Warning: mentions of suicide.
"I-I'm sorry?" Pearl cried, pressing a hand against her chest.
For a moment, she wondered if she collapsed from the exhaustion of training and having one of those horrid "dreams" again. But that would be impossible: the sensation of sleep was something Pearl swore to never feel again and the thrill of combat was so great that she couldn't even imagine trying to sleep afterwards.
"Don't make me repeat it again," Yellow sighed in her usual condescending tone that confirmed that Pearl wasn't imagining things. "What I meant was that my earlier hostility towards you was something of a . . . mistake."
Pearl opened her mouth to respond just when Yellow suddenly continued, "Of course, your actions were certainly not rational or faultless either—especially since you tried to place me inside a bubble—but after a lot of thinking and a bit of talking to the Lazuli, I believe that you weren't wrong when you said Pearls don't mean anything to their masters."
"Well, thank you," said Pearl in a rather proud tone. "I was hoping that you would make that revelation soon enough."
Yellow's signature sour expression returned to her face. "You can't blame me for being shocked at your presence. You are nothing but a mere urban legend on Homeworld and the only Pearl to ever think about rebelling, especially since your actions have done absolutely nothing but cause paranoia amongst Pearls."
Pearl's haughty smile immediately vanished. "What exactly did my actions do?"
Yellow thought back for a moment before answering. "Every Pearl on Homeworld fears the idea of being compared to you. Every master's tale of you seems to change details ever so often but all of them describe you as a vicious soldier who couldn't accept the fact that she was defective—the point of the stories was to frighten Pearls into submission, now that I realize that that is far from true."
"So nothing good came from it?" Pearl implored her. "Have you ever heard of other Pearls trying to do the same, other renegades, even ones who didn't succeed?"
Yellow only raised an eyebrow at the questions. "As far as I heard, no Pearl ever dared to do the same thing you did. Being compared to the Renegade was meant to be something of a threat rather than something to strive for."
Disappointment washed over Pearl's face. She wasn't mad at Era 2 Pearls for being scared of her—it wasn't their fault—but when she first broke free, she imagined that hundreds of other Pearls would do the same, that she might even be regarded as an inspiration for future generations and be just as worthy as Rose Quartz. But all that wishful thinking only turned out to be hopeless dreaming; in reality, all Pearls were afraid of her, relished to be the exact opposite of her, the name of the "Renegade Pearl" being used to keep Pearls in line, which made things even worse instead of better.
Pearl was no inspiration to any Gem of her kind; she was a demon to them.
Blue managed to be the only Gem who attempted to do the same as her and she failed miserably, letting it cost her life. Pearl was truly the only one to ever experience freedom and it made her feel lonely rather than victorious when she thought of all the other Pearls who feared the idea of freedom.
No wonder Yellow was hesitant to accept her freedom as well.
"What did you expect anyways?" Yellow asked; trying to be sympathetic like Lazuli was to her. "Homeworld has advanced greatly since Era 1, so even if your idea spread like you wanted it to, no Pearl would succeed in becoming free. And as if anyone was allowed to speak of the Crystal Gems in a positive light; the manner of discussing you has become something of a confidential topic only allowed for Era 1 veterans to speak of."
"It was foolish for me to think of it—maybe even a bit arrogant as well—but I thought that, perhaps, some Pearl might want to break free from servitude as well," Pearl said slowly, a blush creeping up her cheeks. "Of her own free will as well," she added when she realized that Yellow broke away from servitude, but not of her own choice.
"What could a Pearl do with a pair of swords on Homeworld anyways?" Yellow insisted, still thinking her words as empathetic. "You had a cause to preach about and something like that hadn't come up in Era 2 for years. If a Pearl wanted to rebel, they would have absolutely no reason behind it except selfishness."
"Even that would've been enough," Pearl muttered, her gaze falling to the floor. "Anything to make me believe I've done something good for my kind."
After a moment of unbearable silence, Yellow piped up with, "I know that I was certainly against it at first but . . . I do want to be like you now."
Pearl's eyes widened. "Really," she gasped. "But there's no need for you to learn how to fight—I can't imagine you with a sword anyways—"
"No!" Yellow interjected with a vehement shake of her head. "I don't want to fight! I would only end up dragging everyone down if I do. But I want to learn how to live without a master. I want to able to serve a purpose that would end up being meaningful, unlike being a servant to Yellow Diamond. When I first realized that she wasn't going to come back for me, before deciding to flee to the Kindergarten, I thought about . . . about . . ."
"You were going to—?" Pearl said softly, confirmed by Yellow shaking her head sadly. Her expression softened towards her fellow Pearl. The thought of Yellow even considering shattering herself made for immediate pity; Pearl had heard it before, Gems like her shattering themselves if their master abandoned them.
"The only reason I couldn't do it was because the pain was too much for me to bear," Yellow chuckled sadly. "Even when I wanted to die, I was afraid of dying. I spend such a long time trying to evade an early death to the point where when I needed to die, I couldn't do it."
The mentions of death deeply haunted Pearl with memories of Blue. Before the two of them met, Blue's greatest fear was being executed for disobedience and dying early, and that ended up being her demise. As it turns out, every Pearl seemed to have the same mindset. Except for the Renegade herself, where death felt like more of a great honor if it was for her beloved Rose. Did Pearl still desire an honorable death? She eventually learned that her life was of value to everyone around her but there were times that death might've been a better option that living with all the burdens that had piled onto her. Pearl trembled when another haunting memory passed her: when Rose sacrificed her physical form and left her, Pearl contemplated the idea of following her, even though there was no outbreak of war or a dire mission at hand. The only real struggle at the time was trying to live without Rose.
Pearl nearly chuckled morbidly. She really wasn't all that different from Yellow, or any other Pearl, for that matter.
"Well, we need all the help we can get now that Yellow Diamond made it loud and clear that she's coming for us," Pearl said softly, evading the topic of death. "And even though having another warrior would be much more useful"—seeing Yellow's face fall at those words made Pearl pity her even more, that her refusal to fight made her less useful to them—"you are more than welcome to join us."
Another nigh-impossible action seemed to occur: a smile seemed to form on Yellow's faced, genuine and warm instead of prideful and arrogant. It almost made her look beautiful.
The smile unfortunately vanished when Yellow made another revelation. "Wait, if I have to become a true Crystal Gem, does that mean I have to learn about . . . humans?"
"You'll eventually get used to them," Pearl said happily, remembering how enjoyable it was to actually socialize with Sheena, the first human Pearl found interesting at first sight. If there wasn't a possible war at hand, she would've spent all her time with the mysterious pink-haired woman. "Steven will be all too happy to help you and Connie can join as well. I can even introduce you to Greg and Sheena when the time becomes right."
"Those are very strange types for humans," Yellow replied in confusion.
Pearl couldn't help it; she laughed a little, remembering she was once this clueless about humans as well. Soon enough, Pearl took Yellow's hand and led her out of the room, smiling.
For once, things seemed to feel right for the Crystal Gems.
Rubble was scattered across the coastline as Citrine observed her surroundings. When she first regenerated, her entire ship was wrecked and everyone in it was reduced to shards on the floor. The pieces of the Gem piloting it, a Nephrite, were spread across the dashboard, dying in the exact place she was meant to serve.
Citrine had to mourn briefly before climbing out, as she realized that her entire squadron had died. It was more so of a practical loss, now that Citrine might have to transfer to another squad after leaving Earth. She wasn't one to bond with others, let alone grieves after they disappear.
She was lucky to survive the whole ordeal. That was what made her greater than the rest of them.
She assumed that she would be surrounded by warriors when she emerged from her ship, that she would be late to begin the battle against the Crystal Gems. But when she climbed out of her ship, she found herself amongst even more wreckage and shards caught inside them.
Everyone she was meant to fight with, everyone she served, everyone she ever knew: dead. It had taken her forever to properly bubble all of them.
Dead because of the Crystal Gems, because of their infuriating resilience against Corruption, the Cluster, and even Yellow Diamond herself.
She didn't know what happened when the Crystal Gems sent her ship hurtling towards the ground but there was one thing that was certain amidst all this tragedy and loss.
She was going to complete the mission objective. She was going to please her Diamond. She was going to avenge everyone who died during the invasion.
Citrine might've only been one Gem but she had already devised about a million ways to make the Crystal Gems suffer.