Story Title: Razor

Chapter Title: Day After Day, But Anyway

Pairing: Lit

Rating: T (for now); some language

Summary: Future Lit; Rory's trying to get a foot in the door in the journalism world and she's dragging Jess along with her against his will. If past performance is the indicator, he wants to avoid any contact with her; professional or otherwise. Story and Chapter titles taken from the Foo Fighter's song, Razor off In Your Honor.

Rory sat in the waiting room. She looked around the small area, seeing women in all stages of pregnancy, reading magazines, checking their cell phones, and some talking with partners. No one seemed nervous or on edge—at least, no one but her. She religiously checked her phone every couple of minutes, her foot bouncing against the floor, her eyes raising expectantly each time the door opened and another stranger walked in and ignored her as they headed to the receptionist to check in.

She'd attempted to read the book she brought with her—well, one of the books she'd brought. On the ride over, she'd been flipping through What To Expect While You're Expecting, a purchase that she bought against her better judgment last week. She told herself that she should wait to see if she even needed any information on gestation or child-rearing before such a purchase. She told herself that no matter what her hormones led her to feel, finding out the results of this test would leave her with some big decisions to make. She might not be in the position to have this baby—not because it wasn't in her plans, but she wasn't sure either man was willing to have a child, especially at this point in their lives. Her career was a consideration. She couldn't take a baby into potential war zones. She could turn the job down—officially she was considering the offer—after all, if it had come around now, surely it would come around again in the future, wouldn't it? But having a baby wasn't necessarily a reason to turn down the job. If she had the right support system in place, she could still have both. But first, she would have to know the truth of her situation. It was hard to choose her path in life when she couldn't see through this fog.

At any rate, she told herself that she didn't have to make any decisions right now. She had time, time that wouldn't make a difference to her. Though, as she read that the fetus was now the size of a prune, nestled deep within her body, she knew that she needed come to peace with whatever she was going to do, and soon. The longer she waited, the more attached she was going to get, the harder it would be to attempt to walk away from all of this. And even though she was still doing her best to hide all evidence of her pregnancy, she felt herself getting attached to the thought. Buying a referral guide was only the beginning. She only read the book in cabs or in the bathroom at work—she had a copy of Love in the Time of Cholera to read when people that she knew were nearby, and to cover it in her bag. But both sat in her bag, untouched, as she could barely keep herself in the seat, let alone to focus on reading as she waited.

"Rory?" came the voice of the nurse, from the door that opened into the doctor's offices and patient exam rooms. She stood, glancing once more at the main door that was still at the moment. She approached the nurse slowly and spoke in a low voice.

"Um, someone's supposed to meet me here, and, well, he's not here yet."

"Your husband?" she asked knowingly. "Just let the receptionist know, and when he arrives, she can send him back to us. We have to get your weight and blood pressure first anyway," she smiled warmly.

"Oh, well," Rory hedged.

"It happens all the time, men running late. Just leave his name with Mary at the desk," she assured her.

"Right," Rory breathed out and stepped back in front of the reception desk. "Excuse me? Hi, I'm Rory Gilmore, and they're taking me back, but if a Jess Mariano shows up, can he be sent back to my room?"

"Sure thing," she smiled brightly and went back to her business. Rory gave one last look to the door and followed the nurse back to the hallway, away from the other women sitting to wait their turns.

Rory let the nurse take all her vital information, checked the chart, and asked if she had any questions about the procedure she was going to have that day. Rory shook her head, took the gown she was handed, and waited for the nurse to exit. She looked down at the standard-issue, tie-in-the-back hospital gown, and sighed. She disrobed quickly, pulling the thin robe around her. She knew it wasn't a place to care about her modesty, but she was still a little cold in the clinical room.

She tried not to question if Jess would show up, hoping that he was simply running late. He hadn't been anything but supportive of coming to this appointment with her, doing what she asked of him. He'd taken her back to his hotel room the night she showed up at his last book tour stop, held her until she fell asleep, and they'd shared a cab to the airport the next morning. She had emailed him the details for her appointment, the when and where, and he'd replied back simply that he would be there. She hadn't felt it was fair to continue on conversations with him at this point—it was bad enough that she was continuing to live with Logan while telling him absolutely nothing. She had lucked out, if she could call it that, and he'd been sent to London for two weeks for business, so except for the occasional Skype or phone call, she hadn't really had to work very hard to avoid him. Her morning sickness had kicked in with full force two days after he left in the middle of last week, yet another thing she wouldn't have to explain until later, if at all.

Despite several signs posted throughout the office, she pulled out her cell phone and scrolled down to Jess' name, tired of wondering where he was. If he didn't show, they'd be able to tell her that she was, in fact, a DNA match as the mother of the child she was carrying, which wasn't really the point of today's exam. She didn't need him to stay and hold her hand through the procedure, but without his cheek swab, today was a bust.

The door opened without a knock, which caused her to look up in surprise. "Sorry. The subway shut down for a few minutes. Am I too late?" he asked, closing the door and moving next to where she sat on the exam table in her pitiful little outfit. "It's okay I'm back here, right? The woman behind the desk told me to come back. But she also called you my wife," he explained.

She nodded. "No, I mean, yes, you should be here. The doctor hasn't come in yet. I'm just waiting."

He nodded and looked around. She was willing to bet this was his first visit to the gynecologist, and it was the standard issue room, with the model of the baby in a uterus on the counter and pamphlets in the little displays about birth control options and female dysmenorrhea and menopause. Finally his gaze fell back on her. "Are you cold?"

She nodded. "A little. But this room really isn't about comfort," she said, nodding at the stirrups at the end of the table.

"Right," he said.

"Jess?" she asked, garnering his full attention quickly. "It's okay. You don't need to try and make this more comfortable. I'm just glad you showed up. Okay?"

He nodded. She saw the relief on his face as a knock came to the door and the doctor poked her head in. She smiled warmly at them both and shook Rory's hand. "So, you're here to go ahead with the CVS paternity testing?" she made sure. Rory nodded, and she went on. "Okay, well, first we'll do the easy part, the swab from each of you. It won't hurt, just a little cotton on the inside of your cheek. The next part is a bit more uncomfortable, I'm afraid, as we'll actually have to collect some cells from the placenta. We'll give you a little something to numb you so it won't be so bad. Afterward you'll have some mild discomfort, but I'll give you a sheet for things to look out for. Do you have any questions?"

Rory looked at Jess. "Just, um, how long will it take, to get the results?"

The doctor nodded. "About two weeks. We have to send it to the lab, and then we'll give the results to you."

"Okay. I guess, let's do this."

"All right. Now the nurse will come back to collect and bag your swabs, then I'll come back to do the CVS and then you can rest a minute and we'll listen to the baby's heartbeat."

Rory noticed that Jess had the same reaction she did to the last statement. They both stiffened in surprise. "The what?" Rory asked.

The doctor smiled. "Your baby's heartbeat. You're at ten weeks, which is the first time you can really hear it. I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"

The door closed and Rory looked at Jess. "You don't have to stay, you know. If you need to leave after your swab," she said, doing her best to look strong and assured.

"I can stay," he said, clearly not buying her outward façade.

"Really, you don't need to," she tried to argue with him, but he stepped closer to her, took her hand, and squeezed it.

"That might be my," he took a breath and shook his head. "Look, I came all the way here, no one else knows where you are, and you might be in pain. You shouldn't be alone."

She nodded and looked down at their hands. "Do you, I mean, have you ever thought about it? Having kids?"

He gave a short laugh. "Not until recently."

She glanced quickly up at him. "Is it something you want?"

He looked back into her eyes. "Is it something you want?"

"I," she began, but the nurse came in with the collection kits. She pulled on gloves, swabbed each of their cheeks, and sealed them in their respective bags. As she was finishing up, the doctor came in, ready to prepare the exam, and thus putting their conversation on indefinite hold. As the doctor prepared the needle that would numb her locally, she found that as she reached out, his hand instantly met hers again. She closed her eyes as the doctor gave her the shot, and tried to just focus on the feel of his warm hand encasing hers. After that, all she felt was some pressure and opened her eyes when the doctor informed her it was all finished. Jess didn't let go of her hand, and she was suddenly filled with relief to have someone with her. She'd steeled herself for the idea of being alone for the better part of anything related to this pregnancy—if she couldn't tell the father, who would she turn to for help? She looked up at him, studying the lines of concern on his face, the set line of his mouth; she could tell he wasn't thinking about the way this affected him. She knew he was concerned for her—her discomfort, her worry.

The turn that her life had taken hit her. Even if this was to be their future, this wasn't the way it should have happened. Nature had skipped its due course, and any joy that they should be experiencing was dampened by 'what if's and 'might not's. She should have made a decision—she should have been smart enough to follow her heart and put an end to living this duel life weeks ago... . She felt tears start to stream down her face. She wanted to apologize to him, and to the tiny little person taking form inside of her. She felt him squeeze her hand.

The doctor applied some gel to her stomach and took out a little wand-like device, pressing it down and moving it in different positions. After a minute of searching, suddenly the faint, fast fluttering became audible, the only sound in the room.

"There's your baby," the doctor smiled. "Sounds good and strong," she advised. "I'll just leave you to get dressed. Stop by and make an appointment to come in and discuss the results of your test in two weeks, all right?"

Rory nodded, wiping tears away from her face with her free hand. The moment the doctor left the room, she turned into Jess's torso, and he held her head as she cried. They stayed like that for what felt like forever, her tears being absorbed by the soft cotton of his shirt. When she felt empty, she pulled back and took some deep breaths.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting to hear that. I mean, I knew what was happening, but that made it so … real," she blinked away the last remnants of liquid from her eyelashes.

"It doesn't have to change your decision," he said softly.

"I know. There's just so much I didn't anticipate. I know I have the right to choose what to do, but I'm not the only one that will be affected by my choice," she led, looking up at him again.

"Rory, I can't tell you what to do. I can't tell you what I want. This isn't something I ever would have planned," he admitted. "But the thought of you not wanting my kid and staying with some other guy," he closed his eyes as if he were in pain.

"Jess," she could feel the tears coming again. "I'm sorry. I just feel like I should find out all the facts first, before I," she shook her head.

"We should probably get out of here," he said after a long silence. She knew it wasn't fair, not giving him anything further, after he'd been so kind to her. He was being selfless; coming all this way, supporting her, and not asking her for anything.

"I need my clothes," she replied, and he bent over to pick up her neatly folded clothes from the exam chair. He turned his back as she shifted off the gown and finished wiping off her stomach before dressing quickly. She stood, and he turned to face her.

"I guess I should get going," he said, not sounding as if it were his schedule that was drawing him out of the city.

"Do you have time for lunch?" she asked.

"Look, I'm sorry I said," he began, but stopped short. "I just don't want you to think you have to," he failed at his words again.

"Just come have lunch with me," she requested.

"Rory, what do we possibly have to say to one another? What's done is done, and if you're not ready to make any decisions," he hesitated.

She could feel herself losing him. She knew if she couldn't give him a reason to stay right this moment, he would get on the train, and she would let the doubts creep back in. It was easier, once he was gone, to slip back into what she knew—the world that she'd built up around her. It wasn't always easy to be there, but it was static. Each passing day allowed her to begin to believe that he wouldn't want her or didn't need her, when in reality she was the one that remained unavailable. This baby was not a reason to choose either man. If she ever wanted to allow them both to believe in each other, she needed to just follow her heart and let the consequences play out as they were meant to. She couldn't mess up their due course any longer.

Rory reached out and put her hands in his, leaning her face up to kiss him right there in the exam room. She kissed him the way she wanted to while listening to the baby's heartbeat, the way she wanted to kiss him the night after she didn't win the Pulitzer, and the way she wanted to kiss him the day she first finished reading his book. He wrapped his arms around her, exchanging the emotion that was pouring out of her and into the kiss.

She breathed out hard as they broke apart, just an inch or so, and looked up into his eyes. "So, lunch?" she repeated.

He nodded. "Yeah. I can stay for lunch," he agreed.