Something About Me

By: LittleLauren:]

A/N: It might seem like songfic, but let me reassure you… it's not. And language, hence this story being rated T.

Chapter 10: A Change in Tactics

The first day of my sixth year of Hogwarts was approaching fast. I didn't care about makeup or the latest clothes like I used to, but it didn't really matter. Gavin didn't care about it either and Anna loved me for me because I was her mother. I didn't even think she cared if I had three hundred pimples on my forehead… she needed and wanted me, and that's all I cared about.

As an unnecessary precaution, Gavin and I had different bedrooms. We both thought that was taking things to the extreme, so he snuck in my room every night, as if we were under parental supervision…

I felt someone crawl in my sheets and hug me close from the back. "Hey, gorgeous," Gavin whispered. He kissed my bare shoulder.

I shrugged him off tiredly and grunted, "Stop, Gav. I'm exhausted."

"C'mon," he murmured. "You only have one more day with us." He placed his hand on my hip and caressed my side up and down. Much to his dismay and my amusement, I rolled over on my stomach. Gavin heaved a frustrated sigh. "Lily," he complained.

"Shush," I hushed him. "You'll wake Anna."

"I don't care," he grumbled against my ear, which sounded oh-so sexy.

I gave in by shifting to face him, and I placed a small kiss upon his lips. Yet, he never let go until about three minutes later, and I had to regain my composure. "What have you been drinking?" I whispered jokingly.

He rolled his eyes and smirked, wrapping his arms around my waist, and whispered, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I replied. He leaned in to kiss me again, which I figured would automatically turn into another snog session, so I stopped him. "We have our whole lives to do that again… I'm just really tired."

"I understand."

We shifted in a position so we could both see Anna peacefully sleeping on her back. We watched her admiringly at how her chest moved up and down steadily as she breathed. It made me think of all the hell I had to go through last year just to see this little infant calm and at peace. It made our efforts worth it. The last thing I heard before I fell asleep was our daughter's soft breathing.

Anna was very cooperative most of the time. Yet, if she did start to cry, and I couldn't find the reason why, I used to sing to her. I sang a song called "Pretty Baby" by an American muggle, Vanessa Carlton. But I changed the lyric to made the song "Anna Baby" instead, to get Anna's attention more. Even though I'd sing slightly off key, she'd listen and pay rapt attention to me. Ever since I began to sing to her, I called her my Anna Baby.

I could tell my daughter and I were going to get along, even if we were sixteen years apart. I loved her and she loved me… I even knew what she wanted sometimes, and Gavin would get so jealous because he said he'd never have such a "telepathic" relationship with Anna.

The day I left for Hogwarts was eventful to say the least. I was rushing around and Gavin was tending to Anna, who was crying and whining. When the time came to go back to Hogwarts, Gavin bade me good luck and off I went…

"Oh my Dumbledore!" exclaimed Sam, hugging me tightly. "You look gorgeous!"

I laughed slightly. "Thanks. You're not looking that bad yourself."

"But you're the one who just had a baby, but it doesn't even look like you've been through a storm!" she smiled.

I shrugged, "I guess I'm one if the lucky ones."

"Lily!" I heard someone yell from across the other end of the Great Hall. All of a sudden, I felt a tall, lanky figure give me a huge hug. When this mystery person let go, I saw that it was Joey, who had a shining Head Boy badge on his new Slytherin robes.

"Congratulations, Joey!" I said animatedly.

Leon arrived next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder. "I'm so proud of him."

Joey blushed and said, "Shall we sit?"

"Oh, Lily," started Sam talking a mile a minute. "You have to tell me what happened when you got home. How's Anna? She's so beautiful! She has your eyes and nose, but the rest is all Gavin. By the way, how is he? Is he going to miss Hogwarts because I'd be hap-"

"Sam!" I stopped her. "I'll tell you everything you need to know later."

The rest of the might was like any other night. I stayed at Hogwarts overnight that night because it was so late anyway, and I didn't want to walk in the dark. I told Sam everything from Anna's birth to that exact point in time I was talking to her. I felt bed that I wasn't going to be rooming with her everyday and night, but I knew she understood.

Joey and Leon decided to come out with their relationship because they thought it was like not being able to breathe when they wanted to. They just wanted to be able to date outside of their dorms. They didn't exactly "advertise" themselves by snogging in the corridors, like every other couple in Hogwarts, and I thought that was adorable.

Speaking of the corridors, I remember people staring and whispering even after Anna Baby was born. But, I got used to it before then. Anyway, I didn't feel alone because my dad said he was treated the same way during most of his Hogwarts years. Cindy would call me such childish names like "Baby Mama", "Knocked-up Knickers", "The Slytherin Slut", or, my personal favorite, "Whore…"

"Yes?" I turned around slowly. I tried my best to show a pleasant smile on my face, as if her comment didn't bother me. Sam gave me a look that said that I shouldn't feed her taunts, but I didn't care.

"I said I need your notes, whore," Cindy said rudely.

I took my grand-old time putting my quill down, standing out of my seat, and saying to her in a mocking courteous voice, "Why, Cindy? Did you fall asleep during Professor Binns' lessons? Or did you just skip class so you can do naughty things to those oh-so eager boys?"

She shoved me so hard that I hit the desk I was working on. She whispered threateningly, "You should really keep your mouth shut, Baby Mama." I glared at her with the same measure she did, but unlike her, I had a knowing smile on my face. "You are wavering over thin ice, Potter. You better watch your step."

"Don't worry about me, Taylor," I whispered back calmly. "I fell through the ice a long time ago, and the water feels fine."

Out of all the things she could have done to me in that moment, I didn't expect her to just turn on her heal and walk away. When she was fully out of the library, Sam asked loudly, "What the bloody hell was that all about?"

"Shhhh!" shushed Madam Pince, who was as ancient as Dumbledore himself.

I sat back down. "We can only guess," I sighed.

I guessed many things after that: Did she truly care for me, or, at least, pity me? Although I didn't want her pity, I almost felt as if she wanted the "attention" I must've been receiving in her eyes. My questions were answered one day, when I had a free period. I was going up to Sam's dormitory, when I found her…

I heard heart-breaking sobs coming from the girls dormitory bathroom, and when I opened the door, I saw Cindy. She was sitting in an upright fetal position with a razor blade in one hand. The other arm was facing the razor, as if she was going to cut herself, yet her forearm looked bare and untouched. Ignoring the fact that we were sworn enemies, I rushed to her side without hesitation. I hugged her so tight, just like the way I did when Anna Baby started to cry.

"I can't," she cried as I rocked her back and forth. "I can't do it. I want to… but I can't."

"Shh," I soothed. After about fifteen minutes, Cindy calmed down to small sniffles and sputtering intakes of breath. I felt it safe to ask her, "Why?"

I knew she understood my question by the way she looked at me. With a tear streaked face, she replied bitterly, "I'd rather end it now than later." I was confused by this, so she continued with a manic chuckle, "You are so perfect, aren't you? You get pregnant with the guy of your dreams, and everything worked out fine. I'm stuck here with no one to love. Besides… no one would ever love me."

Tears of confusion, alarm, and sorrow were starting to form in my eyes that were slowly cascading down my face. I never realized how much pain anyone else was in during my fifth year because I was a bit preoccupied. Yet, I rethought that I didn't have to be as selfish last year as I was… was that why Cindy was hurting? Because she was jealous of my life?

She continued, "My parents practically ignore my presence, my brothers push me around at home, and my ex-boyfriend can't take a hint when I say that I don't want to be intimate with him… this is every summer! I go through life like some sort of puppet when I go back home… all I want is control over my own life! I wish I had your life… I wish I could feel the same way you do towards your daughter! Don't you understand?! I WANT SOMEBODY TO NEED ME!" Cindy began to cry harder this time.

I was speechless for a moment, but when I regained my strength, I spoke from my heart. "I never knew how you felt… I mean, I thought you were the perfect one. You always appeared unscathed and sure about your life. I never really thought you needed attention… is- is that why-?"

"Yes," she interrupted. "That is why I snogged Gavin when he said you weren't working out. I clung to him because he told me that I could tell him anything. When I told him what I just told you, he felt bad. He asked me what would make me feel better, and that's when I started to snog him. I don't like him the way you do, but I felt so controlling for once in my life."

"I don't know what to say," I whispered, but somehow, I managed, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" she cried. "What did you do that was so horrible to me?"

"I was ignorant all these years," I replied. "But all this time, I thought you wanted all the bickering and antagonizing and… everything. You never gave me a chance to understand."

Oddly enough, Cindy began to laugh, with a mixture of tears. "I'm sorry too… for the same reason. I always thought you hated me because I lead you on. I'm such a bitch."

I shrugged. "So am I sometimes, but hey… we're only human."

"I guess you're right."

I helped her off the tiled bathroom floor, and she fixed her reflection in the mirror. I had the courage to ask her, "So… are we okay?"

"What do you mean?" She turned to face me.

"Well," I began. "Since we're all forgiven and what not, don't you think we should stop all this fighting?"

Cindy actually smiled… at me… which was very unusual. "I think that would be best."

I put a friendly arm around her shoulder as we walked out of the dormitory, and I said, "And I think you should see Anna."

She looked at me quizzically. "Are you sure you're allowed to do that? I thought only you and Gavin were allowed to see her."

I shook my head. "No… we're allowed to take care of her, which ultimately means seeing her. Besides, she's my daughter, not the Ministry's. And Sam, Joey, and Leon saw her last Hogsmeade weekend, and nobody arrested them."

She smiled again. "I'd love to see her."

Showing Cindy my daughter was actually a pretty good idea. Not only was she gentle with her, but she also gave me some rare "Gavin-time". Gavin wasn't that comfortable with Cindy there, but he understood her predicament as well as I did, so he didn't tell her to leave. I was positive that Cindy came to see Anna Baby every other Hogsmeade weekend after that.

Other than those rare times, it was almost as if Gavin and I weren't living in the same house. Of course, we passed each other when I came home from Hogwarts and he was off to work. But, other than that, we never saw each other. There were times when I'd want to be with him so bad, that I didn't care if we did absolutely nothing in the same room. Just being there with him would be enough for me.

However, when Christmas break came around, I began to see him much more. That was probably why he began to persuade me to be intimate with him again. I knew it was his testosterone talking, but I didn't want to go down that road again…

"I'm going to tell you one last time," I whispered, getting more and more frustrated. "Not now."

"Why not, Lily?" he countered back, crossing his arms. "I've been busting my ass to make this family work… I'd like something in return."

I was utterly shocked. "How dare you? You are such a pig!"

"A PIG?!"

"Shut up!" I whispered harshly. "Do you want to wake Anna?!"

He lowered his voice down to the same whisper I used and said, "You don't have the right to call me a pig! I've been holding up this family for a while now, and all you do is bring people over to play 'Pretty Princess' with my daughter!"

"She's my daughter too!"

Not noticing that our voices began to rise up to the point of shouting, Gavin replied sharply, "Oh really?! Who was the one that took the most care of her when she was born? Who was the one who had to work two jobs so we could have that damn loan paid off before the due date and so Anna could stay here? Me! It's always been me!"

"Are you sure you were the one who had to deal with nine painful months of pressure from your friends, family, and peers? I had to carry Anna around for Merlin's sake! It was your idea in the first place that I stay in school, and you go be 'Super Dad', living in a world who won't accept you yet, so don't even go there, Gavin!"

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said aggressively. "But I think all you've been doing is sitting around and partying with your friends! I haven't been able to do anything fun!"

There was a scared cry from the other room. Anna woke up and probably realized something was wrong. I motioned to go tend to her, but Gavin stopped me. "Don't worry… you've done enough already." He pushed me out of his way and walked into my bedroom.

I was so shocked. I slumped myself on the small couch we had, and I thought to myself why Gavin would do that to me. It felt as if he had slapped me in the face. Did he really think that I didn't care?

He came back with five-month-old Anna in his arms. She appeared to look absolutely frightened, almost saying, "Please stop fighting mummy and daddy… please don't blame me." And, honestly, I didn't blame Anna Baby. I blamed Gavin. But most of all, I blamed myself.

"I don't think I need your assistance any longer," Gavin said quietly. I could sense the straining in his voice, as if he was going to cry. I stared at him straight in his great chocolate brown eyes, and then I looked at Anna, tears forming in hers. I turned around and opened the front door.

"Ma," moaned Anna, as I walked out of the flat. It was almost inaudible, but I heard it. I couldn't look back though. As much as I wanted to… I couldn't look back.

All I thought that day on was that I wouldn't have been in that situation if Gavin and I didn't go that extra mile that night, 14 November, 2023. I never thought this would ever happen to me before I became of age. Before the pregnancy, I felt care-free and unstoppable… like I ruled the world around me; however, I soon had to learn that the world always somehow ruled me. After Anna Baby was born, I've become more mature. As much as it killed me to walk out on my daughter like that, I didn't want to show Gavin how very vulnerable I felt.

After that, I had to find someplace to stay. I was afraid to go to my parent's house because I wasn't in the mood to answer stupid questions. So, I decided to floo to James and Amber's flat. They were welcoming, and, best of all, they didn't ask any questions. I was slightly surprised by this because Amber said that she was studying to be a therapist at a muggle university. I thought she was going to force me to think of childhood memories and other shit like that. Quite the contrary, she didn't even bother to ask why I was there without Anna or Gavin. James wanted answers, but at a two to one vote, I stayed quiet until I was ready to talk.

Three days after Christmas went by, and I wanted to know why Gavin was being such a frantic and grumpy ass. So, I talked to Joey about it one day at the Leaky Cauldron, and he said that Gavin was so distraught…

"…He said he never meant to say anything like that," Joey continued. "Even though I don't know what he said in the first place."

"So he talked to you, but he didn't tell you what happened?" I asked.

He stirred his tea casually and replied, "Well, he told me what happened, but he didn't say what was said."

"Whatever," I sighed. There was a long period of silence, in which we ate the rest of our lunch. 'I have to talk to him,' I thought. 'If he's this sorry, he has to be committed to Anna and our relationship.'

"He's afraid you don't love him anymore," said Joey, his mouth full of meat pie. "That's why he hasn't owled… if you were wondering."

After lunch, I bid Joey goodbye and flooed to our flat, but nobody was there. Then I thought he was at his dad's house, so I flooed there as well.

"Lily!" Chris exclaimed, smiling. He walked up to me and gave me a hug in greeting. "I was hoping you'd arrive sooner or later."

"Is Gavin here?" I asked, looking over Chris' shoulders.

"Yes, he's-"

"Who's at the door, dad?" Gavin came to the front door holding Anna, whom he was feeding a bottle to. He tensed up when he caught a glimpse at me. It seemed as if he was staring at me for the longest time. "Er," he said, finding his voice. "Hullo."

"Hello," I replied quietly.

He looked at Chris. "Could you take-?" he partially asked, indicating Anna.

"Of course." Chris took Anna out of Gavin's arms and left us there in the entrance.

"Would you like to sit down?" he indicated to the small living room. We sat down on the love seat, but the vibe of it all was very uncomfortable. I could tell he was nervous by the way he tapped his fingers on the armrest.

"So," I began, looking around the room. Their Christmas tree was decorated nicely with presents still wrapped underneath it. "How was your Christmas?"

"It was okay," he squeaked out. "How was yours?"

"Good."

"That's good."

"Yeah…"

There was another awkward silence, but then Gavin sighed, "I'm sorry."

I looked at him and smiled. "I know… and I'm sorry too."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I got carried away, bring random people over to see her, and for not giving you the time of day," I admitted. I placed my hand on top of his. "I don't have to be away from you if you don't want me to."

"What?" he asked confusedly.

"You said you didn't want me to go back to Hogwarts, right?"

"No!" he exclaimed. "I didn't say that… did I?"

"It was implied," I explained.

Gavin looked so sorry and confused. "I didn't mean it, Lils. Trust me."

I giggled. "You haven't called me that in a long time."

"No," he chuckled also. "I guess not." The awkwardness was no longer lingering in the room with us, but the tension was still high. "So, will you forgive me?" He had that hopeful look in his eyes again.

"Why do you think I came over here?" I asked jokingly.

"I don't know," Gavin shrugged. "Maybe you wanted to take Anna away from me."

"I'd never think of it."

We make amends with a loving hug. Without letting go, he said, "I'm really sorry, Lily. I was just so frustrated, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"Ahem!" coughed Chris, breaking up our joyous reunion. "I hate to break up this pow-wow, but there is a little five-month-old girl in the kitchen who is getting bored of me talking about the Hogwarts class of 1993."

We stood up (Gavin held out a hand to help me up), and as Gav passed his father, he put a hand on his shoulder and sighed, "Dad, when will you ever learn that 'pow-wow' died before I was born?"

Chris sighed the same way. "Gav, when will you ever learn that I don't care?"

After that, Vic and Ted had another baby boy named Jonathan Riley Lupin. During the weekends, Victoire and I would set up play-dates for Anna, Remus, and Jonny. These days would be times for relaxation for me and Gavin. Ever since Anna started to do like a fast crawl, I couldn't blame him for complaining about no energy. I remember him telling me at least she only screams once in a while, so he doesn't get as many migraines.

The rest the year was easier, except for the four grueling days that Anna was sick. Gavin and I insisted that we stayed home with her because we were clueless when it came to sick babies. We became so accustomed to taking care of a healthy baby, that we never thought that she would get sick. We owled the Healers and everything, and they replied that it was just a simple cold and that we should just let it blow over. Three days later it went away, and we moved on from that horrible mountain of vomiting, crying, and frustration to a normal, peaceful, and comfy Anna.

This experience showed me that Gavin was really becoming more mature and grown up. Not only was he a foot taller than he was before Anna was born, but he was also more patient. When I was tending to Anna Baby, he read my books from my sixth year. I could tell he didn't want to be left out.

The next year felt like a chance of all or nothing. Yet, I really hoped everything would turn out the way I planned…

A/N: Okay, I was in my dad's car when all of a sudden, I found out that my dates and such were wrong in this story. I will fix them in due time. Right now, I'm supposed to be hustling and bustling around for the Fourth of July because I'm going to sing at a festival. And, I'm doing a play that needs rehearsing, so I'll put up the last chapter asap and I promise that I'll fix any dates that need fixing.

Love you!

LL!

PS: Thanks so much for the great reviews! Keep it up! :P