Thee, buried in the past
The faint sound of footsteps could be heard in the long hallway. A lone figure was walking through it, his step slow and quiet, almost like he is afraid. But when looking at him, and his composed demeanour, you probably wouldn't even get the thought that he is anxious or tense.
Kaname ran his free hand through his hair and sighed. What will Yuuki do when she wakes up? Will she leave him? Would all the things he kept from her finally breach her limit of acceptance and push her away?
Yuuki...
His heart gave one heavy beat.
Yuuki...
He yearns her. He wants her touch, her smile, her kiss. Her blood. Another sigh, heavier than the last one, passed through his lips.
He can't help but hope that she would still accept him, that she would still envelop him in her arms when she gets back. She is so incredibly accepting and kind that she probably would.
There is a part of him that worries though, a part of him that says that she will leave him. It whispers that someone as pure and bright as her could not possibly love a tainted and blood covered monster like him. He could feel the rest of him slowly starting to listen to it.
He smiles a bit ironically. Yuuki always managed to silence that part of him; her eyes always chased it away to the furthest depths of his conscious mind. Though, that made it even more apparent that it's there when she is not near him.
Yuuki...
He needs her, in all the ways you could possibly need someone else.
Yuuki...
That doesn't mean that he wouldn't accept her decision to leave him if she made it. He would do anything for her, anything that makes her happy and content. And if that means giving her up, then he would do it.
He would give his life away too. It has no meaning when Yuuki is not in it.
Yuuki...
A sweet scent, he turned his head spotting a vase and stopped. There were beautiful roses in it, he supposed that there would be no harm in taking one. It could take the attention off of the bad choice of clothes that he had made.
He looked at the neat pile in his occupied hand; Yuuki would still be Yuuki, whatever she was wearing. Crossing the distance with two strides he took a single rose from the bouquet. It was beautiful, nature really is wonderful.
Looking at it a faint nostalgia crept over him. A feeling, a memory of a feeling, or a feeling of a memory came to him(he couldn't quite place what it was). It was shrouded in mist, like it was an old, forgotten dream. Though it felt real, he couldn't place it in a real timeline.
If felt familiar, like something he had unconsciously clung to when he didn't have anything else. The first thing that he remembered was the eyes, two very familiar looking eyes. Yuuki's eyes.
Slowly, the rest came then too.
Yuuki, in the past. With him. The feelings of acceptance and of healing. Her love and patience. The feeling of something being ripped from him when she left. And then darkness.
'I will return to your arms one day'
All of it came back, though faint, like it was experienced by a different person. As if it was a distant dream, a dream of a reality he had hoped to see again, the dream he had hung on to when everything came crashing down around him.
Yuuki...
He averted his eyes from the rose to the far end of the hallway, in the direction where he knew Yuuki was.
Could that have happened, he wouldn't be surprised if it did. With Yuuki anything is possible. She has been gone for a long time now, maybe she is indeed stuck somewhere in the past. Who knows?
She will come back sooner or later though. This is her rightful place, and where she will return to.
He will wait for her. It not a hard thing for him to do, he had spent most of his life waiting. He could wait a bit more.
Yuuki...
Crack...
Slowly but surely he could feel the wall he's put up around his heart crumbling. First the cracks will come, cracks like the ones that are appearing now. And he can't stop them, whatever he had planned to do now is rendered useless. Then the crumbling will start, and it won't stop until the very last traces of his resistance are obliterated.
He knows that that's going to be the way things will happen. He has a feeling that this attachment is going to be so strong and tenacious that it could very well reach the point of being disgraceful. Yet he can't help but let himself go and get taken.
He is mesmerised.
That smile can outshine the sun, and it's directed to him. It awakens a part of him he thought that had died, a part of him he had thought would never appear again. His heart reaches out for her, it calls to her, and she seems to know that. Her hand is so gentle, like she is minding him, as if she is afraid that he will break or run away if she would to hold on any tighter. She is reaching out to him, and he feels an urge to cling to her and never let go. Why?
Her embarrassed blushing could be considered endearing, but it's, once again, her eyes that capture him. They are happy, like this minor action had elated her. Was she really so attached to him? How?
This is the point of no return. If he is to try to push her away he has to do something now, before he loses the little will he has left to resist. But those eyes, they are clear, she will not be put back. They are calling him and he...
He lets go of her hand and starts to walk away. At least once more, at least one more time he has to push her away. He cannot afford to be left behind again, his will would shatter. Maybe she would listen to him and leave, though his heart hopes that she will not. It's amazing to see how much she influences him after only such a short time, he has known her for as little as a few fleeting hours.
He hears steps behind him, she has decided to follow. He closes his eyes in quiet anguish and takes in a long breath; it's too late for him to come out of this unaffected. The first little piece of the wall has crumbled off into dust with her action. The only thing he has left is the hope that she will not break him.
He really can be stubborn at times. Seriously, one moment he's caring and open like the way she remembered him, ready to accept his yearning and wish to have someone near him, ready to accept her. And the next he is back to his old despairing and anguished self that is afraid to embrace anyone close enough to himself where he would form an attachment, and pushes her away.
'Stupid oniisama, he is smarter in the future.' She huffs to herself. And they were having such a sweet moment and good progress too.
She calms down after a few strides.
She can understand him a little, she would probably hesitate too if she was hurt as badly as him. His anguish makes her want to pull him in her arms and never let go; she wants to always be there for him. And it breaks her heart to know that she won't be, she will return to the future/present and leave him here. Her only consolation is knowing that she will be with him again.
She looks at his back; it's still rigid and tense, lonely. But, this time, his pace is slower and easier to keep up with, she won't have to fall down trying to keep up. She smiles at him; looks like he has given up the fight. Though, there are still some things to overcome.
He walks into a room, a big room. It has quite a bit of furniture in it, but her eyes immediately zero in on a sofa against the far wall. The type looks a bit familiar.
Kaname goes right up to it and sits down, crossing his legs he rests his head on his hand and looks at her.
His gaze makes her blush a little and she averts her eyes, looking at the rest of the room.
The realisation hits when she sights a bed. This is his room, the room down the hallway from her own. Though, it's about four times the size of hers.
''You said that you were raised to cherish every life.'' Kaname suddenly said.
Yuuki was shocked and quickly looked back at him. She didn't think that he would be the one to start a conversation, especially considering how he is now. He just doesn't seem like the type.
When their eyes locked she could see a kind of resignation in them, he had accepted her and his fate. She smiled ''Yes.''
''Your parents... what were they like?''
She closes her eyes and tilts her head to face the ceiling , opening them again when she begins to talk ''They were kind and gentle. They never wanted to hurt anyone so they never fought. Their wish was to create a better, more accepting and peaceful world.'' She looked back at him and smiled ruefully ''They loved and accepted every form of life.''
He looked a bit in thought ''So it's from them that you learned to be so kind and accepting... and gentle.''
''Yes. But I did learn a bit from a family friend too. My parents died while I was still young so he took me in. He was one of the people who shaped who I am right now.''
Kaname took in what she said. She was loved and cared for, they have thought her to be so caring. It's no wonder that she accepts everyone, but there was a note in her voice that had left something hanging. There was something she hadn't said.
''One of the people?''
She smiled at him. It's amazing how he could pick up an exact detail that she couldn't reveal to him. At least not fully. ''Yes, there were others too. There was one person in particular that my world revolved around, and I'm pretty sure that he felt the same.''
She looked at him with a gaze so clear and honest that there was no mistaking the feelings that lay underneath. He knew that he could see her soul at that moment.
''In fact, I was born for him. I was born to belong to him and to live for him. You could say that I exist solely to be his.''
As she said that a feeling of dread and helplessness should have filled him, he should have been in despair all over again. Her word should have returned his heart to a pile of ashes, and not have reawakened it even more. The news that she already belongs to someone else should have shattered and completely broken his already worn and tattered soul, that had, with her arrival, inevitably begun to hope again.
And yet, despite her words, he found himself even more hopeful that before.
There was something in those unwavering eyes, in that honest voice that was meant for him. It was almost like she was calling for him, that's the feeling he got. With all his knowledge he could not explain what it was that told him that, maybe it was his soul, or her soul. He could see how much she is attached to him. Whoever she was talking about didn't matter, at least he felt like it didn't matter, she was telling those words to him. Those words were meant for him.
He could not take it anymore. She was just too much for him. He could feel his will to resist completely leaving him, there was none now, he was completely open to her will. Ironic, isn't it? How quickly and easily he embraced another person into his life, especially after what that woman's demise had done to him.
It's too late for anything now. He felt another piece of the wall crumble of into oblivion, and the smallest thread of an attachment was now connected to this girl. He wants her to stay here, to always be present. She has done too much to him.
''What am I to you?'' the question came out unbidden.
Her eyes widened a bit. His tone was resigned and completely open to her. He had decided to let her in. She chuckled a little at him, he looks like he's expecting impending doom and hurt. Is he really so afraid to get close to someone.
'Oniisama, how much have you suffered?' She sobered quickly and took as step towards him. She still can't comprehend all of this, and she probably never will. But what she does see is him, and that he needs her, however much he is unaware of it.
''Someone very, very precious.''
She stopped in front of him and was looking down, directly in his eyes. Neither of them broke eye-contact.
His eyes were no longer filled with turmoil, of pain and hurt, or despair. All what dominated in them now was need, a need so strong that he himself didn't even recognize it. He didn't even know it was there. He didn't even think, he couldn't, everything around him was blank. Everything except her and her eyes didn't exist at that moment.
There was an unbridled pull towards her, it was something his mind couldn't comprehend at this time.
He looks so vulnerable now, so much different from the Kaname in the future. And yet so much alike. She had only seen him this open and exposed with her, he only ever shows his weaknesses to her. And now this Kaname is doing the same.
She can't help herself but reach out to him when he's like this. One hand comes to rest on his cheek as her thumb caresses his cheekbone. The other one combs through his hair and comes to rest lightly at the back of his head. She held him gently and watched his eyes.
Confusion. Confusion and need, that's what he feels at this moment. It feels like time has stopped and there is just him and her. He does not know what to do, he does not know what to feel. How should he react? He should move back and tell her that she has come too close. But he doesn't want to.
He wants to pull her a little bit closer so that he could feel her warmth, so that there was an anchor he can cling onto when he can no longer go forward. Now there exists something he can hold on to again, she is here.
His hand doesn't move though, probably disbelieving that there is something to clutch tight again. He is only keeping still and letting her caress him. Her gentle and caring touch is something that he thought he'd never feel again. He lets himself go and lightly leans into her hands, his brain stopped thinking alltogether.
''You are a good person. A very good person.'' She said as she bends down and rests her chin on top of his head. Her arms encircle him and hold him tight.
Her sent is the only thing he can smell, it's so strong and overpowering that he thinks it will take over him. The smell of sunshine clings to her so tightly that it looks as if it's a part of her. Her touch, her arms, her cheek that has now replaced her chin are all so gentle and filled with kindness. They are the only things his senses feel.
Thump... thump...
Her heart, it's beating a little faster than normal. Is he the one affecting her like that? He closes his eyes and listens to its rhythm, completely letting the sound of her heartbeat fill his mind. Then he felt a tiny little pang of hunger.
For her? Already?
Another piece of the wall crumbles away into dust, it's almost half gone. All that's left of it a cracked visage, one more thing and it'll be almost completely gone.
Amazing how much he has already taken to this girl. In, not even a day, she has managed to strip away everything he had put up to stand between them.
She stepped back from him, leaving only her arms on the back of his shoulder and head. He found out that he missed the contact. The sound of her heartbeat was quieter too. Her scent was still strong though, even if not as strong and overpowering as before. His eyes opened halfway to look at her.
She was beautiful. He can see her in a new light now. She is different from the childish, innocent person he had thought her to be. She still has the innocence, but a different kind of innocence. There was no childishness in her anymore, there is a kind of understanding in her that he hadn't seen before. He is sure that it had been there before, it wasn't a thing that you could gain overnight, only it was hidden from his sight. It was unnoticeable to everyone else but herself, and, yet, an essential part of her.
She looked at him in such a way that he felt like he was left exposed in front of her, defenceless. What has happened for him to give her this much already?
Crack.., crumble...
Slowly, her arm, the one that was resting on the back of his shoulder, came up and trailed a path from his shoulder, up his neck and came to rest on his other cheek (the one that was left out the first time). She tilted his head up a bit so that his face was easier to see.
This time, of its own accord, his hand came up and placed itself above her own. Kaname didn't even realize that it was happening until the action was done. Taking it back under his control he let it fall down a little and rest on her wrist, his fingers wrapped lightly around it. He himself didn't know why he did it; it could be a last attempt in regaining control. But it probably was to hold her hand in place.
He forgot about his hand soon though, easily getting lost in her eyes. Another part of the wall crumbled off.
They didn't move from that position for a few moments. He had again gently leaned into her warm hand. Then Yuuki closed her eyes and leaned in, resting her forehead lightly on Kaname's. Rubbing their foreheads a bit she tilted his head a little more and kissed him.
The last big piece of his wall shattered and disappeared. All that was left of it was the base, now reduced to mere rubble.
It wasn't a remarkable kiss, just a short meeting of lips that probably lasted for a moment or two. But what passed between them then meant so much more.
He could barely comprehend the level of emotion she feels for him. The kiss gave him more than he could grasp at that moment, it would probably be some time before he does.
She locked her eyes with his again as they separated, a blush was tainting her cheeks. He wanted to touch her cheek so much at that moment, the impulse was so strong. His hand came up. It was barely a fingers length from her cheek when a knock was herd.
''Kaname-san, we must go now. Are you coming?''
That startled Kaname into full awareness, his hand stopped in mid air. He was confused now.
''...'' ...
''Yes. I'm coming out.'' He said as he disentangled himself from Yuuki and went for the door.
When his hand grasped the doorknob he looked back behind him. She was looking directly at him, blush still on her cheeks. Maybe he should stay here, even if he is confused and in need to sort things out, leaving her here, after what just happened, would be impolite and cruel.
As if reading his mind she gave him a smile and said ''Don't worry about me. You should go, there are more important things for you to do now.''
And with a nod he turned around and left.
okay?... was that any goood?
i had real fun writing this one ^^
though, Kaname doesnt seem real kaname-ish ... but i think it was for the sake of the story to make him a little ooc ... What do you think?
i dont know when i'll update next ... i hope it'll be within this week (as friday's a hollyday and the weekend's, well, the weekend^^), but my family might monopolize me this whole week so i dont know *sigh*
i'll try to have another chapter up soon (but not this long..., this is my limit among limits(at least i think so)) :)
Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter
OH, and i totally forgot to say this up till now ... a biiiiiiiiig thank you to everyone who favorated/alerted/rewieved this story (or me as an author) i really apreciate it ... it means so much and gives me the oomph to write more ^_^
~lily