Chapter Ten

"I don't believe in an interventionist god/but I know, darling, that you do/but if I did I would kneel down and ask him/not to intervene when it came to you/not to touch a hair on your head/to leave you as you are/and if he felt he had to direct you/then direct you into my arms."

-Nick Cave, Into My Arms

Normally, she wouldn't have let it happen, but when Mr. Evans' walked to her side and lifted her up into his arms, Ismene wrapped hers around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder. He sat down on their living room sofa with her in his lap, not looking at the Christmas tree that Mulciber and knocked over, but rather he stroked the fifteen year old girl's hair, while his wife and daughters bustled around, trying to make the air in the room less tense. Ismene felt another hand on her back and she knew it was Lily.

Letting Mr. Evans go, she slid into a space on the sofa between him and Lily. Lily took Ismene's hand in hers, but she didn't even look at her friend. All she did was stare out of the window, waiting for Voldemort or waiting for the Ministry officials, whoever came first.

"I'm going to be sent to Azkaban." Ismene murmured, which made Lily place an arm around her. She held her head with her hands and let out a feral scream. The two Evans bore it well, only Mr. Evans plugged his ears a bit. "I'm going to be sent to Azkaban."

"No, you're not." Lily said, "It was self-defense. He was going to kill you."

"I'm going to be sent to Azkaban." Ismene repeated, "I'm going to be expelled, my wand is going to be snapped, and I'm going to be sent to Azkaban. I killed my own father."

"I'm sorry, Ismene." Lily said softly.

Ismene laughed. "Don't be." She said into the shocked face of Lily Evans. "There was no love lost between my father and I. He was a pure-blood bastard who let my brother be murdered and controlled me for my entire life. I'm glad he's dead, Lily, which is a horrible thought. I just don't want his last act be sending me to Azkaban for his death."

Outside there was a popping sound followed by another and another. Ismene leapt up, gripping her wand in her hand. If it was Death Eaters, she was already going to jail and expelled, there was nothing left for her to lose. If it was the Ministry, her wand would be easy to seize. The doorbell rang and Ismene sighed, sinking back down on the sofa, her head shoved in between her knees.

The Ministry rang doorbells.

Lily and her father got up off the sofa to answer the door. Three fully armed Aurors walked into the Evans living room, their wands raised as they surveyed the living room for Death Eaters. The tallest one, a man with a scarred face and a roving false eye, signaled that the room and house was clear before he gruffly stomped over to the sofa. He pointed at Ismene with his wand, but said nothing and she felt nothing. He wasn't going to Imperius her, but she obediently held out her wand.

"What are you doing?" he asked and Ismene looked up into the face of Alastor Moody.

"Aren't you going to seize my wand?" she asked.

"Why would I do that? Death Eaters are around here, we need all the wands we can get, even if they belong to an underage witch."

Ismene let her hand drop, wondering if she should tell Moody, the most famous Auror, that she was a Death Eater. Sirius would probably have encouraged it, he had mentioned once that he admired Moody and wanted to be an Auror just like him, because he thought she could get some leniency. "No, they left."

"Left? Death Eaters don't just leave."

"Yes, they do." Ismene said, looking Moody straight in the eye. "I killed one of them, stunned another, and the third left after I killed the one."

Moody let his wand arm drop and slapped his knee in disbelief as he looked at his companions who looked just as baffled as he did. "How old are you, anyway? Sixteen, almost seventeen?"

"I turned fifteen in May." Ismene whispered.

"What Death Eater did you kill?"

"Cadoc Malfoy."

Moody let out a small noise of elation before he let it turn into a cough, pretending that he had not shown such an excited emotion fitting a wizard of his personality. "We've been after him for years."

Ismene laughed. "I know, I've seen him act nervous whenever a friend of his gets arrested or has their home raided."

"How do you know that?"

"Cadoc Malfoy was my father."

"So you're Ismene." Moody said, "Dumbledore told us about you."

Ismene had let her head drop, but she raised it again to look at Moody. "Dumbledore?" she said and then stood up, crossing her arms over her stomach, pressing her Dark Marked wrist against her hip. If Dumbledore was involved, if he had figured everything out, she definitely wasn't going to admit to what had happened to her. "What did he say?"

"He heard a rumor that you were going to be recruited for the Death Eaters." Moody said, "Is this true?"

His eye looked into hers, his magic eye that she knew could see through anything, maybe even her thoughts. Slowly, she unfolded her arms and pushed up the sleeve of her robe, holding out her wrist so that Moody could see what was there. The moment he touched her wrist, she broke down into sobs, falling to her knees and cradling her head in one arm while the other remained extended. "I didn't want to, I swear." she cried, "I was forced! My father used the Imperious Curse on me! And they told me I would have to kill the Muggles who lived here, but I can't do that! I can't murder innocent people. I can't kill my friends."

The room was silent except for Ismene's gasping tears and one last utterance. "I don't want to be a monster."

"You're not a monster, Ismene." Lily's voice floated down to her. "Sir, can't you do something?"

"There's nothing they can do." Ismene sat back on her heels, wiping tears off her cheeks with her fingers. "Once Voldemort targets someone for a task, he usually gets what he wants. I couldn't refuse, even if I wasn't being forced to agree. I'd be dead if I said no and I don't want to die."

"Dumbledore has offered you his protection." Moody said, "He can hide you better than anyone else. He's offered you residency at Hogwarts and there's no place safer."

"But my mother, sir. I may not love her or even like her, but I killed her husband. I can't just leave her alone."

"I don't understand."

"She's my family, sir." Ismene said, "I…I don't want this, I don't, but I can't just ruin my family like that. I've already started unraveling the tapestry that keeps us together by killing my father, I have to stop it from completely falling apart."

Moody shook his head and growled. "It's either Dumbledore or Voldemort and you're choosing Voldemort?"

"No, I'm choosing my family."

"Who are Death Eaters."

Ismene stood up, suddenly furious. Alastor Moody could only see the black inside her heart, not the white, and he definitely couldn't see the gray. To her, it wasn't a matter of Dumbledore versus Voldemort because in her heart the obvious choice was to go with Dumbledore, to run into the safety net he was offering her, but her mind told her to go with her family and old blood ties ran deep, too deep to change in the span of a few hours or even a few months.

"No." Ismene repeated, "I'm not choosing Death Eaters. I'm choosing my family."

Moody growled again, tugging at his hair. He shoved his face close to Ismene's so that she could see the anger and annoyance in his eyes. "You make no sense to me."

"I'm going to be neutral until I speak to Dumbledore." Ismene said softly, "Because I don't know if I want to trust a man whose job is to imprison men like my father."

"You're a bloody idiot." Moody said, "I've never seen anyone staunchly refuse either side before. Just know, I'm keeping my eye on you. You did me a favor by killing a renowned Death Eater, but just remember that you are underaged and performed an Unforgiveable, not to mention a Death Eater whether you willingly chose it or not. I'm going against my training and my judgment by not arresting you now and throwing you in Azkaban, but I trust Albus Dumbledore and I believe that he sees something in you."

"Dumbledore just knows that I'm something Voldemort wants." Ismene sighed, "I don't think he actually sees anything in me at all, he just doesn't want me going Dark."

There was no reply from Moody who just signaled to his partners and they wiped the minds of Lily's parents and her sister, leaving the witch to remember what had taken place, before they walked out of the door and Apparated away.

Ismene sank down on Lily's sofa again and Lily joined her. Lily sat rod straight, her fists balled up at her sides. "You know something?" Lily said, but Ismene was smart enough to know that the question wasn't one that Lily wanted to answer. She had the answer herself. "You're the most frustrating person I have ever met in my entire life. You tell me and Moody and just about everyone else you know that you don't want to be a Death Eater. You were forced to be a Death Eater, you killed your own father to protect people who you say you hate, but then at the same time you obviously don't. Dumbledore offers to protect you from Voldemort and you turn that down. It's like you're trying to convince everyone that you don't want to be something that you really, truly want."

"Do you really think it's so easy? To just say yes to you and James and Sirius and Dumbledore?" Ismene said, her voice cold. "It may not make sense to you, Lily, because you've never had to make a choice between Dumbledore's ideals and the family that raised you. I may hate my mother, I certainly hated my father, but they're my parents. That's my mum, the woman who raised me despite everything bad that she let happen to me, that's still my mum. I have nothing without them, Lily. I can't ask to crash on your sofa or move in because, sure I guess we're friends, but I can't ask that of you."

"We are friends and you can ask that of me." Lily said, "We have a spare room."

Ismene laughed. "Thanks, but I can't stay here. It's too dangerous." She stood up and smiled. "I know I'm frustrating, but you have to understand. It's terrifying to jump into the abyss and have no idea if someone is going to catch you or not. Maybe there's something gray area girls like me can do to help the right side, but right now I have to do what keeps me the safest and right now that's Voldemort."

Lily shook her head as she stood up, placing her hands on Ismene's elbows. "Swear you'll never kill a Muggle or a Muggle-born."

Plucking her wand out of her pocket, Ismene grabbed Lily's hand, squeezing it in her own as she tapped the end of her wand on their hands. Nothing happened, but Ismene liked to imagine she had cast an Unbreakable Vow, but she knew she'd never break this one despite the lack of magic involved. "I swear." she said and she dropped Lily's hand and walked out the door.

It simply meant that if Voldemort asked, she would have to kill her own kind instead.

A light snow had begun to fall as Ismene walked up the street from Lily's house, a borrowed 20 pound note in her pocket and directions to the nearest Tube stop rolling around in her mind. She couldn't go home, not tonight. She needed time for her mother to receive whatever news Mulciber and Rosier or maybe even Lucius would deliver to her. She handed the bored woman behind the ticket counter the money and pocketed her change and ticket as she walked to the subway train. It blew past her picking up litter on the platform as it slowed to a stop. The doors hissed open and she stepped inside and found an empty seat.

The subway tunnel's gray walls helped her to focus on clearing her mind of guilt. For the meanwhile, she was free of fuzzy thoughts and entire control. Her father was dead and it was only a matter of time before her mother picked up where she left off or passed on the idea of controlling her constantly to Lucius. For now, it was Christmas Eve and she knew that there was only one person in the entire world she wanted to see.

The address had been on an OWL Sirius had sent her over the summer, a teasing note about what she couldn't remember, but she had remembered the address. She walked down the dark, snowy sidewalk until she found the right housing block. She stood in front of number 11 and number 13 and thought hard about it until Number 12 Grimmauld Place materialized in front of her, shoving itself out of the formerly non-existent space between the other two townhomes.

She walked up the front steps, squaring her shoulders, and knocked on the door. The door creaked open and a haggard looking house-elf stared back up at her. "Can Kreacher help you?"

"Is Sirius at home?"

"Master Sirius is up in his room, breaking his mother's heart." Kreacher said. Ismene waited for a long while until he stepped aside to reveal Sirius' mother, Walpurga Black.

Mrs. Black looked like her son, same haughty features, gray eyes, black hair. But Sirius' eyes were softer, kinder and his mother's were the opposite. While Ismene couldn't call the look she had cruel, there was a harshness about her that was not present in her son. "Can I help you?"

"I'm a friend of Sirius'." Ismene said, not mentioning that she was Sirius' girlfriend. "Can I come in and say hello?"

"I'm afraid Sirius isn't seeing visitors at the moment." Mrs. Black said. "On account that he continues to disgrace our family name up at that school."

Ismene was actually surprised that Sirius was home for the holiday. But she suspected that from his mother's tone, they had dragged him kicking and screaming away from Hogwarts. His home life, it seemed, was about as warm as hers. It actually made her love him more that he helped her with her family problems when he had his own issues to deal with. He was stealthily selfless that Sirius Black. And Ismene knew that he deserved to have someone besides James, probably, who knew what his life was really life.

So when Mrs. Black tried to shut the door on her, Ismene grabbed it and pulled it back. "Please, I'm Ismene Malfoy." she emphasized her last name, knowing that their status in the Wizarding World pulled some weight. If she could convince Mrs. Black that she was pulling Sirius back to the darker side of the world, she could be with him, maybe even stay with him, for the rest of the break and at least they would have each other. "I'm…" she paused, wondering if it would do any good to say that she and Sirius were a couple, but it couldn't hurt, "I'm Sirius' girlfriend."

Probably for the first time in her entire life, Mrs. Black smiled and jerked her inside the house. It was dark and ghoulish. There was a troll leg that had been hollowed out and was holding umbrellas. In the kitchen, someone or something was banging pots around. Mrs. Black led her upstairs, past a gallery of house elf heads, and down a hallway. At the end, there were two doors and Ismene knew which one was Sirius' thanks to a plaque attached to it.

Mrs. Black didn't knock on her eldest son's door and Sirius immediately leapt off his bed and hurled a blast of orange light at the door. It slammed shut and Mrs. Black whipped out her wand and blasted it open. "Don't be rude, Sirius." Mrs. Black said, "You have a guest, a very regal guest and I believe that you should follow her lead and be more like her than your friend James Potter. I'll leave you two alone."

Ismene was nudged inside and the door slammed shut. She turned around and flipped the lock before walking over to a shocked Sirius. She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest and he instantly wrapped his arms around her. "What are you doing here?" he asked after he kissed her.

"I killed my father, Sirius." Ismene said and before he could say anything, she pulled her sleeve up and showed him the Mark. "And I was forced to become a Death Eater."

"Oh god, Ismene." Sirius said. He eased her down on his bed until they were lying flat on the mattress, his arms around her. "What are you going to do?"

"That Auror you like, Alastor Moody? He told me Dumbledore had an idea that I was going to be a target, that Dumbledore could give me protection, but I said I would have to think about it."

"Why do you have to think about it?" Sirius said, "Take the protection. Dumbledore's offering."

Ismene pushed herself closer to him, inhaling the scent of his spicy cologne. "I know I should, but I don't want to pick sides. I want you and everything that you stand for, but I can't seem to see my life without my family."

Sirius nodded into her hair and weaved his fingers into hers. "I see that, I mean, I've never experienced much love for my family, but I understand where you're coming from. Family loyalty is really strong amongst pure blood families. And you're afraid of disappointing them, I get that to. But…"

"Does there have to be a but?"

"Well, this one isn't as cute as mine, but yes, there has to be one." Sirius said and Ismene laughed. "You did kill your father, you've already got a black spot on your name as a Death Eater."

"Which is?"

"Killing a Death Eater. That's what Auror's do."

"I'm not an Auror."

"I know, but you've got one step closer to being an Auror than I do." Sirius said, "But what are you going to do?"

"Can I stay with you for a few days? I don't want to be home when my mother finds out. I'm hoping someone lies and tells her I was taken captive so when I come back, I'll be heralded as a hero." Ismene said, "I hope someone tells that to Voldemort to."

"Of course you can stay." Sirius said, "Maybe I'll win some points over with my mother for dating the daughter of a well-known pureblood family."

For a long while, they just lay there, moments of stillness broken by kisses, until Ismene closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Sirius breathing. "What does Voldemort want with you?" he finally asked, broaching the question that she couldn't answer.

"He wants me to be his pawn, just like father."

"And what are you going to do?"

It was the same question Lily had asked her and the answer hadn't changed. "For now, I'm going to do what he wants, only I'm not going to kill or hurt a Muggle or a Muggle-born."

"So you're going to do what he wants by just not doing it and saying you did?"

She couldn't tell him about the Inferi and the assignment to kill Tristan. It was too hard to verbalize. So she rolled over and laid across his chest, her blonde hair forming a curtain around their faces. She kissed him.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do."

But she knew that she would have to earn Voldemort's trust. She would have to make the Inferi to get him to believe her if any rumor of her disloyalty reached him.

That meant she would have to kill Tristan whether she liked it or not.

Hey y'all! Sorry it's been forever since I last updated this. I graduated from college last month, so I've been busy adjusting to life as an adult. That means I've been job searching because no one pays people to write fanfiction or sit around all day writing original works.

Marauder Fox- Thanks so much! I'm glad you like them and think that I'm a good writer! I'll try and keep it coming as often as I can!

beba78- I'm glad I surprised you! Hopefully, there will be a lot more surprises to come!

amrawo- She and Sirius are so cute and they just get cuter (at least I plan for it to be that way for a while). Yeah, the Dark Mark sucks, but Ismene's getting stronger, so she'll deal with it when the time comes!

Don't forget to Read and Review! It makes me feel better about my unemployment!