I might have missed, please let me know!

Please note that I have internet access only once a week, and may not have time to respond to all reviews/messages. If you have questions regarding my Deep Space Nine alternate history, check my profile first to see if they're answered there. Thanks for your understanding! Barbie