A/N: Thank you for the reviews. I tried to make this chapter a healthy mix of romance and information… Enjoy!
Heero had done an even better job at talking to the others than I'd thought. Wufei returned and Trowa took him aside to explain the situation to him while I was out of the house. I half expected him or one of them to say something, but no one did. I found my cross on my pillow that night with no explanation for how it had come to be there. I vaguely remembered Shinigami changing into a scythe and guessed that it had reverted to a cross when he and his power retreated.
It was another three days before any of them approached me to find out more details, and even then, it was Heero. I was sitting on Deathscythe's leg with my head inside one of the panels, all of my concentration focused on fixing a small problem that would cause bigger problems when we went into battle, when I heard Heero calling my name. Because he didn't sound angry or frustrated, I pulled back and looked down at him, blinking in the bright light. He was standing on the ground peering up at me. My eyes instantly zeroed in on what he was carrying in his hands and my stomach growled greedily at the familiar sight of a white pizza box. The delicious smell wafting up to me made me finish my repair work a lot quicker than I probably should have but I felt like I was going to pass out if I didn't eat immediately.
"Where did you get this from?" I asked, landing on the ground beside him and eyeing the box hungrily. We sat down on the ground and he opened the box and passed me a slice before taking one for himself. I couldn't believe that Heero Yuy was willing to eat junk food without being forced, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. My taste buds cheered with joy at the first bite of that hot, cheesy goodness.
"I guess Barton didn't feel like cooking tonight," he said, watching me for a few seconds before he looked away and started in on his own piece. I was glad when he did. The strength of Heero's stare could be unnerving even though I had plenty of practice at ignoring it. "He and Winner went into town a few hours ago to stock up on more supplies and brought pizza back with them. I figured you would be annoyed if you missed out while it was still hot."
"Annoyed isn't the word," I mumbled through a mouthful of cheese. "Thanks, Hee-chan."
His jaw twitched. "Stop calling me that, Baka," he said, sounding exasperated.
I smirked into my pizza. "But it just fits you so well," I said with as much innocence as I could muster, popping the last of my slice into my mouth. I knew what it implied in his language and I knew why it annoyed him. It used to be that he would punch me for calling him that, but now he usually just glared and told me to knock it off. I felt we were making progress.
He glared at me harder, as expected, and gave me another slice of pizza. Probably he was hoping that if my mouth was full I wouldn't have the chance to tease him anymore. I decided to give him a break and devoured another three slices without saying anything at all. My stomach must have shrunk while I was sick because I couldn't manage anything more than that, but I was satisfyingly full by the time I was finished. I leaned back on my hands with a contented sigh and burped.
"That was excellent," I announced. "I haven't had pizza for a while."
"I know," Heero said softly. Something about the way he said it made me give him a second glance, to which he looked hastily away. An awkward silence settled over the two of us, one that I wasn't sure how to break. Normally I would've resorted to using my Joker mask because it was an easy way to get rid of tension, but I had the feeling that Heero wouldn't have appreciated me making any funny remarks at the moment. I found myself fiddling with the end of my braid instead, which I tended to do when I was nervous. After a little while, I felt eyes watching me intently and glanced up.
"What's wrong?" I asked, realizing that Heero was staring at my hands, or rather, the hair in my hands.
"Did you still want me to brush it later?" he said.
"Oh. Sure." I really hoped that I wasn't blushing. I hadn't intended to ask Heero for that at all. My original condition was going to be something that would annoy him, like all the pizza I could eat. But it had slipped out and once I asked, he'd agreed so quickly that there hadn't been a chance for me to take it back. Not that I really wanted to. Truth be told, I loved having my hair brushed but I didn't trust just anyone to do it. I wanted to experience it with Heero when I wasn't semi-conscious and reeling from illness.
"Tonight?" he suggested.
"Okay," I agreed, surprised that he was so anxious.
"Duo – "
"I think you guys are all gods, too." I hadn't meant to say that; if I didn't know better, I'd swear that Shinigami had been the one speaking. The second it came out, my eyes went wide with horror and I clapped a hand over my mouth. I didn't dare stay long enough to see Heero's reaction. I jumped to my feet, ready to run for it, and was jerked to a stop when his hand closed around the edge of my braid. I froze as pain lanced through my scalp. "Hee-chan, let go," I said without turning around to look at him.
"No," Heero said, sounding amazingly calm in spite of what I'd just told him. Even though he could sound composed under even the direst of circumstances, I decided to risk glancing back at him to see if he looked as calm as he sounded. To my surprise, his blue eyes were filled with amusement. When he saw that I wasn't going to run, his grip loosened on my braid to the point that it no longer hurt, though I noticed that he remained tense and ready to grab me if I chose to make another break for it. I was too puzzled by his reaction to bother. Slowly, I sat down, though I made sure to keep a fair distance between us just in case.
"You're not angry?" I asked, bewildered.
"I kind of saw it coming," he admitted. "While you were sick, you said some things that led us to the obvious conclusion."
Shit. I'd always had a big mouth, but that was never as evident as when I was either sick or drunk. I looked at him warily. "How come you didn't ask me about it before now?"
"Duo, you tried to run away whenever I asked you questions about Shinigami," he pointed out. "I could tell that you weren't ready to talk about it and that was okay with me. I asked the others not to speak to you until I did. You've been under a lot of stress and I didn't want to add to it unless it was necessary." He shrugged, a movement that looked entirely awkward on him, and smirked. "Besides, I knew you would break down and tell me sooner or later. You're horrible at keeping secrets."
I sputtered and punched him in the shoulder even though I knew it wouldn't really hurt him. I couldn't help thinking that Heero had no idea just how good I was at keeping secrets - and I hoped he never would. "That's not fair, Yuy. I can't control what Shinigami does or says."
"Excuses, excuses," he replied.
"Are you teasing me?" I asked in complete disbelief, wondering what kind of parallel universe I'd entered into. He just laughed. It was a good feeling knowing that I could make the Perfect Soldier laugh. His whole body relaxed and his blue eyes opened up wide and sparkled. I realized I was leaning towards him and quickly straightened, silently scolding myself. Next thing you know I'd be acting like some love-struck high school girl... like Relena. I shuddered at the thought and realized he was watching me closely.
"What kind of god?" he asked.
It was the inevitable question and I wished I had a good answer for him. Sadly, I didn't. "I don't know," I said reluctantly.
That obviously wasn't the answer he had been hoping for. "You don't know?"
"No." I looked away and took a deep breath, willing myself to remain calm, wondering if it would have been better to have stayed up there working on Deathscythe rather than willingly subject myself to this. Why the hell had I started this conversation? "I mean, I can make an educated guess, but no. I don't know. Not for sure."
"But you knew about Shinigami," he pointed out.
"It's pretty hard not to know when everyone around you keeps dying!" I snapped, suddenly angry even though I knew it was misdirected. He hadn't meant anything by the comment, but I was young when my gang died and left me as the sole survivor. Living on L2 at the time had been like living in a world full of ghosts, as every person that you met was either dying or terrified of dying. It was the first experience I'd had with Shinigami, with the strange, foreign power that kept me safe from things that should - would - have killed normal mortals. I knew there was something different about me but it was a while before I could put a name to it; some of the more exotic books that Father Maxwell had allowed me to look through had given me the idea, and when the Maxwell Orphanage burned to the ground and took everyone I cared for with it, I knew it for the truth that it was. Only the god of death could be so cursed. Being a Gundam Pilot had only confirmed my suspicions. But if it weren't for those experiences, I knew that I wouldn't have known. Shinigami would have been peacefully sleeping inside of me instead of raging with every word we spoke.
"Duo." There was a strange softness in his voice than I'd never heard before. I looked up and saw that he had somehow gotten much closer to me without my notice while I was lost in memory. Our faces were now inches apart. I pulled back sharply, surprised and confused, and was stopped when his hand grabbed my braid for a second time to keep me from retreating any further. I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing and then closed it when he leaned in even closer. Alarm bells went off in my mind, but I didn't do anything to stop him. I actually leaned forward. I didn't know who closed the small distance; maybe both of us did.
And then we were kissing.
I was kissing Heero Yuy.
Oh my god, I was kissing Heero Yuy.
With a shocked gasp, I yanked backwards, my fingers flying up to touch my lips. The kiss had been short, shorter than I really wanted, and I ached to kiss him again. I'd never been kissed before, but it was everything that I had imagined and more until my stupid brain kicked in. I started to say something, but his fingers tightened and he pulled me forward using my braid as a leash. I made a mental note to get angry at him for that later, and then all thoughts died when he kissed me again.
What made me think of her, I didn't know. Maybe it was the fact that just a few minutes ago I had been comparing myself to her. But all of a sudden Relena's face flashed across my mind, and this time when I jerked back, I scooted out of reach. Heero just stared at me, a dazed look in his blue eyes. I was pretty sure it was the first time I'd ever been conscious enough to see the Perfect Soldier speechless and I couldn't even enjoy it. All I could think about was Relena and how hard I had been working to guide Heero towards her even though it wasn't what I wanted. I'd likely just fucked any chances he had with her, because if Relena found out I had kissed Heero 'furious' wouldn't even begin to describe her reaction. And if she found out that I had liked it... loved it... and wanted to do again, she'd probably try to kill us both.
So I did what I do best. I jumped to my feet and ran. Heero didn't try to stop me or call after me, so I assumed he was alright with watching me go. I raced into the house and nearly ran straight into Wufei, who was coming out with his sword in hand. It was the first time I'd seen him a while. He took a deep breath, probably getting ready to yell at me, and then stopped suddenly when he caught sight of my face. I must have looked pretty bad because his expression immediately changed to one of surprise mingled with sympathy. I didn't give him the chance to say anything, though. I pushed by him and hurried up the stairs, for once grateful that Quatre's house was big enough to give us each our own room.
I shut the door behind me and threw myself down on my bed, wondering what the hell I had been thinking. Okay, so I'd entertained the thought, once or twice, of kissing Heero, but I'd never actually believed it would come to fruition. He and Relena had always seemed like the perfect couple and whenever I started letting myself get carried away, I reminded myself that he would never be mine like that. Heero was, and always would be, off limits, no matter how much I might have wanted him.
But… he'd been the one to kiss me the second time. What did it mean?
I heard the door open and close and then the mattress sank beside me. I knew who it was without even having to look. "He kissed me," I said without waiting for him to ask. I couldn't keep the amazement from my voice "He kissed me, Q."
Quatre sighed. "And you ran away." It wasn't a question but I nodded anyway. "Why?"
"Are you kidding me?" I propped myself up on my elbow and looked at him incredulously. "He's… Heero, you know? There's no way someone like him could ever want to be with someone like me. Besides, he's got Relena."
"I don't know which part of your statement to tackle first." Anger flickered in his eyes. "But okay. What do you mean someone like you? You're a good person, Duo."
"Oh, right." I should've known better than to say this in front of Quat, but it was like I couldn't stop myself. "I was born on L2. I'm nothing more than a street-rat. Maybe I'm a terrorist or a soldier at the moment, but that doesn't change what's underneath. Heero's not like that. He actually has a future ahead of him. When the war is over, he and Relena will get together and have a family, and I'll…" My voice trailed off as I imagined the future that was ahead of me if I survived. What could I do as the god of death? Regular humans couldn't be around me. I'd be alone wherever I went. Despair nearly overwhelmed me until Quat reached over and slapped me on the back of the head. I winced and glared at him.
"Honestly, sometimes I don't know whether to hug you or slap you!" he said, reaching over and pulling me against his chest. Apparently he'd decided on both. "Don't talk about yourself that way, Duo. It doesn't matter where you come from; it's about where you're going and what you make of yourself on the way there. You are not a street-rat." His distaste of the word was evident. "Don't ever call yourself by that name again, understand?"
"But Quat - "
"No buts!" He cut me off before I could speak. "I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of seeing you and Heero dance around each other. This foolishness is driving me crazy."
My mouth was hanging open but I had no idea what to say next. I'd never heard Quatre speak so sharply and I wasn't sure how to respond. Part of me felt that there was no way he could understand. Quat was from one of the richest colonies and families, and he'd been the only son of thirty children, coddled and spoiled from the ground up. He didn't know what it was like to grow up the way I had. But another, smaller part of me was wondering if maybe he was right - maybe I had done enough to leave that title behind me. And at that moment, I could almost see it: the kind of god that Quatre could be.
The longer I remained silent, the more his expression softened, until finally, he sighed and shook his head. "Besides, Heero's not in love with Relena. He doesn't even like her."
All thoughts of gods instantly slipped my mind. "W-what?"
"Heero hates Relena," he repeated patiently. "How could you ever think otherwise? He threatens to kill her every time he sees her."
"He threatens to kill everyone, including me," I pointed out, though something very cold inside of me had eased at his words. I was finally ready to admit to myself that I liked - okay, was probably in love with - Heero Yuy. I just hadn't wanted to think about it because I had always been so sure that he secretly liked Relena. There was just something about the way that he acted when they were together. Was it possible that I wasn't the only one who found her exceedingly annoying after all? "Are you sure?"
Quatre looked away in the direction of the door. He was silent for a moment before he turned back to me and smiled. "Why don't you ask him yourself?" he suggested, sliding off of the bed. I didn't understand what he meant until he walked across the room and opened the door to reveal Heero. I swallowed hard when I saw the look on his face; he didn't seem happy. Quat, the traitor, just nodded to him and left the room without even giving me a second glance, leaving the two of us alone.
Please review!