EMPIRE
Chapter 10: The Moon Eclipsed
Summary: Change came over, like a breeze. Emergencies ahead, the years between her passing like a dream. I have loved and I have lost, she concluded, in all haste.
Lifting the hem of her dress, Meg winced when she looked at her knees. Saints' knees, they called them, when she was much younger. Bent from praying all the time; now, her knees were thinner. Her knees were skinnier and back then, she remembered when she had met the dead schoolmaster's son, he had been keen to notice her knees and asked why she had knees like that. They are saints' knees, Meg had replied, from kneeling so long for praying. Now, what had become of the cunning blond boy keen to notice her knees?
No time for memories, she thought, as she dressed into her uniform. Another day as the Correspondence officer who was one of the few manpower left in her division – they joked she was a one-woman army of herself due to her other fellow workers often on leave due to expeditions. She mentored and was skilled enough to sort the papers with direct orders from Shadis on what to do; she knew court behaviour as well and being gifted with politeness, seemed to manage fine. Erwin would be far away from her, and she couldn't get any more relieved; the blow of the rejection hit her, but she was a soldier and she would weather the tide until it washed over her.
She had a job. She had a vocation. If not fighting Titans, then helping the cause was her job. It meant looking pretty and smiling. Her fist balled. Alcohol certainly worked wonders. Compared to last night, this was a huge improvement. One less attachment and that was it.
In the first place, he would brush the advances off. No need to remind them both that he wanted something better than her, while Meg had a vocation in the first place, too. Her vocation was to help and build an empire on her own and this was a good place, too. The papers in her hands were arranged and to start the day, she hurried to her seat and started to sort through the letters being sent.
Taped into her desk were a few notes.
Erwin seemed to be enjoying his dance with you. I hope he accepted your advances!
-Mike
Meg smiled as her fingers curled round the note and she threw it away. Useless was her judgment. As far as she was concerned, she had a vocation and she wanted to make more of it. Her heart was given away and tucked and that mattered.
For some weird reason people love taking me away from you. Another stupid mission. Anyway, I love you! Take care, woman! – Your Charlie
Well, that was sweet. Attached to Charlie's note was a box and when Meg opened it, a fruity aroma attacked the wind. The smell of freshly-baked lemoncakes. Charlie seemed to have grown sweeter since Braun came along. If only the two of them could get married and have babies, Meg thought, then two less persons would be harmed.
The door burst open, and came in Commander Shadis, his face lined and strict. He towered over her and Meg immediately did him a quick salute, with the subtlety of a fox.
Behind him was a lean dark-haired youth, with eyes of ice and metal, his face blank and pallid. He smelled of the North, of the wilderness and snow and of duty. He was of the North, steel and duty writ over his face. Dark-haired, dutiful and yet at the same time, Meg could tell, he had a depth to his soul. There was something rather wolfish about him.
With him was another dark-haired youth.
"Commander, is there anything you want to tell me?" Meg asked, smiling quickly at the boys. The first one did not flinch; the other blushed.
"Your division, Officer, needs more manpower, and I'm giving you that. These officers will serve as your manpower." Shadis glanced at the gray-eyed boy who stunk of duty. "This one's Officer Matthew Lyall, and he will serve you as a bodyguard, extra manpower and assistant as well as subordinate and be the steward of your division."
Matthew looked at her for a long time and then nodded. This was the nod of a man who had never seen a woman like her.
"The other is Theon Strong. He will be your subordinate. Treat them well and fairly and teach them what you know about political tactics. Officer Lyall, and Strong, this is your new leader and superior, Division Leader Margaret Capet, she heads the Correspondence Division." With that, Shadis nodded and exited the room. Once Shadis was out, Matthew lifted his chin and came nearer to her.
"Call me Meg," said Meg. A smile curled from the corner of her mouth. "You'll start today. We usually sort out letters and correspond with higher-ups, the nobility and the king and the government as well as deliver letters to soldiers and their families. It's heavy paperwork, but I think you'll learn it. I have faith in you two."
Theon blushed, and moved closer.
Matthew stared at her, his eyes gray and unyielding.
They got to work.
"I've heard all about you," Theon told her, as they were working, "You're the one Erwin Smith danced with during this event. Everyone said you were handsome and graceful." They had started working for a week, and to their credit, both men were getting the work done at a good rate.
"I was. You do me too much credit. I'm not like him at all," Meg replied, laughing. "Unlike Erwin, I find it difficult to comprehend politics."
Theon laughed along, but behind her, she knew Matthew was watching her.
When the work for the day was over, Theon quickly said his byes and Matthew for a moment, lay still into his seat. His eye glazed all over her. In his eyes, what was she truly? After observing him for a few days, Meg didn't hope to figure him out. Figuring out Erwin Smith was still a challenge after more than a thousand hours spent as a friend to him. When Matthew looked at her straight, she had a jest of her own that he saw her as a woman he could not touch or understand. His eyes followed the candles lit on her desk.
She had been keeping them ever since Thatcher died – the lit candles on her desk. For every death, she lit a candle and thought a prayer. She wouldn't kneel; her knees were saints' knees and it would ruin the uniform.
"What do you usually do after a day's work?"
"I read, and I play chess everyday."
"Who do you play with?"
"I play with Erwin Smith, but as of late, he is not with me."
"…"
"Will you do me a favour as your superior?"
Matthew's eyes sprang up.
"What is it?"
"Will you play with me?"
"Yes."
The chessboard was set.
"Officer Capet, I really do not see the use of being in this division," Matthew bluntly began. He looked at her again. "This division only serves to be a mouthpiece of what only appears to be happening. I did not wish to be put in this division."
"Let me correct you." She took his pawn and smiled. "I told you to call me Meg. I am awfully sorry you have no idea of what it means to be in this division. You are new to this division, and you will learn. As your head, I am rather sorry to see that."
"I know what being a soldier means," Matthew retorted. "It's not just doing paperwork, sitting all day inside this paperwork-crammed room. I signed up here to be on the frontlines, to offer my heart to humanity! My wife is Duty and my mistress is Honor, with all due respect, Officer Margaret Capet."
Meg smiled back. Let him learn, but no, it was not within her to let him slip without a last word from her. She was his head, even if he was her age by a few months. Theon was a new graduate, but Matthew was closer to hers. He would be about ten and nine. Why let this man younger than her talk her down? She would not stand for it. Her finger clasped around his rook.
"Do you understand truly what this means? As you said it yourself, your wife is Duty. As a member of my division, do you truly comprehend your duty? Let the boy die. Let the man live – that's what it means to be a soldier, no matter what division you are put in, Lyall." He took a pawn from her. Meg quickly moved her piece closer to his formation.
"Our primary duty is to be on battles and expeditions," Matthew replied to her.
"That's what you think."
At that, she took his king.
"Officer Lyall, you are dismissed. See me again tomorrow. I'll be keeping you closer to me than Officer Strong, do you hear? You will join me go to the capital for negotiations, you will join me to my trips in and out of the Walls and towns and cities as my steward and assistant."
"..yes, Division Leader." He turned his back.
"What are you reading?" Matthew asked her during breaktime.
"… The Legend of Melusina."
"What else do you read?"
"Poetry."
"What's your favourite lie of poetry?" At his question, her hands suddenly felt clammy. Her throat was dry. "My heart is set on a lusty pin," she replied back. "What of yours?"
Matthew looked back at her.
"Eros shook mymind like a mountain wind falling on oak trees," he replied back. The table separating the two of them creaked. She smelled his breath – he smelled of the moss from Northern Sina, from the wood, of steel, leather, and somehow, oak. Faint ginger. His gray eyes smiled at her. He knew his Sappho, she thought, as well as she knew her own books. Maybe she could learn to like him.
"Meg." She heard his voice, eyes like holes in her back. How many times had he left her with no word, left her to clean up the messes? It was a strange relationship indeed, and she would have no more complains, for he had rejected her as a woman and as comrades, had their duties.
"Erwin." She smiled politely at Matthew, whose eyes went back to his meal. She turned her back and saw Erwin, standing, hair slightly messy from the wind, smelling of dried blood and Titans and the trees.
"Who is he?"
"He is my subordinate. He will be at my beck and call from now on. Commander Shadis insisted on having more members of my division. His name is Matthew Lyall and they called him Lord Lyall behind his back, for his manners."
"He better do his job, then." Meg nodded. "How has your trip been?"
"Many deaths. Still, I have to keep working."
Mike gave her a nod.
"Very well, then."
Understanding, maturity, what was it they called it? This new sense of renewal in this relationship she maintained with her friend? He had mentored her into running her head with strategies, watched her rise from a naïve soldier into a player. He had not given any limit to the kind of things they could and would've done. Her own fondness was there, but it no longer bordered on the lost love she bestowed on him.
"Do you play chess with him?"
"So what if I do? Erwin Smith, you have no right to tell me what to do because I'm the one in charge of my division, not you. My division, my orders, my vocation, not you."
He nodded, eyes darker and more grim.
"Shadis says your division, in the next expedition, would come with me."
"Of course." She said it cheerfully.
"What are we going to do?"
Meg took the candles in her hands, the wax sticky in her fingers. Her face was dark, her breath minty and shiver-inducing. Her skin was ice, her hair a dull fire. Her face had no color left, from the work.
"We're going to war in the battlefield. Shadis' squad is low on manpower, and we have a duty to them. We'll fight, and we'll bring the candles. For a time, the squads will merge. We will assist the weak, the dying, fight on the sidelines, deliver the messages. Remember our division, our words." As she spoke, she lifted the candle in front of her.
"What words?" Theon inquired of her.
"Let the boy die. Let the man live." Meg lit the candle. In the darkness, her face was paler than ever. Her eyes were wide, the words from her mouth divine and holy. "Remember that we fight for our dead comrades, remember our duties as soldiers, that the world is crammed with cruelty but we have a vocation, that this is God's will for us to continue fighting for this cause. We will never be sorry for all this." Her eyes scanned her members who were adding more with the passing time. There was Theon and Matthew, by her side, then Jane, Jon, Scott. "We will be remembered – and to do that, we will never have to be apologetic for every action we do from now on. This is the will we need to do!"
Jane and Theon and Jon and Scott whispered amongst themselves. Matthew was impassive, his eyes on their leader.
"Is that clear, Correspondence Division?"
"Yes, Leader!" Their voices were one. Meg silently prayed they had the will of God in them. They would need this. Outside, the world was crammed with treachery. She would not let them die so easily. Not with her at God's accord, not with her own will at it; she had a vocation and no one would bend them down. Not even Erwin Smith.
The door opened, spilling light.
"Let's go!"
Matthew sometimes couldn't help watching the woman who led his division. She wasn't like the women of his life – the mother he knew was gone, and little memories were given for her. He mostly remembered his brothers and his father and the sister he had left behind. This woman, this lady, in the guise of a military head who specialized in correspondence, was the one who ruled the Correspondence Division by thick and thin and she was an army of one even on her own. He had seen her eat silently, seen her work at her paperwork, seen her whisper urgently in the rising star, Erwin Smith's ear like she was his lover and Matthew's belly had riled up in disgust. For all he knew, Lady Capet was sleeping with Shadis' right hand man and his knees would buckle at the idea of this woman with saints' knees being linked with Erwin Smith.
She had saints' knees – Matthew had seen her kneeling, eyes wide, skin sweaty and pale and breathing prayers under her breath.
Worse was the words he heard, and it was more awful when he met her in person. To his relief, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, with hair the color of fire, her eyes water and her skin porcelain and pale and her figure womanly and tall and slim like a woman from the capital. She looked delicate and when she spoke, one wondered if she was a lady or a priestess. He couldn't resist looking at her, because really, she was stunning.
Capet – and there, he had it. A noble woman, with pride in her bearing and power in her blood, and cunning in her words, she had lied when she said that she comprehended little of politics. If she was telling the truth, then how would she and Erwin Smith not meet at Shadis' beck and call talking about the nobles?
This woman is as delicate as a flower, Matthew had thought, on his first expedition, riding. She rode well, beside Erwin Smith, her sight straight ahead. She was bookish and well-spoken, burning with a religious vocation that reminded Matthew of a lady and a princess.
"She's no soldier," Matthew told Erwin Smith at his side, when the lady had quickly turned her back and said to leave her alone at a point. Erwin Smith's grim reply was to shake himself, as if he was slightly amused. "She is young and she is only meant to –"
Titans ran on. Would she sacrifice herself?
An arrow sped past Matthew's area of vision and landed on the tallest tree within the range. When Matthew looked, he coughed. His division leader was holding up a bow. Attached to the arrow was a long rope.
"Jane, Jon, Theon, climb the rope and keep yourself from there!" she yelled. "Keep yourselves in line before you attack." She glanced at Matthew. "Lyall, follow me after I'm done with the Titan. I'll go confront the Titan that first comes." She slipped her bow in her 3DMG and pulled out her blades.
"Meg," Erwin began, but she cut him off with a smile. Her smiles were scary. Wordlessly, she let her 3DMG wires attach far away from this point, and from there, whirred.
A Titan came into view ostentatiously about fourteen meters from where his leader had left. Matthew's first reply was to let his guard down. His blood expoded, his heart frozen. Yet a shape whirred into the Titan's direction. The shape's speed only increased with every second that passed – and into the tree behind the Titan landed an arrow with a steel string attached. In a fury of steel, the shape circled around the Titan and the tree – and the string had the Titan tied to the tree.
"Lyall," Erwin Smith said. "Look."
A red strand of hair flew by – and then Matthew realized who the figure was. When he looked back, he saw the blood spilled in the air – and a Titan that crumbled down the ground. At the tree, covered in Titan blood, smiled his division leader. Her hair was getting unkempt, and he could see red strands flowing down her shoulder.
The sound of enormous footsteps haunted the area.
"Let's get this started, shall we?" She beamed politely and whirred ahead of them, the smile quick and scheming.
Matthew looked back at Erwin Smith.
"Silk hiding steel," said the man grimly. "A woman no one wants to mess around with, too." No wonder, Matthew concluded at the end of the day, people said boys wanted to be her.
"Keep your weapons on!" She spoke gingerly, her voice shaking with that fervent devotion saints were capable of. "I'm sure you already know what you should do."
She hadn't flinched. She hadn't cried. So much blood in one day – Erwin Smith had gotten a scar in his back, and Matthew a cut in his arm, and Theon a long scar. She had asked them to take their shirts off and put her hair up, as she cleaned the injuries and nursed them and told them to take care of themselves or else she would have Shadis kick their asses.
In Matthew's mind, maybe, maybe, that he could enjoy her as a person, with her mind. For all her niceties, there was iron in her that he didn't think he would find. For the time he spent with her, he observed her, this night, as she sat beside Erwin Smith, eating. He whispered in her ear, and she nodded, and she whispered in his ear, too, and then she would light the candles for every person they had lost in the military and she would murmur a few prayers in the fire.
Her hand held onto her book, and she let her head lower, her eyes closed.
"Are they nice to her?" Erwin asked in the darkness.
"They are. I don't see why that's your business. You're in Shadis' squad and while she is your comrade, she has her own place."
"I was just noting something."
"What else is there to note?" Matthew scowled.
"You and her."
"Nothing's going to happen with me and her. Has she told you that she has saints' knees?"
"Saints' knees?"
"From kneeling so long that it took a toll on her." Matthew let his eye on her. In the darkness, she lay in the floor, her hair messy and eyes closed and her hand clinging to the book with the picture of a mermaid in a tub. "She must have been so prayerful for a child. She must have believed she could do anything for a will."
"She still does."
There was an explosion, and crystal rising from the ground. In the sky, two birds flew freely. There was the blowing of wind – and a hint of red cloth from a scarf.
"Fall."
Then she saw blurs – blond hair in a Titan's mouth, and then a woman's blood-smeared mouth crushed on a tree, her hair strawberry blonde, her eyes wide open.
A black-haired woman brushing her hair, then a scaffold, with what seemed to be a man hanging from it, blond hair to be followed by a pair of bare feet under a kirtle walking in the street, copper locks covering face, while people yelled at her. A short man at the table of a bar, then an older man with loaded weapons.
Meg woke up with a jolt. Her hair, loose, fell over her shoulders. Her shoulders heaved, her chest rose and fell, as liquid trickled from her face. She stood up from the makeshift bed, cloth and blanket and capes, her heart racing and hands sweaty and shaking. In the middle of the site, burned the bonfire.
She rubbed her hands together, as she tried to comprehend those things she had seen. There was a blond man in a scaffold, like the Hanged Man. There was a short man with black hair inside a bar, with a gun. A blond inside a Titan's mouth, and a girl with a red scarf, a woman with blood in her mouth crushed on a tree. It made her think of what had to be done. God, she prayed, God, tell me.
"Are you well?" Matthew's voice – and when Meg looked, she saw Matthew, dressed in a gray sweater, with his coat over him.
"I had a vision," she replied curtly.
"You look cold." He slipped the coat off him and placed it on her shoulders. "Have this for a while."
"I can't accept that, I'm your superior – "
"You're my superior and therefore, you need to be taken care of, too," he snapped back. "What did you see?"
"I saw the Hanged Man, a man with blond hair. I saw a girl with a red scarf, crystal around her. There was man in a bar, fighting an older man. I saw a girl dressed and soaked in her kirtle while it rained and people mocked her." Meg wiped her face with her handkerchief.
"Do you understand what it means?"
Meg closed her eyes.
"I think I do."
"I remember my home a lot," she said, during the night, at the campfire, when she wasn't playing chess. "I don't know why, but the memories just keep going back to me lately."
"What was your home like, Leader?" Theon asked.
"Well, it was large. We had orchards and gardens, and I remember enjoying being able to be with my loved ones. If there was a bird that had a broken wing, I would tend to it. I learned my lessons quick and well, and I loved debating with my brother about things. We had a large library and I loved the books so well. Then there was a chapel, where my mother used to meditate."
"Were you so prim, even back then?" asked Jane shyly.
"I was taught to be that way. The most unladylike thing I did was to sneak out of my sewing sessions and lock the door in my chapel and kneel for hours. I got my knees because of kneeling so much it got me in trouble."
She giggled.
"Who taught you?"
"Some nice teacher. My father wanted a man from within the Walls to teach me more about history. My father went to town one day, and we came to this school. My father wanted to hire him, and the teacher had a young son. When we came back a month later, I saw his son and I saw him crying and gave him my handkerchief."
She looked away, into the night sky and blinked.
"That's enough for today," she announced.
"Do you understand what you are doing?" Jack had asked Shadis the night he had left for Shiganshina to help Dr. Jaeger cure the people with the plague. Shadis had looked him squarely in the eye and nodded and told him to do his job because he was Jack Lithgow, the most good-looking boy in his batch, who had been one of the best, who was stuck for years in Shiganshina, living with the Jaegers as Grisha's helper, and a babysitter to Eren.
"Have you ever wanted to go outside of the Walls?" Eren had asked him today, while Jack was making a cup of hot tea for himself.
"I did."
"Really?"
"Yes, I did." Jack sighed.
For a moment, he remembered that day in Trost. He remembered her words, her desire to see the world outside, her curiosity, her delight.
"Did you know someone else who would want the same?" Eren asked on.
"I did. She was a friend."
Then Eren had gone.
How many more years would he stay here? Jack was unnerved by the idea. He had heard much news – Erwin Smith was rising with power, and as for Meg, there was more. Charlie even was in a relationship that was functional, Jack had heard, when he saw Mike pass by. Levi only grew stronger, shrouded in mystery and pushing himself to be a good leader.
When would he finally go back to the base?
First thing in the morning, Erwin saw her by the tent she shared with Matthew, her arms crossed over her chest, wearing a gray shirt that was too big for her and a coat that was Matthew's size, her hair loose and her lips a pallid line. She seemed to be as if she was waiting for him – and outside of the tent, Matthew was producing heat with his hands. The smell of fire abounded in the air and red flames were in the ground, and he tried to cook.
Meg raised her hand and waved Erwin to come nearer to her.
"We need to talk. I insist."
When he did, she quickly grabbed his shirt and pulled him inside the tent. In the darkness, there was only her, in those clothes too large for her.
"Care to explain to me what we are really supposed to do?" She fixed him with a stare. "What did Shadis tell you? Or better yet, what have you done? I don't want my squad dying in their first expedition because of some spot-on strategy you've cooked up. Did you hear me?" The smile was gone, and then, he saw it wasn't the lady but she herself who was worried.
"Meg. This is confidential."
"Do you not trust me? I'm your queen, you're the king and Levi's the knight. That's the thing you promised me. Pray, tell, I need you to tell me the truth. Tell me that because we are friends, you can trust me." Her hand squeezed on his wrist.
"Just keep it under wraps." She nodded.
"Our squads together, we're supposed to meet with Shadis' main force in the North. Charlie is with Humanity's Strongest, and the leader of that squad let her go to Trost quickly, because she needed rest and she got an injury. Braun will follow after her, after we meet with him. Shadis wants to capture new land, for a base. He needs us both."
"Clear as crystal."
"Meg."
"What?"
She tucked a strand of her loose hair behind her ear, her eyes fixed and her smile fresh and clear.
"You're not fooling around with anyone, are you?"
"Why the hell would I go do that?" She let out a giggle.
"Shadis is approaching!" Theon yelled. "There's also a raven!"
"I'll get dressed, I look awful," Meg grumbled. "Don't peek. Do you hear that? If you peek, I'll shove your head down the toilet in the base when we get back."
Meg
I need your help.
Can you kindly go to the Reiss lands?
-Frida
This is an emergency!
The note was hastily scribbled, and crumpled; it was obvious that the writer had been in a hurry. In Meg's hands, it was all she needed to learn. The squads had merged with Shadis' forces, and now, they were on the move in extreme emergency. Her hands shook as she bent her head, heart beating fast. At the head of the line, Braun looked over her with concern, with Shadis.
"Are you okay?" he called over.
"I have an urgent matter to attend to!" Meg yelled back, her voice shaking. "Commander, please hear me out, for I have something buried in my chest and I wish to be honest with you all!" First, the news that Wall Maria had been breached – and now, Frida was in trouble? She had only gotten the note from a raven that had landed on the ground just now.
"What is this impending matter, Capet?"
Meg bit her lip.
"I just got a note from my friend in the nobility, the Reiss, Frida Reiss, she needs me as soon as possible. If possible, I will go split ways from this squad, and go ahead to Wall Sina. I request permission to do this!"
"What of your squad? They need you, too," Braun urged.
"I will watch over her!" Matthew shut them all up with a cold look that could have made anyone freeze in fear. He was a wolf in anger, and everyone save for Erwin, Meg and Shadis could take it in fear. "I will not let any harm come to Leader."
"My squad goes with me, unless there are those who wish to continue with them. For those who want to go on with this mission, then, I will see you in the base, and I expect you to make the full report," Meg retorted. "I am needed within Wall Sina."
"Do what you have to, then," answered Shadis. "Thatcher taught you what needed to be done."
Erwin craned his head and nodded, and then she returned his nod with a cheerful smile, and from there, split the way.
"Braun, Charlie's waiting for you!" Meg called one last time.
Braun had grinned back.
"I will go back to her! That's a promise!"
"Matthew, is there something that ills you?"
They had arrived within Wall Sina, now in the Reiss territory. The sky was dark, and there were white gases scattered in the night sky. Their land was rich, mostly made for farming and labor, Meg noted, as she moved, her heart beating loudly in her chest. Behind her, she heard Matthew take in inhales.
"…"
"Matthew, I need to know what's your problem." In the darkness, she took his hand and gave it a squeeze.
"I.."
"You…"
"I'm worried about my sister."
"What of your sister?"
"Last time I saw her, she was in Shiganshina. She was a child, and she was only ten. In five years, she would almost be a woman. I know not whether or not if she lives."
"Tell me of your sister. Once we go back, I can send a search party to find her."
"Aria." He squeezed her hand back. "Her name was Aria Lyall, and she was good with a horse. She was fond of blue roses, horses and climbing trees and strategies and I fear she might be lost forever, all alone in Shiganshina with barely anyone left. She had dark hair and gray eyes and a small face. Skinny, and thin and plain. She loved putting up a fight."
"Matthew, I will find her. One day. I promise you that."
"Do you, really?"
"Yes, I do." Meg looked back at him and looked ahead. "Matthew," she added. "I mean, Lyall, please tell me about your sister."
Matthew smiled. When he smiled, she saw a handsome boy who was bound to his duty. "Aria is ten, and my father loved her so. I think he saw in her our aunt. Our aunt was a legendary beauty within Wall Sina. My father, you see, he lived as a blacksmith in Shiganshina, and my aunt was a lady." He bit his lip. "Do you wish to hear more?"
"I command you to."
"Very well." Matthew sighed. "Our aunt was a bright woman. She was clever and good at a horse, an unconventional beauty. She wanted to be a man, with a man's interest. She enjoyed archery and hawking and hunting and swordplay, would have held a sword if my lord grandfather would have allowed her to. My father could have been the house lord of the Lyall family."
So no wonder Lyall was a familiar name. Nobles, they were one of the most honourable clans.
"Due to my aunt's scandal, my father was imposed into exile in Shiganshina. He lived there, with me, my elder brother and Aria. We were three, and to support us, my father made a living as a blacksmith and as a teacher of fencing and he took in apprentices. My elder brother Paul, he stayed behind to watch over Aria. My mother, she died after a plague after giving birth to Aria. Aria's the youngest, and she is… wild. She is hard to watch over – she had a quick temper, and a liking for the same things that my aunt did."
Like aunt, like niece, Meg noted.
"She liked to jump into rivers, she enjoyed climbing trees and wandering the streets when not at her books with our father. Our father wanted to make sure we were educated as if we were still not in exile. My sister is still a child, and she is very intelligent, she is more studious than I am, and she gets bored easily."
"Well, I want to hear more."
"She loved blue roses, she loved it when she took walks barefoot and holding her books and having someone talk to her of learning. She dearly loved to learn. She's also stubborn. She wanted to help make a living so she often went around selling things from out of nowhere. She would beg on the streets. She would do anything to live." Worry flooded his words. "If she survives, I fear for her."
"I hope she will survive."
"If she survives, then she will might as well fall into darkness. She would realize that the world is indeed crammed with cruelty and lose her heart as well. She is all I have left, with my family."
"Matthew."
"Leader?"
"Call me Meg."
From the vantage point, Meg saw it finally – the ruins of what seemed to be a chapel. The squad entered it. The roof was destroyed, and it was majorly ruined. How could someone damage the roof if not for a Titan?
No Frida.
No clues.
Where was Frida?
It was her turn to have her heart beat so fast, her hands clamming down that her face was shining with sweat, her breath puffing and huffing. Where was Frida? The anxiety bit and clawed her insides. Where was she? There was nothing. Nothing to see, nothing left, but the sense of space that had nothing inside. Hollowness and a sense of grief and foreboding that crept like the ripper, which was it was.
"…What are you looking for?"
When Meg turned, it was Lord Reiss, face lined.
"Frida." Meg ground her teeth and her hands scrunched the man's shoulders. "Where is she, pray, tell?"
"Meg –"
"Where is she?"
"She…"
Lord Reiss looked away.
She is gone.
Was that he meant to say?
I have lost a sister, Meg thought. For all her vocation, for all the prayers, was this what she got? Was it a lost cause? Frida was innocent, and why did this happen? Frida. Frida. The dark-haired woman who wanted Meg for a sister, the woman who helped her in the capital, just the girl Meg could have loved like a sister and the woman who was nice to everyone; Meg's insides were hollow.
"Very well, then. Lord Reiss, have this chapel fixed. Do it for Frida. I'm sure she would want that."
The mist fell over, a sheet. Was it witchcraft? Charlie had told him it was still possible. For a possibility, even Meg could cast a spell over them. As far as he knew, Meg would and could never do such a thing. She was always smiling. She's always scheming behind that smile of hers, Jack Lithgow had warned him, during an expedition, you wouldn't know than to be charmed by her beauty and her manners and her kind heart. You shouldn't put more trust me when it comes to her, Jack had added. For your ultimate Meg Capet gossip experience, the better to ask Erwin Smith directly. He knew her better than those smiles she loved to present to people and that cheerful act.
Out there, he had a mission. Capture a base – and then go back to her. Braun would have loved to see her again. She would be proud of him. Maybe then, maybe then, he would finally hear her voice and make a reply to his statements to her, no matter how cryptic they were. She was a simple woman, after all, and he a simple man. He didn't want Mistress Meg's smiles, even if anyone would kill for them. He didn't want Erwin Smith's greatness, or Levi's strength. He didn't want Shadis' authority. He didn't want the schemes Erwin Smith played, nor any of the mystique that Meg presented with herself. None of them would have clean hands, and what he did wish for was clean hands. Hands to build lives, hands to touch her face and her hair and hands to massage her shoulders when she was stressed and mulling and moaning over her past and her mistakes, and then maybe, maybe, he would be happy to do that all for her.
A simple life with her, and he would bring her home, and let her meet his mother. She was waiting too long for him and she needed a companion.
Sandy hair and gray eyes, and a smile that was like the sun – Braun wanted her smiles. He wanted her. He wanted Charlie, the sun who shone and danced so unabashedly. He wanted the times in the rain, walking and dancing under the rain, because Charlie said it was a good ritual to chill out, and walking under the moonlight, because she felt free like a bird. With her, he had freedom and with her, he would do anything.
He had sworn her his love. He had sworn her his word all.
"Return to me."
She had told him before he left for every mission he had gone to. She would wave to him and blow kisses and hug him. Then she would call to him to return to her.
"I always do!"
And he had.
Two years of this, and now this.
Braun propelled his horse forward, and kicked. Just like the way Meg had taught him to, and Charlie had drilled into him.
"What happens after this for you and Hunter?" Erwin asked, from behind him. Braun blushed slightly. He could tell his comrade seemed envious.
"I'd return to her, as always. I'd ask her to stay with my mother and we would get married. We would have a family."
"That sounds nice."
"How about you?"
"No family for me in sight."
Braun sighed. Erwin had a woman problem.
"Really, if you just asked her to run away with you, I think she would do it in a heartbeat."
"…really?"
"Yes. I am sure of it. High possibility guaranteed. If you want your own family, you'd ask her."
"Who do you mean?"
"Mistress Meg, of course. I've seen the way she looks at you. She smiles on you." From behind, there was male laughter, amusement. "She used to blink a lot when your name is mentioned, she pinks when I say your name, and one time she was cleaning she was singing to herself a love song."
"…"
"Ask her," snorted Ethan, a man with dark hair.
"This is absolutely no time for gossip!" Shadis' voice broke the rumble of laughter and amusement. "Remember our objective!"
Braun averted his gaze.
Oh, right.
"Ready for battle! We have one target! Take it down if it is the last thing you do!" Shadis' command echoed through the thrush of trees they sped by. Braun braced himself as his hands tightened around the rein.
"Distance to target, 400 meters!" Braun yelled. "It's coming our way!"
Charlie.
The bells rang, and what Jack did was to make sure he looked presentable. Buttoning his shirt and his coat, he smoothed his short hair, and made a run for the center of the town, his eyes blazing and his hands clammy and cold. Finally, the Scouting Legion was back! He would see Shadis at last! Shadis – and Erwin and Meg! Jack itched to see the two; he had heard gossip about the two of them being linked to one another so closely.
From the corner of the street, he could see the remains of the army. He saw men who lost their limbs – one man, Ethan, he had lost an eye. Another had his arm broken. Some were limping, trying to make it on their own. Their spirits were down, and gloom hung over them like rain over the sea.
This was supposed to have been the day Jack was waiting for – the day he would greet Shadis from his expedition and tell him his work was done. The stay at Shiganshina had been extended due to Jaeger needing more help – and that included babysitting Eren. The kid had been a brat, and something in the adopted Asian girl reminded Jack of Levi.
Erwin Smith passed by, his eyes grimmer than ever than in the years Jack had known him.
Jack itched to throw the man an egg and a tomato in the face, but hell, it would ruin his reputation with Erwin. Mentioning the word anal to Levi in correspondence too would be awkward; he wondered if Mistress Meg flinched when she looked over Jack's letter to Levi. Mistress Meg was with Erwin – but why was she not here? Jack was preparing himself yesterday to see the woman's lip in Erwin's ear, whispering something.
Erwin glanced directly at Jack, and Jack's belly lurched uncomfortably. Then he glanced away.
Good.
In the front, Shadis' face was lined.
"So few of them are returning," whispered a man. "It's been awful this time as well…"
"Braun! Braun!" A woman's voice screeched through the crowd. A bell rang in Jack's head. The first person he had seen in his head was Braun – and then followed by Charlie Hunter. Jack knew more to predict that Charlie would establish this rapport with Braun. Braun was Hunter's closest male friend, a new friend to others, a man she relied on. He had heard tales of the two of them. They were devoted to each other.
Was this the same Braun Charlie was linked to?
Now that Jack himself realized it, he hadn't seen Braun in the fray.
An old woman came running to the front. Her gray eyes were livid, and her mouth was wide. She dropped to her knees in front of Shadis, incredulous and shaking.
"Excuse me, my son… I can't see him. I can't see my son Braun." Her lips shook. "W-What happened to him?!"
Shadis looked ahead.
"It's her, Braun's mother. Bring it here."
Charlie… Jack paled at the thought. Things were messier now.
The woman backed away, shocked.
A fellow soldier walked by. He carried a package wrapped in white linen. The soldier placed the package in the woman's hands. The woman began to furiously unwrap the package, rolling layer by layer, and then, the moment of truth.
A hand lay underneath the folds.
The woman squeaked. She began to sob.
"That was the only part of him we could salvage." Her sobs came out. Louder than ever before, they were songs.
"But… my son was useful, right?" She looked up. "It doesn't have to be anything outstanding! He contributed! His death contributed toward Humanity's retaliation, did it not?"
More mumblings.
Shadis' eyes locked.
"It was all for naught! We didn't make any progress at all! I've been a failure, getting soldiers killed right and left! We didn't discover anything about the Titans!"
Jack's teeth pierced his lip. He pierced it then he tasted metal in his mouth, through his saliva.
Charlie had lost a lover. He shuddered. Would it mean Erwin lost Meg, too? And Meg… Jack turned his back and continued to walk.
He would have to leave.
He had an omen something bad would happen.
Either way, his work was done.
"Charlie will be broken if she knows this," Erwin heard Ethan grumble.
"Charlie…" a man murmured. "I don't know. I knew they were close. I guess his death would be hard. Death is rather a hazard."
Erwin kept his eyes on the road.
He knew better.
Braun's letters in the sky spelled son, lover, friend. That was the way it meant. He was a comrade. He was a lover, a man who loved from afar, no matter how far. His loss was just like any loss.
"Let the boy die. Let the man live," Braun had told him.
"Why did we leave his arm to his mother?" Ethan asked Shadis.
Shadis had no reply.
"We could have given it to Cadet Hunter."
"What about Cadet Hunter?"
"Braun loved her."
"Did she love him back?"
Silence.
Charlie was a hard woman to love. That was what Erwin knew. A loose woman who loved getting into bed, but a complicated woman who relied on Meg for support. Could she have loved Braun?
Not even Erwin could answer the question.
"No one knows?"
Shadis sighed.
Defeat.
"Then I will have to tell her myself."
"Leave me alone."
They had arrived, and arrived late. Shadis' squad had arrived a day earlier in the base, and drizzle spilled.
Theon was leading the horses, Jane and Jon carrying the packs away and fixing everything. They shuddered away from her, every bit of the solemnity clouded by her mood. Sure, she needed to get away from people for a while. Being around people tired her out.
"Why?"
Matthew's voice whispered from behind her. Meg grit her teeth.
"I want to be alone, Lyall." In the rain, there was only the moon, she – and Lyall. The others were rushing inside the base. Her voice shook, and her shoulders shivered.
"You're wet, Leader. Let me take you somewhere warm. You need to get cleaned." Matthew's voice was trying its best to be soothing, but it broke with the realization that he no longer knew where his sister was. He held her shoulders, from her back, and her head was pressed closely to his chest. She could feel his heart beat, his warmth.
"Leave me alone!" She turned to face him. He was not crying, but his eyes were bloodshot and wide.
"Leader."
"Lyall. Take care of yourself first than me! You're my subordinate, not my boyfriend! Please!" She pushed him away from her.
Matthew took a step back. His cheek was wet, and his eyes were mirrors and smoke. He nodded politely.
"Please take care of yourself, too, Leader," he added, and he slipped inside the base.
The rain tapped on the ground – and it continued to pour. Meg lifted her face up to the sky, closing her eyes. Finally, I am alone, she thought. Her hand ripped the pins away from her hair and her mane of red fell to her waist, the copper locks wet with downpour.
First, Thatcher, and now, Frida? What kind of God allowed this? Frida had been her friend. Frida had been the kindest noble she had met, the kindest lady she knew. Frida, with her gentle manners, her easy confidence, and her smile, she had lit up Meg's world with her innocence and devotion to her own ideals. Frida had lived for others – and that made Meg love her so easily.
The water darkened her clothes; her uniform was so soaked she knew it would be practically see-through soon. Yet she didn't care.
Frida had been like her - a creature of porcelain. Frida was like the old Meg. The old Meg would have given her heart to anything like an idiot. Frida had been her clarity, her certainty those days. Frida had had so much to live for – she was a sister, a friend, a sweet sister indeed. Lucky could be the man who would have married her. He would have married a living angel.
The rain fell on, heavier and heavier.
Now, she was alone, and she had no one to understand her. Who would understand and love her like Frida did? No one knew and asked for her to be seen that way!
She took a breath. There was singing, and yet there was only her. For a minute, Meg opened her eyes and she spotted a pair of gray eyes watching her. Pale skin, gray eyes, black hair, and a nod, from a window upstairs.
Someone else must have died.
A window upstairs closed.
"Meg!" Erwin Smith opened the door to the base. He was solemn and dark, and ever more grim. The light in his eyes were dim, and his mouth no longer curved like before. For a moment, she thought, he could have been another person. She didn't need him at both states – she wanted to be alone. Goodness, who said being an introvert was easy? It was suffocating her.
"Yes?" Her whisper was broken.
"I'm sorry…"
Her fists balled.
"Tell me who died," she hissed, and then buried her face in his shoulder, inhaling his scent. "Please, tell me, who died. Pray, tell."
"When you're…"
"Just tell me!" Her demand was urgent, and her voice was breaking. Her shoulders were breaking, and every inch of her was wet and melting in the pool of rain. He just would never understand, would he? Please, not Charlie, Meg prayed. "I don't want you to try making me feel better, do you hear me? Just tell me!"
"…Braun was killed." Erwin took a step away. "I'll be back," he added, "I have to do the report myself; Shadis broke down when we arrived." He ran – and then Meg saw no more.
Braun. This was the man who had loved Charlie – the comrade to Meg. Braun loved honey, he loved Charlie, he wanted to be useful, for once. And he had departed the world, without knowing if Charlie really loved him.
Damnit, Meg's heart melted.
Her knees buckled – and she hit the ground. Her tears were ice, spilling, her hair over her face, her hands shaking. Frida and Braun. She had loved them.
Her nails dug into her hair and she shook in the middle of the ground, shivering, wet and her tears melting.
She started to howl, her nerves a wreck. For Frida, for Braun, for Thatcher, for the dead who had left her, and became stories in the end. Let the drain drench her. Let them leave her there, wet and shivering and crying.
After she howled, she stayed in the place, frozen. Footsteps came, and then something warm on her shoulders. She smelled strong black tea, cleaning equipment, and dried metal and blood. A small mouth telling nothing. Her vision blurred – and she let her eyes fall.
I don't want to cry no more, she remembered saying.
The rain poured on and on, and every minute she fell, she had sworn she would stand up. Fall seven times, stand up eight.
Shivering, pale, yet tight-lipped, she began to walk towards the base door, wet and red-faced and burning.
It's only beginning.
Notes: Two deaths! Since this is a heavy chapter, let's have some bloopers~
Bloopers:
(Meg sleeps on Erwin's shoulder.)
Matthew: Do you know that?
Erwin: That what?
Matthew: She snores and talks in her sleep. She says your name. As we speak, she dreams about you.
Meg: I can hear you two. And nope, that's not happening. So shut the hell up and let me sleep.
Director: Okay, this is the ball scene! Time to look lively.
Meg: Okay, Erwin, let's get this over with, okay?
Erwin: Sure.
(Music plays – and the song Gentleman by Pplays)
Erwin: I'm not going to dance the tango – LEVI?
(Levi steps in the center and starts dancing the Gentleman)
Levi: Meg, just ditch that dick and be the Ga In to my Psy so I can finally get the spotlight in this part. You won't get laid with him.
(He dances the arrogant dance)
Meg: (laughs) You want a dance showdown?
Director: Take two for the dance scene!
Meg: Okayy!
(Trouble Maker by Hyuna and Hyunseung plays)
Erwin: ….
(Charlie and Braun start dancing Trouble Maker – and they rock it)
Charlie: Meg! Do this with Erwin!
Director: Take three!
(Music plays – and it plays Run Devil Run)
Meg: (starts to dance Run Devil Run)
Erwin: Meg, I thought you were going to dance the tango with me.
Meg: Sorry, bae, plans changed.
Director: Stop jinxing the music, damnit!
Thatcher: What do the weak do to the strong?
Levi: They fuck them.
Thatcher: That sounds wrong, you know…
Erwin: You must have hated me so much…
Levi: I did.
Erwin: But now, you love me. You want to seduce me.
Levi: That's fucking right. (starts stripping)
Matthew: Mistress – I mean, Meg, will you- Will you tell me about your favourite poets?
Erwin: Back off. She's mine.
Meg: Hell no! That wasn't in the script.
Meg: You know nothing, Matthew Lyall.
Meg: You know nothing, Levi Ackerman.
Meg: You know nothing, Erwin Smith! (cracks up) Oh, shoot, I sound like Ygritte!
Charlie: Look who's here. It's Commander Handsome – (cracks up) Oh shit, I'm so sorry I confused you for Erwin! Sorry, pal!
Levi: Whoa, thanks for the compliment.
Jack: Say, Hanji, do you like it up the ass?
Hanji: Whoa! Hell no! That wasn't even in the script!
Erwin: How is taking care of correspondence?
Meg: It's making me horny. Just kidding.
Jack: Do you like it up the ass?
Levi: I do. Let's get it on, shall we?
Meg: Listen, boy, my first love story, uh-oh-oh. My angel. (starts shaking her butt in the rain) And the girls. (spins) My sunshine. (starts dancing and singing Gee in the rain) GEE GEE GEEE BABY BABY BABY.
Erwin: I'll say.
Meg: This is dedicated to all those assholes who don't have enough balls to go chase after me! YES, EVEN YOU, ERWIN SMITH! (dances more)
(Camera zooms in Erwin)
(Meg dances Bubble Pop in the rain)
Meg: Hey boy –
Erwin: (stares) Don't you get tired of dancing?
Meg: Erwin. Join me! Let's dance!
Erwin: I don't know how to…
Meg: (hugs Erwin in the rain)
Erwin: …
Meg: Dude, your armpits smell.
Erwin: … are you insulting my deodorant?
Levi: I wasn't able to tell you this, but congratulations on getting the new position. (hands Meg flowers)
Meg: Flowers suck ass.
Notes: Hope you enjoyed the bloopers! Maybe next chapters will feature interviews! I just had to have Charlie and Braun dance Trouble Maker! The Tagalog song Kailan reminds me of Meg and Erwin oh god no. I actually have saved a Levi x Meg playlist in my laptop.
Headcanons: Meg's actress is pretty easygoing in real life and she is a huge nerd, she loves the Game of Thrones series and Kpop, while Jack's actor is a huge player. Erwin's actor is well, reserved and can be pretty by the book and delivers seriously every take, unless well, the people around him goof off and he gets affected.
I've been watching too much Park Shin Hye videos sorry about that!