Chapter 10: Insecurities
Soon after Aomine starts his second year of college, he decides to live on his own. He gets a part time job and then finds an appropriate efficiency apartment. He moves into his new home the first Saturday in June with the help of friends bribed with a free meal.
At the end of the day, only Momoi remains with him fussing over the arrangement of his sparse dishes and cheap furniture.
"You can leave, Satsuki," Aomine says dismissively. "I can finish up on my own."
"I know," she responds. "It'll be your first night alone, so I don't mind keeping you company for a little while longer. Plus, I'd do a better job organizing your things than you would."
"Do what you want," he replies rolling his eyes.
"Actually, I've been meaning to catch up with you for a while. We've both been busy lately. It's harder with you working. I can't imagine you expending energy to work, though. I guess I'll have to stop by the convenience store sometime."
"Don't come," Aomine says automatically. "And don't blame everything on me, either. That new boyfriend of yours takes up a lot of your time."
Momoi flushes. "Yeah, that's the way relationships are."
Aomine's brows furrow, and his gaze darkens at her words.
She instantly understands his reactions. "I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject. But I guess now that I have, how are things between you and Ki-chan?" she asks.
"They are what they are," Aomine answers unable to meet his friend's eyes. "No more different than before."
"So he's still being spotted with the Brazilian model and the American singer?" she offers.
"Those would be the ones," Aomine says trying to keep his face neutral.
"Dai-chan," Momoi murmurs hurrying to his side and wrapping her arms around him. "If you don't like seeing him with others, why don't you just tell him?"
"It's honestly not worth it," he answers disengaging himself from his friend's embrace.
"I can tell that it bothers you. Every time he's spotted with one of these girls, your mood grows sour – more so than normal."
"Of course I don't like seeing Ryouta with other people. However, we have an understanding," Aomine says.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she asks sounding truly puzzled.
"It's all for show, these so-called dates. They've been arranged by management trying to capitalize on publicity," he explains.
"So nothing's actually going on with Ki-chan and these girls," she says with a sigh of relief.
"Nothing, so he says," Aomine confirms.
"And you believe him?"
"Don't I kind of have to? Aren't relationships about sacrifice and having faith?"
Momoi arches an eyebrow. "I think relationships are more about compromise than sacrifice. Of course faith is important, too. I mean, if you've discussed this situation with Ki-chan, then it's better that you trust him to stick to your agreement." She pauses before prodding a bit further. "You're okay with the deal you and Ki-chan have regarding these staged dates, right?"
"Yes," Aomine answers with enough conviction that he almost fools himself.
Momoi eyes him thoughtfully through narrowed eyes, and then changes the subject. "Speaking of Ki-chan, he's coming to visit, soon, right?
Relieved at the turn of conversation, the tension drains from Aomine's body. "Yeah," he replies, a smile ghosting his lips.
"And the real reason you want your own place this summer becomes clear," she says a giggle slipping out.
He throws a near-by pillow at her; however this action only intensifies her mocking laughter.
Kise awakens with a sleepy yawn his first morning back in Japan. Turning over, his eyes focus on the welcome sight of Aomine resting next to him. After spending so many nights by himself, he vows never to take these small joys for granted.
'I'm in Daiki's apartment, and I can reach out and touch him,' he realizes. Giddiness flutters through his system as he stretches an arm out toward the blue-haired boy. When his fingers brush softly against a warm shoulder, his pulse races.
"I'm awake, you moron," Aomine says. "So you can forget whatever sick fantasies you have of molesting me in my sleep."
"I – no, it's nothing like that," Kise protests feeling heat rush to his cheeks. What is it about Aomine that always catches him off-guard? Part of him hates the teasing, while another part loves the constant challenge. Pouting, the blond pulls away.
"Hey, get back here," Aomine responds immediately. With a fluid motion, Aomine pulls Kise into his arms.
The blond nestles closer into his boyfriend's arms, his heart jack-hammering. Only Aomine can illicit this response from him, and he revels in the warm, excited sensation.
When Aomine's lips touch his throat, he murmurs, "Daiki." Soon he's caught up in a flurry of hungry kisses given with such intense need that he's sure his lips will bruise.
After he manages to pull away for a quick breath, he laughingly asks, "Where are you getting all this energy from? Aren't you still exhausted from last night?"
The sight of Aomine's smoldering, blue eyes causes Kise's throat to go paper dry. "I guess not," he says weakly, answering his own question.
"Our time together is precious."
The words that leave Aomine's mouth fill Kise with a happy glow. The instances of Aomine's sweetness are few and far between, making them mean so much more. With his boyfriend's intense, yearning gaze on him, heat rushes through his body. Kise surrenders to desire and pulls the other boy close, his mouth falling open with a soft moan as Aomine's fingers curl around his hardening length.
Kise realizes that he has fallen asleep once more when he awakens to Aomine sitting up. With a lazy groan, he protests the movement by reaching for his boyfriend, his hand making contact with Aomine's forearm. "Don't go."
The blue-haired boy disengages himself from the blond's grip and laughingly says, "As much as I'd like to stay in bed with you all day, I'm hungry."
"Your own fault," Kise mumbles. "You wouldn't be so worn out if…" His sentence trails off as a flush creeps up his neck.
"If you weren't so damn sexy," Aomine finishes flatly.
"I know I'm damn sexy, but you've got to learn some restraint," Kise whines. "My body hurts, and it's your fault."
"I didn't hear you complaining last night or this morning," Aomine counters his eyes twinkling playfully.
"Daaiiiiiiki," Kise groans, squeezing his eyes shut in exasperation. When he feels the gentle pressure of Aomine's lips against the top of his head, all traces of annoyance leave Kise's system.
"I'm going to clean up and go get some food. You can lounge around until I get back. Is there anything you'd like?"
"The royal treatment, eh?" Kise asks a smile quirking his lips. He thinks about the neighborhood and Aomine's budget and says, "CoCo Ichi is fine. I haven't had curry in a while. Extra rice and—"
"I know how you like it," the blue haired boy interrupts.
"M'kay," Kise slurs allowing his body to melt back into the sheets.
After Aomine leaves, Kise forces himself to get up and walks gingerly to the bathroom. He loves the fact that his boyfriend has his own place, so they can stop worrying about being careful. However, the one thing he hates about the tiny apartment is the bathroom.
'This shower will never fit two people,' he thinks sadly, surveying the small space and turning on the water.
With the warm spray hitting his body, he allows the ritual of cleaning to refresh him. Once properly dressed, Kise gleefully takes the opportunity to snoop around Aomine's home.
'This apartment can't be more than 40 square meters,' the blond thinks eyeing the place thoughtfully. The bathroom and kitchen reveal nothing out of the ordinary for a college student. However, the thin, tall bookshelf nestled between a wall and Aomine's desk piques his curiosity.
The upper shelves hold a clutter of text books and unorganized papers from classes, and the lower shelves are lined with gravure model photo books. 'Mai-chan, Mai-chan, Mai-chan,' Kise pouts running an index finger across multiple spines. 'Why is she everywhere, while I'm nowhere to be found?' He idly pulls one of the offending books off of the shelves and thumbs through it.
'I'm just as attractive as she is,' Kise thinks sourly, a pang of jealousy stabbing his heart. As if possessed, he systematically pulls out the next book in the series, flipping through it, before continuing down the row. Halfway through his rampage, the remaining books topple down to reveal magazines stacked flat against the back of the shelf. Seeing an image of himself smiling back at him takes his breath away.
'I'm here,' he realizes. 'Even if it's not out in the open, I'm here in his home and in his heart.' Relief courses through him, and he eagerly searches the remaining filled shelves for hidden surprises.
Besides his official photo books, Aomine also owns a haphazard collection of recently published magazines he has appeared in. His memory failing him, Kise opens one of the publications to the pertinent pages to recall the contents. This particular magazine has captured him escorting another model to a New York City charity event – one of those publicity stunts his agency arranged. Kise's heart plummets upon seeing that the other model's image has been torn from the page.
'Oh, Daiki,' he thinks, his heart squeezing uncomfortably in his chest. 'I explained that these girls mean nothing to me. I thought you understood."
The guilt that fills Kise manifests itself as moisture that pours out of his eyes. 'If these staged dates bother him so much, why hasn't he said anything? Why doesn't he think he can be honest with me? Is our communication failing already? What should I do? Should I confront him? Or, should I wait until he's ready to talk about it?' Looking at the clock, Kise realizes he has no time for tears, and he quickly puts the books back into their original places. Wiping his eyes with the back of his hands, he forces a smile on his face when he hears the front door open.
"Welcome back, Daiki," he greets enthusiastically taking the bags from Aomine's overloaded hands. "Eh? What's in here? You went to the convenience store, too?"
"Didn't you say you had a shoot coming out in a magazine today, idiot?"
"You bought it?" Kise asks pleased. Then, he tries to bait his boyfriend. "I'm surprised. I mostly see Mai-chan here. It's depressing as hell. I was about to take all of her photo books and throw them in the trash."
"You didn't actually touch anything?" Aomine asks with a guarded look.
Kise pauses eying his boyfriend carefully in order to properly read the reaction. Although most people tell him his good looks are his best asset, Kise disagrees. He would not have been able to capitalize on his appearance without his ability to understand other people.
'He needs to be the one to bring up his displeasure regarding my public appearances with these other girls,' Kise discerns. 'If I push him with information I found while snooping, we'll just end up fighting.' Although he knows he can't voice his concerns directly, he thinks of ways to prod his boyfriend into a conversation that would have the other boy opening up.
As the couple settles down with their food, Kise starts chatting about a new topic. "So, be honest, how often do you have CoCo Ichi?"
"It's convenient, quick, and relatively inexpensive," Aomine answers between bites. "I don't really cook, so groceries beyond basics are lost on me."
"Well, that explains why you have no groceries, but it doesn't explain that." Kise eyes the dishes piled in the sink distastefully. "How can you not cook and have a sink full of dirty dishes? It makes no sense. And, why don't any of your plates match? How can you not have a set of decent flatware? And why are you using a rice cooker that looks like it was made in the 1970s?"
"Complain, complain, complain," Aomine mutters. "I took a few necessities from my parents, you know, old stuff they weren't using. I'm just a college student. You can't expect me to have, need, or want those types of luxury items you mentioned."
Kise lets out an exasperated groan, continues eating, and casually begins flipping through the magazine with his latest photo shoot. "Ah," he says dropping his chopsticks. "I remember this shot." Brandishing the opened page with a dramatic flourish, he asks, "Don't I look cool?"
Aomine snorts in response. "Don't you ever get tired of looking at yourself?"
"But I look awesome in these pictures," Kise protests.
"I think you look pretty awesome right now," Aomine comments with a shrug.
Kise finally finds the appropriate moment to steer the conversation towards insecurities in general, hoping that sharing one of his will encourage his boyfriend to do the same. "It's not always going to be this way."
"What do you mean by that?" Aomine asks puzzled.
"Don't you ever think about the future?" Kise questions.
"Sure," Aomine answers. "Basketball is my future."
The blond sighs heavily. "After that, you know when youth slips away."
"Why are you being weird, Ryouta?"
"I just wonder if the public will still love me…when I turn thirty."
"Thirty?" Aomine echoes with a confused look on his face. "That's oddly specific."
"Not really," Kise says his lips turning downward. Lowering his voice to build a mood of intimacy, he confides, "It's my scary age. Modeling centers around youth. Who's going to want me when I'm thirty and my best years are behind me?"
"You'll find something else to do," Aomine says. "You're good at adapting." After a pause, he adds, "You aren't still thinking about becoming a pilot, are you?"
"Of course I am. It's a childhood dream! Traveling the world sounds adventurous."
Aomine waves a hand dismissively. "It's not for you. Give it up."
"What do you mean by that?" Kise asks offended.
"Do you know how much radiation you'd expose yourself to as a pilot? Take that career path, and you can kiss that pretty skin of yours goodbye."
"That's so mean," Kise accuses, his lower lip jutting out in a familiar pout. "You've dashed my back-up career plan."
"Sports announcing or hosting a show, those would be things more up your alley. And those are things you can do even after you're thirty. So don't wax dramatic about everything ending for you once you turn thirty."
The blond gives his boyfriend a watery smile and tries to coax honesty out of Aomine. "It's just one of those things that worry me, you know? I'm sure you have things that you're insecure about, too."
All traces of softness leave Aomine's eyes. "Nope," he says.
Kise frowns, disappointed at the absence of the other boy's candor.
Aomine, misunderstanding Kise's dejected look, says, "Hey, Ryouta. You have nothing to worry about. I'm sure you'll be just as beautiful at thirty."
The reassurance causes Kise's heart to swell with emotion. With a tiny smile crossing his lips, he requests, "Will you tell me that then?"
"What, when?" Aomine asks poking fun at the vague terms.
Kise pleads, "Will you tell me that I'm beautiful when I turn thirty?"
"Okay, if that's what you want," Aomine responds rolling his eyes.
"Promise me."
With an exasperated sigh, Aomine grumbles, "Fine, I promise."
Although their conversation doesn't play out manner Kise planned, he accepts Aomine's expression of affection. Soothed by his boyfriend's words, he thinks, 'Strength and love exist at the core of our relationship, so we'll be fine.' Deep down inside, he wonders if he's only trying to convince himself.
Author's Note: So, I think I must have been in the mood for curry when I initially wrote this chapter. =p I hope things aren't moving too slowly. They're both trying their best, but fractures exist… This chapter approximately marks the one year point of Aomine and Kise's separation in fic world. I can't believe I'm at this point already! Thanks for reading, and I hope you all enjoyed. As always, feedback is much appreciated.