CHAPTER TEN

My Mom was ready to leave the party right after we had seen the New Year in and although she told me to stay on if I wanted, I insisted on leaving with her, using the excuse that I wanted to make sure she got home safely. I couldn't wait to get to my room and shut myself away.

"Are you alright, Sam?" Mom asked on the short drive back. "You don't seem yourself."

"I hate parties," I grunted. This was nothing new - I'd always avoided them whenever I could.

"Things are ok with Leah, aren't they?" she persisted. "She hasn't been around to the house much lately."

"Yeah, it's fine, Mom, I've just been busy."

"I think you spend too much time with your friends now there are so many of them."

"A year ago you were saying I should get some friends," I reminded her. "Now I've too many?"

"I just think that if you love Leah, you ought to be doing what she wants more."

"Mom, stay out of it," I growled.

"Sam!"

"Sorry."

She glanced at me curiously. "You know you can talk to me if anything's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong." I turned the truck into our driveway and braked hard. "I'm going to bed."

I went ahead, unlocked the door and left her to follow me in. I was shut in my room before she had even closed the front door. I had never experienced jealousy in my life and I hated it. I hated it being because of Jacob spending time with Bella instead of me and the thought that my feelings were getting away from me scared me. I'd convinced myself I could stick with 'stage two' indefinitely and be his friend, but something was changing.

I barely slept that night, trying to doze off and forget everything, but tossing and turning miserably. By morning my head ached and I felt sick. I took a shower, skipped breakfast and decided to go to the shop and work on the Corvette.

"It's New Year's Day," Mom protested. "Surely you don't have to work."

"It's not work really, I'm going to do some things to my own car," I said and escaped as fast as I could. I opened up the garage ten minutes later and left the doors open. It was icy outside, but I was hot and angry and I wanted the fresh air. I had the Corvette's engine out on a block and I spent a couple of hours cleaning it up. It was in pretty good condition for a car that hadn't run in eight years and I didn't think it would need a lot of effort to get it going again.

I didn't hear a sound from outside for some time and guessed most people were sleeping off their New Year's Eve hangovers. I felt as if I had one and stopped work for a few minutes to gulp some water and swallow a few painkillers. I went to stand at the door and breathed deep, sucking the cold air into my lungs. A cop car turned into the street and drove slowly past and for a moment I wondered if someone had got themselves in trouble drinking the previous night. Then I realised it was Charlie, perhaps on his way to see Billy. The water bottle slid out of my hand and hit the floor as I saw Jacob in the passenger seat. He'd been out all night? With Bella?

"Fuck!" I spat. My fist slammed into the concrete wall and split my knuckles. Blood oozed and dripped and I felt myself rapidly losing control. There was no stopping it. My clothes tore apart, scattering in shreds on the ground and I snarled furiously, not even caring if someone else were to go past the open door and see me. I paced up and down, listening to my claws clicking on the floor, reminded of that first time Paul phased in here. It was an hour before I felt calm enough to even think about phasing back, but I still couldn't manage it. Then suddenly I heard a footstep in the doorway and I snapped my head around and growled at the intruder.

"Woah, Sam, back up!" Jared halted, eyes wide, his hands raised as if he were being held at gunpoint.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" added Paul, appearing behind him.

I took a few steps backwards, mortified.

"Should we phase too?" Jared asked.

I shook my head vigorously. God help me if they could hear my thoughts. I slunk off behind the chassis of the Corvette and sat down on the ground. Finally ten minutes later I was able to change back. I got up quickly and went into the office to find some fresh clothes and a bandage for my hand. As I grabbed the first aid box I noticed with surprise that my skin was unbroken and just red, the way a mostly healed wound would be.

"Shit," I said under my breath. "This is new." I quickly forgot it as I dressed and left the office, wondering what on earth I was going to say to Jared and Paul.

"What happened?" Paul asked at once.

"It's nothing. I'm just having a bad day," I said lamely.

"Must be more than bad," said Jared. "What if someone else had turned up here? Like Jacob for instance; he practically lives here lately."

"Yeah, I know, it was...careless," I said. "I was about to close up. What are you two doing today?"

To my relief they dropped it, but during the couple of hours I spent with them before I went home, they repeatedly looked at me strangely and it was obvious they knew my problem was more than just a bad day. I would have to be more careful, but the growing pain inside me told me that wasn't going to be easy.

I didn't see Jacob all day, but he came over to the shop the following morning. He usually looked relaxed and happy, but I was certain that today he seemed over the moon about something.

'Probably spending the night with Bella, little slut,' I thought sourly.

It took me a while to relax enough to work on the Corvette and Jacob didn't say much initially. He asked once if I was ok and then left me alone. I was tempted to ask him about Bella, but wouldn't let myself. If he wanted to tell me he would, otherwise it wasn't my business. Besides, I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer.

It was a week before I found out what happened. Jacob and the others went back to school the following day and I had to force myself to try and not think about what he might or might not have been doing with Bella, but every time he mentioned her name when he was working with me after school it was like he'd punched me. Then finally on Saturday morning Bella came over herself looking for him.

"Bella," I said gruffly when she stepped into the garage.

"Hello, Sam. Happy New Year."

I just nodded. It hadn't been happy for me so far.

"Is Jacob here?" she asked.

"He went to the store for some soda, he'll be back in a few minutes," I said. We had got thirsty and the refrigerator was empty.

"Ok. Can I wait?"

"If you want." I wondered if I could get out of her what was going on. Maybe if I did it the right way. "You missed the New Year party last week," I said, doing my best to look pleasant.

"I didn't feel like going. Anyway, Jacob came over to keep me company."

"Oh, yeah?" I smirked and winked, swallowing my nausea.

Bella blushed and scowled at me. "Jacob's my best friend," she said.

"Yes, I bet." Another grin.

"I love Edward," Bella snapped. "I'll always love him, whether he's here or not. That isn't going to change. I know you don't like the Cullens, but I don't really care what you think, Sam. Just stay out of it."

"Fine, I'm sorry, I was just teasing," I said, smiling a little more genuinely. So nothing happened? He was just her friend. The pain and anger inside me evaporated somewhat, but not completely. It was pretty obvious Jacob wanted to be more than friends with her and after what she'd said I knew he would eventually get hurt. I wondered if I should say anything to him.

Bella hung around for an hour after Jacob returned and then Charlie drove by and picked her up. Jacob looked like he wanted to take off and go with her, but he stayed and worked on the car.

A dozen times I almost said something, but I kept swallowing the words, convinced I would sound ridiculous. However, it wasn't long before Jacob started to talk about her again, telling me how amazing she was. I wondered if she had made it clear she only wanted a friend and that she still loved Edward, or if she was letting him think there was a chance for him while she just used him to cheer herself up. I couldn't believe she didn't know how he felt; most of the time it was written all over his face when he looked at her.

"You're pretty fond of her," I commented now when he finally paused for breath.

"I love her," he said.

I don't know what I expected him to say, but hearing those three words hit me between the eyes and I gripped the side of the engine well I was bending over until my knuckles turned white. I had to face up to how I felt and stop pretending that I could remain his friend and that I still loved Leah. I didn't love her; I was fooling everyone. I wanted Jacob to love me, but why would he? He was just a normal kid falling for a girl and I was helpless in the grip of an Imprinting I hadn't expected or wanted.

I took a deep breath and straightened up, turning to look at him and hoping I didn't look as miserable as I felt.

"Jacob, she's not right for you," I said quietly.

"How can you say that? Can you see into the future?" asked Jacob, his happy expression dissolving into a frown.

"No, but she's in love with a blood-sucker. He's been gone months and she's still pining for him. What does that say to you?"

"That she'll get over it and when she does, I'll still be here." His jaw clenched for a moment and he avoided looking at me. Then he turned and walked out of the shop.

"Jake..." I followed him a few paces and then stopped. He wasn't going to listen to me. He was in that zone where I'd been when I started dating Leah - I wouldn't have heard a bad word about her. Only Jacob wasn't dating Bella, he just hoped to be while she loved someone else.

"Maybe she won't get over it," I muttered to myself. "When you realise that, I'll still be here." I turned away and snatched up a wrench. What was I saying? That I wanted him now? I broke out in a sweat. 'Get a hold of yourself, Sam, you're his friend and that's all.'

I knew that wasn't all, but I still wasn't ready to think about anything else in detail. I was constantly filled with guilt that I was feeling like this while at the same time pretending to Leah that nothing had changed and I was overwhelmed with the confusion I was feeling where Jacob was concerned.

I worked a little longer, then locked the building and went home. My Mom was out and had a left a note for me saying she was at the Clearwaters'. I was glad to have the house to myself, but I wasn't alone for long. An hour later the doorbell rang and I groaned aloud, wondering if I ignored it the visitor would go away. Then the thought that there was a slight chance it might be Jacob had me dragging myself off the sofa and hurrying to the door. It wasn't Jacob - it was Embry.

I was shocked when I saw him. He looked irritable and sulky, his eyes almost black. He wore only cargo pants and a sleeveless t-shirt despite the snow on the ground and his arms and shoulders were muscular where the last time I had seen him they had been slender and boyish. Had I really been so tied up with my own agonies that I hadn't noticed? I remembered the last time I'd seen him had been at the party, but I'd more or less ignored him.

"Embry!"

"Oh, you can remember my name than," he said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry," I said at once. "I've been..."

"Busy, yeah, I know. You spend more time with my best friend that you do me! Even Leah barely sees you."

"Have you spoken to her?" I asked.

"No, but I spoke to Seth. She's in a lousy mood all the time, she thinks you don't care about her any more."

I was instantly filled with guilt, for both Leah and Embry.

"Why don't you come in?" I offered.

"I don't want to fucking come in, Sam," he snapped.

"Well, what do you want then? Did you just come around for a fight? I have my own life, you know, Embry," I retorted and then immediately regretted it. It was clear he was close to phasing and adding to his temper was stupid. I needed to tell him before it was too late.

He glowered at me. "You're my brother!" he exclaimed. "You know, sometimes I actually might want to talk to you; ask your advice and stuff."

I felt even worse when I heard that comment. "Embry, please, come in," I said. "I'll talk to you now. I have something important to tell you."

"Oh, so now you want to talk? Now it suits you? Fuck off, Sam." He turned and jumped off the porch, landing in a crouch. As he started to push himself upright he began to shiver and I saw that it was already too late to talk to him.

"Embry. Stay still. Relax," I said, but by the time the last word was out of my mouth, I found myself talking to a wolf. He was dark grey with a lighter coloured face. His dark eyes were wide and showing the whites in panic as he jerked his head left and right, glancing at himself in much the same way I had done when I first phased. Then he turned and bounded off across the meadow towards the woods.

"Shit," I muttered. I knew exactly what he was going through and it was my fault. If I'd paid more attention to him, noticed him changing, I could have talked to him. Tiffany probably just thought he was a growing boy trying to impress the girls by working out and he didn't see much of Jared and Paul either, as they were either with me or doing their own thing. I was so busy wallowing in my own misery I hadn't helped him when I could have.

Now I stepped back into the house, locked the door, ran to my room and undressed quickly. I opened the window wide, phased indoors and then leaped out, landing neatly on my paws on the grass. No one was around and I flew towards the woods in pursuit of Embry. I could hear his thoughts immediately I began chasing him and it took me less than a half hour to find him. He was perhaps five miles down the path, cowering in the undergrowth, eyes filled with fear and confusion.

I stopped dead and sat down maybe ten feet away as my appearance caused his fright to increase further.

"Embry, I'm sorry. I should have told you," I said in my head.

"Sam?"

"Yeah."

"The legends are true?"

"Yes."

"How could you not tell me?"

"We were pretty sure it wouldn't happen to you. It's a Quileute thing and your Mom's Makah."

"Who's 'we'?"

"Me and Billy. He told me everything. There haven't been shape-shifters since his grandfather's time. He wasn't quick enough though, I phased - changed into a wolf - the way you did, without knowing first. It scared the shit out of me. It was that time I disappeared for two weeks right after the bonfire when you and Jacob got drunk."

Embry rose slowly to his feet and walked towards me.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "Like you said, I never have any time for you. If I'd been with you more, I'd have seen it was going to happen."

"Are there others?"

"Jared and Paul."

"Not Jacob?"

"Not yet." My guard was down and I hadn't expected to hear his name. Immediately my mind was flooded with thoughts I had been so careful to hide when Jared and Paul phased with me. 'He loves Bella and I want him to love me.' I couldn't catch it and squash it back down before Embry picked up on it.

"You love Jacob? Holy shit, Sam, are you gay? What about Leah?"

"You've got to keep that to yourself, Embry, promise me!"

"Does he know?" Embry thought, ignoring me.

"Promise me!" I sprang to my feet, panicking.

"Alright, I'm not gonna tell him, or anybody," Embry responded. "Isn't it you who's supposed to be reassuring me here? Do Jared and Paul know?"

"No. I'm real careful to not think about it. Him."

"So are you, then? Gay?"

"No! I don't know." I knew I was going to have to tell him the whole story so it made sense. I ran through it right from the beginning; the shock when I Imprinted on him, my anxiety and denial afterwards, reading Billy's books to try and make sense of it and lastly my guilt over Leah.

"You have to tell her," Embry said when I finished. "She loves you."

"I know. I was trying to convince myself that it would all go away and I wouldn't have to. You're not going to tell him, are you, Embry?"

"Of course I'm not going to tell him, I said so, didn't I? What would I say? 'Hey, Jake, my brother has the hots for you.' Come on."

I cringed with embarrassment at his words. "It's not like that."

"Whatever. I won't tell him, Sam," Embry repeated. "Now are you going to get it together and tell me about what I turned into?"

"Sorry." I apologised once more and made myself sit down again. He didn't seem scared any more and I guessed my revelation had shocked him enough to make him forget about his fear.

I spent the next hour or so telling him everything, including more about Imprinting and controlling the phasing, reminding him not to try it before we got close enough to home to not risk being arrested by Charlie for streaking. By the time we did return home, Embry felt much better and despite my initial mortification, so did I. At least now I had someone to confide in.