Chapter 10

Authors note: thank you, everyone, for leaving reviews. I really appreciate it. And I'm glad that the people reviewing seem to really enjoy! I love this story. And being trans, it is so close to my heart.

Thanks for reading. And this story isn't going anywhere. I have a lot of plans for it!

Also, I'm so sorry for the delay getting this chapter up. I took some time for me and I'm doing a lot better! I even found someone new who is really nice :)

Hope everyone enjoys! And like I said this story isn't going anywhere. I promise. Here to stay for a while. I have a lot of ideas.

Also TW: self-harm suicide.

Clarke ran back up the stairs, excited to take Lexa. "Lexa! You ready?" Clarke called, seeing her lover standing weakly in the doorway.

"I..." Lexa whispered in pain.

"Lexa? What's wrong?" Clarke asked coming up behind her.

"Everything... Me" Lexa truly believed in that moment that she was the wrong one. That It should have been her that night. That it should be Costia standing there with the beautiful alpha, returning to a warm home.

"Lexa?" Clarke whispered terrified she had done something wrong, seeing the pain on her lover's face.

"I'm the one that should have died that night." The words spilled from her lips as the tears began to fall from her eyes, remembering. Lexa knew it was just in her head feeling the same pain; a memory; a haunting memory of the night she attempted to reunite with her late wife. The cold metal separating her skin in the hot bath, the desperate tears rolling down her face, then the slow darkening along her vision as her head slipped back and she collapsed.

"Lexa!" Clarke screamed as Lexa collapsed after grasping at her left wrist; clutching at it, no, clawing at it under her long-sleeved blouse. Clarke caught her lover, carrying her to the couch where they first kissed, laying her down incredibly worried as she lifted Lexa's left sleeve.

"No… oh no… Lexa..." Clarke sighed seeing it, holding Lexa's hand, deeply concerned. Clarke was caught in fear as she looked on at the scar, now becoming visible, the makeup smudged from their night of passion. Clarke knew what the scar was from, she didn't need an explanation; but she deeply wished there was one, one to prove her wrong, to say that her lover hadn't been in so much pain to do this to herself.

"I... Costia..." Lexa woke slowly, feeling the hand hold hers tight.

"No." Clarke answered scared.

"I... Clarke..." Lexa looked down to see her arm revealed, her secret in the open.

"How." Clarke whispered almost crying.

"I had just lost my wife Clarke." Lexa defended immediately.

"How did you survive?" Clarke clarified, not judging. Just concerned.

"My dumbass left the music on too loud. Wanted the reunion to happen to our song." Lexa chuckled and rolled her eyes as she began to cry.

"No. Not dumb." Clarke kissed Lexa's hand. "It saved your life. Allowed me to meet you. To fall in love with you." Clarke kissed Lexa's hand again.

"I love you too." Lexa sighed, wiping a tear from her face.

"I love you baby." Clarke comforted, wiping away the following tears for Lexa.

"I told you alphas could cry." Lexa smiled softly trying to cheer Clarke up from the morbid history.

"I love you baby. Are you ok?" Clarke voiced her deepest fear.

"Yes. I… her scent."

"Costia?"

"Yeah… it hit me when tried to enter the apartment again." Lexa explained.

"I'm so. I understand how hard that would be." Clarke empathized.

"Ya know. You two smell a lot alike." Lexa smiled softly.

"I... You haven't told me much about her."

"She was beautiful. Strong. The strongest omega I've ever met." Lexa smiled.

"Grrr!"

"Calm down. She wasn't an alpha like you. She just shared your strong will." Lexa smiled sitting up.

"I love you. And mine!" Clarke growled once more, this time more playfully.

"I wouldn't want to be anyone else's love." Lexa assured.

"I love you. And I'm sorry you had to endure the loss of your omega." Clarke held Lexa's hand tighter.

"It's gonna be ok. I am ok." Lexa smiled softly, comforting Clarke.

"Let's go to bed. Rest for a night?" Clarke suggested.

"You finally remember that those deathtrap underwear are the only way you have to use your cock on me?" Lexa giggled.

"We are getting new ones tomorrow, ones that won't try to kill me!" Clarke answered pulling Lexa to bed.

"Of course my alpha." Lexa smiled following Clarke, just happy to be with her lover.

End of Chapter 10