A/N:

Hello! So I wasn't originally planning on posting this tonight- but I received a lot of questions about yesterdays chapter, and I couldn't wait to give you all the answers. This chapter is VERY long. So I apologize- but I have a hard time deciding where to cut chapters off... soooo... yeah. This will probably be the last chapter for a few days- as I am in the process of writing the next one.

Thanks all! :P

Please remember- every victim is different, and their healing process is different too.

Please review!
I do not own 50 shades.

I went over almost every night, but a few nights, I just didn't go. He didn't ask me the next time I saw him, and he didn't make an effort to call me if I didn't go over. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. At first all I wanted was him, but I was terrified of what "his" night would bring.

I didn't go to his house that night either.

I did however, go a few days later, and I was ready for what I wanted. I went shopping, had great lingerie and a fabulous outfit, and I was ready.

I went home after a spa day, still unemployed, but not financially hurting. I showered, double shaved my legs and plucked my eyebrows. I spent an extra long time brushing out my hair and applying makeup, I wanted to look perfect for tonight. I slipped on the dark red lingerie I purchased, studying myself before pulling on the short white dress. It was strapless and flowed across my body, hiding the surprise I had underneath. I pulled on a pair of ruby heels and added a bit of jewelry, smiling at my reflection. I was ready for Christian Grey to fall at my feet. I pulled on a long trench and put on my sunglasses, the cameras stayed further back from my house than before, but they still waited patiently for me to slip up.

I went to Christians and ran my hands through my hair, smiling at Taylor as I walked in.

"Evening Taylor."

"Miss Steele. How was your day?" I shrugged, hanging up my coat and feeling his eyes on me.

"It was okay." I fixed my hair, looking down nervously.

"Taylor… do I look okay?" He nodded, smiling slightly.

"You're a vision Miss Steele." I flushed and grinned at him, squeezing his shoulder as a thanks.

"Is Mr. Grey in his office?"

"Bedroom."

"Thank you." I walked down the hall slowly, deciding to surprise him. I slipped off my dress, throwing it across a chair in his bedroom and lying in the middle of his bed. I knew he'd be surprised, and I couldn't wait for his reaction.

"Ana?" I glanced up, smiling at him but seeing his eyes were wide, and not in a good way.

"What are you doing here?"

"I… we… dinner?" He tugged at his hair nervously and I noticed the tux he had on.

"I can't believe I forgot to tell you… I- I have a benefit for my parents tonight… they are meeting me here… like…" I heard the voice of a woman carry down the hall and jumped off the bed, scrambling to put on my dress.

"Fuck… fuck fuck fuck!" He slammed his bathroom door and I jumped, my eyes wide.

"Oh Christian I am so sorry! I didn't know, I'll just wait until you leave with your parents and then I'll go out after okay?" He paced nervously, fiddling with his bow tie. I gently moved his hands, tying it for him and fixing his jacket.

"It will be okay." He paused, studying me for a long moment before giving me a strained smile.

"Would… would you like to come?" I froze, not sure how to answer.

"Uh, I mean are you sure? Because you don't have to…"

"Christian! Come out here and say hello to us!" I heard the woman's voice float down the hallway again and he gulped, giving me a nervous smile.

"What do you say Miss Steele, feel like being my plus one?" He held out his hand and I smiled slightly, taking his hand and letting him pull me down the hall.

"Sorry mom I was just getting ready." He walked in front of me and she smiled at him, obviously lovingly.

"Oh you finally figured out how to tie the bow tie!" He gave a nervous smile, pulling me forward slightly.

"Actually, Ana did it for me." She froze, her eyes dancing over me before a smile shot across her face.

"Oh hello! Christian you didn't tell me you'd be bringing a date!" Her smile was so wide it looked like it might split her face in half so I smiled back, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Ah Miss Steele, we meet again." Carrick came forward, kissing my cheek.

"You look beautiful as always."

"Thank you Mr. Grey." Mrs. Grey stayed back, studying Carrick cautiously.

"You knew… you knew he had a girlfriend and you didn't tell me?" She narrowed her eyes, huffing before coming over to shake my hand.
"It's so lovely to meet you Ana, you can call me Grace." I shook her hand, smiling warmly at her.

"It's great to meet you, sorry if I'm intruding." She shook her head quickly, smiling up at Christian again.

"Nonsense, any friend of Christian's is a friend of mine." She flashed another smile and I took the chance to take in her outfit and I realized I was completely under dressed.

"Now come you two, we don't want to be late!" I was embarrassed as I slipped on my trench coat, but Grace complimented it, saying she loved the way it hung on me. I thanked her, standing beside Christian nervously, wishing I hadn't come over tonight.

"Alright the limo is waiting!" I shot Christian a withering look and he paused, catching his moms shoulder.

"You know I think we might take my car, I'm sure this will be just as boring as last year." Grace studied him, narrowing her eyes.

"Are you trying to skip out again Christian? You promised me you'd go" He shook his head quickly, giving her a small smile.

"We're going mom, I just want to drive separate." She studied me before nodding slightly. We all rode down together in the elevator, they took the limo while Christian and I drove in his shiny silver car.

"I am so completely under dressed." He shrugged, reaching over to take my hand.

"I think you look beautiful, but we can stop and pick something up for you if you'd like." I paused, smiling slightly at him.

"I would love that, and sorry for crashing your evening." He shrugged, still smiling as he squeezed my hand.

"I think this will be the most interesting party I've been to in a long time." I wasn't sure if that were a good thing or a bad thing, but I was hoping tonight would be good.

We stopped at a high end store that Christian knew the owner of, and she whisked me away quickly, holding up several different dresses before settling on an emerald green one. She whipped my hair up into an elegant bun and gave me diamond studs and a matching bracelet to wear.

"Are you ready?" She eagerly called out to Christian, and I felt my heart racing as I slipped on the emerald green heels.

"Yes." His silky voice called out and I took a deep breath, stepping out of the dressing room and looking up at him. His face was frozen in awe, and his eyes were gleaming as he looked at me. I gave a nervous smile and brushed a loose curl away from my face, hoping that I didn't look ridiculous.

"You look gorgeous." He walked up to me and kissed my temple, running a hand down my back and sending shivers up my spine.

"Thank you." I smiled up at him, leaning forward and kissing his jaw lightly. He stiffened slightly but smile brightly at me.

"She's going to need a fur shawl as well, it's cold out." I stared at him in surprise as he grabbed a white rabbit fur shawl and draped it over my shoulders, before whipping out his black credit card and handing it to the woman.

"Your total is 5 thousand sixty two dollars and seventy nine cents." He smiled again, signing the slip and taking his card. My mouth was agape as he reached for me and lead me out to his car.

"You… you just spent like three times what a normal person's mortgage is." He nodded, smiling as he opened his door.

"Money well spent." He winked at me and shut the door behind me as I slipped in, and I looked down at the dress, feeling my face redden as I thought of him taking it off me.

We arrived and there were cameras everywhere. The valet opened the door for me and I got out slowly, cameras snapping pictures of me. Christian threw his keys to the kid and took my hand, leading me inside. We put our jackets at the coat check and walked up the stairs to the ballroom that was filled with people, dressed in ball gowns.

"I still feel under-dressed, how is that possible?" I whispered it to Christian as we stepped in and he smirked, wrapping an arm around my waist.

"You're the most beautiful woman here." I flushed feeling eyes on me as we headed downstairs.

"Oh there you two are!" Carrick and Grace were already seated and Christian pulled me over to his seat. I noticed an open seat without a name tag, figuring that was mine. I sat beside him, giving him a small smile.

"So… what's the agenda?" He chuckled, leaning over and kissing my temple, his fingers wrapped around mine under the table. I saw his mother and father eyeing us and I flushed, looking down at our hands.

"So Ana, how has our son been treating you in the office? I hope he hasn't been overworking you." I glanced up to Carrick, seeing his eyes were kind. I gulped, shrugging lightly.

"Well actually, I don't work for Christian anymore." Grace leaned forward, eyes wide as she studied Christian.

"You didn't fire her did you?" Christian glanced down quickly but I squeezed his hand.

"She's just kidding, she's a great assistant." I glanced up at him quizzically, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, yes but we've discussed it a few times. I want to pursue my first love, which sadly, isn't making Christian's coffee." He rolled his eyes at me, nudging me playfully, but I could see his eyes were interested.

"What do you want to do?" They both looked eager to know I glanced down, feeling my face flush.

"Well uh… I like to write." I could feel my cheeks reddening as I spoke but they just smiled.

"That sounds lovely! We need some creative people around here, everyone is just business all the time." I smiled again, appreciating them accepting my goals.

"Is Mia coming?" Grace shook her head, frowning slightly.

"No. Unfortunately she's off vacationing with some new boyfriend." Christian's jaw tightened but he didn't say anything.

"Well Elliot will be here, right?" Grace shrugged, glancing up as more couples walked in.

"We need to go socialize, excuse us dear." Grace and Carrick stood, looping their arms together as they walked towards the new arrivals.

"How are you holding up?" He glanced over to me and I shrugged, wondering if I looked as overwhelmed as I felt.

"I'm fine." He smiled, leaning forward and kissing my nose. All of his cute displays of affection were making me nervous, I wasn't used to… normal Christian, and I didn't know what to expect.

"So you want to be a writer?" I shrugged, glancing around the room.

"Or a publisher… I don't know something in that field." He nodded, still smiling.

"That sounds like a great career." I smiled up at him slightly, feeling eyes on us.

"So I work for you again?" He chuckled, shrugging as he stood up.

"I'd like you to. My new assistant can't do anything. You can start Monday." He held out a hand for me and we headed over to the bar, getting our drinks as more people arrived. And then once all the people were there, that's when the chaos started.

Christian whisked me from couple to couple, introducing me as his, "personal assistant" which earned a lot of weird looks in my direction. I then had to listen to boring business talk all night, and by ten thirty, I had a ringing headache and was exhausted. We tried to dance a few times, but kept getting interrupted by someone who wanted to talk to Christian. Eventually, I left him and drifted over to the bar to get another drink.
"You must be Ana." I glanced up, seeing a burly man with sandy blond hair in front of me.

"Yes… have we met?" He grinned, shaking his head and ordering a beer.

"Not yet, although I've been waiting for Christian to bring you over. I'm Elliot, his older brother." I shook his hand quickly, smiling up at him.
"It's so nice to meet you." He grinned at me, glancing over to his brother for a few minutes.

"Having fun yet?" I glanced over to see if he was being serious or teasing but I could see the sarcasm behind his eyes.

"Loads. This is better than the Frat parties I went to in college." Elliot chuckled, shaking his head as we turned to watch the people.

"I hate coming to these things. People just want to talk about business and the future and my last name. My mom made me come this time though, said she'd "ground me" if I didn't." I chuckled with him, glancing over and seeing Christian was looking at us.

"You're the first girl he's ever brought to one of these things." I glanced back to Elliot, seeing he was studying me.

"Really?" He nodded, shrugging as he sipped beer.

"Yeah, hell you're probably the first girl he's ever dated." I almost choked on my wine.

"Oh, we're not dating…"

"Yeah, I heard you're his "assistant". That's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard." I smiled, feeling my cheeks flush.

"We're really just friends."

"You guys were like holding hands all night." I sighed, glancing down at my glass.

"We're very close friends?" Elliot laughed, shaking his head and clapping a hand on my shoulder.

"I like you. I hope he keeps you around." I gave him a small smile, spotting an older blond female shimmy over to Christian.

"Who's she?" Elliot glanced over, studying the woman for a moment.

"Elena. My mom's friend. She loves Christian though, ever since he was 15. Kind of weird if you ask me." I glanced over to him, fifteen? I looked back to Christian, seeing him give her a warm smile. She hugged him, put a hand on his chest, straightened his bow tie. I felt my blood boiling as I stared at the woman, realizing who she was.

"You okay? No need to get jealous, she's not his type." I gave Elliot a quick smile, sipping my wine again.

"I'm fine, just tired." He nodded, bumping my shoulder.

"Yeah, the snooze fest will be over soon." I nodded, sticking with him for the rest of the evening.

"Ana! Let's dance!" Elliot grabbed my arm and pulled me up from my chair and I laughed, following him onto the dance floor. He pulled me close and effortlessly whirled me around the room. I laughed as we danced and talked, and I realized, that Elliot is the kind of man I would date. I shoved the thought away quickly, knowing that no one would ever captivate me like Christian, but when I saw how Elliot laughed and let loose, it made me sad that Christian's childhood was stolen.

"We need another drink!" He looped his arm through mine and led me to the bar, where I got another glass of wine before we decided to dance again. I was whisked around the room by several men I had met while I was by Christian's side, and all of them seemed a little too interested in our relationship status.

It was my third dance with a different man, when I started to feel the room spinning with me. I blinked quickly, throwing on a bright smile and laughing at my partner. I could feel my heart starting to race, and I looked around quickly, not sure why I started to feel like I was in danger.

"Can I cut in?" I felt a different pair of strange hands on my waist, and my stomach dropped- Jose flashing through my mind.

"Uh- yea-yeah sure" The new man smiled brightly, taking my hand and sliding his further down my back. My stomach rolled as he pulled me closer, and I looked around blindly, searching for Christian.

"Mind if I interrupt?" Carrick came to the rescue and pulled me away from the touchy feely man I was dancing with, and I felt my heart start to slow as he disappeared from my sight. He took my hand and pulled me to waltz with him.

"It's a shame Christian hasn't had a chance to dance with you." I smiled and shrugged as he spun me, and I felt a pull towards the bar.
"He's all business, the fact that I even had him attempting to dance is impressive." He laughed with me as I glanced over his shoulder, and saw Christian at the bar, watching me with a weird expression on his face.

"Well, he'll learn to ease out of that, it just takes time." I gave Christian a small smile and looked back to Carrick, seeing his eyes crinkle as he smiled.

"It just happens that time is something I have plenty of." Carrick grinned at me and continued to whisk me around the room gracefully.
When it came time to leave, I was tired, and bored, and still had a headache. I looked around for Christian, not seeing him anywhere. I sighed, sitting at my designated seat and waiting. Most people had left, even his parents, but I was left, sitting at that stupid empty table by myself. I was still trying to figure out my near panic attack earlier, when I saw Elliot walking over.

"Another drink?" Elliot brought me a glass and I took it, taking a sip slowly.

"Where is he?" I shrugged, staring at my shoes.

"Who knows?" He sat beside me, studying me cautiously.

"Do you really like my brother?" I glanced up, exhausted from the evening.

"Yes. But it's complicated." Elliot nodded, accepting that quietly.

"Oh there he is, with Elena." My eyes darted up and I saw them, walking out of a back room that I didn't even know existed. He was straightening his suit and her hair looked tousled, her dress bunching weirdly. I sat him button his jacket quickly, but I could see underneath, his shirt was button crookedly. I gulped, wondering if Elliot noticed.

"God she looks sloshed." He stood quickly, going to help Elena down the stairs. She stared at me for a long time and I stared back, wondering if I looked pissed or upset. I didn't even look up as Christian walked over to me, putting a hand around my shoulders.

"You ready?" I nodded, putting down my glass of wine and standing without talking to him. We got our jackets and headed outside. The valet pulled the silver car around quickly and I got in, still mad at him. After he got in he reached over the center consul to hold my hand but I shifted away, leaning my head against the window.

"You okay?" I nodded sleepily, wishing I hadn't seen that woman.

"Fine" I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't care. Not after what I found out. He drove to Escala slowly, helping me out of the car. He kept a hand around my waist as we walked inside but in the elevator I stood on the other side, not sure how to ask him about her.

"Will you tell me what's wrong? Did my brother say something to you?" I walked inside, shaking my head and hanging up my jacket.

"I'm just sad we didn't get to dance together." I said it quickly, hoping he'd leave me alone.

"We can dance now." He reached past me, hanging up his jacket before going over to the sound system.

"Christian it's late…" He ignored me, turning on a slow song and walking over, holding out his hand.

"May I have this dance?" I smiled slightly, giving him my hand and letting him pull me close. I rested my head on his chest, not caring that he didn't like being touched, not thinking about the woman holding him early, just thinking about how much I liked being in his arms. He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer and resting his chin on my head. Our fingers were twisted together with our other hands and we danced like that for a long time. Song after song played, but he just held me, dancing with me without saying a word. After the CD ended I yawned and he smiled, holding my hand and walking down the hall with me. I slipped out of my dress and kicked off my heels, stretching again.

"God you look sexy." I turned slowly, watching him take off his jacket. My eyes once again fell to the mismatched buttons and I sighed, running a hand over my face.

"I'm going to ask you something… and I want the truth. Okay?" He glanced up, his eyebrow raised as he stopped what he was doing.
"Okay." I let out a slow breath, tugging at my roots nervously.

"Di-did you sleep with Elena when you were younger?" His eyes were wide as he stared at me in shock.

"What?" He looked like he didn't believe what I asked, so I rephrased.

"Is Elena the one who introduced you to…"

"I heard you." He snapped, cutting me off. His hands shook as he bent down, untying his shoelaces.

"Where did you hear that?" I didn't answer him and he took off both shoes, looking up at me.

"Answer me. Where did you hear that? Who told you that?" He looked furious, his eyes were dark and I felt my heart race.

"No one told me."

"Then where would you get that idea from? You just came up with it on your own?" I felt my eyes watering, he was basically calling me stupid… too stupid to put two and two together when I saw them hug.

"I saw you with her." He stopped again, looking up to me.

"What?"

"Coming out of the closet. I saw you… you're buttons don't match up." He looked down, seeing what I was talking about. He quickly took off his shirt, throwing it on the ground.

"And her dress was messed up… and her hair…" I heard my voice quiver, but he didn't.

"Stop accusing me!" He shouted and I froze, staying still as I watched him, but I couldn't stop myself, I had to know.

"Just… just tell me Christian, is she the monster who fucked you up?" I didn't even see him start to come at me, but he lunged forward, grabbing my wrist and pulling me forward on to the bed. He had my arms pinned above my head and was straddling me, pointing a finger in my face.

"Don't ever talk badly about her. You don't know what she did for me." I couldn't even hear what he was saying. My heart was pounding so fast that my ears were throbbing, and all I could see was Jose on top of me.

"Get off of me… GET OFF OF ME!" I screamed it loudly, ripping my hands back and hitting him roughly in the chest. I heard the sound I made- but didn't recognize it as myself, it sounded like a wounded animal screaming in fear.

He fell back quickly, his eyes wide in shock as I sank to the ground, feeling the tears stream down my cheeks. He took a step forward, his hand reached out to touch me.

"Ana… I- I'm so sorry." I wrapped my arms tightly around my chest, weeping into my knees as he came closer.

"Don't… don't touch me." He froze, dropping his hand immediately staring at me in shock as I broke down on his bedroom floor.

Everything rushed through my mind at once- Jose drugged me… and tried to rape me… and Christian… Christian was abused by his moms best friend… I couldn't handle it. I just laid on his floor, crying like a deranged mental patient, while Christian sat across from me, staring at me in bewilderment.

I must have fallen asleep, because I felt hands on me, lifting me up, and it started all over again.

"PUT ME DOWN!" I started to flail, my eyes not even open as I struggled against whoever was holding me.

"Ana- ANA it's me!" Christian yelled, squeezing me tightly against his chest as I kicked and yelled.

"I'm not going to hurt you!" My heart still raced, but I calmed a bit at his words.

"I thought… I thought you were…" I drifted off as he laid me on the bed, staring down at me with sad eyes.

"Jose?" I flinched as he said the name and looked away, feeling my eyes water.

"I'm sorry- I must have drank too much… I'm okay…" Christian sighed, sinking onto the bed beside me and staring at me for a long moment.

"I really want to believe you are Ana… but…" He sighed, looking down at his hands.

"But just because I want to believe it… doesn't mean it's true…" I felt the tears welling in my eyes, knowing he was going to take a step back.

"I...Christian- I don't think I can do this without you." He looked up, and I saw the tears in his eyes as he slowly reached for my hand.

"You don't have to… but you can't do this to me Ana- you can't pull me in and then push me away… I need you too." I nodded, sitting up

slowly, and leaning my head against his chest, sighing as he wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"You're safe… you're okay… I promise you- he will never touch you again." I sighed, my heart accelerating at the thought, but knowing that Christian would keep me safe.

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