Chapter 10
A/N Hey loves :) YES THIS IS ANOTHER UPDATE! YAY! I've been hit with the writing bug and I needed to type it out. Hope you enjoy see you down there v_v :)
THE STORY IS BEING REWRITTEN MORE EXPLAINED DOWN THERE.
PS-STOP HATING SO MUCH ON MY EDWARD D; I LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT.
Edward POV
The bell rings when we enter the diner, its called Hopkins, and I had never even known that his thing existed despite it being just two blocks from where I live.
I suppose there are many things that I don't notice, and the truth is I never even bothered to get to know my neighborhood and the things that it had to offer. The one thing that I was really looking for was an escape from that house that plagued me with memories.
I remember flipping through the ads on the newspaper and coming across a two story house that had large windows. These windows extended from the first floor all the way to the second and it looked so bright and so inviting that I ripped the page out and visited the week after. Three bedrooms, two baths and despite me not needing that much space I found myself saying that I'd buy it.
Now that I think of it, I think I know why I bought it now. I think that I knew this was the home we would have wanted. With the fence in the front and the large windows, it was what Bella would have liked. Our dream house was too much for me, it held to many hopes and dreams and I could not find it in myself to purchase it, but Jacob already purchased it so it doesn't really matter now.
However, deep down I think I knew that the house would have pleased her and I quickly took it off the market. It was always about Bella, it always had something to do with her and despite the fact that I had left her, it continued to revolve around her.
I look around the small diner and cannot believe that I never once even stumbled in here. It is a comfortable little diner, and our waitress is a wonderful lady named .
"Hello dearies, what can I get you two this morning?" Her voice is soft, comforting and she reminds me of my grandmother. I give her a small smile.
I glance at Bella and arch an eyebrow at her. She is looking through the menu, eyes searching frantically as waits for her order, while she still has not decided.
I find the situation quite humorous as I stare at her, still deciding what to eat.
I give a little laugh and Bella immediately looks up, a little scowl on her face as she believes that I am making fun of her.
"She'll have the pancakes with strawberry on top and on the side scrambled eggs but make sure it doesn't touch the pancakes because she will go insane. She likes her coffee with one cream and two sugars because she likes to taste the 'real' flavor as she drinks but needs that extra sugar rush." I say, my voice slow and clear.
All the while I am secretly hoping that she has not changed her favorite breakfast because if she did then I have made a complete and utter fool of myself.
I look up at Bella and she is staring at me, eyes wide with wonder and her teeth biting down on her lip. I bite back a groan as I watch her bite down again, always that lip.
And then almost as if she can read my mind, she releases her pouty lip from the torture that it must have endured with her biting so hard. I'm surprised she never drew blood when doing that.
"How did you?…" She questions, her voice soft, a whisper as she continues to stare at me.
"I knew what you used to like Bella. And I knew deep down that you still like it but you want to try something different." I simply state, trying to keep my voice controlled.
"Yeah I try to order something different every time. Its my 'Be spontaneous' thing for the day. I don't wanna get boring. But I cannot believe you remembered that. It's been years." She murmurs as she looks down at her hands once more.
I am hit with a sudden sadness as I stare at her. I did this to her. She can't even order the same fucking meal because I made her feel like I was bored in our marriage. She thinks its her fault, she thinks she has to be spontaneous because or else an asshole like me will leave her.
I really hate myself in that moment as I stare at this beautiful girl with those chocolate brown eyes staring back at me, her eyes full of confusion and desperation. She's tried so hard to move on with her life and here I am trying to drag her back to me.
"You don't have to do things like that Bella. If you love your order than keep ordering. Who cares about that spontaneous bullshit anyways?" I tell her, trying to show her that it really is okay.
I think that I'm doing a great job and being supportive but Bella doesn't see it that way. Her eyes blaze and her chest begins to heave and I know that I've pissed her off. I recoil and wait for it.
"I care. I fucking care Edward because it makes me remember to try new things and not get to comfortable with something because thats when you fucking get hurt." She spits out, and for a moment I think she's gonna leave but she doesn't she just sits there.
And all I can manage to think about is how fucking beautiful she looks when she's angry, her face is flushed and her breath is uneven, her chest is rising and her eyes are blazing.
I love her, I really fucking love her.
She shouldn't feel that way, but I know that it is also because of me, because of how comfortable we were and then I dropped the divorce bomb. I have hurt her so much, I don't even know why she is giving me a moment of her time.
My mind is scrambling, trying to find something to say because I have no idea how to respond to that and because I don't want to scare her away.
"Bella I-" I begin only to be interrupted by Mrs. Cope.
"Here you go dearies. Blueberry pancakes and strawberry pancakes with scrambled eggs non-touching." She kindly says as she sets them down in front of us. I smile at her and Bella murmurs a quick thank you.
She leaves us and once again I am left thinking of how to apologize without making it all about me.
"Bella listen I am so sorr-" Once again I am interrupted but this time its by Bella.
"It's okay Edward. I overreacted too. Lets just forget about it okay?" She smiles at me, but I can see thats it's forced, she's still upset but I don't know what to do or what to say so I just let it go.
I look down at my pancakes and pick up my fork, cutting the pancake at the edges and then eating only the center, which is filled with blueberries. I hate the outside part of the pancake, I cannot really explain why I do but I've always done it. I bring the pancake to my mouth and close my eyes because it is like heaven on earth. I look up and catch Bella staring at me again, and I just look back at her.
"They're good I take it?" She smiles at me and I nod. She looks down at my plate and back up at me. "You always did that. You always cut the outside part out and I never knew why you did it. I suppose it's like me when I take the crust of the bread, but I know why I do that. The crust is disgusting but that pancake, there is no crust to it. So why do you do it?" She whispers, as her eyes stay on mine, and she seems to be studying me.
I shrug, "I don't know why. I guess when I was younger my mom used to do the same thing and it sort of stuck with me." I tell her, not sure how else to explain it.
She just nods at me and continues to eat her pancakes.
"I was so happy to see them again, it had been three years. Esme has not aged a day. I really missed them, all of them. Even the big goofball Emmet." She giggles towards the last part.
I smile at her, thinking about how Emmet constantly harassed her, telling her how small she was and how she had to grow a bit. He would always call her shorty and talk about how weak she was. This was what led Bella to believe that she should know how to defend herself, so she decided to take up self defense classes with Emmet. I remember how worried I was, convinced that he would hurt her unintentionally.
-Flash back-
"Baby I'm not sure that is the best idea. I mean look at Emmet he's two hundred and sixty pounds love, he's huge. What if he grabs you too hard?" I whisper, my arms around her waist, as I try to convince her not to do this.
"I want to learn Edward, and Emmet is good at this. He can teach me, and its okay. Im not going to get hurt baby, you have to calm down." She murmurs, hands playing with the hair of my neck. She massages my head, trying to calm me down and I softly moan.
She's trying to distract me, don't let that happen Edward, stay strong.
"Baby I just don't think its a good idea… He's too strong, he won't even notice if he's hurting you. I need you to be safe. I need you to stay safe. I need to protect the one thing that means the entire world to me and that's you. Bella I don't know what I would do if something happened to you. I can't even begin to imagine a life without you in it." I tell her, my voice taking on a pleading tone, hoping she reconsiders this.
"Edward," she sighs. "I am not going to die, I am just going to let Emmet teach me some moves. You don't have to worry about it, everything is going to be fine. I promise."
I am aware that everything might be fine but I would prefer not to take a chance, I would rather she let me teach her.
My eyes widen, that's actually a great idea.
"Let me teach you love. I can teach you and I know your limits and I am not as strong as Emmet. I can do it." I say excitedly, my mind running through the possibilities of what we could do during our daily sessions.
"No Edward you can't teach me." I stiffen, why wouldn't she let me teach her? Does she not want me to be with her?
"Baby you know I would love it if you taught me but we both know that it will not work out. You would be too afraid to do anything because you would be scared to hurt me. It is your instinct to protect me and that would get in the way of the training." She assures me, to ensure that I not feel rejected.
"I don't trust Emmet to do that with you. He could get distracted at any moment and hurt you Bella, please be reasonable." I plead, hoping she revises what she is thinking.
"Edward you have to be reasonable not me. He is your brother and you can trust him. I trust him and so should you. So just leave it alone, its going to happen and you're going to see that I will be absolutely fine." I am not happy with the decision and I certainly do sulk but I know I won't win so I just stop trying.
Three days after her first training session with Emmet, she dislocates her shoulder.
-End of FlashBack-
I look and see that Bella is talking, so I quickly tune in, trying to catch what she is saying.
"I'm glad you and Jake are getting along, I appreciate that you're trying with him. Thank you Edward." She says as she continues to eat, not looking up at me and I think she's avoiding my gaze.
I don't know what to say to her. You're welcome? I mean it's not like I actually like the jackass but I can pretend to like him. What is there to say to her?
"Yeah um-uh…well he's a good guy. And- well- He's trying too." Is all that I can possible come up with, and all the while I am saying this all I can think is that I sound like a fucking idiot.
Truth is, I hate him. I really hate him, more than I have ever hated anyone.
Well, at least I want to hate him that much but I can't. I dislike him but I don't necessarily hate him. I can't hate him because he took care of Bella when she was all alone, he helped her get better and he has been her shoulder to cry on, basically he's been her rock.
And I have been…I've been nothing… I've been gone the entire time.
"Yeah he really is…" her voice trails off, as her eyes glaze over and I immediately know that she's not with me anymore, she's thinking of something. She's remembering.
And I let her. I sit there and let her remember.
A couple of minutes pass and then her eyes refocus, and they fall upon mine again, her eyes full of sorrow and I know that the memory had something to do with me.
"Welcome back…" I give her a soft smile, almost to reassure her that everything is okay. Everything is going to be fine, we'll be okay too.
We'll survive this, we always do.
Her eyes snap to mine, determination settles in.
"Yeah he's an amazing guy, he's a great guy Edward. But you know what? Despite how amazing he is and despite how much he loves me… I-" she stops, and shakes her head. "Never Mind." she says.
"What? You what?" I question, curious to know what she was going to say. I need to know what she was going to say, with that determination dead set in her eyes and the blush as she looked away.
"Nothing Edward. It's nothing. Nothing at all." Simplicity does not sit well with me. I know she is lying to me and this just makes me more determined to know what she was about to say. I'm desperately wishing that it has something to do with me, the way she feels for me.
I love her and she's fucking engaged and I'm just here, hoping that this beautiful girl has something for me. Hoping she still holds a bit of love for me.
I reach for her hand, lay mine onto of hers. I know its inappropriate but right now I could care less. She's beautiful and she's right there, she's right in front of me and I need to touch her. Our hands connect and I inhale as I feel the current pass between us, a small smile playing on my lips.
"Tell me…" I whisper, looking at her. She looks up from or hands, eyes meeting mine and I'm shocked by the emotions that are lying there.
"He's an amazing guy Edward. But he could have never compared to you. You were my everything." She murmurs, her hand tangling in mine. I'm staring, eyes wide open, amazed that she told me this.
Then I'm smiling, I'm grinning, white teeth flashing in happiness. My heart beats faster and I feel so fucking amazing because I know that I was something he could never compete with.
"I don't like that Edward, I don't find it a good thing. I don't like that i think of you as much as I do and I most definitely don't like that I care what you think of me and about your feelings. I should not care," Seriousness flows out of her, face is void of emotion and my heart falls to my stomach.
She doesn't want to feel like that. But then again why would she? I did so much to her, I hurt her everyday and she should not want anything to do with me. However, she does feel something, and I might still stand a chance.
Before I can say anything, she pulls out a twenty and throws it on the table. She quickly exists, not letting me say a word, and I'm left sitting there just staring at her.
I'm left sitting there, at the table, wondering how I let my life get so messed up.
A/N HEY GUYS :) Hope you enjoyed it. I am working on the rewrite of the entire story but the last two chapters which I am writing and posting as chapter 9, and this. WILL NOT CHANGE. I just don't want to make you guys wait for the whole story to be updated. Please Review and tell me how you liked this chapter.