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Chapter 10 - Close Your Eyes and Jump.
Sam should have known that once she started reaching out to him, she wasn't going to stop until she had a yes or no answer here.
"I only missed you when I was breathing". Yup, that came out as corny as possible, but it was honest. He missed her when he shouldn't have, when he didn't have the right too, and every other second. That was why he sat in on the calls, and knew something was wrong. His mind wouldn't even consider the possibility of what could have happened if he hadn't.
Andy actually smiled at that, and let out a light giggle. She found it really corny too, but he didn't mind.
"Missed you while you were still here too". Sam added, cutting Andy's giggle off.
She hadn't expected that to come out.
"It was hard while you were still here, like you were forbidden then too. When I said I love you, I meant it. I want another shot Andy, to make this work. I meant it when I said I would do whatever it takes. I just need to know that you want me too?".
Andy's smile slid off her face, her pink hue fading away as she listened to Sam talk. But he knew that telling her that was what he wanted was the right thing, that she was ready to hear it. Because he had seen the fresh stains of heartache in her eyes when he told her he came for her because she had once come for him.
She stared at him for a moment, before looking away again. She kept looking out the window, like she wanted to be somewhere else right now.
So Sam made the decision to let her think about it. She had a lot too deal with, a lot she had too think over after he just let it all out there.
He opened his door and got out, Andy's eyes following him as he walked around the front of the truck and opened her door for her.
His hand swept out towards the door, and she obeyed by stepping towards it.
She climbed the stairs and stopped outside of her door, at the end of the hallway, her hands fishing her keys out of her pocket before she slipped the right one into the lock and turned it.
Sam stood a few feet away, since the cemetery he had kept his distance and didn't touch her again, even though he really wanted too.
Her hand begged to be held, but he just didn't have it in him to hold it only to have to let it go.
"Night McNally" Sam said as she pushed the door open, Andy looking at him like he was from another planet now that he wanted to leave. But he had too, if he wanted her to really think it over.
"Night Sam". She said seconds before closing the door.
But it just felt so wrong. Being here alone, even though it was her own home.
After all that was said tonight, Andy's mind was in a flat spin, running a hundred miles an hour over everything.
Everytime Sam had spoken about his feelings, he said them in present tense, and he had re-said them too. There was never a 'I felt' or 'Loved' in there, everything was said as now. Up until this point in time.
He had told her that even though they had crashed and burned, he didn't see them as a mistake, that being with her was never a mistake. And that he left her because he didn't want to hurt her. Like he thought he was going too.
Andy paced between the front door and the couch, her mind trying to decide where to go from here.
Every word Sam had said was spoken in honesty, and reinforced with his eyes wearing something she hadn't ever thought she'd see again.
Sam left her to think about what he had said, every intention of giving her space until she decided where she wanted to go from here. She was the one that had to decide if she was willing to give him another chance, he just hoped that she felt enough to take the risk.
He descended the staircase in silence, and exited the front door of her building, the fresh air making him inhale a deep breath as soon as his feet hit the street.
He crossed the road, deciding to park across the street this time when they returned.
He hit the button on the remote to unlock the truck, the soft beep-beep filling the night air, as it unlocked.
Seconds later Sam heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Andy run across the tarmac.
"Wait". She sounded breathless, telling him that she had streaked down the hallway and stairs at high speed.
"Do you really want to do this?". She added as she finally stopped running and walked the last few steps over to him just as a car passed them, it's headlights dancing over her as she stepped out of the way and leaned against the truck next to Sam.
"Yup". Sam said looking down at Andy. "More than you know".
"Then why are you leaving?". Andy was looking up at Sam, trying to decipher his expression.
"So you can think about it".
"I don't need to think about it Sam, I ...need you to stay".
"Andy..."
"I get why you're leaving, but I don't want you too. I can't hear you say all that and let you walk away".
Andy leaned back against the truck's back door, her face dropping again as she felt her cheeks flood with embarrassment. It totally sounded like something else when she said it like that, but it wasn't what she meant.
Before she could blink, Sam lifted her face as he stood in front of her. "If I stay, I'm not leaving again. And right now, that is not where I want this to go".
Sam let her chin go and stepped back, before he did what he swore he wouldn't do again until she had done it first. Kiss and run, just wasn't his style, especially after the last time he nearly kissed her.
How could he always be so right? She knew he was.
"Okay". Andy said as she slipped out between him and the truck.
She checked the street for any traffic before crossing over the tarmac backwards, her hands out to the side as she yelled "Night Sam", this time wearing a smile.
Sam watched her walk away, his head shaking at her ability to make his resistance crumble. She just had too make it so much harder for him to leave right now.
One last look up at her window and he got into the cab of the truck, started the ignition and drove away.
Andy couldn't sleep. Her mind wouldn't quiet down enough to let her sleep.
The voices were loud, mumbling and muttering.
She had been having trouble sleeping since Sam broke up with her, it was just weird trying to sleep on her own again. Even now, months later, she was struggling to sleep.
Andy glanced at the alarm clock, midnight was approaching, and still her mind wouldn't shut off.
After Sam left she had dinner and a shower, but she was too wired to switch off.
She'd been in bed for two hours, tangling her sheets and finally she gave up.
Moving into the kitchen, Andy heard a knock on her front door, momentary panic sweeping through her. It usually wasn't a good thing if someone knocked on your door at this time of night.
Peeking through the peephole, Andy let out a long sigh before opening the door.
Sam had changed clothes and smelled like soap and cologne. He'd just gotten out of the shower.
"I want to stay". Sam said after a moment of silence, Andy's face breaking out into a smile.
He loved the fact that he could put it there.
"Just to sleep". Sam added before stepping on and closing the door.
Andy woke up to the smell of coffee and the sound of her shower running.
For the first time she woke up in a really long time felling like she had actually slept well.
Sam came out the bathroom a few minutes later, his hair dripping water as he leaned against the doorframe.
Andy jammed her eyes closed at the sight of him, this was really nice to wake up too, but Sam shirtless - that was just something she didn't want to look at right now without wanting to touch.
She let out a giggle at her own trail of thought, a sudden splatter of water hitting her in the face, followed by another and another.
Her eyes opened to find Sam standing over her shaking his head, dousing her in a shower of her own.
"Sam!". Andy tried to fend the drops off but it was futile. He had every intention of coming out the shower and waking her up like that, if he hadn't already dried his hair.
Andy scooted over the bed, so Sam sat down next to her, just watching her, without saying a word.
It really was his favorite way of waking up.
"I need to get up". Andy grumbled before jumping out of bed and racing for the bathroom.
Half an hour later she was out the shower and dressed, Sam holding out a cup of coffee when she breezed into the kitchen.
"Ready to go?". He asked a few minutes later, after she had finished her coffee.
He really wasn't sure about how she'd feel about going to work together, so he just left it hanging.
Andy nodded and raced back into her bedroom to get her duffle bag.
When they arrived at the barn, Andy got out and waited in front of the truck. Sam climbed out and lifted their bags off the back seat before walking up to Andy and waiting for her to weave between the car's.
Once they had left the car's behind and met the open area, Sam moved in next to Andy as they walked towards the doors.
After a step or two Sam felt Andy's hand bump his, seconds before her hand squirmed around and he opened his fingers to let hers rest between them.
Looking at her face, he saw the same kind of contentment he had the night that Collins had proposed to Peck. A slight smile dusting her lips.
As they took a few more steps, Sam looked down at their joined hands before stopping.
Andy stopped walking too, and turned to face him.
"You're really gonna let me do this?". Sam asked, just trying to clear up his muddled thoughts.
Andy nodded, she didn't need to say anymore.
"Andy you're going to walk through that door like this?". Sam said glancing at their hands, then looking back up at her.
Andy nodded again.
"You know what that's going to look like right?".
Yup, everyone was so going to think that they were doing a walk of shame this morning.
"I don't care". Andy whispered out, adding "Do you?".
"Nope. But they're going to talk". Sam was worried that Andy wouldn't handle more of people having something to say about her, them.
"Okay, so let's give them something to talk about". Andy stated before stepping closer and putting her free hand on Sam's cheek.
Her hand had been itching to do that for as long as she could remember.
Before Sam could respond, Andy kissed him. Like really, really kissed him.
It was soft, and sweet and passionate and just everything rolled together in one, long moment.
Sam managed to pull his hand up to the straps of their bags and drop them to the concrete. They weren't heavy, they were in the way.
Pulling her hand up to rest on his chest, like he had when they had danced, Sam felt her lean in a little closer, she didn't need to be drawn closer, she wanted to be closer.
His other hand wrapped itself up in her hair, her hand still on his cheek.
Andy pulled away first, her hand slipping over his lips to wipe off all traces of her lip gloss.
Wow, he had forgotten how intense that could be. It wasn't ever that way with anyone other than her.
Andy was staring at Sam, like she had expected some other kind of outcome, or something.
It made Sam worry just a little.
"Andy...". She couldn't regret giving him a chance already, could she?
She wasn't flustered, or happy, she wasn't smiling.
"I get it now". She said confusing Sam more than he already was.
"Get what?".
"How you feel".
Sam must have looked confused, so she explained some more.
"I felt it. Its always been there, every single time. This intensity, the connection. I was so scared that it would be gone, especially when I saw you with Marlo. I found myself doubting what I was feeling when I came home, and after what you said last night too".
She looked so guilty saying that. But Sam understood why she doubted it. She didn't know how she still felt about him, and hearing that he still felt the same way, that just confused her because she was probably trying to suppress it to stop from getting hurt anymore.
"Until that, I wasn't sure. I mean the attraction is there, but I wasn't sure that I felt more?".
She was rambling, but Sam didn't care, she needed to say this.
"I still feel it Andy, it never went away". Sam managed to say, just in case she was doubting what he felt. She needed to hear him say things more, something he hadn't done in the past that led them to where they where fighting to get back from.
"I know. That was there too". Andy said blushing a little.
Andy couldn't believe that she had ever doubted what she felt, or how Sam felt about her. Because honestly she had a few times.
"I still love you, and I don't think I ever stopped. I lied the night I left, I said I didn't care anymore, but I did - I still do, I just couldn't admit that you broke my heart and that I hadn't stopped loving you because you did".
Sam saw so many things flash through Andy's eyes, that he was having a hard time keeping up.
"But you're scared, scared to let me in, scared to love me" Sam's words came out before he could stop them.
"No! I'm only scared that one day it won't be there anymore Sam. One day I'll wake up and you're gone, or you don't feel the same way anymore...".
"Andy, I've waited my whole life to finally find someone to love. Do you think I'll let you go now, when I've finally got you back?".
"Sam, I'm scared too, because this is the real thing, and I don't know how to do this without screwing it up".
"Andy, just close your eyes and jump". Sam said pulling Andy closer, she seemed to drift away while they were talking.
He really didn't want her to start letting her doubts consume her.
It was usually the way she did things, and if the outcome would be what he wanted it be, he wouldn't mind giving her a little push over the edge if she couldn't jump on her own.
Kissing her in the parking lot wasn't something he'd ever thought about, but doing it for the second time in less than half an hour, it was definitely something he could do more often.
This time he pulled away, her doubts subsiding from her eyes a little when he peered into them.
They weren't there yet, but they were moving forwards.
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