Do androids dream of electric sheep? What do I say when someone asks that question when all I dream is war?
As I lay here I wonder how many times I've laid motionless on the floor or bed or metal or anything. I guess its almost like sleep paralysis, only that my body does not have the will to move. But, in the end, is it my body that doesn't have a will or is it my mind that does not have a will? Should I say my soul when I don't have one? Could I say that my system, the thing that keeps me alive, is my soul?
No.
I don't have a soul. So there's no point in proclaiming to myself that there is one when I feel empty.
Even if there's something in me that hurts, that makes me stay alive, I'm not sure if I can say its myself. I feel something. A parasite. That's what it feels like.
Is that the thing Gate put in me? The will to live?
Or is that….
Zero crossed his arms as he looked out in the small 'village' that contained robot children. Reploids oiling blades, speaking to their swords, or playing like how human children would play. He discarded his armor long ago because what need is there to wear a helmet and arm bracers when it was barely necessary? The war in his head screamed to don armor, but yet his more 'human' side told him that he didn't need to.
The children here helped him back on his feet and decided not to turn him into a sword like the rest. So he guessed he was accepted into their pact and was one of them. Yet there was another part of him that figured these children looked up to him as the parent that hadn't returned in months. He managed to dissect from the mouthier ones that their Mother (as they so simply call her) was out and hasn't been back in a very long time. Zero knew far better than anyone else that she was likely dead, but he didn't say anything and would leave it to the older of the Reploids to explain it to the children when they 'were old enough'. Because that's how human families worked and this village operated like human families, much to Zero's dismay.
The children saw how he looked at them. He looked at them with mild anxiety and yet they still smiled happily at him like the innocent children they were. Large teeth brimmed at him as he leaned against the doorframe and Zero could only look away as if bothered by the human site. But those were children for you. Pure little things that even Reploids could mimic from the real deal.
Children didn't worry about what was human or what was machine. They didn't worry about anything. Part of Zero envied that. So when he looked at these children he was somehow reminded of the innocence that used to be X before the wars began and everything fell into darkness.
He placed his hand over his chest where one of his hearts should be. A large hole still gaped from there, but everything else was filled and fix. Even with his other two hearts that beat in his body he still felt empty without the one. He slogged through the day unable to managed some days being overheated and others he felt perfectly normal. Now that he had been (almost) repaired by the children he walked with a small limp and could no longer change his hand into a buster. Instead he only held a sword. A perfectly normal sword.
That could talk, of course.
But he ignored it.
Thankfully the children would rather 'play' with it than watch Zero ignore the beautiful purple metal that blazed like fire both in the night and day.
He still couldn't really speak anyway.
As night dawned Zero sat on the ground as Ferhat sat in front of him also. This was their nightly ritual. She would sit and talk to Zero about what had happened in the outside world and Zero would listen since this was his only escape from the hell of Area Zero. But as the days passed the news sounded the same and he could no longer tell one from the other. So he stared rather dully at her as she drew on. "Lately the cannibals have moved elsewhere. So now its easier to get the metal we need." She paused handing Zero a book. An actual book, with paper and binding and everything. "Maalik found this while he was out. A book. I think you'd enjoy it." Cautiously he took this book in his hand, scared that if touching it the papers would disintegrate. Fingers carefully stroked the binding, reading the words upon it.
The Life of Pi. "Hmm." Was Zero's grunt of thanks as he set the book to the side."
Ferhat rubbed her hands together. "He reported seeing a blue Reploid walk around the place. Maybe the Reploid left it there."
Zero shook his head and pointed at Ferhat making a noise with his throat. Eyes were wide open at the mere mention of blue and reploid said together in one sentence. Mind automatically ran to the closest association he could think of, even if there must have been thousands of similar Reploids. He tried to speak, but like a baby could not say much but some strained words. "Hoooo.. Ooo."
"Who?" Ferhat tipped her head to the side as she stared at Zero who nodded his head. She smiled, that same sick smile that was always on her face. Zero had gotten used to it now, but it still made his neck tingle with a horrible feeling. "Perhaps… X?" She repeated the word slowly. "But that's the obvious guess." She shook her head. "Though, I'm not sure why he'd be here. There's nothing for anyone out here." She pressed her finger to her chin as if in thought. "There's nothing for anyone like us out here. Those who've lost something come here because there's nothing else to lose. He has something, so he's not like us. He still has will, and we don't."
Zero shook his head over and over again and tried to speak making gestures with his hands. Words that some of the children taught him. "M…. Innn…" Throat hurt and he couldn't speak anymore. But X made him talk. Made him keep forming words when all that came from his mouth were less than words. They sounded like screams if screams could be heard in such a normal voice. Body began to shake at his excitement, or was it fear?
X it has been so long. Are you ok? Is everyone ok? How is everyone?
Ferhat stopped smiling. Pity crossed her face as she stared at Zero. "You? Have a will?" She blinked at Zero and upon hearing that even Zero turned silent.
He shook his head.
"I know. You want to die." She looked towards the ground as if upset for Zero. "Then why do you care so much about X?"
Zero opened his mouth but nothing came out. It wasn't the fact he couldn't speak; it wasn't the fact that because if he could speak it could not explain why he cared so deeply about X; but it was because of the fact that he had nothing to say that no words came out.
Why do I still care when its been so long?
If he didn't have a will, didn't have a soul, then there was no point in caring about a ghost of a person that he had met so long ago. How many years had it even been besides? The world had forgotten about him, and so too did Zero began to forget everyone. His squad he could barely remember the names of, his body frail and weak, and X, surely, put him to the side. Even if he had died the world moved on, and so did Zero's original shell of being. So Zero closed his mouth and looked at the floor.
"You understand, don't you?" Ferhat stared at Zero. Her eyes peering into him as he kept staring at the floor. He was stiff as a board as he stared at the floor finding it more interesting than looking at that who tormented him. Zero feared that if he looked into Ferhat's eyes then his will would truly be gone forever. "But if you want to look for him, we can help."
She slid her sword towards Zero, but Zero pushed it away.
"I…" he croaked. "Mmmm. Hii…" Zero pressed his hands to his throat and furrowed his brows. "Y… Yee…." It was the closest thing he could say to a yes. And Ferhat nodded her head.
He felt like a child trying to get permission from his mother to do anything.
But that was the case of this strange place. This kingdom of forgotten dreams.
"Then, we'll help. Maalik will show you." She brought her sword close to her, holding her child in her arms. "You can come back, if you want. We'll always accept you." With gentle hands, she set the sword down at her side and let her hands open wide. "Because—you're like us." She let her hands press to her chest and her eyes drooped to gaze down towards herself. "Lost children looking for something to live for."
They almost left him in the middle of nowhere. Maalik pointed him the way, shoved a sword in his hand, and left so unceremoniously that Zero almost expected that the sword to bid him goodbye. But like Zero, the sword was silent.
They called it Keeper's Blade.
All he had on his person was the single book, the sword, and some other materials in case he should get injured.
Briefly he wondered if the sword names had any particular meaning, but decided that it wasn't worth the trouble to try to ask what they meant to hear Ferhat's cryptid talk. Instead he watched Maalik duck underneath the metal and was gone forever. At least, that's what Zero wished. Though the hospitality that the children was greatly appreciated, it was the feeling of the place that made him feel sick to his stomach. The way the children called the swords their sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, and children themselves made him want to run as far away from the place as he could. But now that he stood between X and the kingdom of dreams, Zero didn't know if he wanted to crawl back and stay with the parentless children or if he wanted to go back into the arms of his companion.
He wasn't even sure if he really wanted to go back to X—to the Maverick Hunters—instead he figured that seeing him would quell a thirst in his mouth. Besides, he didn't know how long he had been gone and didn't have the means to ask. Some people said a few years, other said a few months, and either way Zero didn't care that much to figure out how long he had been dead. Should he return they'd tell him anyway, because they always loved to gloat about how long someone's been dead.
Maalik's body faded into the metal, and Zero turned his head towards the area that Maalik had motioned towards before he left. The Reploid blinked, staring at the prospect of meeting X and for once he was actually petrified of what was to come. There was an uneasy sigh as he gripped Keeper's Blade in his hand and glanced down at the ridiculously long blade. In the sun it shimmered gold and he could see the tiny spikes protruding from the blade itself.
It didn't speak, and Zero wondered if it too had no soul.
So he moved towards where Maalik pointed and carefully stepped around the metal and bodies that were on the floor. It was like when he had wandered the desert months prior. Only instead his guts weren't spilling everywhere and he had some means of protection. Armor had long been discarded for the traveler's clothes that Ferhat gave him and his hair was much cleaner and neat in a braid. This journey felt normal in comparison to the journey made half dead. But his mind was no clearer.
So Zero kept walking.
X gave the tablet to Marx who smiled in reply. "I'm sorry we had to keep you here for so long," he wanted to rub his hand through his hair. Exhaustion was crawling all over his body. "I tried my best to make the process as fast as possible."
Marx stared down at the tablet, looking over the details that the Maverick Hunters spelled out. "I understand," she spoke softly. It almost sounded as if her voice would break into pieces should anything else speak. "I've been through this before. Experimenters aren't so different to exterminators." Her smile still stayed as she gave the tablet back to X, her signature pressed carefully onto the glass. X didn't want to ask her what she implied, instead he took the tablet back, staring at her with a careful eye. "I am free to do what I wish?" X opened his mouth to reply but Marx spoke again, "In a manner of speaking." She looked towards the table that Immoral Delight laid upon.
"Yes," X moved to set the tablet on the table next to the sword. He felt that thing vibrate through the metal. It was disconcerting. "Our investigators don't need you for questioning any longer."
"I'm glad," she moved towards X. Towards the sword on the table. "This place… it was starting to make me feel unsafe." She reached for the sword, gripping the blade so it sliced into her palms. "I don't like places like this."
X raised his brow, "You live in Area Zero?" Marx slowly nodded her head.
"I'm happy there." She stared down at her sword, "You only see the surface of things. But below that world you see is my home. A seed of hope." A drop of blood dripped down her palm and onto the floor and she released some of the tension in her grip, letting her palm slide down the blade and soaking it in red. "In my future, you'll see. Maybe not in our lifetime, but eventually."
He felt uncomfortable. Unsure if this talk was Maverick or the hope of a Reploid who searched for something in the desert of oppression. Now that Humans didn't rule every single action of a robot and stuck to the depths of the Earth, Reploids were, more or less, free to do what they pleased. But it still didn't prevent X from questioning the motives that he heard. He tried not to twist his face, so his smile returned to her. "I'll look forward to that day."
And he did, in his own way. Where both Human and machine could live in peace with one another and be happy. That day he wanted it to be true, willed it even, but every step forward it seemed there was 70 steps back.
So Marx smiled and turned for the door. Her steps slow, calculated, and steady. The sounds of the clicks and clacks almost made the room deafening. As she reached the door and it slid open she stopped for a moment as if in thought. Not once looking back she spoke. "That Twin Unit… where would it be now?"
"Huh?" X blinked at Marx. It took him a moment to process who she meant. "You mean Brother?"
Marx's head tilted down. "I suppose so. Sister is 'dead'. He's the only one." The way she said dead made him uncomfortable. "Where would Brother be?"
X thought for a moment. "In the Machine Barracks." Marx made a motion to move but X continued. "You need authorization to go there. Would you like me to request Brother to meet you?"
Silence fell, then finally a reply. "If it doesn't trouble you." Then, she left.
With all the red tape that now bound Marx to her spot, it had been several months since she had gone to see the place she called home. The kingdom she loved and the place she called family. Now that she was finally able to escape the choking facility that reminded her so much of her birthplace. The needless experimentations. How sanitized everything was.
It sickened her. But being in anarchy and chaos that was Area Zero comforted her in ways that she could barely comprehend. Close she held Immoral Delight in her hands and smiled. "Sister, we're going to be home soon. With all the children we adopted." Closing her eyes, she sighed happily.
White hair fell over a priestly figure. Red spilling everywhere and holding a blade of her own. It was red, tainted in blood—or was that how the blade looked? Zero was still, and so was the other as she laid there in the blazing heat. It looked as if she had been only dead for a few days. Her body was perfect on the ground. Untouched. To her side he saw Brother laid out on the ground like a raptor trying to fly. Just like how it looked in paintings of a flightless bird attempting to jump into the sky. His own oil spilled down from the ground. Jaw open as if he was screaming. Face full of fear.
Was it an accident?
He looked down at the sword that she held, her hands bloody and scarred. The sword bathed in her own blood, but not appearing as if it was used against her. He blinked down at the sword and picked it up.
It spoke, but he could not understand.
Immoral Delight.But the name rang different in his ear. Something else called out to him, something he couldn't understand. So he stared and stared at the sword that was abused with blood and tried to make out what it said to him. No doubt it was a sword made from the kingdom of dreams, but this one felt older, stranger, and like a relic. The voice in this one called out differently than the ones he had previously held.
What she sung was horror.
He looked at Brother on the ground. There was pain on his face, pain that Zero could see bare. Raw emotion pooling over his featureless features. The same emotion that he saw when Sister had breathed her last. They had killed each other. The body on the floor he didn't recognize, but he wondered what a machine had to do with a Reploid. Should he grieve? Should he bury them?
He was still as he gripped the two blades in his hands.
Was it right for him to even try to return to the life he once had? As far as he saw everyone was dying, everyone he knew was gone.
But who was gone?
Brother… Sister… but who was that other name? That other Reploid?
He wanted to cry, but no tears could ever come out. He didn't have the ability to cry, he wasn't like X.
He dropped to his knees to take Brother into his arms. Placing the raptor's head onto his knees he began to pet the other's face. Driftwood would do this, something about that he remembered. The Twin Units liked it, as did Asard sometimes also. But this action wouldn't bring him back, nor would it bring the dead memories Zero had. How long he knelt there he wasn't sure. Minutes, hours, days? Time bled together, and so did the names again.
Behind he left Keeper's Blade and in his hand he held Perez as he walked over the bodies towards the unknown.
Marx watched as Brother entered the room. Her eyes scanned the machine as it slowly walked towards Marx as if a careful predator stalking its prey. She sat on a couch, her hands neatly folded over her sister and stared softly and patiently for Brother to approach her. He stood over her, his model something to inflict fear. She wondered, had he existed when robots first made, how many would send him out on missions to inflict panic to the opposing side.
Wasn't that their purpose anyway?
"You had requested this unit's presence." Brother spoke. Mechanical. Emotionless. Something she expected.
Marx smiled, "You don't have to be formal." Brother was still. It was like talking to a machine. She laughed. Her laughter could have split metal in half. "Do you think that… you're a machine?"
Brother was silent as he stared rather calculating at Marx. "I am a machine. I was not created with the ability to grow beyond my boundaries and my emotions are limited to ensure top priority to the mission."
"Is that what they told you?"
"That's what the Brother unit was programmed to do."
"I see," Marx slid her hand over the flat of the blade. "Programmed." She repeated that word, as if testing it on her tongue. She hated that word. "Then you don't have a soul."
"Souls are merely figments of the imagination—"
"No." Marx shook her head and pointed at Brother. "Forget what's been proven. Forget about programming." She leaned forward towards Brother. "What do you feel?"
Brother was still, "This unit cannot feel anything."
Marx leaned back, withdrawing her hand to look from Brother down to her sword. "Is that… what you felt like when you killed your sister?" She saw something within Brother move. Marx wondered if that's why they made Twin Units out of such basic shapes. Was it to take away from their emotions? Take away from being able to show anything? It could not show sadness, hatred, rage. That face still looked the same, still looked like nothing changed. But she felt it. Felt that pain. "Nothing?"
"The Sister Unit had gone maverick so she had to be exterminated."
Marx stared at Brother. Tried to search for something. Anything. "She felt emotion. She was becoming a Reploid—a 'human'."
"How do you know what Sister felt?" For a moment, Marx could have sworn that something glimmered in his eye. That there was something that made him want to run back to that failure of a mission and to save her even if he knew her body was eaten away.
Marx ran her hand over her sword, gentle and with no intention of slicing her hands upon the blade. "I knew her once. Not the Sister that died, but I knew one before. A different one. My own Sister." They weren't Twin Units. They weren't even considered real sisters. But they called them that anyway, they called each other that because it was the last thing they had. Each other. "Because she was a machine, and she grew to have a personality."
Brother was silent.
"I killed her. She killed herself to preserve me. This body is hers, and this soul…" Marx held the blade up, "…is hers." Marx raised the blade upwards towards Brother, and he stepped away. Fear. "It was her ultimate sacrifice. When I met Sister, I saw that in her. Sister offered you that same one. But you rejected her to continue your false life." Finally, she hugged the blade. It cut into her body and at last she felt the pain inside her. "Does that make me a Maverick? Or is it you that's one?"
Zero woke up. He laid in a grassy field. A single tree swayed overhead in the breeze. The sky was blue and the sun was shadowed by a stray cloud. Sitting up he looked around, trying to determine where he was. How much time had he lost? Where was he? This didn't look like Area Zero. He searched, eyes laying upon a woman who turned from him. Her skirt swayed in the breeze and her long brown hair waved with her clothes. She didn't look at him, but Zero stared at her.
"Zero," she whispered. Her voice silk and her figure delicate.
So the war machine rose from his bed of grass. As he stepped closer the world washed away. Previous anxieties and the world that he knew became nothing but his imagination from the past. Memories that he didn't know, memories that didn't exist or never did.
Drawing closer he could not help but furrow his brows at the figure that would not stare at him. "Who…" she reached out his hand to touch her hair. The brown strands fell through his fingers yet she stayed stationed to her spot. "Who… are…?"
His claws reached for his neck. He could speak! But even that voice fell away as the woman turned to look at him. Her face familiar, and yet so unfamiliar. The word itched to be spoken, and yet, like before, he could not say anything. She smiled, but was it really a smile?
As he woke from his slumber he stared into the sky. Body shook and he couldn't understand why that face made him want to scream in horror. The stars glimmered and all he could do was stare. By reflex he touched his stomach, the hole was filled, he had forgotten, and yet he still tried to rip it back open just to feel his guts, to feel pain, to feel alive. Suddenly he stopped as if he reached a revelation. Instead of ripping up the old wound that so carefully was beginning to sprout open he reached for the new sword. It was still stained with blood—with oil.
It didn't speak. He wondered if the soul of this sword left. So carefully he held Perez in his hands and hugged her close. The blade couldn't cut his hands since there wasn't any skin to cut. But there was some type of content holding this blade than the other ones he had held before.
He felt… human.
Stephen tapped a pen on the desk. Her hand was under her chin, staring at nothing in particular as X walked in. They kept her on desk duty to help her recuperate the damage that befell her. But she knew better. She wasn't human, so there was no need for such formalities. X's face said it all, and it was something that Stephen wasn't surprised about.
After Driftwood… nothing seemed to surprise her anymore.
So she spoke before X could. "Couldn't find him, huh?" X opened his mouth to reply, but instead opted to shake his head. Stephen sighed. "No sign of Marx too, huh?"
"No…" X placed something on Stephen's desk. A claw shaped like a raptor. It was large and metallic and much too long for it to come from any animal or dinosaur they found. "That's all I could find." Stephen reached to pick it up, holding the heavy metal in her hands, staring at it from all angles. "Do you think he went maverick?" She cringed as X said that word.
"I… I don't know." She laid the claw down on the table. "After our one mission he'd been acting strange since Sister went Maverick. I'd figured it was because they were connected but I'm not sure." Her gaze turned elsewhere, "Asard has been acting strange too. Well, stranger than usual."
X stared down at the table, "He was close to Driftwood."
Stephen nodded, "But I think that's something different. Something…" she paused staring in the distance. "…else." She blinked carefully at nothing. The world was falling apart. Their world in particular. The careful glory that 0th Squad created out of the ashes of Zero's body tumbled down so quickly and so easily that Stephen could no longer understand what course of events destroy one another. She felt as if it was her fault, that all of it was her fault, but it wasn't. She knew that. "I think its time I have a heart to heart with Asard." She began to stand from her seat as X stared at her.
"Now?"
"No time is ever a good time with Asard," she took Brother's claw and stuffed it into a drawer. "So I'll take my chances now." And all X could do was stare as Stephen exited the office and made her slow way to where Asard might have been. That snake could have been in several places. His room, training, VR room, anywhere. Perhaps she should have requested him to enter her humble abode and talk to him on her turf, but she knew with how skittish he was becoming it would be hard to get one word out of him.
She looked in the training room and there was no snake to be found. The VR room and his very own held no results. So she chanced a question to one of those passing by and they said they might have seen a large green snake atop the roofs.
And Stephen made her way to just that place. The door opened to the roof and she saw him. He basked in the sun, the solar panels soaking up energy. He looked so much like a cat in this very moment. She was silent, and in this moment she wondered if this was the last time she'll ever see him this calm. So she approached. Her steps calm and body rigid as Asard lifted his head up so gracefully to look towards Stephen.
"Asard," Stephen smiled but Asard looked at her in fear. She tried to laugh at him, tried to play his fear off as something like the past. But for some reason she knew they couldn't do that any longer. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Asard didn't reply, but turned his head to look at something else. "What do you want?"
Her smile turned bitter as she stared at Asard. Is this… the life you're living now? "I wanted to talk to you. About the mission."
"Which one?" He didn't look at her.
"Don't play dumb with me." Her brows furrowed as she stared at Asard.
"Oh," he paused. He carefully craned his neck to stare up into the sun. The light blazed all over Asard's body. The green metal turned yellow. "You mean the one we're not supposed t' talk about." Malice was laced in his voice.
"Are you upset about Driftwood?" There was no answer, "Or are you upset about… something else." She took a step closer to Asard, but it felt more like she shuffled near him. He looked like a tiger backed into a corner as he stared knives into Stephen.
"Are you calling me Maverick?" he spat.
Stephen shook her head, "No." She put her hands out in front of her as Asard began to curl and turn and stand on his feet. He towered over her, and if he wanted to could snap her in half. But he wouldn't, she knew he wouldn't. "I know you're not a Maverick, but you have to be honest with me." She stepped closer.
"About what?" he spat again. His claws curled in on themselves and for a moment Stephen regretted to bring Basalt. "About what?" he repeated again. His voice was full of fear.
"About the mission."
"That doesn't matter!" he turned away from her towards the fence of the roof. Tail swished back and forth. For a moment Stephen thought he might have taken a running leap off the building. "Driftwood is dead; the package is gone. It doesn't matter anymore."
"What about Sister?" Asard became still. As if he was frozen in place. "Didn't you care about her?" You're siblings after all.
"She's just a machine. A stupid machine." Stephen became quiet as Asard turned around to walk back towards Stephen. "Machines don't know how to feel; so why should I feel bad?" He was silent for a moment. "Do you think… Do you think I killed her?" Asard sneered. At least, that's what it looked like. It was hard to tell. "Course you'd assume I had something to do with it. From an ex-Maverick like me!"
"Is that what you think I'm here to do?" Stephen crossed her arms staring at the snake who hissed and flicked his tongue at her. "I wanted to come here to talk to you about why you've been acting strange." Asard drew back, "Is that what you did? Do you think you killed Sister?"
Asard was silent, and he turned away from Stephen. "Yeah."
Stephen rubbed her face, "Well. Even if you did, like you said, it doesn't matter anymore. Brother's dead." Asard didn't react. "So even if you're scared you'll be labeled a Maverick, there's no evidence for it."
"That's not it…"
Stephen blinked as she leaned closer to Asard unsure of what she heard. "Excuse me?"
"I said, I guess it doesn't." Asard turned to look at Stephen for a moment then his gaze returned to the empty fields of the Earth. It was scorched, and on a good day one could see the remnants of Eurasia.
It was one of those days.
Do Sister and Brother dance in the desert now that they're reunited? Are they happy together? One another? Finally singing the songs of Machine and Human, do they play in the fields of flowers that have yet to grow?
"Take care of yourself, Asard."
SISTER—BROTHER.
BROTHER—SISTER.
SISTER—DO YOU THINK WE'RE HUMAN?
BROTHER—I DON'T KNOW. BUT I WANT TO BE.
SISTER—I THINK WE CAN BE.
BROTHER—DO YOU?
SISTER—IF WE BELIEVE WE'RE HUMAN, THAT'S ENOUGH TO BE HUMAN.
BROTHER—BUT A PEACH TREE CAN'T GROW APPLES.
SISTER—MAYBE NOT. BUT IT'S THE CLOSEST WE'LL EVER BE.
SISTER—SO LETS JUST BE HUMAN.