Chapter ten is all that some people have been waiting for. Not enough for some people, too much for others, but just enough for this story's plot in my opinion, lol.
Disclaimer: I do not own the novels Twilight or Blood and Chocolate... or the characters within either. I merely thought the plot of the latter would be better with the characters of the former :P
I went the only place I could think to go.
All the windows at Chief Swan's house were dark, but I breathed in the air to find out if Jacob was home or not. I caught the scent of woodsmoke and earth. Yes, he was home.
I quickly scaled a tree up to Jacob's bedroom window. He was sleeping soundly in the bed inside, curled up under a pile of blankets to ward off the night's chill. He had no idea the horrors of the world I lived in. I knocked lightly on the glass and his eyes opened with a start.
He looked around wildly for a moment before his eyes settled on the window, squinting to try to see me clearer.
"Jake," I whispered, tapping one fingernail on the pane.
"Bella?" he answered in shock, hurrying to unlock the window for me. "What are you doing here?"
"I just had a really bad night," I told him as he offered a hand to help me climb inside before wrapping his arms around me. "I needed to see a friendly face, and you'll be pleased to know that you're the first person I thought of."
"I am flattered, but confused," he admitted and I could hardly blame him after the way I'd been avoiding his presence since we visited his reservation together. It had been less than a week, but I'd been extremely thorough in keeping my word to Carlisle, despite the many times poor Jacob had attempted to speak with me.
"I'm sorry. I wish I could explain it all."
"Me too," he sighed. "You... you hurt my feelings, Bella."
"Would it help if I said that I think I love you?" I asked in a whisper. I hadn't meant to say the words, but they were probably true, nonetheless. He was a kind human, after all. I heard his mouth pop open in shock, his grip on me tightening.
"Uh, yes, I think it would help." I pressed my face into his chest, enjoying the warmth there. "You're so cold," he said, rubbing his hands up and down my arms. "What are you wearing?"
I wanted to blush. It was hardly human for me to appear in his window in Forks weather, wearing so little. I hadn't even thought to change out of the pair of athletic shorts and shirt Edward had given me after Carnival.
"I left in a rush," I explained dismissively.
"Hold on a second," he said, pulling away from me and opening a dresser drawer. "Here."
I took the proffered items and put them on, a small smile coming to my face at what I'm sure made a silly picture, me in Jacob's much too large hoodie and sweatpants. I had to hold the waistband up just so they wouldn't fall off of me.
"You look ridiculous," he confirmed, and I couldn't help grinning in response.
"Hey, don't make fun of the girl who climbed into your damn window in the middle of the night. Most guys would be flattered."
"I am," he smiled down at me.
"And after I did it and told him I loved him, most guys would try to get me out of my clothes, instead of into more."
"I'm not most guys," he smiled again. "And you always feel so cold. I take care of the girls who say they love me."
His phrasing irked me. It's not as if I came over for sex, but come on. Really?
"But I know a better way to warm up the girl you love," I tried, affecting a seductive grin.
He bit his lip in response, but his eyes looked apologetic and cautious. Oh my God...
"Bella-"
"You don't love me," I interpreted, and I let out a tearless sob when he didn't contradict my words right away.
"That's not it, Bella!" he tried to explain in a frantic whisper. I dodged his attempt to pull me into his arms. "It's just that I don't know, and it would be wrong for me to tell you I do if I'm not 100% positive, right?"
"No, it's wrong for you to hurt me this way. I can live with a little lost hope, but not tonight, Jake. It's not fair for you to do this to me tonight," I snarled in an almost inhuman way. I'd need to watch myself.
"Bella, I'm sorry, but you caught me off guard. I take you out, think we have a great night together, and then you just stop talking to me! I've been trying to get over you for the past week, and then you just show up out of nowhere and tell me you love me? What did you expect?"
"I didn't come here to tell you that. I came here to just see you. Be comforted by you. And it just came out because... I don't know why. I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry that you don't feel the same," I let out in a harsh whisper, hurrying back out the way I came. God, I was such an idiot to come here...
Another choked sob escaped me when I saw the car down the street, though I wasn't surprised by its presence. Edward held the door open for me still only in his shorts from the battle earlier, and shut it once I was settled in. Neither of us spoke a word through the duration of the ride.
He opened the door for me when we arrived back at the main house—surprisingly quiet, as everyone was probably still out partying and quenching their thirst—and led me up to my room.
"Are you alright, Bella?" he asked as I finally met his eyes. He looked just as heartbroken as I was and that hurt me, knowing that I had caused that. He'd heard me tell Jake that I loved him, and that caused him pain.
Because he did care for me, even if he was an asshole.
I shook my head, lowering my head to my chest. I could smell Jake on my clothes; I had to get them off.
I hurried to discard the sweatshirt and pants, finding myself appalled that his scent had seeped into the clothes I wore underneath as well. I frantically tried to get the buttons of the shirt undone.
"What are you doing?" Edward asked solemnly, his hands stopping my own.
"These clothes reek of him," I hissed.
He just nodded, a neutral expression coming over his face as he undid the buttons much quicker than I would have been able to and pulled the shirt and shorts off me, before he went to my closet and pulled out a delicate looking yellow slip, pulling it over my head and then sweeping my hair out from underneath. It was a strange echo from my first night as a vampire.
I was just thankful that he wasn't leering or glaring at me as he did so.
He tossed the discarded clothing out the window, keeping the scent of heartbreak away from me. I was thankful toward him as I stared at the silly looking rags lying on the ground, three stories below.
I turned my attention from the window, finding Edward laying in my bed, his arms open as if he wanted me to come to him.
After what I just went through? Was he kidding me?
"Come here, Bella," he said, and I could tell it wasn't a command. I didn't have to obey if I didn't want to.
I shook my head sadly at him.
"I promise," he began in a pleading voice. "I won't be inappropriate. Just let me hold you."
I shook my head again.
"Please, Bella. Just this once. Pretend that I haven't fucked up completely with you and let me need to feel you—let me comfort you," he begged.
Begged.
Edward lowering himself off his self imposed pedestal to beg me deserved some retribution. He was hurting just as much as I was, after all. And I wanted Jake to hold me, so the least I could do was let Edward get his wish, as I couldn't get mine.
So I laid down beside him, facing away, and he put an arm around me, pulling me closer to him. I felt him press his face between my shoulder blades, and heard him breathe in deeply.
I sighed. It felt nice to be wanted, even if it wasn't by the one I craved.
I stiffened when I felt his hand move from around my stomach to rest on my breast, but he didn't try to grab or caress me. He just rested his hand there, as if it gave him a sense of security. I remembered his words about Victoria and James, how she would always feel possessive over him and take comfort from him because she was the one who turned him into what he was; Edward's hand didn't bother me so much anymore. He wasn't getting a cheap feel, I knew, but rather letting his skin feel where he had bitten me, all those years ago. He cared for me, and that spot was tangible proof that I really was here with him.
His face moved up to my neck, his nose lightly running across my second scar, not in a sensual or seductive way, but more like he was trying to reassure himself.
Yes, this was a different Edward than the one I had been presented with for so long, one only recognizable because of those first couple hours after I had awoken.
I found myself not hating this Edward, and maybe even enjoying his company, even as much as my nonexistent soul seemed to bleed from the hurt Jacob had inflicted upon me.
"What are you thinking, Bella?" he whispered lightly into my ear.
"I hurt, Edward," I answered honestly. "Everywhere hurts, but I have no physical wounds."
"I understand," he told me, and his other hand slithered between the bed and my body up to rest on my womb. It was another gesture that could have been considered sexual, but as he pushed me into him from that point, I didn't feel Edward growing hard behind me. This wasn't about sex with him tonight, it was just about comfort and closeness. I didn't try to pull away from him.
"I know you do," I whispered in return, my throat wet with want for so many things I couldn't ever have.
"Why have you been such an asshole to me recently?" I asked him suddenly. He snarled lightly at my choice of words, but I continued nonetheless. "I'm not asking why you ignored me for over a century, but why have you been such a prick recently? Why haven't you been nice like you're trying to be now?"
"I... wanted to grab your attention. It seemed to work originally, after all. I was... upset with James and his intentions and I took that out on you. And you responded by flashing me. That set a precedent."
I hissed automatically, though it was more at myself than him. He was right. He'd been an asshole right away and I had rewarded him for that.
"And the more I acted that way, the more you spoke to me. Then I bit you again and I couldn't turn back from there. I was desperate to have you as mine. I apologize for my cruel and sometimes crude actions."
"But you still tried to respect me when we reached that intimate level," I reminded him of his words halfway through Carnival, all the while astounded with myself for the way I tried to comfort him in this. What had he ever done to deserve that? Oh yeah, calm me down and do nothing more than love me tonight. I sighed mentally.
"I did," he said, stiffening suddenly before going to move his hands away. "I'm sorry. I hadn't even realized..."
"It's okay," I told him softly, placing his hands back where they were.
And the atmosphere shifted. We were both very much aware where his hands were, and the unintentional force I used to put them back was pleasurable. I could smell both our arousal in the air.
"It's okay," I told him again. Maybe one night of healing together was exactly what we needed. I caressed his hands into moving, rubbing my breast and mound through the thin cotton material of the slip I wore. "It's okay tonight, Edward."
"I don't want only tonight, Bella," he whispered roughly into my neck. I could tell the effort he made not to give in to me immediately as I reached back and pushed his shorts down his hips, feeling him escape and press against my backside.
"I can't promise you anything else," I returned, pushing back into him. Oh God, he was so ready. "I hurt, Edward. It hurts too much to promise more."
"And it hurts me to know that I might never have more after tonight," he replied, pressing himself against me. The cotton of my slip pressed between my thighs as he pushed himself there. I spread my legs and pulled the dress up, giving him all the opening he needed, if he chose to take it. He would, I knew.
"But you still have tonight," I said emphatically. "Please, Edward... I won't ask you again."
He lightly pushed me onto my back and crawled on top of me, his shorts completely gone from his body. "That's what I'm afraid of," he confessed as he pushed inside of me.
We both groaned loudly at the contact, and I was glad that the rest of the house probably wouldn't be returning until dawn. Post Carnival was always a good time for hunting and reviving.
He pushed inside me and I arched my back off the bed, he pulled out of me, and my hand on his hip tried pushing him back inside. He filled me so fully, and I couldn't seem to get enough of him. But his hands remained on my back, not exploring. Did he not think he was allowed?
"Touch me, Edward," I told his chest. "It's okay for you to touch me tonight."
He grunted into me, moving deeper and making me moan out his name as one of his hands moved to massage my breast. Yes... Like that.
I rubbed my hands up and down his chest and kissed his neck in response. It was different being with Edward without being high on his bite, but no less pleasurable.
He purred in pleasure, his own mouth coming down to my neck as well, the nature in him wanting to come out. I didn't give him permission to bite me, though, wanting to complete this experience without that. For once.
I hated Edward with all my heart. I hated the way he made a game of me and used me and ignored me and was a fucking douchebag the last several weeks. I hated him.
But I wanted this kind, understanding Edward to know that I was with him, and not influenced by the pheromones he released in a bite. I owed this Edward that, since he loved me in this manner when I needed it most. This Edward I cared deeply for since the night we met and I wanted to give him this gift.
He kissed my neck slowly, softly, once he realized that I wouldn't allow him his silent request and I gasped at the feel of his tongue sliding over my neck, almost recanting my decision not to let him bite me.
"Again," I told him, receiving a breathless chuckle in reply.
And he did so as he thrust himself harder into me. I called out his name in response and he continued, my hands sliding over onto his back, pushing him closer and harder to me.
"Bella," he breathed my name and that one word had so many emotions in it that it hurt me to hear. Was I causing him more pain than pleasure in doing this to him?
"No," he whispered in response to the look on my face as he kept with his ministrations. "No, I just love feeling you again. That you pull me closer. That you're giving me this. That it really is you and not me inflicting these feelings onto you."
He appreciated my gift. I gave him another one in my gratitude for his acknowledgment.
"It's still all you doing this to—ah! Oh, Edward—doing this to me."
"Thank you," he murmured in my ear and I shivered at the tone in his voice. His lips smiled against the skin there. He was enjoying our night together. It was a good idea to give this to him.
His hands rubbed up and down my torso a couple times before one settling back onto my breast, teasing my nipple to the point it was almost painful, and the other supporting my neck, as was instinctive to us vampires. I was so close. Any moment now.
He increased his pace and depth and it was my turn to purr into him. My hands squeezed his ass, pushing him roughly into me and he called out in surprise, coming suddenly and quickly. I couldn't do anything except go right along with him.
He collapsed on top of me and I wrapped my limbs around him. We still had time before I had to face my pain.
"Thank you, Bella. Thank you. Thank you," he whispered over and over in my ear, kissing my skin after each expression of gratitude.
"Are you thirsty?" I interrupted him after a couple minutes. He looked at me curiously. I pushed the material of the slip I still wore down, revealing the spot on my breast he liked to feed from. "I gave you the night, Edward. Dawn hasn't broken yet."
He immediately pulled the light gown from my body and bit down gently, pulling my life's blood from me lightly and undulating himself inside me once more, bringing me to a peak again almost immediately.
He had me all to himself that night; I would remember my heartache again when the sun rose and not a moment before.
Two more chapters. Both are already written. I'd just like to receive some thoughts and opinions before I post them.
Thanks to everyone who is still with me, reading and reviewing!