Allison was walking toward him, finally—it was half an hour after school had been dismissed. It wasn't every day she expressed intentions to go back to his house after school, but on those occasions she did, she ought to have enough common courtesy to be punctual. He quit leaning on the car and called out to her. "You know, one of these days I'm just going to leave without you and you're going to have to walk home."
She looked him right in the eye and flipped him off before opening the passenger door and slinging her bag in before her.
"Classy." He climbed in the driver's seat and looked over at her. "You don't think I'd do it, do you?"
"I'm not obligated to do whatever it is you think I should do," she said.
He snorted. "What the fuck does that mean?"
She inclined her head with a defiant scowl. "It means don't hold things over my head, Leonard. If you need to go home without me, then go. I know you're always looking forward to having a hot date with that physics book of yours."
His hands clenched the steering wheel. It was annoying how she got on his case for being so diligent. He was only doing it because of her. "Fine, then. Don't come back to me later annoyed about how much walking you have to do." He'd nearly been late to work more than once because of waiting on her—well, that wasn't going to happen anymore.
"Whatever," she said.
"I'm serious, I don't want to hear a word about it."
Her mouth twisted into a slight sneer. "Just shut up about it, why don't you?"
"Just making sure you got the picture." He glanced over at her a moment later to see her gazing out the window. Yup, they were back to normal, all right. Whatever she'd been trying to prove, as far as he was concerned, she'd made her point. Unless something drastic happened he didn't see a relationship between them even being put on the table.
When they arrived at the house she disappeared into her room to do her homework, or whatever it was she got up to. He didn't care. For his part, since it was his day off, he settled at the dinette table to spread his homework out on its surface. He had more room here than at the small desk in his room. He looked at everything after it was laid out and sighed. He'd be glad when the school year was over and he got something of a break from all of this. After graduation would come more work, and eventually, college, but he'd take that as it came.
When Lawrence arrived from work, earlier than usual, Leonard was still sitting there.
"Hey," Lawrence greeted him.
Leonard kept his attention on his homework. "Hey."
His father headed to the kitchen, keeping up his usual routine. "Hard at work, I see. You've been doing really well. Will talked to me the other day and he said so too."
"Yeah," Leonard said. "But it's not like working there is hard."
"Even so." Lawrence moved to the stove with a pan and put it on the heat. "Rent's due next week. I suppose you have that in hand?"
"I will." Leonard had been carefully keeping track of the numbers so he'd have exactly what he needed at the time that he needed it. As far as he was concerned the rest of what he earned was his to do with as he wished.
"Good," Lawrence replied. "I'd hate to have to follow through on the consequences if you were to slack off."
Leonard scoffed lightly. "You mean you don't want to see her homeless any more than I do."
"No, I don't." Lawrence dug through the cabinet. "This has been a good experience for her as well, I think. Even if you two don't get along, things are stable for her. I think it'd be unfortunate—" He paused for a long moment. "Leonard, have you been drinking my liquor?"
"No," Leonard said, just a little too quickly, dropping his eyes to his book.
Lawrence brought the bottle over to the table and sat down across from his son. "Leonard, you've been granted a lot of freedom in the way I've raised you. Don't take advantage of that. You know it's one thing to have a shot with permission and under supervision. Stealing a drink from the bottle isn't what I expect of you, especially with the lessons you've been learning lately about responsibility."
"Sorry," he mumbled. "There's just a lot of pressure on me right now."
"There's always going to be pressure on you. That's part of life." Lawrence sighed. "I don't want to see you make the mistakes your mother made, Leonard. She used alcohol as an escape and eventually it got to be out of her control. You know how she hurt me, how she hurt us both, when she decided to leave."
"I know." Leonard had heard plenty of stories about his mother's mistakes, enough to last him a lifetime. He rubbed his forehead. "But I don't think this is fair. Allison could have gotten into it too." Because he was sure he hadn't drunk enough for his father to notice.
"Fair enough," his father said. He picked up the bottle and looked over the label. "I'll find some other place to keep it."
"Good 'cause I don't want to get blamed for something I didn't do."
Lawrence gave his son a stern look.
Leonard sat back in his chair, gesturing with a half-shrug. "Just saying, that's all."
"Watch how you 'just say' things." Lawrence went to his room to tuck the bottle away somewhere, and Leonard started packing up his things. After that conversation he didn't want to sit here to finish his work.
Leonard had a lot on his mind when he went to bed that night. Now he had neither of his preferred vices to indulge in—no alcohol, no pot—and no time to just veg out if he felt like it. It made him feel like life was closing in on him. He turned over, rolling onto his side. He considered getting up and utilizing his weight bench to try to work some of this nervous energy out. Instead he turned back onto his back and curled his arm under his head, shutting his eyes. Skipping school, just one day, for a break, sounded like an appealing option, but he just had this feeling his father would see through it if he tried to claim he was sick.
Leonard fell asleep eventually, but as he slept he found himself in a state of twilight, partly asleep and partly worrying about all of his responsibilities. His consciousness was easily aroused when the foot of the bed dipped, the mattress shifting as another person weighted down the bed. She seemed to be crawling across the length of the bed gingerly, trying to keep from jostling him. But there was no mistaking the bulk of another person settling in next to him. "Allison?" he muttered.
She turned on her side with her back to him, wriggling as she shifted against the covers. "Yeah?"
"What are you doing here?"
There was a pause before she answered. "I had a nightmare, okay?" she said defensively. "Just let me stay here."
It didn't seem like her to have nightmares that bad. He frowned. "Stay on that side of the bed," he said, scooting away slightly.
"Yeah, whatever," she muttered. They both went quiet then, but he was wide awake. He didn't feel any temptation like he had the last time she'd been in his bed. She seemed to fall asleep almost immediately and he listened to her breathing. This was why he was doing this, all of it. So that Allison could have some peace. I'm such a sap, he thought to himself.
Before he knew it he was awakening before the alarm. He slipped out of bed and left the alarm set so that she would wake up after he was gone. He had a feeling if he asked about her dream later on she'd become defensive and refuse to tell him any details, so he decided not to address it.
Unfortunately, it seemed to set a precedent. He didn't even bother to question her about it when she joined him several more times over the next weeks. It seemed better just to ignore it and let her do what she needed to do. He always handled it the same way, getting up and leaving her behind. It became like a carefully executed dance, one he soon learned all the steps to.
At school these days she behaved towards him as she always had, antagonizing him before English class (not his strong suit, and she knew it), snatching up bits of food from his lunch as she passed in the lunch room, and just being a pain towards him in general. As far as anyone around them would know, nothing had changed between them. She kept up the appearance that there was no recent history that might make things awkward between them, and he had no choice but to follow suit. As far as he knew none of her friends had been told anything. And in reality it was best that way. They could do without the rumors.
It was now near the end of the school year, and graduation was fast approaching. It had that unreal quality, knowing that a long-desired goal was within grasp. There were events meant only for the graduating seniors, culminating with a special breakfast the week before graduation was meant to take place.
He drove her there, as usual, and picked a seat near the back. The round decorated tables were set for eight, and he knew between his friends and friends-of-friends the table would be filled shortly. The sentiments his friends had expressed to him were similar to his own—he was ready for high school to be over so he could move on, start college, get a degree and make a career for himself. He had pulled up his physics grade, thankfully making it so he had a lot of possibilities in choosing a major and a university to attend. He should be successful at anything he put his mind to doing. It was just a matter of staying on top of things.
Leonard looked over when someone settled into the chair beside him. It was Allison. He raised an eyebrow in surprise. "What are you doing?"
She spread her hands to indicate the table and the chair. "Sitting down? What's it look like?"
"Uh, okay." He'd expected her to want to sit with her friends, but she obviously was going to do whatever she wanted to.
Jimmy settled in at his other side and Leonard glanced at him. "Hey Church, hey Allison."
"Hi," Allison said, sitting back and crossing her legs. She was wearing an outfit she had convinced Leonard to buy for her—otherwise she wouldn't have had something suitably dressy, she had claimed. He wasn't sure why he'd let her talk him into that. He'd actually had a few dollars to himself after a couple of months of paying rent for her and there he went and blew it on what he had to admit was a stunning outfit on her. He'd never seen her dressed up, to tell the truth, so he'd never seen her in a tailored blouse like this one, which she'd paired with a pair of pinstriped slacks and heels.
"You look nice," Jimmy said.
"Thanks," Allison said, smiling demurely. "Nothing like a new outfit to make you feel good."
"You don't need new clothes to look good," Jimmy replied.
Allison raised her eyebrows, smirking, apparently flattered. "Trying to get on my good side, Jimmy?"
"It'd be a good place to be," Jimmy said, and Allison laughed.
"I like you," she said.
Leonard looked around a bit, then settled back into his seat. He didn't have any right to feel jealous of that exchange. Jimmy was a friend, but Allison was her own person, and there was nothing to prevent the two of them from flirting, even if Leonard wished they wouldn't.
Slowly, people filtered into the room and friends of each of them settled into the other seats at the table. Conversation died off when the principal made her way to the front and started things off with a small prepared speech.
The speeches given by members of their class were at some points touching, but Leonard hadn't been as involved as some of the speakers had been. He had never worked on the school newspaper or participated in the marching band. He hadn't participated in the school trip to Washington. These recollections simply didn't resonate with him. He looked down to fidget with his napkin and realized Allison was looking at him. His attention was drawn toward her and she grinned, looking down to hide the smile behind her hair.
His eyebrows narrowed slightly in confusion but he put his attention back on the speaker. This really was boring. And Allison was looking at him again. "What?" he whispered and she shook her head, still smiling.
When the meal was served he turned toward her. "What was that?" he asked her. "Was he saying something funny? I didn't get it."
She shrugged. "Nah, I was just bored."
"You're weird." Still, it was nice to be able to be this relaxed around her for once. He turned ever so slightly in her direction.
"You're the one who wants to be a scientist," she said with a laugh.
"Hey, I have ambition. That's a good thing."
"I think you always have," Allison said.
"What makes you say that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
She shrugged. "Just something about the way you and your dad talk," she said.
"Well, he helps me a lot. He didn't get a lot of support growing up so he makes a point of it."
"He should be glad you turned out so well." She pointed at him with her fork. "But don't let that go to your head."
"It's already there," he said, laughing. "I didn't know you felt that way, Allison."
She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "Hey, you may be an asshole, but that doesn't mean you're not going to be successful."
He couldn't believe it when he found that they were both done eating and realized they had continued to pleasantly converse the entire time. The seniors were free to leave the school once the breakfast was over. Allison walked out of the room ahead of Leonard. By the time he got to his car she was lounging in the passenger seat, one foot propped up against the dash. She watched him as he lowered himself into the driver's seat. Leonard glanced at her as he started the ignition and then pulled the car forward out of the parking lot.
Allison ruffled her hair with outspread fingers. "It was so hot in there. There were just too many people for that room to handle." She paused, her hands still on her head, and gave him a sly smile. "Don't you think so, Church?"
Really subtle on the double entendre there. She had to know how that position stretched her shirt over her breasts. His body was definitely responding to her flirting. It hadn't taken much, he thought to himself with some irritation. She just had to offer up a little friendly conversation and shoot some smiles in his direction and she had him in the palm of her hand. He gripped the steering wheel, willing his eyes to stay on the road. "Yeah, it was, uh…it was pretty thick in there."
"It's been a while since I've felt heat like that. I can't wait until we get home and we can, you know. Cool down." Allison angled her hips toward him in the seat. He involuntarily glanced at her and saw the suggestive smirk on her face. Leonard felt his Adam's apple bob up and down.
"I was thinking, maybe you could sleep in my room tonight. It would save me having to come down to your room. Since I have the bigger bed, and all. Hey, what's wrong, Church? You feel okay?"
As if you don't know. He clenched his jaw. The temptation to give in and flirt back was strong. In his mind he was already touching her skin and smelling her hair.
She reached over and nudged his arm. "Earth to Church."
Leonard made an abrupt right turn onto a residential street. He parked in front of the first house and turned to look at her. "What the hell are you doing?"
"What? I'm just trying to talk to you."
"Don't fuck with me, Allison. Why are you flirting with me?"
She tilted her head with a sly smirk. "What's wrong, Leonard? You can't handle it?"
Leonard narrowed his eyes, looking at her with suspicion. "I'm just wondering why."
Allison scoffed. "Hey, maybe I just really want to fuck you tonight. How's that?" She nearly laughed when Leonard let the silence hang, not taking his eyes off of her. "What, Leonard? Is that so hard to believe?"
"No. I'm just thinking about how when I first brought you to live in my house. You seemed pretty sure I was bringing you there just to take advantage of you. I think you said I was trying to make you into my 'own little whore.'" Allison started to protest, but he continued speaking. "So, I'm just wondering how in your mind it would be wrong for me to use you, but there's no problem if you want to use me."
Allison's jaw dropped and she turned to look at him in shock. "Use you?" Her mouth fished for words for a moment before she snapped it closed, scowling.
"Yes, I said you use me. You come into my bed for your own comfort without even considering how I feel about it."
"I haven't heard you complain—"
"Well, you can hear it now," he said. "I think we agreed that if you are not going to be with me, you're not going to touch me. So unless this is your way of saying yes…"
Allison was utterly speechless. A red flush was creeping up her neck and cheeks. She whipped her head to look out the passenger-side window. "Just fucking drive home."
Leonard had to sneak a smile. He had won an argument. And was she pissed about that.
When he pulled up in front of the house she didn't even wait until he had shifted into park before she opened the door and leapt out, slamming the door behind her. It was too bad, they'd actually made plans to hang out, but sitting down and being civilized was not going to be on her agenda right now. Well, that was on her head, not his. Maybe he'd get dressed more casually and go out instead. That actually sounded pretty good. He had to work the next couple of days, so taking an afternoon to himself might be nice.
It wasn't until he came back down from changing that she confronted him. "You better not be trying to get away from me."
"What if I am?" It was none of her business, that was what.
She frowned. "I want to talk," she said, a small amount of reluctance showing by the way she hesitated.
"Oh yeah?" He crossed his arms. "So talk."
"Well, it's not going to happen if you act like that about it." She shot him a look and then shook her head. "Forget it."
"No, no, you started it." He uncrossed his arms, though, tilting his head to gesture for her to continue. "Talk."
She scowled at him. "It's not like this is easy." She rubbed her arm with the opposite hand and looked past him. "You're right."
"I…am?" Not that it wasn't nice to hear, but he couldn't think of what she was referring to. "About what?"
"About me being selfish," she said impatiently. "I didn't want to commit to anything, so I just decided to be a bitch about it and play both sides."
"Uh-huh." For just a second he took that at face value, ready to dismiss it and tell her to forget it, when her wording struck him. "Wait, what do you mean 'commit'?"
"Leonard…" She still seemed to be struggling with what she meant to say, and she paused before pressing on. "I'm trying to tell you…" Her eyes met his; they were soft, an expression he'd never seen on her face. She was speaking nakedly, sincere. "I'm trying to say, that if you want a relationship with me, I don't even know what this means, but I'm saying yes."
He could have answered her, but instead he was holding on to her, kissing her impatiently, and she didn't hesitate to meet him. All this waiting and she gave in this easily, letting him guide her to the stairs, half lifting her up with him, tumbling up the stairs like gravity had reversed. He lifted her again, hands groping at her breasts eagerly, nearly shoving her forward as he headed into his room, but she laughed and shifted her hands between them to press him away slightly. "Pace yourself," she teased him, finding her feet. "You really want to go in there and use the bunk bed again?"
He scoffed, catching her arm before letting go. "I just have to grab a condom," he said, as though he'd been planning to head into her room all along.
"You'd better remember that, for as long as I made you wait," she teased, backing into the hallway.
"Well, it wasn't easy." He returned and pressed another kiss to her mouth, swallowing whatever reply she started to make, picking her up completely this time.
The difference this time was clear. He could tell it now, how she had kept herself separate from him the last time. He grabbed her about the waist, stroking his hands firmly along her sides as he guided her to back up against the bed. "Allison," he muttered, taking a moment to regard her. She pulled away slightly and took off her blouse, unbuttoning it as he watched. Her hands lingered as she finished the motion, and then she let it fall off her shoulders. There was a look of vulnerability in her eyes, something she'd never allowed him to see before. It was fascinating, watching the change in her as she opened herself up to his affections.
He helped her finish undressing as she did the same for him, and he lifted her once again to lay her back on the bed. Her touch was rough as her hands passed over his back, grazing his skin with her nails, squeezing at his arms, her gasps and sighs spurring him on as he pressed into her. She was submitting to him, to this, to being his, to letting him…was it love? It seemed like such a serious word to use for what they had but as he took in the sight of her as her head threw back against the pillow, an utterance of pleasure passing her lips, he knew. He was in love with her.
And when they were done, when he returned from cleaning up, he laid back down and rested his head on her chest. Her gaze was out into the room. He propped himself up to kiss her. "Hey," he muttered. "You okay?"
She nodded, smiling slightly, before glancing away again. "Yeah. Fine."
She was lying.
But how could she explain it to him, how vulnerable this made her feel? This wasn't just meaningless sex, something she was well familiar with. She knew how to handle that. It would last for a time, and then it would be over and she could drift to the next address. But this… This was a feeling of closeness, of truly being wanted, of having a home, of belonging in a way she had never imagined.
And something about that terrified her.
Music for this chapter:
My Sundown - Jimmy Eat World
Leonard takes the pressure his father is putting on him to be responsible and does his best to prove himself capable
Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins
The story of Leonard's life includes the legacy of his mother's failures
Arms - Christina Perri
Allison feels at home for the first time in her life. She's not sure she's ready for something like that.
More Than Anyone - Gavin DeGraw
Leonard and Allison come together