February 16th, 1988

It took a month in Prague but as soon as things seemed to be going as well as they could, they ended up falling down to the bottom, crashing faster and faster until she had hit the bottom. It had all been some weird misunderstanding. and that had let to her being held captive, tortured for twenty four hours. She had been beaten, her eyes now swollen, her lip split her hair matted against her head. It had been a horrible, horrible misunderstanding, a misunderstanding that began about a week or so after she had arrived in Prague.

Phoebe often found herself on her own in Prague. Duncan was often practicing his ice dancing, usually after Phoebe's work was done so she would often go out on her own. She'd go to different clubs around Prague, dancing. She had even attended her first foam party which she found wild. She would dance with the pounding music pulsating through her, surrounded by fluorescent lights and foam. She would come home, drenched, drunk and happy. She didn't think much of making out with other guys under the dark lights of a nightclub. She and Duncan had not labeled their relationship. He told her he was gay so they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend although she accepted it, although she wasn't sure why she did, but she felt she had no choice.

She loved listening to all the music. Most of the clubs she went to played American eighties music although she had no clue what bands or music were currently popular. She also loved that she never had to buy herself a drink. She was tall, about five foot eight, with long blonde hair and looked very cute. Guy flocked to her and she had never felt so alive, so beautiful.

She had met Jakub at Klub Lavka. during her second week there. He had olive skin, dark brown eyes and a broad smile. He would not leave Phoebe's side the entire evening, constantly touching her waist and kissing her. She had told Duncan about Jakub and he didn't seem to have any reaction to it. Part of her had wanted him to feel jealous but Duncan had made it clear that he could not be her boyfriend although she doubted he was gay. She had doubted it for awhile, although he kept trying to convince her otherwise.

Jakub lived in a town about an hour away and Phoebe would take cabs to see him. She loved the way he cared for her. The touching, the warmth, all the emotions she had so desperately wanted and this man would give it to her. He was twenty five, and very smooth, constantly calling her beautiful and for the first time she had felt it. She had felt extraordinary under his gaze. Because she didn't really have a set work schedule, just a few hours every single day to make sure all the costumes for the show were ready, the rest of the time was spent on playing which she thoroughly enjoyed. She loved staying up late, the later the better and yet she always seemed to wake up and make it to work on time.

After she met Jakub, she met Tomas, another man she had met at a club called, Roxy. He had been tall, wore dark glasses even inside was bald. He made her laugh and although unlike Jakub, he wasn't always very nice with her and seemed rather rough at times. But she ignored it. She was dating two guys and this was all just fun. Sure she wanted Duncan, but he had made his stand very clear. So she decided to embrace this new world and not be held back by something that could never happen. She loved the world she was living but soon that all came to a crushing halt.

It began on February 15, the day before her twentieth. She had been gone most of the day on on the fourteenth, making it back in time for a Valentine's Day skating show. They had a couple days off and her goal was to spend it with Tomas and Jakub. When these plans were run by Duncan, he was upset. She was getting ready for a night out in her hotel room, Duncan was watching her, sitting on the bed.

"Why can't we hang out? We have a few days off and-"

"Because I wanna go out...and have fun and...Duncan..." Phoebe stopped.

G-d, she wanted him to be hers, wanted to be his girlfriend but he always stopped that, stopped when they would get to intimate. She wanted more, but it was apparent he wasn't able or willing to do that.

"What?"

"Can I be your girlfriend?"

"Pheebs..I'm gay. You can't change that."

"But...I don't think you are," Phoebe said.

She wasn't sure why she believed this so strongly, why she kept arguing it. But there was something about him she felt he was holding back. Something he was hiding and it made her angry that he would not come out, so to speak.

"I am. I was born that way."

"I know...but I think you're straight...I wanna to go out. I wanna to see Tomas and Jakub. Although, Jakub lives so far. He's sweet and Tomas scares me a little. But it'll be fun."

"Come on...you know those relationships won't last. We're headed back to the states in a month."

"I know and I'm gonna have fun. You can come with me."

"No, I wanna stay here. We can go for dinner and-"

"You don't ever want to do anything fun," Phoebe said.

"I work."

"So do I."

"It's different."

"You don't think what I do is hard?"

"I'm not saying that," Duncan said.

"Duncan...I want you...I want to be with you but you're not...I don't know. I mean, at the beginning this was great. But if you are gay, then...why do you keep kissing me and..."

"Because I love you...a lot."

"I'm gonna go out tonight and I'll see you tomorrow...unless you want to come."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Phoebe nodded as she let out a snort, slightly angry that he was letting her be by herself in Prague while he stayed behind. But she decided not to argue. They had had the same argument already, several times. She grabbed her stuff and left.

It had seemed so perfect at first. So wonderfully perfect. She and Duncan, strolling hand in hand, sharing kisses but it never went farther and he kept pulling away from her. He kept telling her he couldn't give her what she wanted although she doubted the truth in that.

First, she had gone out to see Jakub. He had taken to her to some club. He had taken her to dinner, bought her drinks. Although, the later the evening went, the more she started getting uncomfortable with him. Perhaps it was her mood, but she found his jokes increasingly unfunny and she really hated how far he was and how he never came to visit her. She decided on a whim that she had had enough of Jakub and quickly took a train back to meet Tomas for a late night party.

Things had been going well until she saw Tomas dancing with someone else. So she took that as her cue that she could dance with other guys and that's what she did. She danced and partied and soon she was sufficiently wasted. Tomas had seen her, grabbed her and was upset. She decided she had had enough of his roughness and broke up with him as well. She had tried to leave but Tomas had other ideas.

He had taken her back to his apartment, tied her to the bed and had sex with her, hit her. Phoebe had never seen rage like this. He had snapped and she was terrified. She stayed in his apartment, tied up, until late in the evening on February 16th.. Her twentieth birthday was spent in tears, struggling desperately wanting to break free from this man who wanted to keep her captive. He forced himself on her, yelling stuff in a language she did not understand.

When it seemed like she couldn't take anymore of the torture, Tomas ended up passing out besides her. She took that as her cue. She maneuvered her hands that had been tied with rope to the bed. She pulled at the ties until they came lose. She was afraid Tomas would wake so she tried to be as quiet as she could. Once her hands were free, she sat up and saw the knife Tomas had been using to scare her lying beside him. She reached for it and cut off the ties around her ankles.

She looked over at Tomas who was snoring heavily and a sense of anger took over her. How dare this man, this monster destroy her chances again. She was angry, angry at Duncan for letting her be alone in Prague, angry at herself for getting herself in this situation and angry at Tomas. She wanted to start her twenties in a happy setting. She wanted to kick off the next decade and have it be filled with possibilities. She no longer wanted to be afraid. She stared at the knife in her hand and saw Tomas starting to grumble. With a flash of her wrist, she plunged the knife into Tomas' heart, feeling the tears falling down her face. Her breath was shortened as Tomas let out a groan. She deserved better as she got up, got dressed and ran out of the apartment.

Now, there she was, all beaten up and walking towards the hotel. When she got to her room, she saw him. Duncan saw her as she got closer, standing up to greet her.

"Where the hell have you been?" Duncan asked.

"Move," Phoebe said as she slid her key into the door and opened it.

"What happened? Where were you?"

Phoebe walked in, she was breathing heavily, still angry at what had happened. In her mind, none of this would have happened if Duncan had been with her. If he had chosen to stay with her and be with her.

"Why weren't you with me? Why didn't you spend...Duncan, I want to be with you. I want to kiss you and hold you and be with you...but you don't want me. So I went out...and I had fun but...I guess one of the guys wanted more and...G-d, I hate you," Phoebe said as she lunged towards him, shoving him onto the bed.

"Phoebe."

"I am such an idiot. I fall for stupid people and all I want is something more, something better, Why don't I get that? Fuck you."

"I should've gone with you."

"You should've. Tomas...he held me captive, tied me to his bed...raped me...a lot. You know, I've never actually had sex that came from love. I lost my virginity because I was raped. I've had sex a lot. Never because I loved someone. I wonder what that's like. Tomas beat me up as he was raping me."

"I am so sorry. Look, you do deserve better. You deserve more than me...you...you know, we can press charges."

"I stabbed him with his knife."

"You did what?"

"Stabbed him. It was self defense."

"Oh, Phoebe."

Phoebe sniffled and walked into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She stared at herself, looking like someone had run her over several times. She grabbed a towel, turned on the faucet and ran the towel under it. She began washing the dried blood off her face when Duncan appeared behind her. He place his hands on her shoulders and gently kissed her neck.

"I love you, Pheebs."

She turned to him, stared at him with a look so intense it seemed to make the room melt around them.

"Then be with me."

Duncan gently moved his hand behind her head and guided it down towards him. They kissed, hard when suddenly Duncan pulled back.

"Wait...I don't wanna hurt you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"What about Tomas? Should we-"

"No...no one's gonna trace it back to me."

Duncan nodded and went in again to kiss her. He grabbed her hand and led her to the bed where she sat down. She was in pain, it had been a rough, horrific twenty four hours. Her lip hurt, her wrists and ankles ached, her insides felt like someone had lit a match inside her but she did not care. She did not care about the pain she was in. She wanted Duncan more than she cared about the pain. She unbuttoned his shirt as he gently took off her tank top, gently cupping his hands around her breasts. She lay down on the bed and let Duncan kiss her body, letting herself be taken away.