Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!
Two months after Riza disappeared they refused to keep anyone out there looking for her, and Roy was furious.
"What do you mean the search has been called off completely?" Roy asked Fuery after he had delivered the news.
Fuery quivered slightly and swallowed down a lump in his throat before answering, "Without any leads sir, there is no point in continuing on with the search, is what they told me. All areas have been searched twice now and there is nothing pointing to a possible lead on her location."
"Well, they're obviously not trying hard enough. What if someone kidnapped her, or she is badly injured, or... I told you to tell them that they have orders from General Mustang to continue the search."
"They said unless you have some sort of plan of action yourself they're not going to be wasting time looking for someone who doesn't want to be f-found." The look is Roy's eyes made him regret saying that, even though it was truthfully what he had been told.
"Did you tell them it was an order?This is completely outrageous! They can't do this!"
Fuery simply stared at him wide eyed before bowing his head in shame.
"Hey, it's not his fault, don't yell at Fuery." Breda piped up from desk to the side.
"How dare they say she doesn't want to be found? Those bastards! I might have to go down there and speak with them myself." Hawkeye would never willingly abandon her team; they knew nothing about the bonds they shared.
"Listen boss, they have a point. They would be more useful here than out there searching aimlessly." Breda tried to calm Mustang down.
"They're giving up! And you're siding with them as well, have you given up as well?"
"I never said that. I'm just saying we need to focus on our work on the restoration first, that's what Hawkeye would've wanted."
"Are you trying to tell me you're an expert? You know exactly what she thinks on a daily basis?"
"You're letting your emotions get ahead of you, just calm down. We're all worried, but we're trying to stay calm because we know she's still out there. We're all hurting not having her around, it's not just you."
"I know that, but you're ready to abandon the search?"
"There are no leads, we could search the whole country and there'd still be a chance she's not even here anymore."
"No! We're not going to find her if we're not looking! Damn it! "
"Sir, you need to stop."
Roy slammed his fist on his desk and stood up before giving Fuery and Breda a deathly glare. "Get out."
Breda was immediately confused, "General what do you—"
"I said get out. That's an order."
Fuery decided it was in his best interest to leave immediately but Breda wanted to stay out of spite until he caught a glimpse of the anguish on Roy's face in that moment and decided to give him some space.
Roy leaned his head against his hands and groaned aloud. He immediately regretted saying what he had. He was just so tense he couldn't handle it anymore; part of him wanted to do was crawl under his desk and pretend that Riza was safe in his arms and the other wanted to scream and burn his entire office down to the ground. His dreams that were once crystal clear in his mind were now foggy and distant. He questioned himself on a daily basis, why he had worked so hard to get to this point in the first place. He had always thought his dreams for this country were his first priority but now it was the last thing on his mind.
He put his head down on the desk and closed his eyes, it was happening again. The feelings were swallowing him whole; he sunk into oblivion once more.
The first thing he thought when he opened his eyes again was damn. The IV was stuck into his arm and he was staring up into the infirmary ceilings once more.
"So, you finally woke up."
Roy hadn't noticed Havoc sitting in the room with him.
"How long have you been here Havoc?"
"Four hours, that's when we brought you in after we found you passed out at your desk." His voice was calm but there was something there that indicated he wasn't in a good mood.
"Oh, I'm sorry; you really didn't have to stay." Roy tried to avert his eyes from Havoc's but he could still feel his glare burning holes in the side of his neck.
"You're sorry? That's all you have to say? This is the second time you've been here since the whole Hawkeye situation."
"What do you want me to say? That I'm not upset over my... adjutant's disappearance?"
"Cut the crap boss, we all know she means much more to you then you would like anyone to know but it's Hawkeye that's missing, it shouldn't feel like we're missing two people."
Roy finally got the nerve to look back up at Havoc face. "You have no idea how I feel."
"I'm not trying to say that I do, not in the least. What I'm trying to ask is are you feeling anything at all? These past two months the man that has been ordering me around has not been General Mustang, that's for sure. The Mustang I knew was almost overly passionate about his dream for this country, everyone could see the fire in his eyes with every move he made and he continued on even when it seemed like everything was lost. That's not the man who's sitting before me right now."
Roy mused over his words carefully, the truth really stung. Even now he was trying to come up with a response that would counteract his statement but all he could do was agree. "I haven't forgotten about my dream, if that's what you're implying. It just doesn't feel as important anymore."
Havoc bowed his head slightly and his breath caught. "Have you given up? You can't give up just because Hawkeye is gone. She always said she wanted a future where everyone could live in happiness, and that's what you were trying to accomplish as well right?"
"I had always pictured it in my mind, me standing at the top of this country and Riza right there by my side. Imagining myself succeeding without her is just surreal. I hadn't consciously realized it but she had always been a part of my dream as well. She believed in equivalent exchange, we gave up our ideal life to benefit others. In reality I wanted her to be happy as well, but now that I can never accomplish that my dream just feels so hollow. I'm not saying in the least that I don't care about the future of Amestris anymore it's just..."
"Hawkeye is more important." Havoc finished.
Roy ducked his head down instead of responding properly.
"Permission to speak freely sir?"
Roy nodded once, head still bowed.
"You're pathetic."
This made Roy's head shoot back up and once again his eyes met Havoc's.
"If you're going to crumble after everything we have been through, not just you but everything that all of us on your team has sacrificed for you because we believed so strongly in your dreams then you have no right to be quitting when we're this close."
"What are—"
"Please sir just shut up for a moment. Breda was always vying for you, on the promised day he made sure the entire population was on your side through what he said through the radio. If it weren't for him the people would still think that we were the bad guys. Fuery was sent to the warfront in Aerugo, the poor kid was surrounded by death at all times but he managed to fight through and make it out alive because he knew he had a role to play in the Promised day and that you needed him to be there. Falman was ready to die on the Promised day rather than give up his loyalty to you after he was threatened by King Bradley and had no chance of surviving if he had attacked."
Havoc reached out and grabbed Mustang by the shirt pulling his face as close to him as he could. "You were the one who told me to meet you at the top. I was sitting in a hospital bed just like you are now and my legs were gone, I thought I had no chance. It's because of you I'm here today. Look! I'm walking on my own two legs again, I revoked my retirement from the military, I'm ready to continue you to follow you to the top but suddenly you're ready to give all of that up? I was sure I was never going to be able to walk again and still you never gave up on me, and that's why no matter what happens I'm not giving up on you."
Havoc was breathing so heavily he had to take a moment to catch his breath and lower Mustang back down onto his bed.
Roy was beside himself with grief, he was being so selfish over Riza he hadn't realized that he had lost sight of his goal completely. "I'm so sorry, tell everyone I'm sorry." He spoke in a tone lower than a whisper. Mustang hoped Havoc would ignore the crack in his voice.
"I remember I told Hawkeye that you were a fool for not giving up on a disabled man like me. She told me that this country needs a fool like you. I think I finally realize what she meant by that."
Roy sighed, still shaken from Havoc's words but the importance of them had hit him like a canon. "Do you think she's still out there?
"Sir, as long as you haven't given up on her I'm not giving up on her anytime soon."
A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the lack of updates but school started again and It's really out a dent in my writing schedule. I also wanted to answer something someone asked, it was if Hayate could just sniff Riza out and find her easily. I'm going to be honest, for some reason this never even crossed my mind, but I'm not sure if this will appease you but I would think Hayate would only be able to find the cliff location where she fell, after she was taken by the Ishvalans the ground they covered was too large and masked for it to be picked up anymore, so in the end we would've had the same result? Anywho that's just what I was thinking, my bad for not even thinking of it in the first place! I wish all of those who went back to school an awesome second semester!