AN: Holy poop Batman! I did a page check, and if I put this story into 'book format' I've got almost 190 pages written in total! Damn I'm good... and I mean that in a totally non-self-aggrandizing way. More like in a 'most writers I know in the professional echelons that I've spoken with write less than a thousand words a day, only a few write more than two thousand in a 'working' day...' kind of way. I'm clocking about four thousand to six thousand a day. Excluding notes for research, (yes I research stuff on this, weird huh?) and notes for plot (whoa there's a plot in this beast?), and these goofy author's notes. Only god, and my computer, know how many words that would add onto my daily word count. Plus there's the manuscripts I've been working on, and okay, so lately because of this, I've gone down to about 800 words, but still. I wonder where my life is? Maybe today I'll go out for a coffee or a walk. That's normally what I do each day, get some space, get a breather. Be around people. In person that is. Hell it's my last ten days in Spain. Oh, crap, now I'm depressed. RAIZO KISS IT BETTER DAMMIT! Wait, fuck, why don't I have my own personal Raizo? I'd like to be Mika in this situation, where she can just go "I has boo-boo, you kiss and make better!" because the thought of leaving Spain is just... ugh. This is my home, I've lived all over the world, and here in Malaga is the place that's felt the most 'right'. No other way of explaining it. Yes, I am disappointed in the blandness of food, and hate the fact that when I go to the movies, rather than subtitles, the cinema butchers wonderful movies with grotesque dubs, but other than that there's no draw backs. As wonderful as the States are, I've never been happy when I've lived there, never been at peace, never felt exactly right. No other way to explain that. And I was born there, raised there, and lived there the bulk of my life, all over the damn place too. It's not Americans that are the issue for me, there's just a feeling of disconnect in the States for me, I don't feel quite real. Here, I've felt more real, more human, more peaceful and calm than anywhere else. I've lived in Australia, I've lived in Canada, the Caymans, and a brief stint in the UK (fled that place as fast as I could...) so I know what I'm talking about on this. Sometimes, one is lucky enough to find the 'right' place and I've found mine. And now I hafta leave. Poo. Oh well, on the bright side I do get to go back and see my friend KT, and help her with the birth of my next god child, and I will be able to go to Asian stores without having to look too hard for them. And I'll also have access to grits. Mmmm cheese grits with a smiley face of siracha sauce. Yum. And I get to come back here at some point after June. If I could stay here and never had to leave though, I wouldn't, the rest of the world is no fit place for me at all, just simply good for visiting, but not living. And Spanish kids are so cute with their mommies too... they hold hands, carry the groceries, they walk around with an arm over a parent's shoulder etc. I think it's lovely, and while I hope when I have kids I have a close relationship with them, with my very w.a.s.p. Mom I'd never imagine that with her.
Also, sorry this is late, I had a friend ask me out to go to a tapas bar out of the blue. Hmm.... yummy...
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Wake Up 10
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Maslow was seated across from her, eating his bratwurst and potatoes, "I'm glad you came out Mika."
"Hey, it's not like I have anything to do," sipping her Pepsi, not bothering to hide a moue of distaste. It was saccharine sweet, she preferred root-beer, but finding anything decent was next to impossible in Berlin, "Unless you count re-reading a bunch of old sci-fi stuff as all that interesting."
"You know," patting off some ketchup he'd gotten on his face, Mika couldn't understand why anyone would ruin perfectly good sauerkraut with ketchup, "I never pegged you as the sort to read pulp fiction. Maybe some Voltaire, or Goethe, or Emily Bronte but not Heinlein."
"Too depressing, and the Bronte stuff is far too vapid for my tastes," picking at her fries, "Give me action, or give me something to think about. Preferably both. Don't give me weak women and weaker men or a meaningless spiral of deep, cynical ennui." Shifting on the iron chair, "So is this business or pleasure Ryan?"
Tilting his head side to side in typical Maslow-debating fashion, "Some bodies were found recently, nowhere near your place mind you, but," now he pinned her with a penetrating look, "bearing some very distinct marks on them."
"Distinct?" echoing.
He nodded, "Mika, if Raizo is here, you have to tell me."
"The last time I told you where he was, he was collared, electrocuted half to death, tied up, given no water while under some of the brightest lights I've ever seen, and a whole bunch of people died," matching him look for look, "What makes you think that if I knew, I'd feel it was a good thing to tell you Maslow?" Adding, "None of which was his fault at all. In fact no one would have lived if I hadn't released him. We'd all be dead."
Heaving a deep sigh, "You think I don't know that? Listen, Mika, you have to trust me. Where is he?"
"I don't know," she wasn't lying to Ryan technically, but it still bugged her. Mika didn't know where Raizo was, not right now, but she knew where he would wind up eventually, "And until I have some kind of assurance that a repeat of last time doesn't happen, when I do know where he is, I won't say. I can't. Not after what happened, I'm sorry."
Raizo was killing again, or still was depending on viewpoint, but Mika was sure that those corpses had it coming. After all, Raizo had said that he had 'taken care of' the current dangers. She just had to trust his judgment. Which she did, without reservation.
A non-committal grunt, "Seems we're at an impasse. I can't do anything to possibly protect you or him, and you feel you can't tell me. Mika," earnest, taking her hand, "if he comes in of his own volition, maybe something could be done to sweep it all under the rug. We could hide him, protect him -"
"So now you want to go after them, huh?" not wanting to give name to the clans. "Now you believe me when I say that until they're gone, we're not safe, never mind their next targets."
Chair legs scrapped on cobblestone as Maslow scooted closer to Mika, "It's not that I don't believe you, but your boy has some serious bad seeds looking for him, pulling strings, making threats and offers. If he isn't brought in soon, and hidden, I can't vouch for anything good happening. To us, or to him."
Uncertain, Mika was used to trusting Maslow, knew that at heart he was a big softy who's ultimate goal in life was protecting all of Europe from bad guys that came from within and without. But again the image of Raizo, who after she had seen him in action, Mika was sure that he could have escaped if he had been willing to kill, treated like a criminal and worse, treated like a rabid dog – Mika simply couldn't bring herself to believe in Maslow fully. At the same time, Ryan probably was on the up and up.
"Ryan, if I do see him, if I do talk to him, what would I tell him?" What will you do to him? was unspoken, but hung in the air.
"If he comes in willingly, he won't be kept like a prisoner, there's some places," he squeezed her hand, his other coming to pat the top of her forearm, "some safe hideaways we could put him. When you come back to work, you can dig, quietly, stepping very, very carefully, and then from there, we'll see what happens."
Chewing her lip, "I'll think about it. And if I see him, I'll think about telling him."
"You better think quick Mika, there isn't much time," the words were not meant to be menacing, but they were.
XXX
"How was Maslow?" really Mika knew she shouldn't always jump when Raizo snuck up on her, but she couldn't help it.
Clearing her throat, "He was fine." Turning towards him, the stairwell not the best place for a conversation, "You followed me."
"Yes," no hint of apology. Cocking his head, "Do you have something to tell me?"
"Upstairs," jerking her chin.
Raizo shook his head in the negative, "Here isn't bugged."
Mika's eyes went wide, "What?"
"Your place has had visitors," gesturing, "your car has also been tagged. I won't remove it, it would only tip them off. Call Maslow, tell him you want to go to a hotel where you can get unlimited room service, or something similar. Pack a bag with enough clothes for a few days. Then drive and drop the car off at a hotel, any hotel. I will find you."
Alarmed, "Raizo, firstly, who bugged my apartment? And secondly, they had to know you've been here if they looked around."
He shrugged, "It doesn't matter Mika. Maslow only drew you out to see if I would follow, or if they could make an id on me."
"Oh god," horrified, guilty, Mika wanted nothing more now than to hang onto Raizo and hide her face in his chest. They had used her to get to him.
"It was bound to happen Mika, they have been watching you since you were put in the hospital," perhaps that was meant to be comforting. It wasn't. "Maslow will not be able to keep me hidden if I went in. You know that, right? Your agency has been compromised, it works not only on its own, but with the allowance of sovereign countries."
It all made sick sense, "The same governments who hire the clans."
A single nod, "Yes."
"If the agency has a leak, could it be -"
"It isn't Maslow," firm, sure. Comforting for its simplicity. "He is not the problem. Nor his boss. It is higher than that. You and he are the legs, not the head, the legs and hands do not know what the head does, and only do what the head commands. That is how it works. Too far below to know what goes on, but the heart is not the issue, it is the head. That which does the thinking, not what does the feeling. Your agency is good at heart, bad in the head." Mika wished Raizo would touch her, reassure her with more than words, "With much thinking, justification comes easily. A good heart justifies only what it sees as good actions, the mind can justify anything with numbers and logic. And hands are just what does the doing, and when they become infected with problems, they can be removed. The head and the heart cannot."
It was the longest stringing together of words Mika had ever heard Raizo say. Verging on the philosophical, and definitely on the moral dilemma of bureaucracy and people's place within it, Raizo's statement didn't make Mika feel any better. Because she had been watched, been duped, and now Raizo was under attack. Insidiousness was what Mika was supposed to be part of taking down, dismantling. She was supposed to find problems, and Maslow was supposed to fix them. That's what Euro-pol was supposed to do. Not create situations where abominations like the clans could exist and function as tools for power plays.
"Raizo, I'm sorry, I didn't know," clenching her hands into fists. Mika wanted to hit something so badly, she couldn't see straight, she wanted to run, to smash and to hide. She felt helpless again, and so, so used, "How could... why? Why...?"
"Mika go, pack your bags, call Maslow," it was shy, and inexpert but Raizo pulled Mika into a brief hug, "then take your car to a hotel."
Squeezing him, "How will you find me?"
Likely meant as being non-sexual, Raizo buried nose in her neck while he took a deep breath, it was still stimulating, "I have your scent. I will find you."
Shivering, "And your things, what about those?"
"I did not say I would not go upstairs with you, they didn't have enough time to wire your apartment with cameras," leaning back, "do not speak to me, and I will not speak to you. This way, they will not be sure of my presence."
"What about my car, you could get in my car too," offering.
A long blink, something he did more often to say 'no' than shake his head, "The tag would most likely be able to sense weight changes." Before she could say more, "Now you must pack your bag."
Taking the last flight of stairs, Raizo leading, one hand stretched behind him, urging caution, they went to her front door. Everything was crazy, the world was simply insane, Mika decided. Twice she had been used to draw Raizo in. That was two times too many. She was a liability, and not just bait to tempt the clans, but bait to tempt Raizo into revealing his location. Eyes settled on his back, a horrible idea came to mind – she was the source of a good portion of the danger directed at Raizo now. If he hadn't felt obligated to check on her, Raizo wouldn't be in this predicament. He could have disappeared, slipped under everyone's radar and gone and lived some sort of life. Didn't he realize that? Raizo could go anywhere, be anyone he wanted, instead he was here, guarding her out of some sense of... of what? Ozunu was all he had been after, not the clans themselves, just the Ozunu. There was no real reason for him to target the remaining eight, he could simply ignore their existence and navigate ways of avoiding them easily.
Mika knew why she wanted to protect him - some of it was gratitude, some of it was attraction, and some of it was simply because he needed it. Yet here he was, shrugging off the fact that he had been made because of her like it didn't even matter. And he waved for her to be seated while he packed his third suitcase, which she had emptied the day before into her dresser, with whatever he thought she would need, sparing her the trouble. It was the way he picked up her blankie as though it were the most natural thing to do that broke Mika, folding it into a tiny square, and tucking it down into the metal valise that had big fat tears rolling down her face. Struggling to not sob, Mika didn't want the bugs in the room to pick up her crying, she nabbed a pillow burying her face in it.
Beside her the bed dipped after the television was turned on, probably to make it sound like she was doing something, and a hand cupped the back of her head, drawing her close so her cheek was on his shoulder. Raizo was either getting better at empathy, or he was getting used to what she needed. Dropping the pillow, Mika turned towards him, and clung. She felt so helpless, so blastedly, damnably helpless. So used, so violated. Her trust in the system she worked for defiled, and Mika just couldn't do anything about it. To protest was to let them know that she knew what they were doing. Such accusations, even with irrefutable proof could be swept aside, and used to discredit her, to make her into an even bigger target.
Utter disillusionment – was the only thing she could trust Raizo? Was he the only one not out there to hurt her, to ruin everything? It was like she was under attack, her world that had been turned upside down and raped by the Ozunu was now having the last vestiges of it pummeled into pieces smaller than sub-atomic particles.
It took a good half hour before the crying stopped and Mika regained a semblance of control. Relinquishing her hold on Raizo with a wet sniffle, Mika started to inch away, but Raizo only drew her in tighter. Glancing up at him afforded her a view of him stoically staring at the wall, while his free hand came up to wipe away the tears on her cheek with his thumb. Turning her face into his palm, Mika kissed it, obscenely grateful that Raizo was being so patient. Corners of his mouth pursing, Raizo looked down at her and he pointed to the phone, his question clear. Was she ready to call Maslow and lie through her teeth to him?
Taking a deep breath to brace herself, Mika nodded, still uncertain, but Raizo's presence bolstered her resolve. Picking up the phone, she dialed one of the few numbers she had memorized, amongst their number her first high school crush's, her mother's, and the direct to desk one that at one point her father would have answered at his precinct. Sticking out her hand, Mika was further braced by Raizo taking hold of it while the phone rang.
On the fifth ring, just before it went to voicemail, "Mika? Are you alright?"
"Fine Maslow, well no," taking another deep breath, "I'm not fine. I'm a little freaked out."
"What's wrong?" voice sharpening, Mika could hear him shift, "Do you need me to come get you?"
Shaking her head, though Ryan couldn't see it, "No, no. I just, I just feel very stressed out. Cooped up." All true, especially if she tacked on 'betrayed' to the list.
"Is there anything I can do?" the very picture of concern. It was probably real. And Mika hated that she even had to question it.
"No, but, but I think I need to get away a little bit, to think." Also true, "And I'm a little scared, if, if you think those um... bodies had something to do with, you know, him, they could have been sent after me."
Maslow was quiet, "It's possible Mika, but we can't be sure."
"I know," agreeing, "I just, I just think I'd like to go some place where if I need anything it's just a call away."
"What am I, chopped liver?" his attempt at levity was weak. "If you need anything, you know you can call, Mika. I'll do anything I can, you should know that."
"Even bring me fois gras with a red onion marmalade and an orange cappuccino at three in the morning?"
That surprised a small chuckle out of him, "Well, I suppose, but I think Anne wouldn't be too happy with you for getting me out of bed at that time."
"Didn't think so," unable to keep the quiver out of her voice, "I think, that maybe, I'll just go to a nice, upscale hotel for a few days. Hole up and order room service at the weirdest possible hours, and indulge. Maybe one with a nice spa. You know, let myself be pampered, babied, and most of all – not completely alone."
"So, he's not there then, is he?" sounding almost sad for her.
Here came the biggest, baldest lie, "No. I wish he was. I'm scared and angry Ryan. There's just been too much."
"I understand," and Mika was sure he did as much as he could. "Go on, let me know where you decide on staying. I'll check in on you tomorrow. You're right, you shouldn't really be alone. Maybe after you're done on your in-town holiday, you could come stay with Anne and I."
So sincere it made Mika want to cry all over again. He really would do that too, but everyone was suspect now. Except Raizo. She knew his motives, the most he would use her for was bait, and he was honest about it. There wasn't a single ulterior motive to his presence, he was the most real and straightforward person anywhere in the world. Simple as that.
"Thanks Ryan, but, I don't want to impose like that on you two."
"It's not an imposition Mika, it's an honest offer," heartfelt, "to a friend in need."
"I'll think about it, okay?"
"Alright, take care Mika, and call me, you hear me?"
Another lie, "Okay, I will."
Hanging up the phone, Mika slowly turned to look up at Raizo, not feeling worthy of doing so. She had lied to someone who trusted her, lied to them directly and not just once, but twice. It was different than an ambiguous hair-splitting deflection, but flat out untruth. If she could lie to Maslow, someone she had known for almost six years, had worked with the same length of time, would Raizo think she would really lie to him too? Of course she lied about her size, what woman wouldn't? Especially if a man just came out and said 'you're a size' whatever. And after all the junk food she ate, she couldn't really get away from the genetic fact that she had a bit of a booty, that never seemed to get smaller no matter how skinny she got. But, Raizo would know when she lied, and that comforted Mika. Almost, but not quite.
Almost.
He was standing there expectantly, watching her closely. Measuring. Did she live up to his expectations? Or, frightening thought, did he not have any for her to live up to? A strange expression came and went too fast for Mika to identify, then Raizo stroked his lips over her brow, and leaning to whisper in her ear.
"Better than aspirin?" to which Mika could only smile, which she thought was probably Raizo's intent.
XXX
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Rhion's BunnyFarm
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Rhion: This is MopeMope the bunny, a bit emo, a bit blue around the fur. Careful, don't let him near the Marsbars, cuz he'll only try to cut his wrists ineffectively with the wrapper (if know that quote, clap your hands)
Idea: Raizo is mortally wounded defending Mika, but plays it off like he's fine. His healing trick isn't working, he doesn't have the strength left to do it for whatever reason, so Mika's driving to what she hopes will be a safe place, not knowing he's dead in the seat beside her. She gets to the hotel, still on the run from whatever wounded Raizo, and frantically tries to get him to move. From there, you can decide what happens.