Α/Ν: Hello my dear readers! Thank you all so much for you lovely reviews! They really keep me motivated now with my exams, so I'm barely managing to find some spare time. So remember: more reviews, means happier me, and happier me means quicker updates! ;) Seems like in the previous chapter I made the right choice of selecting the 'rape route' once again. I hope this one keeps you satisfied too! Oh, and a note for correction: When describing Neuhaus, I mentioned that he has black hair, but in the wikia I found that it's said he has dark, brown hair. Then they said it's black. So I'm going with black through this fic, I hope it's right.
Rin dragged his feet to his room. He felt empty, exhausted, void. Too pained to feel more. When he opened the door to his room, he saw Kuro curled into a ball, at his bed's feet. The demon cat raised its head and saw him. He meowed happily. "Rin! You're finally home! Where have you been?" Kuro jumped towards his boss and rubbed himself on Rin's feet, purring. After some moments, he stopped. Rin hadn't moved at all. Kuro looked up and saw Rin looking without seeing, not playing the slightest bit off attention. He seemed simply not aware of the environment surrounding him. "Rin… What's wrong?" Kuro questioned, worried. He didn't need animal's intuition to understand that Rin wasn't well. Suddenly, an oddly familiar and unpleasant scent hit his nostrils. Kuro meowed in horror. "Rin! You reek of…"
Rin pushed softly Kuro away using his leg. He knew very well how he must have smelled to his cat. Even he could still smell Neuhaus on him. Ten minutes weren't enough for a bath. Inside his pants there was still plenty of his blood and of his teacher's semen. The bastard had come inside him twice, too… "I'm going to take a shower, okay?" He said hoarsely to Kuro. He tugged at his torn shirt, which was barely held in place by one or two buttons. To other people it was stylish, he resented the idea. He had to sew it later on… now he had learned how. He had to.
"Rin, what have you been doing with him?" Kuro yelled at him desperately but Rin ignored him and closed the door behind him. Like Kuro hadn't already understood. He was very lucky he couldn't talk to other people. Mechanically, he got undressed and stepped in the bath tub, turning on the water and letting it fall on him like rain, while he sat down. His empty eyes stared as the blood was being washed away, accompanied with the white, thick fluid. He was lucky he wasn't forced into a blowjob, he barely thought. Neuhaus was probably too bored to make him do it.
Because it didn't mean anything to him. Rin was just a plaything. A toy, on which he could release all of his frustrations, sexual or not. He didn't have the strength to think about what had happened. How he was being pushed around like an inanimate object, depending on Neuhaus' mood swings. What did he even like in this guy? Because he told him he loved him? Was he really that stupid to fall for that cheap trick? People can talk all they want and say the most extravagant things. Their actions are the ones that speak the truth for them. He could dismiss everything Neuhaus had said so far and just look at his deeds. And what Neuhaus was doing, was hurting him with the most violent of ways, over and over again. He had tried to kill him. He made him take the Vow. He raped him. He tried to kill him again. He fucked with his mind. He humiliated him. He hit him. Then he raped him again.
Rin lowered his eyes. That's right. I'm being hated… I'm being hated now and I'll always be, for I, am Satan's son. And that will never change. Tears wouldn't come out from his eyes. Like there were no more left. He could hear Kuro meowing outside the bathroom's door, like mourning. Yukio would be better off without him. Shiemi, Shura, and the rest of the guys too. Angel would rejoice. Mephisto… wouldn't care, he would just think of it as an interesting case. Rin couldn't help but bring in his mind scenes of drama or horror films. People lying in their bath tubs, which is filled with their own blood, their wrists all cut open by razor blades, their heads fallen backwards and their eyes wide open staring at nothingness…
He shivered and twitched. He didn't want to die yet. That choice seemed terrifying. And all in all, even if he did attempt that, his wounds would close right up. He had to find better ways if he wanted to kill himself… Extreme poisoning?
He shook his head. No. He didn't have that choice. Even if no one loved him anymore… Even if he was all alone. Shirou used to love him… Only him. But did he really? Did his stepfather love him or was he just raising him to fight against Satan? Rin didn't know what to believe anymore. He knew he wasn't allowed to doubt Shirou; he would never forgive himself if he did. But he had thought that Neuhaus loved him too… And he…
He had hugged him. He had consoled him. He had kissed him. Fought alongside him. Saved him. Made love to him. Believed him. Spared him. Made love to him again. Saved him again… Kept him warm in the same bed…
"Stupid teacher!" Rin shouted and banged his fist against the wall, his hair covering his eyes. Why did his actions have to be so contradictory! This wasn't funny! …It wasn't funny at all… Neuhaus… Igor Neuhaus…
Rin sighed and tried to think back. Why was he raped this time? Was Neuhaus afraid that someone would snatch his toy away from him? Was he angry for his slave disobeying him? Or was he jealous? Jealous that the person he loved was in someone else's arms? Rin would like to think that if Neuhaus loved him, he wouldn't hurt him, but he knew well that the people who hurt you the most are the ones who love you the most. Or the ones you love the most. Was he taken over by passion? It didn't seem so. Something else was going on. It must have.
Rin turned off the water and grabbed a towel, stepping out of the tub and rubbing himself with it. He felt slightly better. It was still noon, but he grabbed his pajamas and put them on. He was tired, he wanted to sleep. Sleep it all away, until he would have to face it. He was horrified by the prospect of even seeing Neuhaus right then. He opened the door and met Kuro, looking at him all teary. "Now, don't make that face." Rin smiled and picked Kuro up. "Come on." Rin climbed up in his bed and sat there, covering his legs with the sheets and putting Kuro on them, petting him and hugging him. Kuro liked that cuddled up feeling, he started purring again.
"Rin… Why are you doing those things with him?" Kuro asked him after some minutes, saddened.
"Because I love him." Came the calm response. "That's why people do those kinds of things." Rin answered and smiled a bit again.
"But, Rin…"
"I know." He didn't want his cat to say it. His bangs covered his eyes. He hugged Kuro tighter. "I'm scared Kuro… I'm scared." He whimpered, his face buried into the cat's fur.
The next day, he showed up in class as always. His friends noticed that he wasn't in the best of moods again, but they chose not to say anything. They had long before understood that there was a reason Rin had changed so drastically the last month. His personality might have remained the same though, but his attitude was a different story. Something was eating him up from the inside, something had happened to him. Shiemi was wondering if Yukio's absence was the cause of Rin's abnormal behavior.
"Hey everyone!" Shura walked in, all grinning. "What will you give me to tell you the good news?" Her grin dropped when she noticed that no one was answering her, they were just staring. "Come on guys! I bet you want to beg for this! Have a sense of humor!"
"Um… Kirigakure-sensei… You clothes…" Shima noticed hesitantly.
"What?" Shura tugged at her sexy, black gown, which didn't leave many things to the imagination. Konekomaru had almost passed out and Bon was blushing. Kamiki had simply stopped paying attention. "An exorcist must be ready to be on duty any time, no matter what he or she wears!"
"So you just didn't bother to change again." Rin commented. That was too much to let it pass by, even when your morale is crushed. Shima was taking pictures from his cell phone, he could swear!
"Shut up brother of four-eyes!" Shura snapped at him. Then she coughed, going all serious again. "Well, as I was saying, I have good news for you. You will be free two hours earlier today. Neuhaus-sensei said that something came up and he won't be able to come in class today."
As the classmates around him nearly threw a party – Neuhaus' class might be interesting but it was still a class, plus he wasn't the happiest and most pleasant person ever – something gripped at Rin's heart and squeezed it tightly. He had a bad feeling for this. It gripped it so tightly that it actually hurt. Why wouldn't he come? He didn't want to face him? He detested him that much? Or did something happen to him? Or was he planning new methods of torture for Rin? No, that couldn't be it, he told him to come at nine, as usual, and usual meant fucking… If he had changed his mind and planned to take Rin earlier? Or had he been tasked with a mission and go away? Was he hurt? Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.
Bon noticed him. Everybody else was happy but he seemed even more seedy than usual. Why would Rin be down for something like that? What did he want to see, the new types of demons and it saddened him? Or perhaps…
He remembered the scene when they left the prison. Rin had kissed their professor. Some days ago he had asked them about kisses. Was it him he wanted to see? All those weird things that had started to add up… Rin's shitty mood, talking about women and sex, Neuhaus going out of his way to free him Vatican's hands, when he should be glad that they caught him… Rin never coming when they were planning to meet at night… And that line about punishment he had delivered the other day when they were playing volleyball… Bon shook his head frantically. No. Impossible. It was preposterous to even think about it! There was no way Rin was involved with their teacher! At least, not sexually! Such things just didn't happen! He dismissed the thought and swore to never think about it like this again.
The rest of the day passed cheerfully and without any remarkable events. Rin could say that it was a completely normal day. Yet he was still in so much pain… He was walking alone in the yard, had reached almost the building he was staying in, when he heard Mephisto: "You're not in such high spirits lately, are you, Okumura-kun?" He turned around and faced his demon headmaster, looking at him wearing his usual smirk.
"It has nothing to do you with you." He turned around to leave again, but Mephisto's voice stopped him:
"Now, it would be nice if you weren't so rude to your own headmaster… And guardian." He underlined the last word. Rin didn't respond, and Mephisto continued, now serious. "Don't forget that until you grow to be eighteen, Shirou has tasked me with being your guardian. And no matter what happens, Rin, that's what I'll be."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rin turned and glared at him. His guardian, was he shitting with him or something? "I know how you do things. I can't say I can trust you completely." Despite his better judgment, he continued: "You said you saved me from the Gregori, yet you let Angel capture me! On their orders!"
"That's why I had Neuhaus spy on him…" Mephisto started, but was roughly interrupted:
"Neuhaus! The same person who tried to kill me by disobeying you! …Or was that too on your orders?" Rin was angry, but he fought to calm himself down. Mephisto was looking at him strangely, without winking, half-serious, half unpleasantly surprised. "I can't know what you're thinking or if your motives are changing by mood. But don't you dare try to deceit me or patronize me!"
"Ah, I know you must be angry about that incident… But all that's well ends well, right?" Mephisto reverted back to his carefree self. "Though I would love to know, if something was to happen. You are close to Neuhaus, aren't you?" He delivered the last sentence with a sadistic grin.
It sent shivers down Rin's spine. Sometimes he had a feeling that Mephisto had hidden cameras all over the academy so he could watch and know anything that happened. If that wasn't true, then either Neuhaus was acting on his orders from the very start of the Vow, or he was just taking a shot in the dark. Rin's gut feeling was telling him it was the second. "Not exactly. Unless you mean that beyond the student and teacher relationship, yes we have the I-hate-you-demon-because-your-father-killed-my-family kind of relationship too."
"Heh?" Mephisto looked disappointed. "Don't mess with my fun! And I thought something interesting might have happened… I mean, something is. He's taking days off for all the years he hadn't all at once lately. Like today."
Rin lowered his eyes. "Why didn't he come to class today?" And why the fuck would you suspect me for that?
"Beats me. By the way, what I wanted to tell you was…"
Rin took off. Mephisto stood there and watched him go with wide eyes. Rin didn't care. Mephisto hadn't sent Neuhaus anywhere, so that must mean that he was still in his apartment. If he was scared of him , he had to face him. He couldn't just sit there, crying for his tragic fate like an unprotected victim. If Neuhaus was the one who scared him, he had to be able to look at him in the eye. From then on, whenever he would rape him, Rin would look at him straight in the eye.
"…that your brother will be coming home today." Mephisto resumed, when Rin was already out of his sight.
Neuhaus was sitting at the edge of his bed. Everything around him was settled, carefully in place, perfectly arranged. In his hands there was a black handgun. Small enough to hold it in place without straining his hand, big enough to strike death from afar. Much more from a point-blank shot in the head. He had thought about this. All he was doing was thinking about this. Satan had raped his family, then possessed him and killed them using his own hands. For as long as he was alive, he would never forget about this. It was enough to make him want to go after them. What really stopped him, all these years? His hatred for demons, his motive for revenge. Mephisto was an exception because he was confirmed to be against Satan. That's why Neuhaus was loyal to him. He lived all those years, fifteen years, in order to make demons suffer. And when he came across Satan's son… He fell in love with him.
He felt many things. First of all he felt like he was betraying Michelle. And then betraying his kids. And then all of his fellow fighters exorcists who died trying to repel Satan. That wasn't his intention. Like he wanted to fall in love with a boy! It just… happened. He brought Rin's image back in his mind. Rin's hair, Rin's eyes, Rin's lips… It was unbelievable how much he loved him. There wasn't a second that Neuhaus wasn't thinking about him, not a second he didn't wish to have him by his side. Rin was everything. And he could never have him. It would be fine if it was just that, a simple unrequited love, but…
"My cute Rin…" He whispered, and slowly placed the gun right on his temple. He took a deep breath. Forgive me. I hope this is enough for me to atone. I'll pay for what I've done to you with my life. And if you can still be sad… There will come a time when you'll understand that I did it for your own good. He was never again this close to death. He was strongly resolved and death didn't seem frightening anymore. Instead, it shone quite appealing. Yes, getting away from everything… Never again seeing Rin crying or trembling… Or kissing someone else… He had made all the necessary preparations. He had raped Rin so when he would walk in that night, he would be glad by seeing his dead body and not freaked out or hurt. His nightmare would finally be over. And by dying now, several hours before his body would be discovered, he would give Rin the perfect alibi so he wouldn't be accused with murder.
He was past the point of no return. He had two choices: Being with Rin or take responsibility. First choice was out of the question of course. Even if Rin wanted it (yeah, right), he had no intention of messing Rin's life up more than he already had, so everything had to end properly. Neuhaus was a person with a strong sense of justice, and he never excluded himself. It just felt like the right punishment.
"I love you Rin." Those would be his final words. He closed his eyes and started pushing the trigger with his index finger…
The door of his room was suddenly kicked open, creating a ruckus. "Bastard, if you have the nerve to force yourself on me, at least face me proper-" Rin froze in his tracks. He had barged in ready for a huge fight, but nothing could prepare him for what he came to see. Neuhaus froze too and he slightly gaped, staring at the boy. His mind drew a blank.
"Rin… It's nowhere near nine…" That was all he had to say, really?
Rin's eyes were doubled in size by horror. No… it couldn't… enough… "NO!" He screamed and threw himself on Neuhaus, slapping the gun away from his hand. Due to his shock, Neuhaus didn't have the time to react. The gun fell in the floor, away from them. "NO, NO, NO!" Rin grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up to stand and look at him in the eye. "What are you doing? What are you doing? Why, why, WHY?" He was trembling uncontrollably, shaking Neuhaus back and forth, trying to elicit an answer. Neuhaus was too ashamed to look at him straightly. He just surrendered to Rin's rage. Rin was scared shitless of what had almost happened. It was just all too much to grasp, and too awful. "Why would you do that? Even though I gave you everything… I gave you everything you ever asked!" Rin started crying. Tears were running down his cheeks freely, and he didn't have any strength left. "And you…" He sobbed.
Neuhaus looked down at him; he was hurting seeing Rin like this. "Rin… It's my atonement." He tried to caress Rin's hair. "For what I've done to you…"
"Fuck you! You're just running away!" Rin slapped his hand away and glared at him fiercely.
Neuhaus shoved the boy away violently. "You don't fucking understand! What could you possibly understand?" He barked at him, barely holding back his own tears. "How could you ever understand what it is to be like! What it is to know that you've hurt the person you love the most in the most horrible way! Can you even imagine how it feels? When I see you suffering so much and am aware that I'm the one who caused it! You think I can keep up doing this?" He was going to go all out.
"So you just decided that you should leave me behind and go die all by your own!" Rin roared back. "Atonement and shit! You just don't have the courage to deal with reality! You don't have the courage to deal with ME!" Rin knew it. He knew it very well. "How many times do you think you can break my heart? I've had enough of this!"
"I'm IN LOVE with you!"
Silence fell over them for some moments. Rin couldn't believe in his ears. Was that really true? Neuhaus seemed so… He seemed so messed up… Rin had never seen him before emitting that much emotion.
"That's right. What I said." Neuhaus lowered his gaze, and his black bangs covered his eye. "If you want to laugh at me, go ahead and do it. If that's what were you planning demon, congratulations, you've won. Because no matter what you do, no matter what you say, I'll never stop loving you. I can't do that. I fell for you and I can't go back. You can kill me and I'd be glad to die by your hand. You can torture me in any way and I'll just bend my head and take it. My entire being yearns for you, I love you." Now he was trembling too. "And that's why I need to die."
Rin didn't speak for a while. He waited for Neuhaus to calm down. When he finally spoke, it was to say this, totally calm and collected: "If you do this… If you kill yourself here, I'll take that gun and blow my brains up, next to you." Suddenly, it was hard for Neuhaus to breathe. He looked up at Rin with wide eyes. Rin was dead serious. He knew that only this crude way of talking would get through the other man. "I mean it. If you kill yourself, I'll follow after you."
"W-Why? No…" Neuhaus was horrified at the possibility. "You're lying…" He straightened up. Yeah, that must be it. Who in the world would kill themselves for the sake of their torturers?
"Am I? Okay, so then let's go first!" Rin didn't waste any time. He grabbed a big pair of scissors from the nearby desk. He opened it and brought it towards his neck. "This is going to paint your carpet a nice red."
"NO! STOP IT!" Neuhaus screamed. He ran and managed to snatch the scissors away from Rin's hands, barely in time. They left a red line on Rin's neck. The brat had seriously tried to do this! From the strength of the run up, they fell down on the floor, Neuhaus on Rin, looking at him incredulously and painfully. He stared at Rin's eyes, he didn't want to believe what had just happened. "Rin… Rin, why? If you die… If you die…" That couldn't come true! Ever!
"Now, do you understand how I felt when I saw you with the gun?" Rin asked, but it was more like a statement. He was calm. He seemed sad too. He had bet everything at that. "When I was in that cage… When Angel captured me, all I could think about was you." Neuhaus looked away. "Do you know how?"
"Oh Rin please, it's not going to…"
"I was thinking that I wanted you. It didn't matter if you would be violent or do things against my will. I wanted to be with you, because… because you are so warm…" Rin cupped Neuhaus' cheek and caressed his shocked and longing face. "And because I felt that you loved me. It might have been small things, small gestures, but for me, it was everything!" Rin's eyes started to tear up. "The fact that you could show me affection even if I was Satan's son… You can't imagine how that was making me feel. I know very well that my friends are afraid of me. Even Yukio is. I was alone. Yes, I am confused, and yes, sometimes you scare the hell out of me, but I love you for loving me." Rin lowered his hand. "I want to be in your arms."
Neuhaus sighed. Why was Rin saving him so easily? How strong could this boy be? "Rin, you know very well that this won't work. Neither will it last long. At some point, you'll want to have a family. Or more simply, a girlfriend. You don't need someone like me by your side." This was the voice of logic talking. Neuhaus was all composed once again. He got up from the floor, removing himself over Rin. "We both know that it would be wrong to do this."
Rin didn't move. He remained lying with his back against the floor. "At some point…" He said. "At some point, someone will kill me. May it be from the humans' side, may it be from the demons' side, I don't know. I have the right to be with the people I love until that day comes."
"I will never allow that." Neuhaus turned and informed him, a bit pissed off. "You know it."
Rin sat up. "Then live." He locked eyes with him. "If you want to atone, live and protect me." He stood up and approached him, never breaking the eye contact. "I told you before. Love me."
"You are a strange kid, you know that?" A weight had just been lifted. Neuhaus could suddenly breathe more easily. "You're probably the only one in the world who would get raped and then barge into his rapist's room the other day, earlier than prearranged, looking for a fight. Are you an idiot or something?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Well then, if you don't like that, I'll be taking my leave…" Rin turned to go away, but Neuhaus grabbed him by the arm, stopping him.
"Okay, okay, come on!" He turned him around to face him. He smiled at him. "You're also a very beautiful and strong kid."
Rin blushed gloriously. He wasn't used at that. Beautiful? He ran a hand through his hair, feeling a pleasant uneasiness. This was new… "And you are good-looking… for your age."
A vein popped in Neuhaus' forehead. "Leave my age out of this! I'm not even forty yet! Damn you, you don't even know how to make a compliment right!"
"Eh? Then, how old are you?" Rin put on his I'm-so-curious-I-can't-wait-to-find-out adorable look, wagging his tail. "Tell me!"
"Like hell I'd tell you!" It was Neuhaus' turn to blush. That kid could be a serious pain in the ass sometimes! Not that he didn't already know that…
Rin's face turned evilly mischievous. "Ah, that bad?" He smirked, enjoying Neuhaus horrified face. "So, you're basically telling me that you're an old man…"
Neuhaus didn't waste any time. He grabbed Rin's face and crashed his lips against his. Rin let out a stifled yelp in surprise, but as the kiss continued, it turned to a moan. Neuhaus' tongue licked Rin's lower lip and then he slightly bit it, asking for permission. Rin opened his mouth hungrily and accepted him. Their tongues fought for dominance but Neuhaus was quick to win it. He forced his way into and ravished Rin's mouth, exploring every angle of it. Rin felt like melting. Especially when Neuhaus wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly in place. It was heaven. This kiss was nothing like Angel's, it was so sweeter, so… it couldn't compare. Because it had such a wonderful meaning behind it. After some minutes of intense kissing, they parted for air. "Well?" Neuhaus smirked. "Does this old man kiss nicely?" He taunted Rin.
"He's good." Rin almost squealed. Neuhaus took him some steps behind and tossed him onto the bed, then climbing up and straddling him. Rin was in a haze. Everything was going on too fast…
"Then let me show you in what else he's good at." Neuhaus started undoing the belt of his pants. When Rin understood what was about to come, he cringed.
"No!" He protested, placing his hand on Neuhaus' chest to stop him. Neuhaus noticed his scared eyes. Rin gulped. "Just… Just first base for today." He turned away his face. "Please…" Would the man above him listen to him? He hoped so. He wanted it to be consensual and based on yesterday's experience, he didn't exactly feel so thrilled about the idea.
He felt Neuhaus covering him with his body, embracing him again. So warm… "It's okay." He heard him telling him. "We'll do what you want." Rin's heart was about to burst from love and gratitude.
Relatively away from there, Yukio had just opened the door to his and Rin's room. "Nii-san, I'm home!" He announced loudly, with a huge grin plastered on his face. "I thought I would surprise…" He stopped when he noticed that the room was empty. "Eh? Where has he gone?" He scratched his head. "That's weird. Nii-san usually never leaves the room at such an hour. He wasn't even in the kitchen!" Yukio said to himself, a bit worried. "Where can he be… Ah, Kuro!" Yukio noticed Rin's black demon cat, curled under Rin's bed. That attitude of it was weird too. Yukio bent down to see it better. "Do you know where Rin is?"
Kuro looked at him. He couldn't talk to Yukio and he couldn't write a word to communicate with him. He knew where Rin was. He contemplated about it a little, then he got out of his hide-hole. He meowed at Yukio. He meowed again and left the room, looking back.
"Oh, so you'll guide me there!" Yukio realized. "Thanks a lot, Kuro!" He smiled at him. Kuro took off. That was the only thing he could do to save Rin. Yukio ran after him, and after some minutes, they reached the apartment.
Yukio eyed it suspiciously. He didn't know who lived here, he had never again come. The front door was open. He pushed it hesitantly and walked in without making any noise. He felt like he had to be quiet. There wasn't a sign of Rin or of anyone else, so he walked further in. When he reached a door, he heard muffled noises coming from behind. It was opened up a crack. He shot a look inside.
Neuhaus' big frame was all over his brother. His hands were running up and down the boy's body, fondling and groping every single area they could reach. Rin was lying down and Neuhaus was on top of him, kissing him feverishly in the mouth and the neck. Rin's face was all flushed, from his mouth were coming out small, stifling noises. His hands were grabbing tightly Neuhaus' arms, holding him close. To Yukio seemed like he was trying to push him away. Rin's eyes were teary from desire; Yukio guessed it was from suffering. A gun was lying on the floor.
Suddenly, the world became suffocating for Yukio. The air around him wasn't enough. Nothing mattered anymore except the image playing before his eyes. He couldn't hear a thing. He could only watch as his colleague was devouring his brother, hands, kisses everywhere… Yukio lost it. He stepped into the room noiselessly, neither of them noticed him. Neuhaus was missing an eye. That would be his doom. Yukio took out his gun and pointed it at him. That man… His brother… What he was doing to his brother…
Neuhaus was missing an eye, but Rin didn't. He saw Yukio the last moment. "NO!" He screamed, and pushed Neuhaus away.
Yukio shot.
Note: Yes, I'm ending it with a cliffhanger, but this chapter was way too long… I love everyone who reviewed, but I want to add: Edeira, I LOVE YOU for the doujinshi! You can't imagine what a great gift it was for me! Here I thought that I was the only one with a fic, no pictures, no other stories, and you found a doujinshi! Oh my God thank you so, so much! My Japanese aren't good enough yet, but I understood some of the lines. "Nanda… Yappari, tada no kodomo jia nai ka." And a hug! Kyaaaaaa, I melted, so angsty, so sweet! The art was quite decent too! Do you know Japanese? If yes, can you please, please tell me what Neuhaus said to Rin when he asked him 'why' and what Rin answered him? You can't imagine how much you brightened my day! ;)