March 28, 2011

There is a nice Hot Gooey Slice of Chocolate Lava Cake in here for you. It is a bit graphic but I hope you won't mind. You are going to get to see Rose crack a little in this chapter too. Thank you to my wonderful Beta, Rangarose, who catches the mistakes I make when writing between 11 pm and 3 am. Please read her story Life Changes Sometimes. www dot fanfiction dot net/s/6641050/1/

For any of you wondering how my dad is doing he is much better but he needs to get in a more positive mindset if he is ever going to get himself walking again. Any prayer or positive energy you can send his way would be appreciated.

I do not own VA but that which comes to my Squirrelly brain I share with you. Because the Voices told me to :D

Chapter 9: Practice

I left Rosemarie's office reeling, I was so upset. I had wanted to surprise her with the doughnuts. I had to beg the kitchen staff to let me back there to make the hot chocolate myself. I was expecting…. Well I am not sure what I was expecting but I was hoping to see her eyes sparkle the way they used to when I would surprise her with her favorite chocolate glazed, devil's-food, cake, doughnuts and hot chocolate that I made myself. If anything she looked uncomfortable.

And the conversation, argh, that was awful. I wanted to slap myself for calling her Roza. She has told me enough times to call her Rosemarie. What the hell did she mean that she told me Years ago that the girl I knew as Roza was dead. Until I came back here I had not spoken to her since the day she went to court with Lissa and Adrian. Our last words to each other were words of love. I remember a week after I arrived here I bumped into Adrian and he told me and I quote; "Dimitri, it's probably best if you try to think of her as Rosemarie and not Rose or Roza. She associates both Rose and especially Roza with who she was back then; to her that girl is dead." Yet somehow I feel as if I have heard her say this to me before.

Then there is what she said about me not hurting Annemarie again. I have never done anything to hurt her. I love my ladybug and I would never hurt her. I know Rosemarie has no reason to trust me because I have hurt her in the past though I truly didn't want too. But why would she say what she said?

My mind just kept going back and forth trying to understand what all happened in there. I tried to keep focused on what was going on in Annemarie's classes; if I know what she is learning I can help her with her homework. Unfortunately with thoughts of Rosemarie and our conversation my mind kept wandering. Several times Annemarie would look over at me with a look of concern and sadness. As we walked from her Moroi History class to Guarding technique, Stan's class, Ladybug surprised me with a question.

"Why are you feeling like that?"

"Like what, Ladybug?" She closed her eyes thoughtfully for a moment.

"Sorry, really sad and hate, hate is a very strong emotion. You have to be very careful with hate."

"How, do you know what I am feeling?"

"I can feel what other people are feeling sometimes. Not always, just when they are really having strong feelings. It is easier with people I am close to like my sister, brother and mom, but I can feel other people when they are really very upset or happy."

"Do you feel my emotions a lot?" She lifted her right eyebrow when I asked. This brought a smile to my face. Roza always wanted to be able to do this and though she has apparently learned to lift one brow higher than the other, they both still rise. Rosemarie, I have to think of her as Rosemarie.

"Woody, you are an open book sometimes. Your face and even your eyes might not show anything but underneath you can be a storm. Thing is I might be able empathic but I am not able to brush minds or read memories, so I don't know why you are feeling the way you are."

She scrunched up her face. "Woody, do you Hate M… my other mentor? You feel this way sometimes when you talk to or about her?"

"Oh Ladybug, I don't Hate Guardian Hathaway, I care for her very much. We used to be friends. I feel sorry because I was stupid and I hurt her, I'm very sad because I miss our friendship but I know she doesn't trust me anymore, and I am angry at myself for hurting her. Sometimes I even hate myself for hurting her the way I did."

"I guess that explains why she feels the way she does. I have asked her before but she says she will tell me when I am older." My heart clenched.

"Does she hate me too?"

"No, not at all but she feels hurt, sad, angry, frustrated and well the strongest feelings confuse me, I can't figure them out. There are other people whose feelings spike when they are around you."

"Oh?"

"Stop Sign doesn't like you very much."

"Stop sign?"

"Guardian Alto, in Spanish the word Alto has two meanings. It is the word for high like something is up high. Está alto. The other is STOP like on the stop signs."

By this time we were already at Stan's class. Our conversation ended and she went to her desk while I went to the back of the room. I was sufficiently distracted and able to focus again. I had forgotten that Annemarie's file had stated that she was very sensitive to the emotions of other's. I guess I am going to have to work on my emotional control a bit more.

After her training session we had lunch together. She told me that she was worried about Josh. He rarely gets to see his Uncle Bobby and it had been hard for him to say goodbye. During the conversation she rambled a bit but I have to admit I let her prattle on because I saw it as an opportunity to learn about Rosemarie's son. I learned that Uncle Bobby is an Ivashkov. Not only is he an Ivashkov but Adrian is his brother. I didn't know that Adrian had any brothers. I don't remember any Robert within my father's Moroi family at all. I had assumed if Adrian and Rose had a child he would have married her. At least he is active in his son's life. I wonder if he would be ok with me taking part in Josh's life.

It was hard to keep my emotional control during the rest of the afternoon. I didn't want to make Annemarie worry about me but at one point during her last class I found myself thinking back to the day we said goodbye.

Rose ran to me and jumped into my arms. I held her tight and took in her scent for the last time. We kissed each other passionately. When we pulled away she cupped my face, I could still feel the warmth of her soft yet callused hands. Her dark chocolate eyes looked so deeply into mine.

"Dimitri I want you to know that I love you and no matter what happens; I love you and only you. You own my heart Comrade."

I remember how her soft voice almost pleaded with me to believe her. I may have owned her heart but I am sure she must have taken it back when she read my goodbye letter.

I quickly wiped a tear that rolled silently down my Guardian mask. When I looked up I saw Annemarie looking back at me over her shoulder. It was like a punch in the gut. She looks so much like Roza but something in those subtle differences pulled at me. She wore a sad expression as if she just experienced my meltdown with me. I felt as if I had déjà vu.

I rained in my emotions as best I could for the last few minutes of class. I was glad that Guardian Tanner was off working on something else and was not here to witness my emotional break. I walked her out to the quad where she was to meet with Tanner.

"Woody, sit down with me for a minute." I did as she asked and as soon as I was seated she put her arms around me giving me a hug. I felt as if I was wrapped in love and friendship. A sense of peace came over me. "You needed one of my special hugs. Go to your room and read. It makes me feel better; I bet it will help you."

~~*~~O~~*~~

Something about Ladybug's hug calmed me for the rest of the day. As I settled down for the night I began to think about my day again. I feel very troubled by the things that Rose said; it doesn't make sense that they should ring so true to me but something about them does. The memory of Ladybugs sad face also tugged at me in a way I could not begin to describe.

I tried to call Tasha but her machine said that she has gone to her soon to be mother in law's house for Thanksgiving and will be back on Monday. Thanksgiving is an American, human holiday that s celebrated on the 3rd Thursday in November. It is only Monday now but I remember her saying she was going to be spending a week with Jonathan's parents.

Giving up on sleep for now I changed into my workout clothes. I ran the parameter of the school before heading to the gym. As I neared I noticed that the doors were open. Its 12:15 pm, who would be in the gym at this hour? Guardians worked out between the hours of 9 am and 10:30; after that it was locked till six pm. Only the Guardians who mentor students are given a key so that they can hold early morning sessions as early as five.

I paused outside the door to listen. Inside it sounded like a Training session. I could hear taunts and grunts. The sound of guardians hitting and blocking was familiar but I heard other noises too. I stepped a bit farther in letting my curiosity get the better of me. I was amazed at what I saw. There were at least 30 people practicing. I watched as the five Moroi who always disappear with Rose on her assignments, fought alongside Eddie and five other Guardians. A quick count told me that there were about twenty guardians on the opposing team. I didn't recognize all of the Guardians to be school Guardians; in fact I was surprised to see a few of them because I had heard rumors of them being taken and turned. Yet still there were others whom I have never met. It didn't appear to matter where the "Strigoi team" members were staked if a clear hit was made with a stake they would back off. The Moroi were using their magic when needed to help guardians but they too also fought with the stakes.

My eyes were drawn to Roza. She was in the middle of it all fighting against Yuri. Yuri is a very good fighter and he was the only one how could beat me almost half the time. The first thing that struck me was how beautiful she is. Her long mahogany hair was braided and she wore some kind of silver clip at the base with chains of silver braided into it leading down to the end where another clip held it in place. She wore a silver cuff anklets and bracelets and on her neck she wore what looked like an adaption of her cuffs with a moonstone just over the hollow of her neck. Looking at her Moroi I could see that each of them wore silver cuff bracelets as well. I recalled my first meeting with her when Guardian Michaels came in with a box of cuffs and talking about charms being infused by her elements.

The way she dressed for this training was very different than she did when she was young. She used to drive me wild with extremely short shorts and sports bras. Tonight she wore a long sleeve black unitard. Even though everything was covered I have to say she was damn sexy. Her body was even nicer than I could have imagined it. Her muscles are toned and defined as ever and it is obvious she does Pilates or Yoga so that she maintains long graceful looking muscles instead of the tight muscles that one might get as a weightlifter or a guardian.

I had only been there for no more than a minute, half hidden by the door. I marveled at Rose. Right now she was My Rose. I could still see the base of my training in her movements but yet she was different. She had her eyes closed most of the time and instead of trying to keep a certain amount of distance between her and her opponent she seemed to try to keep him near. It closely resembled the way Annemarie had showed me on our first training.

Yuri did a good job of protecting his heart but what surprised me was that with her eyes closed and using the palm of her hand, she pressed it to his torso. He fell back as I had done when Annemarie did the same thing to me. At some unheard signal everyone stopped and Rose reached down to examine Yuri. She toughed his chest and he sat up gasping.

"Damn it Rosemarie, you hurt me with that one, WTF! You actually knocked the breath out of me!"

"Sorry Yuri, I got distracted." She helped him up. Everyone in the room turned to her and nodded before turning and talking or getting water. She turned in my direction.

"Damn it Belikov! What the fuck are you doing here? Get back to your dorm and go to bed. Stop interfering with my Pack practice." She stormed over to me. Adrian followed her touching her right shoulder in a calming gesture. Rose turned her face to the left side. It looked as if she was listening to someone but there was no one there. Then she answered the nothing.

"No! Hell No! I don't need to have him here!"

"What does he want you to do Rose?" Adrian asked.

"He said that I need to work through any distractions including him." She gritted her teeth then shouted back at the nothing. " Ya know! Last time was just an anomaly. I don't want him here and I don't need him here."

"Rosemarie, I know how good a fighter you are but whoever "he" is, he's right you need to be able to stay in the fight no matter the distraction, even me." Rose turned her anger back at me.

"For all you know I am a stark raving, mad, lunatic; in the middle of a delusion, and there is no one there."

"I know logically that you are a well-respected Guardian with whom a lot of responsibility has been given, if you were insane than you would not be in the position of esteem you are in. If you were unstable they would not trust you with the care of 7 children. I believe that there is more going on here then I am able to perceive. As I said a moment ago I agree with your unseen advisor, no matter how good a fighter you are, you could still die if you are distracted. Please Rosemarie; let me stay so you can work through distraction."

"Fine, you win, you can stay." She practically snarled at me. She turned and pointed to her unseen adviser. "You're so lucky you're dead Ashford, cuz right now …." She shook her head at him and let her voice tail off. Out loud to the gym full of people she called out. "All right people break's over. Dimitri is joining us. (I was secretly thrilled to hear her say my first name.) Alberta he's yours. Pack, in formation now, and elements I need you to step it up a notch, I know it is late but come on!"

"Yes Huntress." Every Moroi in the room said in unison.

Alberta gave me a black headband and a quick rundown of the plan and the battle began. There were one to three "Strigoi" fighting against each of the Guardians and Moroi on the Pack team. As soon as each of the pack was engaged in a battle I weaved my way to Rose. She was going against Celeste. I joined into the fray and for a moment Rose fought us both, with her eyes closed.

Adrian tried to distract me from Rose. I was surprised at the level of his skill. Before I could get the upper hand on him Yuri began to attack him. I turned my attention back to Rose and Celeste. Rose had her hand pressed to the side of Celeste's waist. Celeste had a peaceful smile on her face as she fell back. She got up a moment later and gave Rose a small bow then walked away.

Rose turned to me eyes open and a sexy smirk on her face. She crooked her finger at me beckoning me forward. We circled for a short amount of time. She closed her eyes and waited for me to launch my attack. I have kept up my training and I have taken advantage of the variety of trainers that Tasha has had teaching in her studio. I started with a kick to her side and a punch to the other side. She easily side stepped both moves without ever opening her eyes.

I can't say I have ever had a longer spar in my life. With her beautiful eyes close she blocked and counter acted almost all of my hits. Even with my eyes open I took as many of her hits as she did mine. I had to fight my body's reaction to hers. Even when I was her teacher, the energy that would run through our bodies at even the most casual touch, always made its presence known during practice. I smiled internally as I thought of the make out sessions this sometimes led too.

My momentary lapse caused me to lose focus. Rose shot her palm out and pressed me square in the chest. She sent energy to me and it didn't hurt as I thought it would. I felt warmth and love in this energy, but it was still strong enough to force me off my feet.

Before I could stand she pounced on me holding me down. Our breath was rapid and the heat of battle still raged in our veins. Her hair fell down her shoulder and her braid brushed against my cheek. How I longed to run my fingers through her hair once more. She looked into my eyes and I could feel and see lust from her. She brought her knees up so that she was now straddling me. My body reacted of its own accord and I could feel my already aroused member grow even harder. Judging by the man eater smile she wore I would say she felt him press against her.

She released my hands so that she could run one of hers through my hair. I instantly brought my hands to her face. She pressed her lips to mine and I was lost in her kiss. Forgetting everything and everyone else I kissed her, pouring all my love into this one act. She reached for the hem of my shirt and I suddenly remembered where we were and everything that has happened.

"Roza we shouldn't." She moved on to kiss my exposed chest. But in my head I heard her voice.

"Belikov, call me Rosemarie, don't worry I sent everyone home while we were still sparring. We are alone now."

I felt like ice cold water had been splashed on me. Her voice was just as breathy and husky as if she had spoken out loud but her words… she rebuffed me for calling her Roza and she used my last name.

"This is wrong. We can't do this." She jumped off of me but sat near holding her knees up to her chest.

"We can't do this? WE CAN'T DO THIS? You think this is wrong, now? Maybe you should have thought about that seven years ago; you know when I was still a Minor and you were my Teacher!"

I reached out to her and she flinched from my touch and buried her face in her arms and knees. Her shoulders shook in silent sobs.

"Rosemarie, seven years ago we were madly in love. What we had was not perfect but it was as close as I could imagine being. Our love is what made it right. I destroyed it when I left you. I regretted my decision from the moment I made it. I still love you more than words can say but can you honestly tell me you love and trust me the way that you once did? Until I earn your love and trust sex is just sex, it is just fucking. I will not fuck you. If we are ever truly able to have a real relationship again; then and only then, I will make love to you because I love you."

She cried for a little while longer then she stood up with her guardian mask back into place. She didn't spare me a glance. She walked away. In my head I heard her tell me to lock up before I left.

I grabbed my gym bag and pulled out the bottle of water in the side. I locked up then drank down the water. I had to hold my gym bag in front of my body to hide the raging erection that tented my sweat pants. It was late enough that only the guardians on patrol would be out but I didn't want anyone to see. It throbbed painfully as if punishing me for not taking the opportunity I had. This problem would not go away on its own; with a sigh I realized I would be taking matters into my own hand yet again.

Back in my dorm I shed my clothing and set the shower for slightly cooler than tepid. I looked down at my body. I am very well endowed and in the past it was a source of embarrassment. In school when we had to use communal showers I would hear things from the other guys. Of all the things that I had heard the one that bothered me the most was "Damn I feel sorry for any virgin he pops. She is going to feel it for days."

Ivan Zeklos had a reputation for being a bit of a womanizer. He was handsome and charismatic, the ladies loved him. The difference between him and other Zeklos men was that he may sleep with a lot of girls but he wasn't a jerk about it. He let them know he was not serious about anyone and if they were still interested in him for fun then he went for it and if not he still treated her with respect for saying no. He was my best friend and I knew I could ask him anything.

One day I asked him what it was like to have sex with a virgin. I asked how I could do it without hurting her.

"D that is a tough one. If a girl is a virgin it is going to hurt no matter what. But it will hurt her less if she is really horny for you so make sure you get her very aroused and wet. Go slow and gentle especially with the monster you're packing. When you feel her inner barrier use firm even pressure to break her; when you have broken her, give her a moment to adjust then go slow and pay attention to her signals." I had kept his advice in my head wondering if I would ever need it.

Shaking off the thought I got into the shower; washing everything quickly. With the residual conditioner on my hand from what I put in my hair; I let my hand wander to my still hard member and I let my mind wander to Roza and the first time we made love.

Nice Gooey Hot Chocolate lava cake Flashback

I held Roza pinned to the bed afraid to let her up. I feared for her, she was holding so much of Lissa's darkness and anger. The beating she gave Jessie Zeklos was worse than any beating I have ever given anyone. I hope that Lissa can heal him before any Moroi sees what she has done. If he dies she will be held on trial and there is a possibility that she will be executed. Without Lissa's help I am sure he would not live through the night.

She struggled harder and nearly bucking me off but I pushed her down pressing all my weight down on her. I catch her gaze and plead with her.

"This isn't you, Roza, let it go. This isn't you. Please fight this, it isn't you, it isn't you."

Her body began to tremble and her eyes began to clear then glazed over with tears. She was back I couldn't hold my relief back. I buried my face in her neck and she did the same. We cried for a few moments before pulling back to look into each other's eyes. It was then that the switch was pulled. I knew I could deny my feelings for her no more. I pressed my lips to hers so softly and before I pulled away she responded. Her hand found my hair and she knotted her fingers in the back pulling me closer. I responded by deepening the kiss she moaned which only turned me on more. I ran my tongue across her lips wanting to taste her. She opened her lips and granted me entrance.

We have kissed and even made out with her before but something about this was different, this was more. I put my heart and soul into this kiss. I ran my hand along her body feeling her every curve. She shivered and arched her back pushing her body into mine. Her fingers found their way under my shirt where they explored my back and sides. She pulled my shirt up and I left her lips long enough for her to pull it all the way up.

I sat up bringing her with me. I continued kissing her and exploring her body with my hands. I began to undo the buttons on her blouse. She wiggled out of it leaving her upper body bare except for her bra. In the fire light her tan skin glowed.

"Roza are you sure you want to do this? You said before that you are a virgin, I warn you that it will hurt, a lot." I thought back to the comments I had gotten when I was in school.

"I am a virgin, when you brought us back here they made me have a well woman exam and Dr Olendzki warned me I have a thick hymen. She explained to me it will hurt when I get 'de-flowered'; but even if it hurts I want this with you. I want to be yours."

We began kissing and caressing again slowly and passionately. Before I knew it our clothes were on the floor and we were completely naked in each other's arms. I suddenly felt nervous. I have never told Roza that I am a virgin too. She has always assumed that I had lost my virginity years ago. I hope she doesn't realize how inexperienced I am. I pray she is not left unsatisfied.

I roll her from her side to her back and position myself over her. I can feel her wetness as the tip of my cock grazes her. I resist the urge to enter and instead I use my hand to change the angle so that I can run along her outer folds bringing her to even more excitement. Her juices begin to flow lubricating me.

"Comrade I need you, make us one." She bucked her hips up for emphasis.

Slowly I entered her and we both gasped from the sensation. I only went as far as her barrier and back several times. When Rose breathed out the command "take me Comrade" I knew she was asking me to break her. I kissed her tenderly as I began to push into her. She gave a painful moan and I nearly stopped but she locked her legs around me keeping me in place and adding more pressure. Her hands grasped me around my back pulling me closer.

It only took a few moments but with the combined pressure of both me and Roza's legs when she finally broke I was shoved all the way in hitting the end of her tunnel. She cried out loudly and dug into my back with her nails while her inner walls clapped down on my cock locking me in place, I wouldn't have moved anyway. I looked into her eyes and I was horrified to see tears. I buried my head in the crook of her neck.

"Oh Roza, my Roza I am so sorry, please forgive me, I'm so sorry I hurt you." She stroked my hair lovingly.

"Comrade, I am not mad, I am happy. From this moment on I am yours forever. I don't want any other man to touch me the way that you have." I looked up to see her smile and her tears.

"Roza, I am yours too. I have never been with another woman nor do I ever want to." Her smile grew as she brought our lips together. Soon we were moving in sync together slowly bringing ourselves to a climax. I don't know when it happened but our love making went from slow and gentle building to fast and hard. Her inner walls began to convulse around me and her back arched up. A primal growl rose from my chest as I felt my own body join her summit.

We lay together in the afterglow for as long as we dared. Then we slowly got dressed to go find out what was going to happen to her for beating up a Royal Moroi. There were many things that happened after that which obscured the incident with Jessie. That was the day that the school was attacked.

The thing that was and still is most important to me about that night is that Roza gave me two of the three most precious gifts that a woman can give. She gave me her love, her love is beyond compare. She gave me her virtue. Now that is a gift that can only be given once and I know without a doubt that she gave it to me. The third gift is no guarantee in any relationship but for two Dhampirs it is impossible. The third gift is a child; a baby who is made from your love and who is half you and half the person you love.

End of yummy chocolaty flashback

I got out of the shower after rinsing my hand and my hair. I didn't bother with clothing but slipped in to my warm bed. I thought about the third gift and how I had let the importance of it cloud my vision seven years ago. Back then I refused the idea of children with Roza because they wouldn't be half mine biologically. Biology doesn't make a family, love does. I am the biological son of Nathan Ivashkov but I don't think of him as my father. Hell that mobster guy who ran my town was more of a father to me and I don't even like him, even if he is the one who convinced Nathan not to press charges against me when I beat him up, and he told him never to come back again. I never trusted his motives when he came by with gifts of money or food for my family. I don't care if he was one of Yeva's fortune telling clients. His nick name was enough to give me pause; (uch) Zmay, it still brings a chill down my spine.

Ok I know I have some of you confused with the number of Rose's children. NO SHE DID NOT HAVE ANY KIDS WITH ADRIAN, nor did she have children with anyone but Dimitri. But she does have three children and only one is Dimitri's. To a certain extent I am purposefully being misleading because I want you to be Almost as confused as Dimitri is because this is his POV.

Please review and also feel free to ask questions. If I can I will answer them.

POP QUIZ

1. Did anyone pick up on Annemarie's Freudian slip about her siblings and mom? We all know that the Mom is Rose; who are her brother and sister. Hint 1: They are both Hathaway and keep in mind Biology isn't the only thing that makes a person your family. Hint 2: The sister is mentioned in chapter six, and she in the last ten chapters or so of So what now.

2. What is happening when Dimitri sees Rose talk to the nothing at her left side?

3. Why are Guardians at the Pack practice, who Dimitri had heard were awakened?

4. Why do all the Moroi in the Pack have stakes too?

5. Did Dimitri Do the right thing by refusing to get physical with Rose?

6. What do you think will happen tomorrow?

Please show me some love and Review.

Suzanna