Chapter 5 Part 2

A/N: Sorry for the not updating, I've had a very tiring/hard/horrible/ few days. I haven't had ANYTIME To write. I am however off for the next 3 days. Once again I'm sorry. I've been quite stressed. So I'm sorry. I felt bad for abandoning you guys. So enjoy. ~Allie ^.^

"It's hard to see the pain behind the mask."- Martina McBride- Concrete Angel

A girl I was going to be the Dad to a little baby girl! I was almost in a state of shock you know, like this is big news. It all of the sudden felt so real now. I mean it's not like I thought it wasn't real

to know that it was going to be a girl, wow. It was materializing or something I almost can't describe it.

I can tell you one thing if this kid breaks the law we will know. It would almost kind of suck to have two parents that are cops, cause you couldn't sneak ANYTHING passed cause they would know. My mom was clueless- er high. I should say why give credit when it isn't due. And my dad was god knows what my dad was or who he was doing- I mean I have to have half brothers and sisters somewhere.

I wanted to give my baby the family my kid never had- a mother and a father who love each other. I'm not saying you can't be normal with out that, trust me. But when I was a kid, my only wish on the birthday cake I would buy myself each year was for a family who loved me- or to be taken away by CYS. I just wanted to be loved and wanted. I think at the end of the day everybody wants to be wanted and loved and have someone who would notice if they didn't come home. And I had finally had that.

I sat in joyful silence on the subway with Olivia laying her head and sleeping on my chest. So I had time to reflect on these things. I wanted to have a mom to call and be like "Mom you're gonna be the grandma to a little girl," I guess that desire for loving parents never really ended. But it was too late for me so the best thing I could was make sure my little girl would have loving parents.

When it was our stop on the subway I woke Liv up. "Liv wake up," I said gentl while lightly shaking her shoulder.

"wuhh uhhh did I faaaaal asleep?" She asked while yawning in the middle of fall.

"Yes sweety you did. And we have work tomorrow!" I said teasing her.

"I'm tireds!" She said joking back.

When we got home she fell asleep on the couch and I watched tv. They totally romanticize things on cop shows. Let me tell you it is not that easy, I thought after flipping to CSI. And in a city as big as Vegas the crime scene unit is NOT the same as homicide or what ever the hell those overpaid actors "investigate.", everybody knows that.

I started thinking of my parents- or just parents in general. It still hurt to know that I wasn't welcome, to know that I was never wanted to know that I was just a mistake. A mistake that was resented for somebody's whole life. Do you know how hard it is to have never felt wanted.

I might of become a cop because of Alex- but I become special victims because of me. I wanted to give kids like me a chance to feel wanted and loved. It was hard growing up feeling like that. I started to get tears well up in my eyes. I may look so strong from the outside but on inside I sometimes I feel like I need to have someone rescue me like I rescued all those people. Cause even the people who rescue other people need a little rescuing of their own sometimes. It was times like this when I didn't feel like a man when I felt worthless and abandoned- I had even made so much progress, too from when I used to feel like this all of the time to just some of the time and then to rarely and this was one of those rarely times.

I sat on the bed thinking of my mom. I wished I could of saved her. I try to make up for not being able to "save her" by saving others I think. I didn't have to be a cop- I could of been what ever I wanted. I went to college on a full academic scholarship. I just wanted to make a difference to the kids who lived like me. I hope I get to do that in SVU. With that I fell asleep at around 3 in the afternoon.

The morning was a blur- I remember waking up Liv and riding with her to work the first thing I can truly remember is Cragen saying we have a case.

I got in the car with Liv and followed the directions it was to Mercy Hospital. My guess is a

rape victim. The hospital looked grim and bleak. The doctor lead us back into the vic's room. I got a little bit of a shock when I saw her.

She had dirty blond hair pulled back into two braids. There was dirt on each of the braids. Her dress was torn and there was tear stains on her face. There was a cast on her arm and stitches all over her body. She looked like she was about 8 years old.

The doctor motioned us into the hall. "It's 8 year old Alyssa Ramirez The neighbors called 911 they heard the screams. Her parents were hitting her- physically abusing her. Apparently its been going on for a while. She has multiple unhealed previous fractures- she's been banged up pretty bad for what seems to be most of her life. It's horrible- please please help her." Tears started to well in the doctors eyes at the end.

"I will die before I let this little girl slip through the cracks." I said with determination in my voice. "So don't worry." I added at the end. And I meant exactly what I said.

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is a little angsty and said but I haven't had the best few days and am feeling angsty and sad. So sorry about that. And on SVU last night I revealed Amaro did have a kinda sad past but not as sad as what I wrote it in earlier. Thanks for reading ~Allie ^.^